Shorts: Multiversal Fuckup
I groan as I hear this fucker go on about something. “... Like, who would say no to expertly made toilet papers!” The line has been going steadily until this asshat pony showed up.
“Who gives a shit!?” I yell,
“Well, the ones on toilets, that’s why they need the toilet paper!” He replies.
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” I yell in frustration, banging my head into the desk.
“You look like you need some relief, here, take some pocky!” The pony reaches into his saddle to take out a box. It’s something that looks like pocky. I look up and take a deep breath in. I take a breath out.
“Mother fucker, do I look like I want pocky?” I ask.
“... Maybe?”
“... Where the fuck are your papers?” I ask.
“Oh, I don’t have any,” the pony says. I feel an eye twitch as I stare at him in disbelief.
“...” I take a deep breath in, and let it out. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” I yell in frustration and anger. I look at the pony with rage. “Get the fuck out before I shoot your ass!” I yell. He gulps and leaves quickly, leaving a dust cloud in the shape of him. “Oh thank Christ on a bike!” I yell in salvation as I brace for the sweet relief of silence. However, that brace was useless. No sooner had I yelled that, a crackling noise sounds around me. “Oh for fuck’s sake!” I yell exasperatedly. “What the hell could it be this time?!” I feel a tingling sensation before a blinding light fills my vision. Almost immediately, everything feels different. I blink a few times to clear my vision, before looking up at two tall figures. I can’t seem to make out what they are, other than the fact that there’s a huge white figure, and the black figure is about half her size.
“Oh my,” the white figure says. “This is an interesting specimen.”
“Should I kill it? I don’t like how it just ripped through time and space,” the other growls.
“What the fuck?” I ask out loud. I look around. “Where dafuq- am I dead!?” The other two figures remain silent as I panic slightly. “Did that toilet paper fucker inject me with something!? The fuck happened to my office!?”
“Oh, he’s that Anon,” the black figure says.
“I figured. He’s supposed to show up about now. However, I think he’s about to leave,” the white figure says. I was about to ask what the fuck that means, but then the damn light blinds my vision again.
“Ah! God dammit!” I yell, rubbing my eyes.
“W-what the-“ I look up to see that I’m in a hallway that looks like a Royal Guard’s barracks. In front of me is a grey alicorn with long blac and purple hair, with his wings being tipped in purple. “Who are you!? Actually, no, the buck are you!?” He asks.
“Um, yo, I’m Anon,” I start. “Where the fuck am I?” The alicorn sputters for a little bit before looking furious.
“Are you trying breaking into my mother’s room!? What in the buck are you planning to do to Princess Luna!?” Before he could continue, a blinding light fills my eyes.
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” I yell for the third time, rubbing my eyes.
“... What the Nether?” A voice asks. I blink out the light and see a- oh, nope, never mind, I’m fucking blind again!
“Goddammit!” I yell, rubbing my eyes. “What the fuck is going on!?” I open my eyes again to see a table with a terrified looking Rainbow Dash, and a maniacal Pinkie Pie standing over her with a giant saw, looking at me. Her mane is flat. Not good. Thankfully, the flash happens again, causing me to both feel slightly relieved as well as pissed off that this shit’s still happening. I open my eyes again to see a ruined city, some demon looking thing and a demonic Discord stomping and punching buildings with a swarm of Rainbow Dash robots yelling, “Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag.” I seriously have no idea what to expect now. Just as suddenly, I see the blinding flash again. “Whoever’s doing this, please fucking stop!” I start rubbing my eyes again.
“Who are you mortal?” A deep, growling voice asks. I stop and look up to see a sort of human-like entity in front of me, sitting on a throne. The only part that makes me aware of the fact that he’s not human, is the fact that he looks like Cthulhu.
“What the fuck?” I ask.
“Is that truly your name?” It asks.
“What- no, that’s fucktarded,” I say. “But who and what the fuck are you?” The creature growls and stands up. It is immediately apparent that it is taller than me by four feet.
“I am Cthulhu,” it says...
Meanwhile...
Twilight hums as she keeps using a spell from her book. “I don’t get it, it says look at the target, focus, and-“
“Um, Twilight?” Spike interrupts, looking at the picture Twilight’s holding. “Why are you using Anon’s picture?” Twilight snaps her attention to the little dragon before looking at the picture.
