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Fighters for The Right to Publish Stories Involving Characters of the Species Homo Sapiens and Against the Unequal Treatment of Fimfiction Users Through The Introduction of Gold Accounts and Against Any Other Changes To Fimfiction.net Made by Poultron1,223 stories ·466 members
SugarMac18 stories ·36 members

E

Heart Filled Picnic

Big Macintosh is bringing Sugar Belle over to Sweet Apple Acres for a visit. So, a visitor prepares a picnic for them.

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NaiadSagaIotaOar

NaiadSagaIotaOar #1 · Jan 30th, 2019 · · ·

I'm a bit confused by this. May I ask what you were hoping to accomplish with this story?

A grammar nitpick, too:

“Nope.” Big Mac replied.

This might be confusing, but this sentence, and many others in the story are technically wrong: when you follow dialogue with, like, a 'he said' or some other dialogue tag like that, you end the dialogue with a comma, not a period. So something like:

"Nope," Big Mac replied.

Would be correct, as would something like:

"Nope." Big Mac shook his head.

In the latter, 'shook his head' isn't a dialogue tag, so a comma is fine there.

Brian Sheil #2 · Jan 30th, 2019 · · ·

Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep that in mind.

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