- Member Since 3rd Sep, 2017
- offline last seen April 5th
knight-ajax
i am dead, yet ever living, i am humble, yet proud, i heal, but i kill, i am wrath, but i am also mercy, what am i?
knight-ajax
Joined 3rd Sep, 2017 ·
Offline
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You have me intrigued
10156321 Not a remotely difficult feat, tbh...
10156326
Huh?
10156338 This the only comment that he makes on any given Displaced story, and him being “interested” or “intrigued” by yet another “person goes to Equestria with the powers of _____(insert name of character)_____ from _____(insert name of source material)_____” shows how impossibly easy it is to entertain him.
10156360
I don’t like typing much and that’s what I right because it is just easy. You ass
10156378
10156360
Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty, stop arguing
Love the chapter can't wait to see more chapters
10156381
No, they're arguing because one of them is easily entertained and the other actually knows what good writing is.
10156561
Good writing? me? Fat chance
It's a little sparse on details right now, feels more like a cover sample than a actual chapter in my opinion.
I think I will wait for another chapter or the companion story before I commit fully though.
10156585
Yeah you're a shit writer.
10156716
Link to the sister story has been added to the description, and you're right this was but a mere taste of the story, this is mostly just to get you guys interest and see if you guys like the concept. To you wet your palette so to speak
10156752
Like I said don't expect Arthur c Clarke, JK Rowling, or even JRR Tolkien from me, the best you'll get is some kind of cheap crack novel
10156766
Thanks and consider me interested.
Also something that may help to improve the chapter is to use more audio logs Instead of a two paragraph time lapse.
Example:
Audio log:xxx
It's been two years since i arrived i think. The factory is making decent progress and so do the bugs. Yesterday these sucker's got me out of left field, a new type of flyer tried slippin over my defenses. Shot it down good, got showered in guts though, where is a shower if you need one? Anyway, I'm working on some AAA (anti aircraft artillery) to stuff any other flying critters with lead. I'm thinking of fifty mil, twin linked rotary cannons.
On another note, I tried making a beryllium isotopic decay clock but that didn't work with any time reference.
Log end.
Also fun fact, at some point humans used their heartbeat to determine time, I think it is even the base of the modern second. That could be used to make a time measurement system from scratch.
10156841
Thanks I'll keep that in mind for the next chapter
10156841
Made some of your suggested improvements, hope you like it
10156864
I do like it, though it is not what I was referring to admittedly. I was thinking more along the lines of different audio logs for some of the 'milestones' but this is already a bit better.
I'm not saying those logs need to go in this chapter honestly. Maybe use them as flashback to introduce new things as the story goes on. Like if he pulls out a type of hypersonic fighter craft once he reaches the surface, you can use a audio log as flashback to show the design process and what he thought while making it. It helps to ground his powers a bit and make it more believable.
It also helps to show character progression, years of isolation will leave a mark on anyone even if they are insane.
10156864
Also, I know that I tend to go overboard with doing things so if I get annoying please tell me and I will shut up.
10156904
No your ideas are good, if you want I could use a beta
10156961
Oh, uhmm, wow.
Didn't expect that. I have honestly never done it but if you want me than I would be honored.
Interesting story so far. Adding to my read list.
10211362
Thanks. Y'all's comments keep it alive
More please. I really wanna see how this goes. Plus the ai's interactions are hilarious.
looks decent to me so far.
10301304
Don't worry man, next chapter is going to have more AI shenanigans. in fact there's a reason I named it "plans of bismarckian proportion"
Yesssss... feed my crippling reading addiction...
Where's the sister?
10576408
We won't get to meet her for another #### years
Update please ?
update update update plz
10690200
10594801
A update is coming soon, don't worry.
Life just keeps getting in the way
ah
ok i had thaut this was dead until you sayd that
so its nice knowing this wil be back at some point
..o also donald i see you are a fan of mr. bones from starwar's..he was to brutal for my taste
hay continue it
waaaaaaaaaiting aaaaand waaaaaaaaaaiting and waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiting and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiting and waaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiittttiiiiiiiiiing...
ETA on next chapter?
11174890
Lost my BLOODY notes.......sigh, give me a minute. Just got a new laptop so hopefully I can continue this.
11423557
YAY!!
IT MIGHT LIVE!!!
YESSS!!!
Life. That's the update. But seriously I was working on chapter 7 and decided to grab some coffee and look at fimfiction(cause I have NOT been active here) and lo and behold, I remember " oh shite.... I have stories here!" So I am now running through my notes trying to get caught up on everything I was thinking. Within the week I'd say at least one of my books is getting a update. won't say which one though