• Member Since 30th Dec, 2018
  • offline last seen 15 minutes ago

amf studios


a changeling writer who also works on fanfiction.net and AO3. heard about this site and decided to join, whats the worst that could happen?

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An au that shows what the world would be like if Luna didn't turn into nightmare moon. Also on fanfiction, on Hiatus for revisions

Chapters (15)
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Comments ( 33 )

This is a good start, a familiar start, very similar to The Thousand Year Change but that can be given a pass as we all take inspiration from the very base source material on this site anyway. I never finished The Thousand Year Change since it took a turn into war horror near the end with the Anti-Magic Superweapon however the very base concept is interesting. Your grammar is also very impressive for your first posted story however all of the names of ponies and places needs to be capitalized eg: twilight > Twilight. I will be watching your career with great interest.

why thank you, and as for my grammar I actually have two years of experience, and yes this did take inspiration from the thousand year change, because I greatly liked that story, and couldn't find many with a similar concept

That's new, Most stories don't out the elements until things get much worse than this. I always did like the interpretation of the most powerful unicorn in Equestria knowing what she had to do, now she has to wonder if everybody she meets could be the next three elements and, possibly, determine whether or not they have worth as friends. Quite the position to be in.

You reply to comments by moving your mouse over to the right hand side of the comment you want to reply to and clicking on the >> that appears. Also, is there a reason why you didn't use any capital letters in the synopsis and the title? That's going to turn some people off. Also, the first letter of each name and the word I should always be capitalized. Please respond to this comment.

9530704
believe me after the first few chapters I began improving my capitalization, I slip up every now and then, but for the most part it's not an issue

And I bet regular Equestria is left in the dark ages compared to Luna's glorious utopia, hm?

It's unfortunate. Why do NLR stories need to demonise Celestia and her ponies? I don't get it.

9641373
just happens like that bro, and I simply write celestia how I see her... a very incompitant ruler.:coolphoto:

So, in this story, Celestia directly makes Alicorns? Huh. Also, really hoping the story'll be more than NLR shilling.

Sigh. It is the same as with A Thousand Year Change. Totally one-sided NLR shilling, crapping over Equestria all the way. They're all inferior to the glorious Luna Republic because of course they would be. Equestria has nothing to offer except water which is literally just lying around. Oh, and all the creatures there are perfect and flawless, not like those worthless Equestrian ponies.

That is how it comes across right now. Let's see whether it gets better or worse.

9641383
In contrast to Luna, who is impulsive and immature. Or she would be, if the story didn't remove her flaws first. Of course she'll come across as better if you scrub her clean first.

9641405
well aren't you a regular cinema sinner. and for the record, I did read most of the one thousand year change before I started this, but can you please not constantly rip on my story?:trixieshiftleft:

So. The legend still exists but you took out the reason why. I'm guessing so Celestia's ponies once again look like total losers compared to the superior moon creatures.

9641421
Honest question: Do you prefer no reaction to criticism? I can also try to make it more constructive if you wish, again though, only if you can deal with criticism in the first place. It's true that I've been very biting with my comments so far. Apologies.

9641427
yes, I prefer constructive criticism rather than someone ripping on the story without giving any explanation.

9642547
Right. Well, then.

This story does the same thing A Thousand Year Change did, which is divvy up the ponies into two factions: The superior one and the inferior one. The first one, the Lunars, have made leaps and bounds in technology that leaves planetbound ponies looking like cavemen—without any explanation why this happened. There's simply no reason given, it just happened.

Though I also wish to commend you that it's not quite as bad as with ATYC. The contrast there was just silly. They're busy making hover tanks when they don't have enough water? And no enemies to fight with in the first place?

Anyways. If you write the two sides like this, it creates an imbalance and invites the question just why it's like this. Is half of Equestria so stupid they are actively holding the smart ones back? And shouldn't a society priding itself on its courtly Unicorn traditions be well-versed in magic, probably better than the Lunars? It's one of two things tradition-minded Unicorns consider important: Family lines and magic. Having Equestria have powerful spells would introduce some balance where it's lacking.

It's similar regarding moral questions. Equestria is filled with racists and bullies and idiots compared to the wonderful Lunars, who only wanted to live in peace. That throws any non-lunar under the bus, and it throws Celestia under the bus by making Nightmare Moon into some saintly figure, erasing her flaws. However, what is the point of this? Just to point fingers at the non-lunars because of how inferior they overall are? That makes the conflict less exciting because it seems like we're meant to root for one side and not to form our own opinions.

