This Is Home
“What happens next?”
Absentia. In Absentia, a legal term, used most frequently in discussion of the absence of a body. Death in Absentia.
“I’m not sure,” she said gently. Age had brought her gentleness, something no one had dreamt would happen to her when she had been her younger, firebranded self. No, Rainbow Dash was not one to be gentle. At least, she hadn’t been, before she began working for the factory. Before the factory had been destroyed.
That was a long time ago, now.
“Are you dead?”
Rainbow chuckled. “Honestly? Sometimes? I think I am. I think I have been for a long time. But then, when I close my eyes and try to will myself to let go? I realize… I just. I'm scared to go to sleep.”
Somewhere nearby, something wailed in pain, but it was quickly comforted. Comfort came quick now for it. Another thing age brought.
“Are you tired of me yet?”
“Oh, Scoots, I’ve been tired of you for years.” Rainbow barked out a laugh, one broken from tragedy. It had been broken for so long. The breeze that brushed her hair past her face, artificial as it might be, still brought her the slightest, smallest bit of relief. It gave her the slightest bit of feeling. “I’ve been tired of this for years. I’ve just been… tired. Period.”
“I am not Scootaloo.”
“You’ve told me.” Rainbow sighed gently and shut her eyes, lying back into the grass under her, spreading out her wings. “Too many times.”
The monster rested in the grass.
“Why are you upset?”
“Huh?”
“You’re crying.”
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes again and rubbed her cheek. She was. She begrudgingly smiled and shook her head. “I’m not upset,” she whispered, rubbing her eyes. “For once. Heh.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“It’s the end. I’m finally done. I’m relieved, but I’m not. I hate myself, but I don’t. I want to live, but I don’t.” She huffed and grinned. “Rainbow Dash, Head Manager, Employee ID #501, and the so called Element of Loyalty.” She looked at the open, bright blue sky. “The world’s biggest bundle of confusing hypocritical things.”
There was silence for a short time, so long as she ignored the sobbing in the distance. She’d gotten better at ignoring the sobbing. The wind didn’t whistle, and the grass certainly made no noise. There was no birdsong, though it certainly seemed that there should be on a gorgeous day like this. Sadly, all of the birds had flown already.
Cleared skies. Flown birds. Fallen Rainbow.
“Why did the Alicorn visit again?”
“Twilight?” Rainbow smiled a little. “You remember Twilight, Scoots, don’t even pretend you don’t.” No response came. Rainbow sighed and rolled her eyes. “The uh. The doctors were arguing about letting me out. Again.”
Screaming. Something was screaming with a fury. Rainbow stayed quiet until it was finished. Then she sighed once again, this time to relax her frayed nerves. “I argued back. Told them to leave me alone. You’d think they’d get the message by now.”
“Why did the Alicorn visit?”
“She cared. She wanted to help me, all this time, y’know?” She paused. “She kept reminding them that I need space. I'm a mental patient, after all. It’s been so many years, and they still didn’t listen to her. Not until she ordered them. Feels like an abuse of power.” A laugh. “I should know all about that.”
There was another brief pause. “Are you content?”
Rainbow had to take quite some time to think about her response. Her short hair shifted as a harsher breeze swept past. She sat up enough to let the breeze run through her wings, to feel that rush of flight without even flying. She didn’t fly, anymore. It made her sick to try. She struggled to think as the breeze went through. It was harder to think in this place.
“No,” she finally said. “I can’t be. Not anymore. No matter how good this place is, no matter how… relieved I am, now. I can’t be content ever again.”
There was silence again and Rainbow smiled a little. She felt more tears starting to roll down her face. “I think I deserve more time.”
“More?”
“More.” She laughed again, sniffing. “You know, this place? Weird enough as it is, it’s. It’s home. You’re my home, Scoots.”
There came no reply to that, but there didn’t need to be one. Rainbow kept laughing, looking down at the grass as her tears bubbled up, forming streams on her cheeks. “For. For so, so long, I just wanted out. I wanted to get out of here. I was so. So scared when it first happened. I was so scared, and I knew, I knew I would never feel relief. I would be haunted, forever, and it would never end.”
“And I tried. By Celestia, I tried! Never a sharp enough object around, never a single thread to choke on. Tied down to myself and captured, and I felt the shackles on me every second of every day, even when I didn’t even have on a straightjacket!” She wept openly, something she hadn’t done in years. “And then, once I gave up, that’s when the doctors started talking about how sick I was. How they would help me get better. Only, by then, I knew. There’s no better after what I’ve done. It never gets better after the things I’ve done.”
