Chapter 14: Therapy And A Fucking New Year (End of Arc 1)
“Oh. Fucking. Hell. No." I start walking away, only to be teleported back. Twilight is confused as all hell. Celestia sighs.
"If you refuse-" I cut off her off with a loud scoff as I look at her.
"You'll what? Stop paying me? Well you can't, because I quit." I start walking away again, only to be teleported back. Again.
"But, what will you do for-" Now I cut Luna off.
"Considering how many bits you throw at my balls every week, I won't need a job for a while!” I confidently say. I start to walk away again.
“Anon, wait,” Luna pleads. I stop since they didn’t rudely teleport me back this time.
“What?” I gruffly ask, not looking back.
“Will thoust at least do this for us?” Luna asks. I finally look back to see Luna’s crying. This even surprised Celestia. “We hath seen thou’s dreams. We hath seen thou’s nightmares. We pleadeth that thou take this opportunity,” she begs. I keep my stance, but I am surprised on the inside. I didn’t know she looked into my dreams, considering that there are some spells or bits of magic that doesn’t work on me. She certainly never bothers me when I sleep, let alone interact with me. Has she really seen my dreams? Although, I don’t really mind them too much, considering they’re like a normal thing. However, I still consider those types of dreams problematic and private. I especially don’t like talking about it. It’s odd that she didn’t talk to me about them, but I guess she realizes I wouldn’t talk to her about it anyway. Awfully considerate for a pony, but this is an older pony we’re talking about.
“... Luna,” I begin. She looks at my eyes. “... Do you promise that this will be worth anyone’s time?” I ask. She nods. “Do you promise that if I get help from this idjit, then I’ll make someone else feel better?” I ask. She thinks for a little bit before nodding.
“Yes Anon, we believe that this is the correct course of action for you and everyone you know.” I look down, and think.
“... I have another question,” I start. Luna nods for me to continue while Celestia watches on with interest. “Why Bitchface?” I ask. Twilight starts to retort, but Luna beats her to the punch.
“If we recall correctly, she used to be the closest to thou, before her line of screwups,” she answers simply. This really shocks Twilight.
“Wait, I was-“ I toss a glare at her.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” I warn. I turn back to Luna. “She’s currently pissing me off the most, so how’s that supposed to help?” I ask. Luna smirks.
“We hath our reasons,” she replies.
“Gee, that is the vaguest, bullshittiest answer I have ever heard,” I say. Celestia giggles at my reaction, along with Luna.
“Anon, we really do have our reason for choosing her,” Luna says.
“... Fine,” I relent. I mean, she hasn’t bothered me about any of this before now, and we’ve been talking for a year. As pissed as I am about this, I kind of owe her since, to my knowledge, she hasn’t told anyone about my dreams. Ponies are crappy at keeping secrets when it’s not about them, but if Luna’s gone this long, my trust must have meant something to her. I dunno, maybe I’m subconsciously realizing this shit too and I’m trying to reason my stubborn-self that I’m in need of some fucking therapy from the one who was quite literally the shittiest person I know. Who knows?
“... I’m sorry, but what’s going on?” Bitchface finally asks, reminding me of her presence. Welp, now I’m miserable again.
“Twilight Sparkle, considering that you have access to knowledge of a more complex psychology that many other therapists do not possess, I hereby deem you worthy of being one Anonymous the Human’s therapist,” Celestia says. Hearing this, I am yelling a string of curses in my head, trying not to explode at that very fact.
I mean, c’mon, IT’S SO FUCKING STUPID!!! Whatever reason Luna has, it better be a damn good one.
“Wait, what?” The purple fucktard asks. “Isn’t that counter intuitive?”
“Hey, can I go back now? Whisk probably thinks I’ve been kidnapped or something,” I say with annoyance. Luna nods and her horn lights up.
I pop back into existence in front of Whisk and her family, who’re all wide eyed. “I’m baaack!” I exclaim like Cousin Kyle from South Park. Whisk tackle hugs me to the ground.
“What happened?” She asks, barely giving me enough airway to speak. I groan in pain.
“Turns out, Luna decided that the meeting was to be right now. They said I needed a therapist,” I rasp. Whisk loosens her grip and looks at me.
“Wait, really?” She asks with... is that fucking hope!?
“Why do you sound happy?” I ask bitterly. She coughs into her claw in nervousness.
“W-well, um, you’ve always been... well... ya know?” She asks. I squint my eyes, still on the ground.
“No, enlighten me,” I say. She gulps and looks off to the side while every griffon around us is confused.
“Well, you’ve always looked... tired, skinny, and I’ve noticed you’re really...” she trails off. I narrow my eyes further.
“Really what?” I ask.
“... Sad,” she finally says. I lose my gaze and blink in confusion.
“... Sad?” I ask.
“Yeah... Oh, um, we probably shouldn’t be talking about it here,” Whisk says, remembering where we are. I look around to see confused griffons. Including Bacon, who’s slowly smiling.
“Get a room lovebirds,” he says. All the griffins stop being confused and snicker at the joke. Whisk blushes and quickly gets off and stomps to her brother.
“Oh shut up! We don’t need a room!” She yells angrily. I smirk at Bacon as I decide to pitch in.
“Yeah, I own a house,” I mention for no reason. Whisk’s blushing fury turns to me as everyone starts laughing. The kids don’t understand a lick of it, but they just shrug and walk off to continue playing. Whisk stomps back over to me and bops my head.
“Don’t encourage him!” She chastises.
We continued to mingle with her family, all the way until five in the afternoon. We all bid our farewells. Except Maple, he wanted to spend a night at my place. Snowy didn’t mind, and Bacon, being the fun parent that he is, decided ‘why not?’