“It was the first thing I grabbed,” she says, shrugging, shortly before casting the spell again.
“... What if you’re focusing on Anon?” Spike asks.
“Don’t be silly Spike, the range on this spell is-“ Twilight glances at the book and gasps. “... Oh no...”
Meanwhile...
Crhulhu and I laugh as I continue my story. “... And then, then, this dude had the balls to say, ‘That’s the no zone for me’, and fuckin’ yeets the fuck out!” I say, quickly laughing as Cthulhu laughs.
“Your company is certainly entertaining,” the entity says, curling his mouth-tentacles into something like a smile. “I must say, you are possibly one of the first beings that I have not eaten in five minutes.”
“Can we keep it that way my dude, I kinda want to fucking live,” I say.
“What’s the point of living when your life will mean nothing?” It asks.
“Do I look like Socrates mother fucker?” I ask, quirking an eyebrow.
“Do you simply ignore the inevitable truth?” Cthulhu asks.
“Yes, and no.”
“Do you truly believe in both?”
“I don’t know,” I say, shrugging.
“So then why bother answering?”
“Because I might be dead before I even grow old, so why not?” I ask. “Well, it was nice talking to you, but I think I might be flung out of this place pretty soon.”
“Very well creature, I hope we meet again.” Just like that, my vision goes white.
“Fuck, that hurts,” I mutter.
“A-Anon? Are you okay?” A familiar, Bitchy voice asks. I blink to get my vision back and I look around. It’s the crystal castle. I frown as I see Twilight in front of me, who looks nervous. I see a spell book by her side.
“Did you keep teleporting me?” I ask irritably.
“M-maybe?”
“... You better have money for me to get home.”
I sigh out of boredom. It’s been a couple days since the incident, and I’m back to my usual routine. Lucky didn’t believe my story of multi-universe travel, but she allowed it. Barely. Anyway, I was about to let another entrant in when a purple-ish portal opens in the room in front of me. Coming in, steps a familiar figure. “Anonymous the human,” a guttural voice says.
“Cthulhu? That you my dude?” I ask. The figure fully steps in, confirming my suspicions. This time, he’s wearing a blue robe with yellow accents around his body. “Damn dude, that robe’s looking fleek on you, not gonna lie,” I say.
“Thank you, I had gotten it from this world yesterday.”
“So, why are you here?” I ask in confusion.
“I feel like it is polite to go through this... Checkpoint? Was that the term?” He asks.
“Yep. Do you have passport?” I ask.
“...”
“... Sorry buddy, can’t let you in,” I say apologetically.
“Heh, even though I am the immortal Cthulhu?” He asks with a slight joking tone.
“Since you’ve confirmed it, I think now I really can’t let you in,” I say. “Sorry, but Buttface Sunlord will probably kill me if she knew I let you through.”
“Do not fret, it is a mortal trouble, I’m aware,” he says. He opens another portal and waves bye to me as he steps through.
“... What the fuck is my life?” I ask myself as the portal closes.
Stats
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
612 users online
926,202 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
look on the bright side, you had a chat good chat with chtulhu who according to his own words didn't kill you in 5 minutes o meeting him.
im betting that with a very pointy object, and Anon's anger he could possibly turn Twilight into a salt shaker!
Call me kooky, call me crazy, but now I want to see what would happen if Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner tried to pass through.
9869377
An anthropomorphic one with a laser gun and flame thrower for hands?
Did my question from the Q&A actually became a chapter?
I don't know whether to feel honor about that, or confused by what it became.
Right now it's 75-25
*Furrows eyebrows.*
...Hey Yellowtail, if you would, what exactly is that line referencing? Because I have a few guesses, but I'd rather ask you first.
When Cthulhu is just a bro.
9869484
I think i'm guessing a Minecraft thing
That's the only recent thing i know about currently that has a Nether dimension
Can anyone explain the various references? I don't I know all these stories.
Yeah, the story could use a bit of a break fron the war. Or more of his daily life.
And surprise surprise, its another instance of Twilight screwing with Anon and never being sorry for it. But that's pretty much a core character trait for purplesmart at this point.
9869518 I agree. Half of the crossover fics in this site happen because she’s testing a new spell, drunk or both. The fact that her student is a mostly-functioning sociopath unnerves me.
I know, but, I, ugh, nevermind. Just me being weird. Ignore me.