Pain. So much pain. She could feel it in her bones as they protested her movement. Her ribs ached and cried out.
“I wanted to escape. That’s what I wanted. But then, I wanted to free you. I thought… If I could just die… You would be free.” She held her head as it screamed again, screaming in her head, all around her. Wailing. “I was dead, really I was, but I can’t remember when I died. And all the time, people were telling me I would live again. That I would live again as soon as I learned to talk again, as soon as I rewrote all of my thinking for the past few years. How could they think that, when I couldn’t even tell you my own name?!”
Silence. A light breeze. "I deserve more of this stillness," she whispered. "More of this torture."
She could feel the grass on her hooves. Rainbow smiled her bittersweet smile, her tears slowing now that her outburst was done. “... Sorry. I just. Had to get that out. It’s all coming out now, right? It has to.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know. I know you don’t. You didn’t live long enough to understand. And it’s all my fault.”
“Your words are confusing me.”
“I’m a train wreck, huh?” Laughter. “It’s… It’s time. Okay? Time moves so slowly, but it’s time now, and we have to accept that.”
“... I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to die.”
“You already have.”
“I know. But I was alone. Dying alone is so scary. And now I’m going to be alone again.”
Rainbow Dash looked at her hooves. She gulped and breathed as gently as she could. She wanted to calm down. She wanted to go peacefully. Her life had already had so much anger and vitriol. She needed to leave peacefully, make the transition easier. It’s what she deserved.
“You won’t be alone.”
“You can’t know that!”
“I know, I know, I can’t. But neither can you!”
There was silence after that. Rainbow gulped again. “Scoots?” She grinned. “I’m here, okay?”
“That doesn’t provide as much comfort as you think.”
“I know.” She sighed and shut her eyes, holding herself. “I am, though. I’ll be here for you. I-I know… I wasn’t before. And I’m sorry. I… Dear Celestia. If I could go back-”
“We’ve done this routine. Nothing you can say can make this better.”
“Right. Yeah. I just… Part of me feels like… At the end of everything. There has to be something to say, some kind of words, to make this… easier.”
“Is there anything left to say?”
“... Maybe not. Maybe this is me grasping for straws. But we were sisters, once. I turned my back on you. I was loyal, but I chose the wrong ones to be loyal to. I stayed completely true to myself and who I was, and I… I still messed it all up.”
Silence for a long while after that comment. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes again, feeling… tired. Per usual, right? She laid back in the grass. It tickled her fur, just lightly.
Laughter. Far off, a small little giggle of joy.
“It’s almost time, I think.” Rainbow blinked. “It’s hard to tell, in here.”
“Everything is hard in here.”
“That’s true. But… Well. Here isn’t lasting much longer. It’ll be gone when…”
“Yeah.”
Rainbow stood and looked around. It was a gorgeous field. A lone tree stood in the field. Rainbow still wasn’t sure why there was a tree there. But hey, it wasn’t like she could understand everything in the world. Sometimes, things just… happen.
“Hey Scoots?” Another pause. “Before… Before this is done.” She smiled gently, exhaustedly, looking at the sky. “I just wanted to know if I would ever hear your voice again.”
“No.” The response was immediate.
“Yeah. I kinda figured. I’ve been talking to myself for long enough to recognize that fact.” She breathed softly and shut her eyes, unwilling to acknowledge the fact that Scootaloo wasn’t beside her. That she was alone, a monster in solitary with only the voices of Absentia locked in her head as a reminder of her crimes. “Then why don’t we go on one last flight? Low to the ground. Before… Before I leave. Before you’re free?”
“Why?”
“Because… I.” Rainbow Dash paused. What was the purpose of flying? What was the point? It made her sick, it brought up so many painful memories.
”They think they can beat the two of us?” Rainbow Dash grinned as Scootaloo buzzed her wings.
“I loved you,” Rainbow said gently. “Once upon a time, I loved you. Once upon a time, there was a stupid mare and a great kid, and the stupid mare listened to the majority. Listened to those she thought knew better, and she didn’t ever question it. She ignored logic because it was easy. And she hurt so, so many people. And when it came time to fess up to the one she loved, when it came time to change things and accept the consequences… She didn’t. And she just ran from the problem. And it ended up hurting everyone even worse.”
“I’m sorry, Sc… Absentia. I’m sorry. And I know, I know they’re… They’re empty words. I know I can never repair the damage I’ve done. But you can at least pass on knowing that you were right. And knowing that I will pass on knowing that fact too.”