So, here I am, watching television with the best kiddo ever. He munches on the egg and cheese sandwich I made him while we watch a cartoon show called John and Berry. It’s about a dog that chases around a little duck with ridiculously convoluted traps and gadgets. You know. Like Tom and Jerry. I’m actually spaced out, thinking about what to argue with Celestia about my therapist.
“... Hey, Uncle Anon?” Maple starts. I blink out of my trance and look over to the curious kid. “You’ve seen a lot of griffons, right?” I nod. “Have any of them had any... cutie marks?” He asks. On the inside, I feel dread rise up. Griffons yearning for cutie marks isn’t uncommon, but it’s pretty much the start of having an existential crisis every night for the ones that want a big purpose in life.
“No,” I answer carefully.
“Really? Not even one?” He asks. I shake my head.
“Nope. Not a single one,” I bluntly say. I see Maple’s disappointed look and I immediately panic. “It’d be a shame if they did,” I randomly say. No wait, that sounds like the start of some good wisdom! Fuck yeah! Maple looks at me with confusion.
“Wait, why would it be a shame?” He asks.
“Well, the way I see it, if someone was given a cutie mark, they feel like they have to stick to that path at all times,” I wisely say. “Where I’m from, humans could do anything they set their mind to.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh. I’ve noticed that ponies tend to have a solid-stone mindset,” I continue. Let’s keep this bullshit train rolling!
“A solid stone mindset?”
“Yes, a mindset where they feel like they cannot do anything else with their lives other than that one thing their cutie mark says,” I say, nodding sagely. Maple looks at his sandwich in philosophical thought. I raise a finger. “But! It does not mean cutie marks are bad,” I say. Maple looks at me with more confusion. “I think, more than anything else, they are just pieces of advice for what they are to ultimately do with their lives.”
“... Huh, I guess that makes sense,” Maple says. He looks at me. “So, why is it that ponies get cutie marks?” He asks. Shit. Didn’t think that far ahead.
“Simple,” I state, racking my brain for an answer. Maple keeps his gaze on me as he awaits for his answer. “... Ponies are the only ones that would take advice from whatever plops down right in front of them!” Maple stares at me in confusion. Damn, I’m fucking Socrates today!
“What?”
“Well, I mean, how do ponies know it’s what they’re the most capable of?” I ask aloud. “It’s like they saw it, did it, and think that’s the end-all-be-all!” Now that I’m thinking about it, I probably should’ve tried acting like royalty, I might’ve swiped quite a few treasures and immunities. In any case, I stop and look down at a very confused Maple. “... Nevermind,” I mutter before we both return to the cartoon. Heheh. Cartoon violence masquerading as a family friendly show. I doubt having my hair ripped off violently would feel bad enough for me to simply scream in agony. I may be a man, but even I cry when I’m in pain. Just ask all of Ponyville when a cart ran over my foot.
It’s been a week, and Celestia sent Bitchface over to work with me. Therapy was decided to be every Sunday. I lay on the couch, spending my Sunday morning with Whisk’s cat. I absolutely refuse to acknowledge the fact that I’m the one who takes care of him. Oh yeah, we finally got a name for him. His name’s Kettle. Get it? Kettle’s a black cat?... Yeah, fuck you too. Anyway, I was lounging on the couch, with Kettle on my chest. I dozed off a few minutes ago, snoring slightly as Kettle just keeps his position. Everything’s at peace...
That is, until the door fucking slams open. This scares the shit out of the cat, as well as me. I feel claws dig into me before he jumps off of me. I scream in pain, rolling off the couch as I clutch my injured area. Dipshit gasps as she enters. “Oh my- what happened!?” She genuinely asks. I groan in pain before sitting up.
“Next time, don’t fucking slam the door open,” I groan out. I take my hand off from the scratch and look over to see it bleeding slightly. Not too deep. Twilight’s ears fold back.
“Wh-what-“ she gets interrupted by Kettle, who practically flies past her and out the door. She looks out in horror. “Your cat! It-“
“He’ll be fine. Kettle’s found my house more than enough times to know where it is,” I say, getting up. I need to disinfect the scratch. As I walk, Twilight follows me.
“Where are you going?”
“To the bathroom, I’m going to get some peroxide,” I mutter.
“Why?” She asks. I turn to her, and show the blood on my hand. It’s not really that big of a deal, but it hurts like a bitch. Her ears fold back as she beholds the consequences of simply opening the door like a regular goddamn person. “O-oh no, I’m so sorry, I-“
“Got into a little song and pepped yourself up to bring some sort of instant-courage for this meeting?” I knowingly guess, continuing my way to the bathroom. Twilight looks at me in amazement. I enter the bathroom, and spot the peroxide on the sink. Convenient. I grab it and I look around for some kind of cloth. “After living with you for a small while, it’s not hard to guess what you did when you’re excited,” I casually say as I grab a washcloth. Guess I’ll have to carefully pour it on me. I take off my shirt and step into the bathtub. Twilight walks in after me and sits beside the tub as I carefully poured a little peroxide on the scratch. It lands with a drip, and white bubbles immediately start forming, signifying that it’s killing the bacteria. Once it stops, I wipe it off and pour a little more. Twilight looks down as she thinks about what to do. Silence follows us as I clean the scratch.
Once it stops bubbling, I wipe it off again and get up. I step over Twilight to get some bandaids, noticing how deep in thought Twilight is. If I’m being honest, I kinda feel a smidge bad for my words for her earlier when she was at the Checkpoint. Not bad enough to feel guilty, mind you. I just wish she didn’t appear that day. I actually would have liked to hear that apology, but that was not the day for it.