Now, a particular scene that bugged me: Why does the legend of the Mare in the Moon still exist? It did in the show because that's what happened. Here, it looks like just one more reason why Equestrians and Celestia suck. Furthermore, why did Luna break off negotiations? She's apparently angry Celestia tried to keep that from her, but doesn't that also mean she tried to curb that legend? What was she supposed to do? Lie about it and Luna gets angry, tell her the truth about how her ponies see her and she gets angry. That would be a chance to show Luna as flawed—inviting pain for her subjects over wounded pride—but the story completely takes her side in this. Though it is possible this will be addressed later, of course.

It's good that three of the Elements actually are Equestrians. Ironically, not the Unicorns. I hope that's not so they can be turned to the superior Lunar ways and overthrow incompetent Celestia with her evil racist nobles.

In short, consider balancing the factions out more. Don't give one side everything, that makes for a boring conflict and boring characters. Celestia kept the peace for a thousand years; if you make her incompetent and stupid, you better have an explanation for how Equestria is still standing. Furthermore, the Lunars shouldn't be advanced in warfare much; they don't have any foes to fight up there so they literally have better things to do with their time than develop weapons and strategy for combat. Equestria, the ones down there, they get monster attacks and hostile species. They should be the ones who know fighting and war. Turning that upside down would be illogical.

I hope there's something useful in there.

9645164
I am pleased to inform you that over the past few months I have been rewriting the series and it will be much more balanced out this time, like equestria's royal guard captain being the best in years, as well as equestria having many allies to fall back on... and also I never intended the remaining elements to turn over to Luna, I'm biased but not that predictable.

9719825
I shall read with great interest! And I also wish to thank you for being a good sport about the latest comment there. It's not easy to take criticism, it's not easy to make criticism in a way that's helpful either. If there was anything helpful in there at all, I am already very happy.

9645164
Hello. I'm Amf's friend. About the whole technological stuff, that can be explained by the amount of resources that the Moon has and the need of those things for survival.

9863292
There's a problem with that logic, though. If the moon ponies are in such dire circumstances, then they wouldn't have the resources and likely not the time to be making such huge leaps. To go back to A Thousand Year Change, there, the moon ponies could build hover tanks and weaponised laser guns and a device that breaks Equestria's magic... but they have no way to produce water. Which is what they actually need. Meaning that that, somehow, is impossible (keep in mind, they were close to making a frikkin' time machine), or they're working towards things they explicitly don't need while ignoring stuff they desperately require. So, either it's very contrived, or the characters are being complete idiots.

It's even more pressing with military matters. Why on earth (pardon the pun) would the Lunar Republic need advanced weapon programmes, tactics, and a well-equipped and -drilled fighting force when there are no enemies threatening them? That's just wasteful. It makes the moon ponies look stupid... again.

That second point, I would understand more if they, for example, feared an invasion by their Equestrian cousins. Like, their society is haunted by the idea that the earthbound ponies will find a way to the moon and finish what Celestia started or something. Or, if they were planning an invasion. That's more realistic anyway, I mean, with New Luna Republic stories going out of their ways to paint Equestria as a weak, pathetic joke filled with morons and yokels, why would they be afraid of them? They couldn't even get to the moon anyway. And by the way, unless the moon ponies did plan on attacking Equestria, using all these resources on their military budget while they also don't have water(!) is silly.

You will notice a lot of what I said mainly applies to A Thousand Year Change. That's because I'm trying to warn Amf about the pitfalls of that story. The ideas it put forward sound interesting, but they're horribly executed.

In short, having one side be so much more advanced can be illogical and detrimental to the story. If you want to stick to it, consider treating aspects of it as silly as they are, like keeping a strong military when there's literally not a single enemy around and you need those resources in other areas. Maybe they fear invasion, but then make the other side capable of threatening them at all. Or if they're too weak to be a credible threat, give an explanation why the Lunars are still afraid, like propaganda and/or bigotry. Or have the Lunars plan an invasion, but then treat them like potential warmongers, not saints. Don't do what ATYC did, which is spouting a message about both sides needing each other when one side is obectively superior and the other side, by the logic of the setting, only held them back.

9863449
Well here's another part of my own (slightly unlogical) logical.

Internal Conflict.
No nation can really go on to say that they had a internal Conflict that they had to deal with. Heck even the most 'peaceful country in the world' had to deal with a internal Conflict/ civil war. Most militaric weapons would be set to the Roman Empire times, or where you had Shields and swords. Once you have an internal Conflict, say a terrorist attack that contain the usage of gunpowder (which Can be extracted from fireworks) , you're going to have to upgrade your asernal then.