Tis the plaything of a madman
lol cathulu as a buddy shows up latter with a pass port he issues to him self
Just as well that he didn't have a passport, Anon wouldn't have done his mental health any favors trying to read that...
For whatever reason I can’t help focusing on a version of cupcakes where it comes to a sudden stop due to multiversal intrusion and then Dash is let go because the mood was spoiled.
9869518
To be fair, she wasn't exactly doing it on purpose, and went about fixing the issue once she was aware. The scene also cut off abruptly, so she may very well have apologized afterwards.
Now, the Twilight from Universal Acceptance, that one had a level of Bitchiness to her. Granted, what was happening in that story was a convoluted mess and a half that neatly straddles the line between moral and acceptable evil, but it took her until she was directly confronted in the sequel and having her flaws shoved down her throat before she gave a half-hearted apology.
9869484
Let’s put it this way-
Everytime Anon was placed in some universe, it was just short enough that it was weird, but it was considered to just be a weird thing that happens. He probably showed up and was visible for less than two seconds.
9869518
9869591
Well, Anon had to have money from somewhere right? Twilight fixed the problem and sent him back with the money. Remember: Twilight might not have liked Anon, but she was still ever-so-slightly trying to patch it up.
9869483
Actually, I had always planned on Cthulhu being a sort of ‘kinda friend’ to Anon. If you look through the earliest comments, I even said they were drinking buddies. However, I dropped the drinking part.
9869783
Well, congratulations. Now I'm just more confused.
9869791
Fixed the problem? Sure. Actually apologized? That implies Twilight cares, and by all indications she doesn't. Aside from her entirely out of character attempt to get him his job back, after she found out that she was partially responsible for getting him run out of Ponyville by a mob she never showed remorse or attempted to make amends. Perhaps you're thinking of Spike? After he found out he was heartbroken. Anon and Twilight coexisting is one thing, but them being friends is laughable. Its part of her character at this point.
Though what I don't understand is why Celestia and Luna don't seem to care. When they found out their reaction was to place him into "Anger Management Therapy" under the authority of the unrepentant individual responsible for his anger. From that point on they never seemed to actually act like Anon's friends despite them previously being so.
All Hail the mighty Cthulhu!
pics.me.me/dont-settle-for-the-lesser-of-two-evils-vote-for-44871367.png
9869823
He was in Minecraft, probably in front of "The Player" too, who cursed "what the Nether" because, in a way, the Nether is the Hell in minecraft, so he actually said the equivalent of "What the Hell?"
It is both a pun, and a reference
9872112
9869484
Okay, so... It has just occurred to me that Steve in A Crafter’s Dream uses the same lingo, and now I feel stupid. I have been wondering for the past couple of days why that would catch your eye, other than being a Minecraft reference.
9873196
Yeah, Steve uses the same lingo, though he has, on a few occasions, said "what the hell?" He alternates between the two depending on the severity of the situation.
Anyways, thanks for clearing that up for me, and I hope to see more of your amazing work soon!
Ba-bye!
What the fuck was this little shot? I liked it always enjoy the randomness that is anon’s life.
I can't wait for my character to meet anon again
Caffeine and weirdness my friend. Caffeine and weirdness
9869369
In Cthulu's defense most people go insane in the first 30 seconds of just looking at him. Having a fruitful conversation with someone that doesn't is probably more rare than a shiny version of himself being captured by a pokemon trainer.
9885268
that part about Cthulhu is something I had forgot about.
Thank you for writing this great store. Every time I get on this site to read a new chapter my day is greatly improved.
Please make Cthulu a recurring character
I was going to ask why you hadn't just spliced this into the correct place, but by the end I realized IT IS PERFECTLY TIMED!!
And I vote for them to be drinking buddies
Guy: hey ya know any gods?
Anon: eh I'm friends with cuthulu
Guy: what!?
I think Twilight was actually just trying to pronounce the names of Ikea furniture. Thats where Cthulu came from. Don't know about the other crap though.
This phrase is oh so more relevant now thean ever before.
Okay, I genuinely think I should know who the alicorn is supposed to be. I'm also curious about the white and black shapes, but the alicorn OC is relevant to my hobby.
I'm just picturing Twilight going "uh-" and anon cutting her off going "Shut that shit up and just give it to me."
Soo how much crack were you doing to make this chapter
10751530
obviously enough crack to kill a small militia