Twilight and I sit in my living room, on the opposite ends of the couch. I sit on the right, while she sits on the left. We’ve been sitting in an uncomfortable silence for half an hour now. I just kinda space out as Twilight keeps thinking. Then, finally, she speaks.
“Anon, why was I picked to be your therapist?” She asks. I snap out of my thoughts and look over,
“Huh? Oh yeah, Luna was the one who wanted you as the therapist,” I explain. I cross my arms as I remember the day. “She didn’t tell me why despite how stupid it is. I don’t see how you’re going to help,” I bluntly say. Twilight winces, but nods. “Hell, I would prefer Derpy for this.”
“... Anon, when did everything start messing up?” Twilight suddenly asks. I start to retort to it with a smart ass comment, but I stop. When did we start going to shit? I mean, Twilight and I never really got along too much. She was more like an annoying sister before the shit hit the fan though. I hummed in thought as I tried to recall when it all started going bad. I remember that it started at a bake sale...
May 26, 20XIX
In Twilight’s castle, there’s a bake sale for the local school. Twilight’s in the main hall, where the event’s taking place. I, however, want to stay in bed. I groan in annoyance as Spike tugs on my sleeve while I laze in bed. I swear to Bejezus, I will slap the bitch outta him so hard, that he’ll move out of Twilight’s castle and be an independent dragon. “Anon! Come on! Twilight wants you to get up and join the bake sale today!” He says, fruitlessly trying to drag me.
“And tell her I said I couldn’t care enough to try,” I grumble. Twilight and I kinda fought last night, resulting in the bad mood I’m in this morning. She didn’t pay for the rebuild of my house, after she had apparently wanted to send a document to Celestia, but because I slept there, some magic resistance I had was rubbed off around the place. Spike felt bad, but I assured him he was fine, since Twilight could have simply asked me about the house. Oh wait, she did, and I couldn’t answer the questions anyway. Ugh, well, granted, my house wasn't a masterpiece, but it was my only house. Damn mayor wouldn’t let me have a house. Anyway, I’m sure some of the ponies from outside might have overheard it. Thus, I’m not going to go out when ponies think Twilight’s angry at me.
“Look, I rarely ever bother you and you rarely bother me, but I promise this can be one of those ‘eye for an eye’ situations,” he says. I groan and roll over, facing away from him in my comfy-ass-bed. “You can bother me for a day!”
“No,” I respond. Spike groans and lets go of me to face palm.
“You know what, tell me. Tell me what it will take to get you up,” he says defeatedly. I scoff, still facing away.
“Get a petition,” I sarcastically say. Spike stops and grins.
“Really?” He asks.
“Yes,” I say, sarcasm still there in full force. It flies over his head apparently, as he smiles.
“Alright! I’ll go ask Twilight if I can petition then!” He declares, scampering off. I quickly fall to sleep as my annoyance left. He’s a good kid, but he can be annoying as hell.
Present
“... and the next time I woke up, the mayor had a pitchfork up my ass,” I say. I look over at Twilight, who’s thinking.
“... I see...” she trails off as she pieces her part of the day to mine. Suddenly, she sighs and facehoofs. “... I think I know what happened...”
May 26, 20XIX
Twilight sighs in relief as she sees the nice turn out at the bake sale. Applejack’s selling apples, of course. Derpy set up a stall to sell muffins. Sweetie Belle also set up a stall, but all of her goods were burned to a crisp. The students from Twilight’s school also joined in to help. Silverstream’s baked goods were soaking, Yona’s were smashed to bits, Gallus tried making scones, Oculus had changeling goop, Sandbar has... brownies... and Smolder has gems. Sandbar’s brownies were getting sold left and right while everyone else’s were still waiting to be touched. Twilight’s just glad that the bake sale was going well, for the most part. Earlier, Smolder accidentally set fire to one of the stalls, which spread, and Twilight had to come in to stop it. Twilight frowns as she sees that a particular human isn’t present in the crowd of ponies.
She’s still a little mad at how Anon talked to her, but she couldn’t really scold him for it. After all, she set his house on fire. She silently reminds herself to test Anon’s magic resistance some more later. Suddenly, she feels someone tug her tail. She looks over in confusion to see Spike with a smile. “Okay, he said he’ll come out once we petition him to!” He says. I smile widely.
“Wow! That was easier than I thought!” She exclaims. Honestly, she wishes Anon would just come out of his shell more, and this is the one time her wish will come true! She just knows it!
Present
I stare at Twilight in shock after she tells her side of the morning. Not the usual kind of shock though. The, ‘I’m not sure if I want to keel-haul you, or personally strangle you’ kind.
“Oh my fucking-“ I cut myself off to face palm with both fucking hands. Yep. DOUBLE facepalm. That’s how fucking pissed I am.
“I-I know,” she says, rubbing a foreleg with her hoof. She looks up at me. “So, what happened next?” She asks. I sigh.
“Well...”
The same morning...
I snore peacefully in my bed as I sleep off my problems. After being pissed off all of last night, I didn’t really sleep. Probably should’ve told Spike that. Oh well. Anyway, as I sleep, my door opens and closes.
I feel something poke me, and I wake up just enough to know someone’s talking. I sit up slowly, yawning and stretching. “Spike, I told you I wasn’t leaving,” I mutter.
“Anonymous the human,” starts Mayor Mare’s voice. My eyes open slowly to see the mayor in my room, in front of a crowd of angry ponies that spill out into the hall. “There has been a petition, and everyone has agreed that you should leave.” I look at the formal mayor and snort.