“... Rainbow Dash?”
She blinked. It had never said her name before.
“... Let’s… Let’s fly. One last time.”
“Yeah?”
She smiled gently and looked at the endless sky. “Yeah. I’m ready. It’s time to fly us out of here.”
She prepared herself. She spread her wings, and off they went. And yes, there was pain, an aching agonizing pain that only traumatic events can cause, the pain of both mind and body and of panic. But there was also beauty, and in some cases, even forgiveness.
And Absentia, and all she contained, passed on into the welcoming hands of the stars.
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Man the feels are strong with this one.
And you're welcome for that burst
9855311
Good luck with those ninjas
this was a great story.
though one thing still puzzles me, how has the negative sentiment towards the Pegasuses gone?
how’s Fluttershy doing lately because of this sentiment? how did she react to the news that the rainbow factory is a place where children go to die and Rainbow Dash managed it?
9884115
The sentiment is rough, definitely. The pegasi have a lot to do to in order to rebuild their outward persona. It's a lot of racism now, judging the entire race as one of "those" pegasi. Fluttershy was in shock for numerous days and had to rely a lot on her friendships with others when she heard about Rainbow Dash. I think Discord really helped her, because he was around when those archaic laws were put into place, and he naturally mistrusts people, so this wasn't totally unbelievable. Once she recovered from the initial shock, Fluttershy actually became one of the most outspoken pegasi against the Flock mentality in the world. She got a lot of flack from other ponies for being a pegasus, but her friends stood by her, no matter what. She also helped council some pegasi who needed help because they lost their children and couldn't even say they did.
9884278
will the sentiment vanish in her lifetime?
9884323
Not fully, no, but it does get better during her lifetime. She lives long, and she does get to see a lot of the backlash fade as people realize it's less of a "all pegasi are racist" and more of a "this select group of pegasi are racist". By the time she dies, it's sort of like the same commentary on white people we have today. Sure, not ALL white people are racist, but the KKK does exist, and many white people benefit strongly from privilege. Sure, not ALL pegasi are part of the Flock, but the Flock does exist, and many pegasi still benefit within their own community from those with the Flock mentality.
By the time Flutters dies, the majority of other ponies have come to understand (or at least process) the tragedy, and we've had a new generation of kids who know of this part of history as that - history. I would say it's looked upon as a black mark, and some people distrust pegasi still blatantly, but that the path to harmony is clearly coming on the horizon.
9884615
that's good
one more thing though, now that Dash is physically and mentally “out of commission” what happened to the element of loyalty? Did someone else weild it?
9884736
I'll be honest, I don't know if the show has done anything with this concept, but what I believe is that the Elements are meant to be passed down from person to person. I believe the Element of Loyalty takes a long time to be passed down, because Rainbow Dash was still loyal - just to the wrong ideal. Up until her death, she is loyal to a fault, and so I believe the Element of Loyalty remains with her until that point.
After her death, however, I believe all of the Elements begin looking for new hosts. I'm not positive who those hosts are, but they're found eventually. I believe the other Mane 6 do have more say in the matter than Rainbow Dash did, but in the end, it's up to the Elements themselves.
That's just my headcanon though!
This was also very good. Right in the feels.
Though, if Absentia isn’t Scootaloo, where has she been? Who/what was Absentia? Lastly, why exactly did the nightmares stop? It got the sense from the Epilogue that in haunting/tormenting Rainbow, Absentia made her relive every death, and considering we’re talking almost 1,000 years of organized murder, that’s a practically limitless source of torment.
10654722
Thanks for your comment! To explain a little about what you asked:
Absentia WAS Scootaloo, or at least, Absentia took on the form of Scootaloo. Absentia is all of the children who have ever died in the machine that could not find rest. Scootaloo's rage, however, was stronger than most, and she took over for the most part; Absentia, as a creature, form when the children cannot find rest, and Scootaloo was the latest Absentia to form. In this fiction, Scootaloo has spent so long being Absentia that she no longer remembers being Scootaloo. Therefore, she goes only by the name Absentia.
As for your question about nightmares, they never really stop - it's just that Rainbow Dash's Spectra ran out. The Absentia can only survive if given Spectra. Without Spectra, the Absentia falls dormant and eventually fades away. Rainbow Dash could feel her Spectra running out due to being possessed by Absentia (or rather, BEING Absentia) and, unfortunately, due to the Absentia being bound to her Soul and Spectra both, it meant that the body would pass away in a similar manner to those found in the factory (hearts gone and chest caved in where the Spectra had been contained). I have a theory that Rainbow's hair also loses color when she dies in this case, as her rainbow mane comes, in part, from her abnormally high amounts of Spectra.
