• Published 17th Aug 2012
  • 685 Views, 82 Comments

A story I made on the fly - CeresBane

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8
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Things happen

Rules of engagement: a maximum of 5 seconds thought and pause until 1k or a conclusion has been reached.

Twilight Sparkle was in her library as usual reading a book. It was title FF Anthology written by Quiver Quill the great medieval playwright. In this republished she read tales of great heroes and villains, of tragedies and murder, revenge and stuff. She had read the words of the famous writer since foalhood and knew of every word and every piece of plot there was to know.

"Hey Twilight what you reading?" said Raidbow Dash hovering just above Twilight, shrouding the written script turned prose in shadows. Exasperated by the interruption, she stopped reading and turned to meet her recently newly converted bookworm.

Rainbow Dash was for a time obsessed with Daring Do but as if some secret potentially or long since suppressed heart's desire had been unlocked, RD had found the love of books to such a level of zeal that it rivalled even Twilight's enthused foalhood. Now reading books non-stop for a full five days without ends, stopping mere to eat and sleep read through hoof felt braille, her mane had become messier than before and her eyes had formed bags around her eyes so dark that Twilight doubted that they would ever leave her face.

"Hey! Stop daydreaming! Tell what you reading!?" There was a look to RD's eyes that made Twilight think of such dire life threatening circumstance should she refuse to comply with the request. At any of these amounts of hours and days and nearly enough to a week, she could have easily told RD to stop reading and get some rest. That these books will always be here and that she has a job to do monitoring and changing the weather, and training for the wonderbolts. But nay, she despite her common sense decided against it.

"It's the middle of the night. Rainbow Dash. And it's only Quiver Quill. You've read this book already. I'm just playing a little game with it, before I go to sleep."

Rainbow Dash looked incredulous through madly obsessed and insomniac haggard black eyes. "You can have games... with books?"

"Yeah. Like with this one. Cupcakes. I like to imagine you and Pinkie Pie as the main characters because well... I think it would end up being a really fun story."

"Pinkie Pie as a murderous sociopath?" Twilight's spine just tingled with delight at how RD's vocabulary had drastically increased.

"Yeah or how Rarity would be the laady from Prince Charming. Doesn't the story just remind of how heart broken she was about the whole Grand Galloping Gala thing?"

"Or how the six friends in New Lunar republic were us split up to choose sides between the New Lunar Republic or the Solar empire?" Rainbow Dash decided to add.

"You see? It fun to think about right? About all the what ifs that could have happened in our lives. Loads of crazy stuff had been happening since I first became the Librarian of Ponyville."

"And the element of magic."

"Sure, but no pony cares about that. Saving the world twice is no big deal. Well, at least that's what everypony thinks so, so I think we should think so too."

[wordcount check]

For a long time, throughout the night in fact the two mares talked of many what ifs. But eventually both of them, especially Rainbow Dash, fell asleep utterly exhausted at the ordeal.

"Hey guys I'm back from Rarity's" Twilight and Rainbow Dash were asleep on the floor, the crisp spring morning bring a chill to their spines as Spike returned home. He carried with him Peewee and Owlicious who had been taking care of the baby pheonix all this time. After all, why would you keep a fire hazard like a fire igniting bird in a flammable place like a library in the middle of a town? Why in fact do Pheonixes nest up in trees when trees are highly flammable?

The thought made Spike wonder, but he didn't think for long as he found that was needed to make a good hot mug of cocoa. The pair of mares looked like they'd been sleeping out in the cold air all night and no doubt, caught a cold or if they were lucky, merely on the way to getting one. So as the ever number 1 assistant, he prepares a quick batch in ten seconds flat. With breath that could melt rocks, warming up water a few degrees wasn't exactly a hard task.

"Morning Spike. Any luck with Rarity?"

"Rainbow! He's just a baby!" They both exchanged laughter in understanding of sexual undertones. They laughed even harder as Spike made a face of pure and innocent bewildered ignorance.