“Can you go away? I’m tired and I-“ the mayor pulls a fucking pitchfork from seemingly nowhere and points it at me.
“I am warning you human-“
“Fuck off,” I say, shortly turning over to go back to sleep. That is, until Mayor Mare starts walking towards me. Unfortunately, she actually loses her balance and she accidentally rushed her pitchfork forward in an attempt to stop her fall. The pitchfork stabs my ass.
I scream in pain and all the ponies wince and cringe at what they just witnessed. I reach around and take out the fucking weapons and I jump out of bed and glare at everyone. “What the hell!?” I yell. One pony comes up, pissed.
“We want you to leave!” He yells. All the ponies agree by yelling and showing their pitchforks and torches. I cross my arms and keep my glare.
“What have I ever done to-“ I get interrupted by a rock thrown at me, striking my face. I stumble back, grabbing my face as I feel pain. Silence fills the room, even the ponies that were angry moments ago suddenly shut up. I take my hand away to see a good spot of blood. I just stare at the blood with no expression as one pony comes up.
“A-are y-“
“You want me to leave?” I ask, sounding a little dead. The pony stops and I look up, feeling the small trail of blood on my face. “I’ll fucking leave them.” I went around my room as everyone silently watches, grabbing whatever I needed with a dangerously calm attitude. I pull out a suitcase that I was planning to use way later on. I wanted to move from Ponyville anyway, but since they’re willing to beat the crap out of me, I’m getting out. Damn fucking racist bastards. I hope to Hell that I don’t have To see them after this.
“U-um, d-do you n-need any-“
“Shut the fuck up.” I calmly say, packing my clothes and the little bit of money I had. I actually would have moved away sooner, if it wasn’t for the fact that I got paid less by everyone here. Something about ‘a law that has specific paying requirement’. It’s absolute bullshit, and since almost everyone in this this town hates me, I doubt I can really do anything about it. I finish up the packing, and start walking out. When I get out of the crowd, I turn to go through the hallway that leads out of the castle. As I’m walking, I see Twilight coming up at the far end of the hall. Her head’s in a fucking book as always. She looks up to notice me and looks back down quickly. It seems she doesn’t notice the blood. I keep walking.
“Anon! Glad to see the petition worked!” She says cheerfully. I freeze at those words.
“... You made the petition?” I ask.
“Yep! We made a petition for you to get out!” Twilight says, still not looking up. My hands grip the suitcase tighter in anger.
“... I see. In that case, fuck you, fuck your bullshit, and fuck this shit-hole,” I say angrily. I go back to walking out of the castle.
“Wait, wha- hold on, why do you have a suitcase-“ I turn the corner and keep walking as I hear Twilight’s voice fade.
Present
Twilight stares at me in shock. “I-I don’t-“ she stammers. She puts her head in her hooves and goes into thought.
“I still can’t believe Spike fucked it up,” I mutter. It’s easy to piece together. Spike must’ve left the ‘out of a room’ part in his ‘Get Anon out’ petition. To know that this was all a monumental misunderstanding because of the fact that I wouldn’t get my lazy ass up. I face palm with both hands. Well, I can’t really get mad at a kid.
“... Anon, I just- I just want to- Oh my Celestia, I had no idea,” Twilight says, apparently the weight of the situation is finally hitting her. I don’t care, however. I still have a question.
“Twilight, how did you not know this?” I ask in my hands, still face palming.
“... No one told me what happened. Spike said everyone just got mad, and then someone asked who made the petition. When I said I did, everyone got mad at me!” Twilight rambles. “No one ever told me what I did, they just said it was my fault! I thought you ran away just because you didn’t want to get up!” I take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out.
“So, basically, this was one huge fuck up after fuck up,” I say. Twilight nods. Well, now I kinda feel bad. Not enough to warrant an apology, but I kinda feel bad. I sigh and sit back.
“... Anon, what happened after you went away?” Twilight asks. I sigh.
“Well... I couldn’t afford a train ticket, so I just walked along the railroad. Took me quite a few days to get to Manehatten...”
May 30, 20XIX
I walk on the right of the railroad, carrying a suitcase as I feel the sun practically kill me with its heat. “This is so fucking stupid,” I mutter, never missing a step. “I hope the next place I get to isn’t as bullshit as Ponyville.”
I continue my trek for quite a while. I don’t know how long I was out there for, but I remember snapping out of my dark thoughts when a hoof nudges my leg. I blink in surprise before turning to see a train next to me, as well as a familiar orange pony. “Anon! Why in Equestria are ya here!?” She asks loudly. I flinch and cover my ears.
“Ow.”
“Oh, sorry, I’ve been calling ya for a good half-hour. You never responded, you just kept walking. I assumed ya’ll were deaf,” she says. I nod. “Now, again, why are ya here sugarcube? I asked around where ya were when you didn’t show up for work, but everypony said ya’ll took the train.”
“Yeah, well, I’m here because I couldn’t afford a train to Manehatten.”
“... Come again?” Applejack asks, confused.
“Well, apparently the ponies in Ponyville were so upset about me, that they ran me out of town,” I explain. Applejack blinks.
“Really? Is that what they did yesterday?” She asks. Huh. I spent a day by the railroad.
“Yep.”
“I was wondering why everypony was mopin’ around. Don’t worry though, I’m sure this is all a misundersta-“
“No.” Applejack stops and looks up at me with confusion. “There is no way in hell I’m going back,” I say. Applejack frowns.