Hope you don't mind the ramble haha!
10654955
Thank you for your reply. I'm still a little confused. At the end of Absentia we're told Rainbow Dash suffers through the untold number of deaths at the hands of the Pegasus Device and the CWC for the rest of her life. Which turns out to be not as long as you might initially think, but even if Dash outlived everyone but Twilight she'd probably still be working her way through everypony's suffering the first time-that is, assuming nopony's death repeats and its in chronological order, she has yet to reach Scootaloo or whoever was the last pony to die in the Pegasus Device. However, in this we get the sense that Dash, while still remorseful and regretful far beyond words, and tired, she's...content? I don't get the sense that she's given up per se, but she's most certainly ready for death, and is far more concerned with Absentia/Scootaloo's emotional well-being leading up to her death than her own. I also don't get the sense that she's still having nightmares or suffering. That, or she's gotten absurdly, ridiculously good at ignoring/working through the pain and guilt. In addition, Absentia, while not exactly friendly and a far cry from being a sister in all but blood, doesn't seem hostile towards Dash. Which, even if Scootaloo isn't anymore, there's still a literal eon of angry, dead foals out for blood and would relentlessly torment Dash with a disturbing amount of glee.
10655170
The ending of Absentia indicates that Rainbow Dash has to suffer through all of the pain and suffering all the children went through. However, numerous children made their peace with what happened. Numerous children either passed on on their own, or else became Absentia at one point in time to be handled by the teams sent in for extraction. Not only that, but I see this fiction as being anywhere between 50-70 years in the future. Evening it out to 60, that would be 21900 consecutive days of torture for Rainbow Dash while in the mental asylum. Keeping in mind that that is equal to 31536000 minutes, and that certain children likely double up their torture, and also that crying and wailing at all times of life probably becomes fairly normal, I feel that Rainbow would eventually chill out.
As for Rainbow Dash being content, I feel like content isn't the right word. She isn't content, but she knows there's nothing else she can do. It's not like she can anything about this situation any longer. I think she has given up, but giving up in this sense means making peace with crying, wailing children screaming at you every second of the day. And, regardless of everything, Rainbow Dash is still the element of loyalty. She's loyal to a fault, and in this case, Scootaloo/Absentia matters more to her. She feels that she deserves this torture, but Scootaloo doesn't.
And, regarding Scootaloo, In this ending scene, Scootaloo is far more herself. She might still be ALL of Absentia, but she is also Scootaloo, and at some fundamental level, a child who misses the person who practically raised her. In this "world" that Dash is currently in while dreaming, Scootaloo presents as Absentia, but also not, as all the other children of Absentia are around the dream world themselves.
I know that's probably very confusing 😅 There's a lot in this fiction, and a whole lot of symbolism, but all in all, I hope it was enjoyable. To be honest, I almost didn't write this fiction the way I did. The original plan was to have Absentia consume Rainbow fully, and that Scootaloo never forgave her. But that ending just... didn't sound appealing. It didn't feel like it fit the characters. So I wanted it to be more open ended - maybe not forgiveness, but moving on regardless. :)
10655776
No I at least mostly followed that. I figured it was set much sooner than that, which threw everything else off.
And ya, I’m happy you didn’t go with that ending. Admittedly, I’ve never been a fan of downer endings, but I agree in that it wouldn’t fit.
Ow! Yet another solid 9/10 story here.
10694851
Thanks for your comments on both stories :D Glad you enjoyed them!
10695373
You're welcome.
I read the original story and imagine my joy when I discovered it had a sequel! I'm not usually a Creepypasta/Grimdark fan of any kind, but the Rainbow Factory is an exception. So I'm trying to read any and all fanfics based on it. This story though did what most sequels and spin-offs don't, though. This actually feels like it could be part of the franchise, and most importantly, it finally gave me a good explanation of what happened to Scootaloo in the Rainbow factory. I've read the original series and all the other fan sequels, and I think this story gives it the best conclusion. The lore of both this story and the prequel that you wrote about the Absentia and everything falls in line perfectly with the song Pegasus Device that in my mind, your story has just become cannon.
Thanks for writing something like this!
11600276
Hey, thanks!! I'm really glad you enjoyed. It's comments like yours that make me want to get back into this fandom :)