After his mother's death, Thunderlane ponders how to tell his younger brother Rumble about this. And Rumble doesn't even know what death is. Will Rumble be able to understand the older brother? Will Thunderlane be able to find a common language with Rumble?
You should really take the 'in' out of the title. "Thunderlane, I need in you" sounds like a clop fic title.
9263127
Really? O God! Sure I will change.
Good start and so sad. I used that background too. Makes me wonder what happened to their father.
9263323
Well, about father ... I think he just didn't like his kids and his wife. He didn't care. But in principle, Thunderlane and Rumble are not too worried about it, because their mother was more expensive. Mom raised them and took care of them. And father ... wasn't with them, when Thunderlane and Rumble grew.
9263580
Makes sense. In that case I'd suggest he's mentioned in the first chapter, so people aren't confused about him
9263587
I just don't know how to describe it. I mentioned him a little at the beginning. What else do you think is missing?
9263596
Ah, sorry I overlooked the mentioning of their father, thus wondering why he wasn't mentioned.
9263604
it's okay.
This should be an interesting read, given that I lost my own mother a month ago.
9296833
Oh my God. I'm really sorry about your mom.
Let me guess, Bluescreen? Anyway, I knew their feeling, lost my cat back in 2012, was like a little brother to me. And something I noticed.
The space and shouldn't it say She was, and now she's gone?
9298862
O yes. I will change
9298862
I chanded
9298862
And I am really sorry about your cat.
9298875
It's okay. I actually gave my cat a tribute in my first story, naming the cat of the main character after it.
I usually hate my morbid curiosity, but not today! Seriously, this was a nice sweet short story.
9320028
Really? Thank you so much for your comment :)
This is a really good story That is so sad that his mother died.
9476488
Yes. You know, I am actually Russian, and first I wrote this story on Russian, and later I translated this story on English. So...then I did it, I cried.
9476495
Your Russian that’d so cool.
9476503
Спасибо [spasibo] .... It was "thanks" on Russian
:)