“Sugarcube, don’t worry, once I talk to Twilight-“
“Flash news, she’s the one who petitioned me out of town,” I deadpan. Applejack’s jaw dropped.
“What?”
“Yeah. She literally gave the town an opportunity to run me out, and it worked.”
“Hold on, are you sure-“
“SHE SAID SO HERSELF!!!” I yell in anger. Applejack flinches back as I grip the suitcase tighter. “SHE SAID SO HER-FUCKING-SELF!!!” I shut my eyes tightly as I feel my anger boiling. I try to calm down, but to no avail. Applejack stares at me silently as I try to calm down.
“... It’ll be alright,” she says softly. I try to just breathe in and out, but my breaths are too sharp. Applejack slowly trots over to me, and takes my hand in her hoof. I open my eyes and look at my former boss. She has a sincerely concerned look. “It’ll be alright sugarcube, okay?” I stare at her for a good minute before sighing. “Alright, come on now...”
Applejack and I sit in the train she was in, though she paid for my ticket. I sit idly on a cushioned seat, across from her. She keeps her stare out the window, watching the various bits of scenery pass. I have my hands together, staring at the ground, trying to think of what I should do. Running away was a stupid idea. Here I am, penniless, jobless, and I’ll have nowhere to go once I get to Manehatten. I sigh, trying to just calm down. I’m twenty eight, I should act my age. Of course, I’ll still fucking curse, but I need to be calm about this. “... You know, I was visiting some family in Manehatten,” Applejack says suddenly. I blink and look up to see her smiling, gazing out the window. “The Oranges. A right nice group of ponies.”
“... Okay?”
“... Just saying, they might need some help at a general store,” she says. I quirk a brow.
“What? Like a cashier?”
“Yup. It’s minimum wage, but it’s a nice temporary job.” I keep my slight frown as I look out the window.
“I’ll figure something out by myself,” I say. Applejack chuckles.
“Ya’ll say that, but what does that phrase really amount to?”
“Nothing to you ponies, I’m sure,” I mutter. Applejack sighs.
“Look, I’m just offering a hoof to somepony who needs it,” she says. I scoff.
“Well then, keep looking for that pony,” I bitterly say.
“... I’m willing to lend a hoof to somehuman,” she says. I just look over at her, slightly amused. She keeps her gaze out the window. Silence follows between us, until I chuckle.
“Fine, just don’t say ‘somehuman’ again. It’s weird,” I concede. Applejack smirks.
“Fine by me.” I look back out the window.
“So, why aren’t you trying to talk me out of this?” I casually ask.
“Because you sound like you genuinely need to be away from Ponyville,” Applejack replies. I nod. “I know Ponyville isn’t the nicest of towns. Remember Zecora?” I scoff.
“Yeah...”
Present
Twilight and I sit next to each other on the couch now, as I finish up telling her about the road to Manehatten. I suddenly stop as I realize something. “... Why hasn’t Applejack told me about the whole mix up?” I wonder outloud. Twilight sighs.
“I’m willing to bet that she thought it would be best for us to figure it out.”
“... Fair enough,” I concede. Speaking of Applejack, I need to pay her a visit. For the past year, she’s been busy with either teaching, farm chores, or monster attacks. Letters aren’t cutting it anymore. Twilight looks at me with curious expression.
“So, what happened after that? Did the job do well?” She asks. I scoff.
“Nope...”
May 28, 20XIX
The light orange pony-manager of ‘General Orange’ sits behind a desk, kind of nervously. I sit in a chair across from him as he straightens his papers and turns on a desk lamp. He clears his throat as he looks at me.
“I’m sorry Mr Anon, but you’re not really...” the manager stops to think of an appropriate word.
“... a pony?” I offer cynically. The manager’s eyes opened wide.
“Wh-what!? No! Certainly, most definitely-“ Goddammit, ponies are the worst liars.
“Holy shit, I didn’t know you’re racist too,” I comment, getting up. He sighs.
“I’m sorry, but the ponies in Manehatten are easy to scare,” he says. I roll my eyes.
“Bullshit, they didn’t even bat an eyelash when I walked in. You’re the first one who started making this a problem,” I point out. He stammers.
“O-oh, I-I uh-“
“So you know what? Fuck this, fuck your bullshit, and fuck you,” I say as I walk out the door. He sighs as I leave.
I walk out of the building, seeing Applejack immediately. She’s worried.
“Your cousin’s literally the only racist pony in this entire fucking city,” I say. Applejack sighs.
“Darn it Or-Seed,” she mutters. She sheepishly smiles at me. “I’m so sorry about him, he’s always the paranoid one in the family.”
“It’s okay, I’ll just try my luck with retailers. There’s a load of them around the city from what I’ve seen,” I say. “It’s a fucking miracle I’ve only encounter one pony unwilling to talk to me.”
Applejack and I wander through the streets in the daytime, look out for job openings and such. “I heard Shears is pretty nice!”
“If it’s like my world, it won’t be for long.”
“What about Farget?”
“Excuse me, Farget? Hell no.”
“Umm... Wallcart?”
“I’ll be a greeter.”
“So, that’s a no then. Alright, how’s about Neighgreens?”
We continue to go through a list of pony-bootlegs until I look over to see a construction site. It seems to be a remodeling of an old building. I wonder if they got any openings. I walk over to one of the guys as Applejack follows me. “Yo, you guys hiring construction workers?” I ask. The one closest to me with a clipboard looks up.
“Huh? Oh, uh, no, not really,” He absentmindedly says. I walk over to the dude and look at the clipboard.