"It was fine. Being assistant to Rarity was kinda fun, though my hard scales weren't as hard as I thought, when I became a pin cushion for a good while. All of my back kinda stills a little." Both mares just looked at each other. The dirty jokes were there, they affirmed to each other that fact.

"So I see Rainbow Dash has solved her sleeping problem. Can things go back to normal now? It's awesome and all working with Rarity and everything but Sweetie Belle's constant gawking is kinda creepin me out. I swear on one of those nights she pulled some weird prank on me because this morning my tail started smelling strangely of fish."

"Yeah..." said RD trying to dodge the topic presented. "I'm all storied out. In fact instead of reading some, me and Twilight spent all night writing. You wanna read?" Twilight made a look of abject horror. Spike was the last person she wanted to be the first to read that!

"Maybe later. Me and Twilight will need to sort a few things out around here. I mean there's books unorganised, dishes that need cleaning, the floor's kind of a mess and I think you not taking a bath for a good long while has, sorry to say, stunk the place a bit." Twilight sighed with relief to his choice of actions. Crisis averted for the time being. Maybe someday he can read it, when he's older. On another note however, Twilight walked over to RD and put a hoof over her shoulder. RD did the same like two comrades in arms joined by the same cause.

"Well, I think RD has quite an exotic smell. The smell of sweat and rainbows. It's sort of bittersweet and a little bit spicy." RD blushed a little and just that small amount of confused.

"Well. I'm off to have a cloud bath. Spike's right, I stink to high heaven. I'll maybe see you later Twilight."

"Anytime."

After she flew a few hoofs in the air up to cloud level she turned back to the library. Her mind cyled through memories and events in her mind and honestly had great difficulty what was fact or fiction. What drove her the most was this tiny rising dread that in her lethargic waking dreamlike state, Rainbow Dash and Twilight, had done something terribly wrong to each other.

Whatever it was, it had something to do with that book of theirs.

Comments ( 82 )

I'll retitle and edit it appropriately later.

I'll just let the gimmick stand.

After reading the title and description, I have realised there is no title and/or description. Therefore, I'm not gonna read this because I have no idea what I am putting myself in for. Good day. :trixieshiftleft:

Jolly good show.:moustache:
But on a serious note, I can't wait for you to continue this.

1105931

and with that my suspicions are proven right. about fimfiction. or as I will name it. samey-repeated-formula.com

1106110

continue?

I'll most likely upload a new chapter with the whole thing cleaned up and generally written better. Though I will admit that I did end up with great language at some points. Not bad for a piece I whipped up in bursts of 5 seconds of thought.

though for you. I will add a third chapter just to give you some closure.

1109318 samey-repeated-formula.com? Last I checked, fimfiction was .net. Also, please elaborate?

1109334

:facehoof:

just stay in fimfiction long enough and look at the community as a whole and observe how they behave and react to things. a large variety of things.

1109341 Well, thats... vague. I understand how clopfics/shipping/random comedy are almost always more popular than a lot of brilliant fics out there, but I don't really see what you're getting at.

for improv it wasnt that bad i give it 3 spikes with a mustache :moustache::moustache::moustache:

YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!:yay:

1109318

If your suspicions are based on the idea that people won't read a story they have no clue about, then...welcome to the world of literature? You realize the same thing is done when getting published in real life, and heck even on movies. You don't make something and not even give a premise and expect people to give it a chance. That's pure foolishness, "Is it horror? I don't wanna see horror. Comedy? Nah not a comedy type. Romance? Oh heavens, i hope not!" See where i'm going with this?

Also, side note, how are you going to say your suspicions are proven, when only ONE guy/girl said what you claim to have expected?

But if that's not your point please enlighten me, because i'm pretty lost on this too.

