• Member Since 8th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 14th, 2023

lolnerd


who needs grammar

Comments ( 9 )

What the hell is going on? Like/dislike is way off compared to what little there is so far, although I do feel it to be lacking a little. I suppose it might have to do with the accent you've given the oc, as it did make it difficult to read the first 6 or so paragraphs. Maybe lighten it up a little? Idk.

9149391
:shrugs:
This chapter by itself probably doesn't make much sense unless you know whats going on, the next chapter clears up what the story is about for the most part.

Actual spoiler:
luna can not see or perceive Jade

How can this story have "kind of" non-con?

9154522
The implication is Jade may or may not have been involved with Lunas little session. Or she may have gone and run a bath instead. Luna not being able to perceive her and the chapter being from her perspective means that you couldn't know.

This is a really kool story. I mean it is a bit sad, but all in all the concept is awesome.

Interesting, really really interesting. Can't wait to read more, this is sure to be a tantalizing one :twilightsmile:

cool concept, but something about the grammar and tensing bugs me. I suggest getting an editor if you don't yet have one (or a better one if you do)

PS: the thing of Luna having a penis feels really tacked on, that type of thing really only works in a porn story, which this doesn't feel like. No kink shame, but whats the point, it doesn't seem to add anything to her character, it's just kind of there.

well, this is interesting

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