Whiskey’s Hay
I scoff, making the guy look up at me. “That’s a stupid name. Why not something original, like ‘Whiskey Bay’ or something?” I ask. The guy smirks.
“I know what I’m doing, the bird-lady will totally be thanking me later!” He confidently says. I roll my eyes.
“It’ll bite your ass,” I warn as I walk off, Applejack in tow,
“... You know what?” Applejack says suddenly. I look over with a quirked eyebrow. “Let’s get something to eat. I haven’t eaten any breakfast, so this’ll be a good break!” I mull it over for a bit before nodding.
“Alright,” I say. I allow her to lead the way. We look around until we find this one diner. Old Timey’s Diner, to be exact. We got some waffles pretty quickly, which are delicious. As we eat, I notice a couple of ponies come in. One was a white pony with a zebra mare.
“... I cannot believe they called me soft!” He says. “You would think that after fighting for two years, I would be-“
“Calm down Spearhead, your anger may be right, but now is not the time for a ferocious fight,” she rhymes. I guess Zecora’s not the only one that rhymes.
“I know, but I mean, I’ve gone through rigorous training Zala!” Spearhead defends. The zebra chuckles.
“That you did, my honest love. Though, my parents will still slap you with a glove,” she says with a giggle. Spearhead looks at her in confusion.
“... What’s a glove?”
“A zebran word, that zebra don’t even know, but for now, let us make sure our hunger won’t grow.”
“Heh, okay,” Spearhead says. As they order from the old dude at the counter, I shake my head.
“Weirdo,” I mutter, going back to my waffle.
A Week Later...
Here I am in June, a cashier at Bit Tree. I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty fuckin’ crap. The seniors complain how there’s no senior citizen discount, the glass is so easy to break, it’s practically still sand, the windows are plastic, and I have to deal with coupons. In a bootleg-Dollar Tree. What the fuck. At least I have an apartment. It’s a class eight, which means it’s shit. The air conditioning is made of one bag of ice at the window, which gives me a nice ass view of a brick wall, and I’ve found five mice with suitcases that are leaving this shit hole. I’m not fucking joking. There’s a couch, a broken radio, and a broken fridge. The landlord fucking sucks too. He said he’ll have my monkey ass in a zoo if I don’t pay on time. So far, I’ve managed to afford beans to eat. Oh right, I also got a nice five-ounces of soup. Forgive me for not being gratuitous. I sigh as I lay on the couch. At least I have a roof and some food.
Present
Twilight gasps. “That’s horrible!” She exclaims. I shrug. “D-did you ever get another job before being a Passport Inspector?” I scoff.
“No, though, I didn’t keep that job for too long...”
November 1, 20XIX
I sigh as I look at my manager. “Look, I’m sorry, but I want to leave. This place is just shit,” I say. The manager nods understandingly.
“Alright,” He says. Silence follows as I wait for something else. “... What? Do you want some encouraging words or something?” He asks sarcastically. I smirk at the bluntness he shows.
“Nah, I just figured you want to curse at me or something,” I say. He chuckles.
“Nah, this Bit-Tree’s closing anyways. Not many ponies coming in anymore,” he says. He looks up in thought. “You know, if the border opened sooner, we might’ve been able to stay in business,” he says. He sighs. “However, the other creatures haven’t really trusted Equestria enough to come in. We’re going out of business anyway.” He looks at me with a hint of relief. “I’m glad I didn’t have to break it to you,” He says, smiling. I nod and get up.
“Great. Then, in that case, I hope you have a good day sir,” I say. He laughs,
“That’s the first sign of respect you’ve shown me,” He says, smiling. I smirk.
“Eh, a nice farewell gift,” I say.
I walk out of the store, shivering in the cold. Now, I just have to find a job this week. My money only covers the next two weeks. I sigh and think. Alright, I remember seeing some ads in the papers, this should go smoothly if I don’t fuck it up...
Weeks Later...
I groan in frustration at the amount of money I have left as I walk down a street. I couldn’t find anything. Nothing. I went ahead and sold most of my clothes, which were considered to be worth very little. I’ve skipped eating for quite a few days, but I was able to get some water. Today, I feel the hunger starting to gnaw at me. It’s not as bad as the last two times, but I can barely take it. I have to eat something. I wander around the streets of Manehatten, trying to find a bakery I saw. It was very cheap from what I saw the other day. I can probably get a couple pieces of bread. I finally spot the place and head towards it. I walk in, greeted with the smell of freshly baked goods, cakes, pastries, etc. I look across the chalkboard menu while the cashier checks up on what’s stocked. I freeze as I notice the various spelling errors.
Bred?
Baggutte!?
CoopCak!?
I stare incredulously. Not only were the names misspelled, but the prices went through the fucking roof! The bread was priced at fifty bits!?
“Sir, are you going to order anything?” The cashier asks. I look at him with a glare.
“Order!? I wish I could!” I yell. I point at the menu. “Problem is, I don’t know what half of this shit is!”
“Sir, please calm do-“
“Hell no!” I hear the sound of jingles behind me, indicating someone came in. “You misspelled ‘bread’ for Christ’s sake!”
“What’s going on here-“ I swerve around to see the princess of Equestria, Celestia.
“Fuck off!” I yell, turning back to continue yelling. “Also, the prices went sky-fucking-high! Yesterday, the bread was two bits! Now it’s fucking fifty!” Celestia scoffs.
“Excuse me-“ I swerve back to her to glare. She quirks an eyebrow at me.
“I’m not done, begone thot!” I yell. I turn back as Celestia looks confused. “Everything is more than ten times as expensive all of a sudden!” Celestia walks up beside me.