1109408 Yeah i'm with you on this one.

1121387 Guy/girl? Sir, I only have one set of genitals, and another I use at parties or political conferences. Also, for all intents and purposes, the title doesn't really inspire me with hope. I could go and read the hundreds of properly-described fics that are more than likely as good as or better than this one.

1121450i

You know "/" when used in this context means "And, or" right? Please tell me you're joking o.o.

The title doesn't inspire anything, and until the author explains why they decided to do this and what their 'findings' are, i'm just going to assume they're complaining about the way things work.

1122687 :raritywink:

And exactly. If the title and description don't catch my eye, why would I bother reading it?

1122953

by that logic. why bother commenting?

1123543 Me and 1122687 had a lil convo going :twilightsmile:

1123576

a redundant one of insecure affirmations to each other.

i mean seriously. get a room.:twilightsmile:

take each other out to dinner. suck each other's dicks while ur at it.

1123543

"If it doesn't catch my eye I won't pay it mind." or what sierra said "If the title and description don't catch my eye, why would I bother reading it?"

Is actually pretty standard logic.

Why do you think publishers tell authors to write synopsis with hooks? It has to catch attention. It HAS to catch the eye. If a publisher put out a book without any form synopsis, description, or title, then the library would be a very different place.

You want the reader to know what they're getting into, you want them to know "Hey, this is of this genre!" god forbid i picked up a book without a synopsis, expect something like action and get Twilight. The idea that if it won't catch the eye, people won't read is a basic rule in any style of writing.

So again, i ask, what are your suspicions? Because going by your 'samey-repeated-formula.com' comment, it seems like you're whining about the way stories are to be structured for them to be noticed by people, which is incredibly ridiculous and I hope is not your main point because that kind of thing should be common sense.

Also, I would also like to point out that just because something doesn't catch your eye, doesn't mean you can't comment on it. Twilight doesn't catch my eye, doesn't mean I can't say I find the premise boring and weird, but then again Twilight also has a synopsis and title, so..ehhh go figure.

1123681

Excuse me? All i did was ask what the flying hell you were getting at, since you claim that is the point you posted this under

Obviously since you can't say why, and resort to childish and uncalled for insults, you don't have one and thought trying to be "different" would be a gimmick to get you popular.

Looking at this barren page, and your amount of thumbs downs, it didn't work out that way. Did it?

Shame that FimFiction allows such people on this site. Mature yourself a bit before you try to talk down to people.

1123683

yes... read about a story so you can read about a story. Yes. very good.

THE STORY WAS MADE WITH IMPROV. there WAS NO SYNOPSIS UPON POSTING!

AND THATS THE THING!

you made your point. you don't like reading a story and taking some iniative. ok good. but do you have to make a conversation about it? and not even making progressive conversation. just affirmations and agreements back and forth, as if you were going somewhere with this.

but guess what? standard logic states. IT WILL GO NO WHERE AND YET YOU CONTINUE TO REPEAT YOUR REDUNDANT POINT!

I can forgive it if you guys were going somewhere with it. but you're just filling up comment space.

1123777

"Read about a story to read about a story"? How old are you? It's "Read about a story to tell if you're interested or not" You have to be no older than 13 not to get this. Have you ever tried publishing a book? Give that a shot, see if they don't say the same exact thing.

"The story was made on improv!" I don't give a crap, a synopsis is a basic overview of what happens, written on improv or not, you could have made one AFTER you wrote the story. That is a piss poor excuse by all standards.

Uhm, excuse me? I don't like reading? Gee, must be why i joined a site based in reading. You realize how asinine you sound right? You're literally ignoring all i had to say to you, God forbid you just take my advice or answer my question, considering my VERY FIRST FANFICTION is higher rated than ALL of yours. And looking at their ratings, you're bad at writing fan fic in general.

Oh, right. It's stupid to talk about things you agree on, like-minded individuals should stray from each other. You have a good point there. Did that conversation hurt you? Awww...Too bad. Get over it, suck it up, write better stories.