Also keep in mind that the Lunars for all they known had no idea of what Equestrians is like. When they left, they were only a small percentage of the population, with a total barely reaching 1 percent. So in theory you have let's just say a Lunar Population of the United States vs a Equestrian Population of countries like Russia or China. So that means more hooves to create things. Or at least that's their process of thinking. They have no idea that they still use papyrus, though they do use some type of technology for lightbulbs. The only reason they could theoretically go past 20th century would be this fear of Equestrians yet again destroying them. Like if they just got guns in the later of the 1000 years, (if we were to suppose that they followed a pattern of modernization similar to humans), then how far ahead (theoretically) are the Equestrians. Heck we all saw what happened to the German's in the Invasion of Russia, most noticably Stalingrad. The German's had better weapons, but yet the Russians would rush into certain death, just to give their country enough time to create the force to repel them. And it was winter. Why go beyond modern day and into the future? Well if a War Machine like Germany got defeated by the underdog of Russia (you have to understand that even Stalin knew that the Russians were barely starting to industrialized z their army expected to be prepared for war and need another year or two for it but then the German's came) and let me tell you, they actually had plans for rockets (no Jimmy, attack missile not your spaceship) as well (they were never put to the way they wanted as the Allies get destroying them as they knew it was OP at the time), while Russia had a lower standard of military (heck the main reason in Stalingrad the Russians kept coming without guns was because they had none ) but yet their numbers were able to win, imagine the Lunars vs Equestrians. They know that just like their own country, something could've happened that would've forced Equestrians to go through the same thought process (luckily for them Equestria had seen hundreds of years of peace), or something else happened that would've given Equestria a good enough technology, that they could compete with the Lunars by sheer number, before they destroy them. And remember Lunars aren't really Keen to attacking, the Equestrians were the first to attack before the divide. So we'd be seeing first Equestrians seeing how their technology compares, see it fail, and they go back home while the Lunars, stupidly wait (unless they actually proceed to counter which would be held back by a much larger force for a while as each pours in more) and then they return with a relatively good army that while can't knock them out completely, if this were to be a T Story, you can bet that the Equestrians would try everything they can to make the war as costly as it can get. I would expect in the actual war Kamikaze (Kamizaki?) Attacks, Missions that would appear suicidal, Equestrians taking out Lunars (or at least trying to) with a massive bang. Yeah I would expect that in the actual scenerio. And you must remember that one of the only reasons the Lunars would pain forward would be to reach Discord's statue and to be there when he emerges to instantly defeat them, hence even further development of tech.

And I'm sure this probably has both logic and fanfic in it.

9863449
Oh. I just realized that I accidentally had flipped onto your side with my argument. My arguments usually are a double edge sword .

Analyzing it well, I see what you mean. Equestrians, they're dumb, at least for the unicorns. Having being known as the master race, they've usually slacked off. But that doesn't mean they can't create better technology. It makes no sense in my opinion, for the show to show literally lightbulbs, then steam trains, and then Roman Styled Armour. Perhaps they value more about commodities, but then a counter would be the trains themselves. But in all necessity, none of them needed anything more than they have. They have been in peace for centuries, and their military is quite lazy. Perhaps that could be a lazy excuse for some for the lack of aid from the royal guards.

But what makes this story confusing, is the time gap between the original Nightmare Moon Banishment and the Departure. We have from a year to ten years difference, which could drastically change the political and militaric landscape or the nation.

The Lunars consists of Thestrals, Changelings, Yaks, and Ponies. Yeah, while we don't know the relation between Thestrals, Changelings and Yaks with Equestrians, it's safe to assume that again if we compared it to the human world, the Thestrals would be seen as abomination and thus would be hunted. Under the rest of Luna's followers they would protect this hated subspecies, risking their own lives. Each viewed each other as abomination. The superstition of the Equestrians who believed that these yaks and changeling only wanted more land and the Lunars seeing the Equestrians as tyrants would always mark their minds forever. Due to this 'civil war', military technology would increase, though not by much, though clearly the Equestrians has the advantage. They were the mother country, they had the supplies, resources, hoof power, and weapons needed to lead a successful campaign against the Lunars, with possibility to exterminate them. Once this point is about to be reached, and with nothing being done, assuming (and that's where the main problem is) that Celestia does nothing about it, Luna would leave along with the rest of her colony to the moon.

Neither side is a saint, we can agree. No one is a saint, heck the alicorns aren't either. Equestria had tried to kill the Lunars, who were basically brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, cousins, relatives, and friends before this all began. For the ponies and even Thestrals, they were all from the same blood. And yet they had attempted to wipe them out.

The Lunars are no better. If someone says that their country is perfect, then they're a mad person. The US, we usually think about freedom, but look at all the inequality. Heck it was the 20th century and we still had to give rights to women. Many atrocities were made, the Klu Klux Klan, the Massacres, the Witch Hunts. Humanity has revolved around this system of fear, and so do they. The war would soon dwindle down to not who is stronger, who's better, but to ethics.