“Excuse me Sir, is what the ape-“ I glare at her.
“Call me ape again mother fucker and I’ll-“
“Is what the ‘human’ says, true?” She asks. I turn my glare back at the cheapskate. I know Celestia knows what the fuck I am, she was the one who accidentally brought me here with Purple-Bitch’s help. The cashier is wide eyed.
“I- Uh, no! Of course it’s not, um, true!” He says nervously. I turn to the solar princess.
“He’s bullshitting,” I say. Celestia looks at the menu and quirks an eyebrow.
“... Indeed he is,” she mutters, squinting at the menu. She blows on the board, only to find it all stuck there. The cashier clears his throat anxiously. Celestia’s horn lights up, and the face of the chalkboard peels away, revealing a layer underneath it. It was a sticker. I look at the idiot at the counter.
“Good job dickface,” I say, right when guards walk in.
Celestia and I watch as the guards shut down the bakery. Celestia and I are also eating something we snagged from it. She stole a cake, I stole a baguette along with some butter. I keep munching on the bread slowly as Celestia takes a bite of cake. Vanilla cake, to be exact. She looks over to me as I take another bite. “So, how did you notice those errors?” She asks. I swallow and look over.
“I read the fuckin’ board,” I deadpan, taking another bite of the bread. Celestia sighs.
“Human, my patience is wearing thin,” she warns. I roll my eyes.
“ ‘at’s i’, I ‘ust ‘ead ‘he ‘oard. I ac’ually ‘uckin’ look a’ e’ery’ing,” I say, before swallowing.
“... What?” Celestia asks. I sigh.
“That’s it, I just read the board. I actually fuckin’ look at everything,” I say. Celestia groans.
“Can you stop cursing for five minutes?” She asks. I roll my eyes. “In any case, you did better than a regular pony,” she says, biting some cake. I scoff, finishing off the baguette.
“That’s because I’m competent,” I say. Celestia stops and looks at me. She seems to be in deep thought. I quirk an eyebrow and slightly lean away. Finally, she smirks.
“Oh really?” She asks. I narrow my eyes.
“Yes,” I say. She scoffs.
“I doubt it,” she says. I cross my arms.
“Okay,” I say. Silence follows as Celestia expects me to defend myself. “... So?”
“... Well, don’t you want to prove how you are better?” She asks. I shake my head.
“No, not really, that’s fucktarded,” I say, turning to walk away. After all, I need to find a job. As I walk, Celestia stares at me incredulously. She huffs and teleports to be in front of me.
“Anonymous the human, I issue a challenge,” she says. I shrug.
“Don’t care,” I say. Before I could walk, Celestia blocks my path with her wing.
“I’m not asking,” she warns. I sigh.
“What is it?” I ask. She looks at my eyes.
“If you can prove to be useful in a certain task, I shall give you anything you ask, including a better job,” she says. I roll my eyes.
“And if I lose?”
“You’ll go to the dungeon for cursing at royalty,” she says. I hum. Well, either way I’ll get a roof over my head. I doubt pony prison’s too bad anyway.
“Fuck it. What task is it?” I ask. She smiles.
“Go to the Manehatten Border Checkpoint at six AM, find a pony named Lucky Runner, she’ll guide you to where you’ll go,” she says, before trotting away. I look after her with a confused look before shrugging and continuing on my way.
Present
I sip my apple juice as I finish off the story. Twilight gawks at me. “That is... quite honestly the strangest way to get a job,” she says, shaking her head. I nod. You know, after figuring out Twilight didn’t mean to run me out of town on purpose, I kinda feel... relieved? I dunno, but knowing that she didn’t outright do something as crappy as that, I kinda feel better. I get a flashback to all the times Twilight and I hung out together. We weren’t really close, but I’d say that to a degree, I tolerate her.
“Mmhmm,” I agree. Twilight looks at the clock and gasps.
“Oh my gosh! It’s almost six!” She says, quickly getting up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take up to much time!” She quickly goes to the door as I just keep my ass planted to the couch. Twilight stops and looks at me. “So um, next Sunday sound good?” She asks with a little hope. I quirk an eyebrow at her.
“For what?”
“Therapy!” She says with a smile. I furrow my brow, seeing the smile. It’s been some time since I saw that... I sigh.
“I don’t like therapy,” I reply. Twilight sighs.
“Anon-“
“So, let’s just call it a ‘chat’ session instead,” I mutter. Twilight beams. She recomposes herself and nods.
“Alright. And Anon?” I look up, expecting a sappy apology. “.... I’m glad we can be on better terms,” she says, smiling a little. I shrug.
“Eh, I’m still kinda mad, but not as much as before,” I admit. Twilight smiles.
“Good. I’ll see you Sunday!” She says. She trots out, shutting the door on the way. I smile as I pick up the remote to watch some television.
I guess I can have nice things.
December 31, 20XX
It’s been a good while. Whisk and I have been ‘accepted’ in her family, so to speak. Twilight and I have been getting along, though the ‘chat’ sessions aren’t really doing jack shit. I’ve noticed I started cussing less and less, though I still do it normally at work. Smooth Course quit, and we’re looking for another manager again. His resignation letter said something like, ‘Buck this place, it sucks, and it’s not like Canterlot’. So far, everything’s fine. Oh, wait, Whisk’s apartment burned down. Yeah. The landlord apparently decided to cook some eggs in the basement, and they caught on fire. If the fire had been put out, it wouldn’t have reach to some of the support beams. Everything’s fine though, she moved in with me today since there aren’t any open apartment buildings. Plus, I was fine with it. Now, there’s a few pictures on the walls of my house, as well as more food. Whisk said my house was like a desert, barren with no life save for a tall cactus and tumbleweed. Kettle’s still chilling out in my place. He’s... alright...