Yes, we're filling up the empty void that is your story, i'm sorry if we're taking space from cthulu jumping out of it to take time to comment on it.

One last question, did you expect this story to be good or bad before or after the second coming of christ?

1123834

well hello mr double standards

1123892

Hello Mr. Can't write a fiction, how are you this morning. :scootangel:

1123900

night time genius who cannot comprehend "defeating the purpose"

1123918


Ah, i guess we live in different time zones.


I'm sorry, horrible fanfic writer who can't comprehend the way things work in a structured environment.

1123934

says the dude who can't comprehend the concept "defeating purpose."

Of which concepts are structured in nature.

1123969

I find it ironic that you say i'm defeating the purpose, though you wrote a fanfiction with no synopsis, compared it to an anthology (which if i remember correctly is multiple published stories, each with their own synopsis outside the anthology), and think you should be favored for it.

Yeah, i think you've shown your age and intelligence level. You insult me all you want, it may hurt some poor donkey on the internet somewhere.

But, when it comes down to it. I write better than you, and here, that's all that counts. :pinkiehappy:

Enjoy that reality :raritywink:

1123992

and you can't come up with anything besides the same 2 points over and over.

plus
comprehending and actually being the fact of the matter are two different beasts. For a "better writer" and of higher "intellect", you seriously can't understand pretty mundane concepts.

1124014

:rainbowlaugh:

Fine, then why don't you explain it to me. Since i don't get it, and you do, explain it. I'm waiting.:trixieshiftright:

1124027

no description because the point is that it is improv.

if its given one. It defeats the point of the spontaneous nature of an improv genius.

1124047

Uhh, no, it doesn't. Improv just means done on the spot, doesn't mean you can't describe what happened in the end of it.

If i go to an improv comedy show, which your story essentially is, does that mean i'm not able to make a small synopsis out of what i saw? Of course i could, and the same could be said for what you wrote. And submitted, and even said you would add a proper title later to.

Aaaaand there goes my respect for you.

Lan

1124047

I thought you said you were going to edit the title and description in your first comment. Sounds contradictory.

1124066

okay.. you're playing this card.

indeed it doesn't mean I can't but it doesn't me I can't can't.

I made the choice to do these things to have some effect. It did have some effect.

now. what do you think was the purpose of this whole thing? because you're assuming quite alot.

1124078

sounds it but no.

the improv is still there. to be read. just going in blind to read a story. no impressions, no presumptions. just going in to read the story.

the edited and epilogue are for those who have already read it.

and even if they didn't?

they're still going in reading the same story with the above effect.

1124097

So you admit you can add a Synopsis, A title and etc? Good, because that is how it is. Now as you said, you made that your choice, live with it. You made a stupid one and it isn't going to blow over.

And i assume you thought being "different" would be a way to get popular, this kinda happens when you say "Gimmick" in your comments.

Lan

1124115

If it were me, I'd still title it in some way and just leave the "on the fly" part in the description. Rather than giving a synopsis, you could just explain what it is. That way, people don't go in blind.

1124125

not really. you can say that one way is always the right way and that I did things for those reasons.

but frankly if you think that, you clearly aren't going to be all that progressive. this obtuse mindset you're going with? we'll see where it takes you and where mine takes me.

no point arguing further than that (until the later conclusion comes in the future-I feel that I need to spell this out for you) but you can if you want. I'm just killing time with you.

1124133

the whole point is going in blind lan... ancient reacted badly to that. thats fine.

but he didn't need to make it seem like his way is the only way and that certain reactions and certain statistics says EVERYTHING

1124154

Again, i would like to point out that with 2 stories i already have more likes, watchers, and favorites than you do. So if you wanna talk about progression, we can talk when you learn to write better.

Secondly, i'm sure you could write on the fly, after all i wrote my changeling story on the fly, look where it is? I'm not saying improv can't be done, just the fact you expect people to look at it without a hint of any clue of what they are going to read, is stupid.

