The Worst Pirate

by Lack of Tact

Yar Har Fiddle-Deez Nuts Part 3: By Celestia's Beard (Her Son's, Mostly)

"Yarr harr, fiddle dee dee, you are a pirate!" Sprinkletits shantied, despite the Princess of Magic's protests. The neighboring booths' occupants' displeasure all but ignored by the trio. Scootaloo, seated on the other side of the still magically encased stallion, bobbed her head to the tune. Irregardless of him having been unable to carry a note, she had to admit, her fellow pegasus certainly knew a catchy jig.

One she'd never get out of her head, surely, but catchy all the same. Scootaloo bobbed her head to the off-pitched song, all the while Twilight struggled to keep her own composure and/or remaining shreds of sanity. It's almost as if everything this stallion did was just to 'T' her off.

And she was very 'T'd indeed. "Being a pirate is alright with m-aahh!" Sprinkletit's head phased through the car's inner wall before he could finish his asinine shanty. Once upon a time, Twilight had thought everypony in Equestria; Tartarus, everycreature on Equus, was graced with the magic of song. Once, she'd grimly chuckled at the thought, annoyance plastered across her face. Sprinkletit's muffled shouts of terror outside the car eased her headache some, at least.

Scootaloo, bless her young bird-heart, stared wide-eyed as the upper half of Sprinkletits' neck simply magicked through the very window she was looking out. Magick was so cool. Why couldn't she have been a unicorn?

. . . . .

Some time passed, and even though he was still physically, impossibly halfway through a wall, Sprinkletits had mentally eased from his bouts of terror. In fact, after some time had passed, he'd slowly began to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime view. By that, he'd pretended to have fallen asleep and dreamt pirate dreams.

A young, beige unicorn mare, adorned in a white button-up and a formal vest approached the young princess. Beneath frizzled brunette bangs, two worried rust-coloured eyes and a nervous grin was shakily painted beneath her cheekbones, "y-your Majesty," she'd started. An attempt to garner Twilight's attention. The Alicorn in question propped an eye open from her meditation. Or at least, what the young attendant had assumed was meditation and not, in all actuality, Twilight having just recovered from a minor migraine.

"Simply Twilight, please," the lavender princess humbly replied with a dainty smile, to save face more than anything. Twilight's grin wavered when the young mare bowed in apology.

As she'd stilled herself, the as of yet unnamed mare nodded once before an amber aura encased her horn. Suddenly, a tray presented itself in front of Twilight, and the Alicorn had to choke back a gasp at the abrupt sight of peanuts and small, plastic cups of water. "Your Majesty, er..." she'd fallen quiet and Twilight's smile diminished entirely.

The mare hiccuped as she'd noticed the marginal error. "M-miss, ah, Twilight, my name is Shaken Stirred, and-and I will be your personal attendant for, erm, for this trip." Vaguely, this reminded the immortal deity-to-be of a certain, rather shy friend back at home, and Twilight's lips fluttered back into a low grin.

"May I start you off with anything to drink? Peanuts? Any-anything at all?" Shaken questioned the fourth ruler of Equestria, and though it was directed at the princess, another answered for her.

Even one with a train car, Sprinkletits' innate ability of wonton interruption continued to exist. "Yar har, fiddle deez nuts, yer Majesty! Protein be good fer the soul, ye cranky wench! How he'd heard the attendant was nopony's guess.

At the intrusion, Twilight growled under a breath as her head snapped in the pirate's direction. Or the window's–or whatever. Her horn already alit, it flared brightly, intensely, and everything between her and the stallion was pushed entirely through the cart's side in a moment's notice, and into the... exterior of it. Twilight could only manage a blink, as a quickly fading, though very muffled "ye'll live to regret this, ye scallybit-" made its way into her ears. The immediate and damning regret hit her like a, well, a train, the moment she'd realized what she'd done.

Committing murder was not on her agenda. Or her schedule. Her eyes almost popped from her head as she willed the window open with her magick. From her barrel, up, she'd whipped out the port almost instantly as she'd looked back to where her supposed-to-be bounty was supposed to be. Celestia is going to kill her. Maybe once she'd found out Twilight maybe killed her maybe son.

Maybe this'll all come out in the wash? Ah, who was she kidding, Twilight's royally bucked and Scootaloo was there to witness it all from the start. "Scootaloo, maybe we should go back for him," Twilight suggested as she turned back to her charge. Or where her charge once was.

To her horror, Shaken Stirred grinned meekly at the princess, unsure of what to say to her leige. The silver platter hung still in the air, enitrely ignored as it floated by Shaken's now messier mane. The attendant glanced a single time at the window before meeting Twilight's dead gaze.

She had let the hate flow through her, and this was the consequence to her actions. Twilight was doubly bucked.

Author's Note:

Hiatus, too long
Muse begins to bleed me dry
Inspire me, no more.

Sorry for the long, long wait folks. Especially sorry it's all just been for less than a thousand words. I've just not had the same inspirations like I'd used too. I want to keep writing, but I haven't kept up with it, and don't even know if I have the ability to, anymore.

But I'll try.