Which is why the editing is occuring, because we realized that this thing about Lunars being Superior to Equestrians might be true, but is not implemented as it should be. Check our history. The US freeing from the British, defeating a top nation called Spain, growing a huge economy in World War One, and becoming a Superpower in World War 2, and now being a representative of the United Nations. The Lunars follow a similar path, but just like the US, they are not clean from sin. Not are the Equestrians. The Equestrians still have hope to win, but whatever outcome is, the true victor in my opinion, is the one that stands up to their morals.

Right now I have no idea where I am, I'm bad at organizing, good in theorizing. If you want we can continue to debate. Because... I'm the editor. And the more opinion, the better

9863449
to concur with my editor's previous points, yes we have taken into account these criticisms, albeit in retrospect. And believe me, we are not doing the same thing as "The Thousand-Year Change" I've always been known for taking a used Idea and putting a spin on it to make it different. hence why we are revising the story, it's still a work in progress. we've also been thinking of ways that can make this war seem more "fair" hell, Shadic even suggested Blueblood using the mirror and Sunset Shimmer to get guns from the human world to even the odds(not a spoiler because I am still on the fence about it.)

And also to answer your question on the resources, the LR has trees as seen in chapter three, this means they didn't come unprepared, that will be made clear in the next chapter which will be up as soon as we are finnished revising the original chapters.

and to deter you from calling the L.R. "perfect" among its citizens are Chrysalis, Cozy glow, and the Flim Flam brothers. also while they are less prone to attack, Lunars are also less inclined to mercy.

9863947
Though now thinking about it, the portal idea is cool, but could it be implemented well?
9863449
Though now thinking about it, the portal idea is cool, but could it be implemented well?

9863985
IDK, thats why I haven't given you a concrete answer yet.

9863985
9863947
The portal idea can be interesting, sure. Might be a problem to get guns through since non-magical items tend to be transformed or just go poof! Plus, just making it all about guns when there's so much magic, isn't that wasted potential?

Anyways, a lot of the points you bring up are exactly what I think this story would benefit greatly from. It'll make the conflict more interesting and give both sides more depth.

9864559
They would just need the blueprints
9864346
They would just need the blueprints

9864589
Hmm... that might not actually be all that practical, depending on Equestria's level of technology. If the type of weapon is so different from what they can produce with what they have, or what they developed so far. We know ponies have party cannons, but do they have regular, black powder cannons too? Those have been around in our world for thousands of years, so they might, or they might not. Going for gunmaking could be more effort than it's worth, especially in wartime. Not saying it's impossible, mind.

Of course, they could try to use magic. Of course, they could also try to just make magical weapons. Personal bias here, but I tend to think it's a shame whenever MLP stories go for plain old guns when they have all that magical potential, you know? I've never seen anyone pick up the ice archery idea, for example. Or, say... a device powdered by pegasi that shoots lightning at enemies. We know pegasi can and do use lightning (and other weather) as weapons.

Magic offers wonderful ways to get creative. Why not capitalise on them?

Oh, one more thing: Sunset Shimmer, if they do recruit her, would be a good way to breach the gap, so to speak, and/or come up with new weapon types. Using inspiration from the human world to create things with Equestrian resources. Like the idea above, with the lightning, that's essentially a C&C Tesla Coil turret.

9865489
Yeah it is difficult and maybe it is impractical to use, like the Pegasi could've created Tesla Towers, but that would require time and stuff. The point of the mirror is to give them a sudden boost in military knowledge. If ever Equestrians would rise again as a power, then I might want to include that.

Remember RD and Stormy and their Lightning?

9865489
Because I want to make it fair. Or try to. Yes they are cheating somewhat but the Lunars also suddenly got a tech boost so that's no prob. Doing this at 5:30 AM in the morning so I'm not really thinking straight

9865544
Sure. Whatever they can apply to their situation would be useful. A really unscrupulous leader could use it to actually pull people-turned-ponies through to throw at an enemy... only they're kinda useless for a week or so before they get a hang of their new bodies. And that's kinda big enough to be a story on its own! :rainbowlaugh:

I like what Amf mentioned 9719825 there, about Equestria having allies. It'll need some work put in since Equestria has so far been presented as the racist faction, whereas the moon ponies are all open-minded and such. It's not impossible to pull off, like, the LR's isolation having fed paranoia and suspicion against outsiders, but they don't see it because they've always defined themselves as the 'good guys' who were persecuted in the past while Celestia worked to reach out to other peoples following Luna's self-imposed exile.

9866054
Agreed. Want to move this to PM or want AmF to also join

9866113
Well, feel free to message me if you think I can help in any way! I'll do my best!

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