Thirdly, don't repeat the words your boyfriend said to you to me.

1124174

oh boy did that first paragraph amuse me.

I'll play your card and assume the rest.

1124187

I'm sorry, but my card is the black luster soldier, unless you have the right conditions you're not going to be able to.

But wait, i thought you said you weren't going to argue! Gasp, ye liar!

1124209

Yes, you are. On so many levels. :rainbowderp:

1124213

and the penny begins to drop... but no where near close enough to be fully aware.

Lan

1124169

Going in blind is something people don't want to do.

Analogy time! You walk into a store that is very clear in what it sells. You go in knowing what to expect and what you want. Not everyone has the same tastes. Some will not want to go into the store at all and will avoid it completely.
Now, you go to another store that is just labeled "Store" and has its windows blacked out. You have no idea what's inside. You're taking a gamble just walking in hoping it's like store #1.

Now replace "store" with "fanfiction" and "what it sells" with "the genre" and you get the idea.

I took the liberty of reading this story, and I have to say, it shows that it was done on the fly.

For starters, there are innumerable spelling errors and grammatical slip-ups. I would suggest going back through the text with a fine comb to pick them out and tidy the text. It may seem tedious, but trust me, there are people out there who will hound you for tiny little things with your spelling and grammar. Take it from personal experience.

Secondly, the dialogue and descriptions are mostly filler, and nothing important is being exchanged or revealed. The whole point of dialogue is to exchange information between two people, namely, information important to the story, and the whole point of a description is to give the reader details about a specific thing. I'm not saying you should get rid of details, because the more detail you have the better. What I'm saying is, remove any lines that are of no importance to the story, and I'd suggest getting rid of most of the descriptions, unless they tell us something new about a character or location that we didn't know before. This includes canon facts about the characters.

Finally, and most importantly, there is no story to speak of. It comprises of two scenes in which all the characters do is talk. There is no semblance of a story arc to be found, and the characters do not grow or develop in any sense of the word. This reads more like a script with the occasional chunk of pointless description than it does an actual story, and so I find it difficult to call it such when there is no story to be found. In future, before doing something like this again, plan at least a basic skeleton of what you are going to do and how you're going to do it.

I get where you were going with this. Just a little exercise to see if you could create a story from nothing on the spot. Jazz music is improvised as well, but there is a basic structure that must be adhered to in order for it to sound good. Otherwise, it'd just be garbled and cluttered notes, and that'd sound terrible. Going off the beaten track once in a while and trying new things is good and helps boost creativity, but there's only so far you can go before it becomes detrimental to your success.

A word of wisdom; variety is the spice of life, but too much will ruin the dish.

1124227

why are you assuming I don't know this?

Lan

1124235

Because you act like you don't know it. You refuse to title your story, refuse to provide accurate information about it, and argue with anyone who says to the contrary.

1124231

indeed which is why I have the cleaned up version and the epilogue ready in my head (busy with something else).

I would disagree on the lack of story. Another person who read this found some characteristics of shipping and a cliff hanger ending.

As for the skeleton, well I guess you read the skeleton. And hey, rules of engagement of 5 seconds of thought only on every pause of typing. Points were valid but you seem to have ignored that entirely.

1124252
him? I'm killing time. I got the results I wanted so whatever happens with this is anypony's problem.

as for the not knowing. it was a choice that could only be conciously made. How could I decide not to if I didn't know to not do it? Typical human behaviour is to mimic the peer. As such... this is the only fic I got with no description or synopsis. Besides another recent one.

Lan

1124306

Writing isn't about results. It's about doing what interests you.
And you should still be nice to potential readers. You come off as rude and uncaring.

On top of that, no one should have any kind of "problem" with reading your story. If any problem occurs, it is up to the author to fix it. Care, dammit!

I did not think to check your other writings. I'll take your word for it that you usually provide accurate titles and descriptions. But "usually" is not enough. "Always" is what you should strive for.

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