Anyway, I’m sitting on the couch at five in the afternoon. Truth be told, I don’t want to celebrate New Years. I just lay on the couch, feeling tired after a long day of grocery shopping. Whisk said she was off to do some errands, so I’m just waiting on her. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. I quirk an eyebrow and walk over. I open the door to see Derpy and Dinky, holding a basket of muffins. “Happy New Year Anon!” They say. I smile.
“Hey guys! What’re you doing here?” I ask. They come in as I close the door.
“Well, daddy’s off on a mission!” Dinky says. “And mommy said we could see you for New Years!” I smirk as Derpy smiles.
“Yeah, I figured you’d like some company for New Years!” Suddenly, the doorbell rings again. I look at it in confusion and walk over. I open the door to find Bacon, Maple, and Snowy. Maple tackle hugs me, but I’ve trained for this. I hug the fur all back as the parents of the little monster walk in.
“Uncle Anon! Are you surprised!?” Maple exclaims, dropping onto his feet as he looks at me excitedly. I chuckle.
“Of course I am!” I say, giving Bacon a hug. I start to give Snowy a hug, but the. I remember she’s military trained. I give her a salute, to which she nods. “I thought you guys couldn’t stay for more than two weeks?”
“Well, we kinda lied,” Bacon says. I smirk.
“Oh! Who’re these griffons?” Derpy asks. Before I could respond, however, the doorbell rings again. Okay, who the hell else could be there this time? Segway, Spearhead, and Lucky. Oh, and Whisk’s behind them, with a worried expression on her face.
“Happy New Years!” They all say as they enter my house. This’ll be a long night.
So, here I am, in the kitchen with Whisk, scrambling to get enough food out for everyone before midnight. Granted, it’s seven o’clock, but we want to have some free time with all of them. I’m not that good of a cook, so I just hand stuff to Whisk as she calls for them. I check up on the guests to see them all talking and having fun. I smile and head back to the kitchen. I lose my smile as I see Whisk panicking.
“There are twenty mouths Anon! Twenty mouths to feed!” She whisper-screams. I sigh.
“It’s fine Whisk, I’m sure they don’t expect-“ Whisk stops to grab my head and force me to be level with her.
“I don’t care! It’s New Years! They all came in unexpectedly!” She says.
“So?” I ask, still being grabbed.
“It would look bad if I don’t! It’s a party now!” She says. I finally get released, and I stand upright.
“Whisk, all we have to do is set out some chips and dip. Besides, you already cooked-“ I stop to look at the counter. “A pot of spaghetti, a plate of fruit on crackers, a huge fish for the griffons, and some good ol’ caramel apples for the ponies.” I look at the tired Whisk. “Oh, and right now, there’s a tray of cinnamon buns in the oven. I’d say there’s enough food for-“ I hear the doorbell. Wow, first time I’ve heard it. I sigh as Whisk glares at me. “I swear I have no idea who it is.”
“Go answer it,” Whisk says exasperatedly. I walk out of the kitchen and into the living room, seeing everyone still mingling. I smile as I reach the door. I wonder who’s here now? I open the door, and frown. Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity, and Skittles. Applejack, Fluttershy, And Pinkie have a genuine smile. Twilight’s nervous. Rarity’s smile is as real as her hair style. Rainbow just doesn’t smile.
“Howdy sugarcube!” Applejack says, walking in first.
“Hiya best friend!” Pinkie says, bouncing in.
“It’s nice to see you again,” Fluttershy says as she walks in.
“I am so sorry,” Twilight says quietly as she walks in.
“Hello Darling,” Rarity says out of politeness.
“... Hi...” Rainbow mutters, flapping in. I sigh. Whisk isn’t going to like this.
I walk back into the kitchen, seeing Whisk putting down an apple to cut. “Six ponies,” I meekly say. Whisk freezes, and turns her head to me very slowly.
“Six?” She asks. Fuck “Six ponies. Six mouths...” I slowly walk over and pat her head.
“It’s okay, at least it’s not seve-“ I hear the door bell. I quickly jet out of the kitchen before Whisk could grab my neck and strangle me. I rush to the living room and open the door, Spike. I stand up straight, “... Hello Spike,” I say calmly. He stares up at me with a glare.
“... Hi,” he says. I step aside to let him in. He walks in, ceasing his glare to settle on just not looking at me. Fair enough. I sigh as I go back to the kitchen to await Whisk’s punishment. I take one last look at the guests of my house. Everyone’s either on the couch, on the floor, or standing as they all talk to one another. I slightly smile. I guess I really can get nice things. I head into the kitchen, allowing everyone to mingle...
Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow gawk at who all is here. Not only the guards that I normally hang out with, but also Derpy, Dinky, a small pony, and a family of griffons! Rainbow leans towards Rarity. “Do you know who they are?” Rainbow asks. Rarity shakes her head. Spearhead and Segway are chatting with Bacon and Snowy, Lucky And Derpy are talking, while Maple and Dinky are watching the television as they chat. Rainbow hums to herself and flies over to Spearhead’s little group, with Rarity and Twilight close behind. Applejack and Pinkie decide to go over to Lucky and Derpy.
Flying up, Rainbow lands next to Spearhead, and nudges him. He looks at her before grimacing. “Hey uh, who’re you guys? I see you two hang out with Anon a lot,” she says. Spearhead sighs.
“The name’s Spearhead,” he says. He points to Segway. “He’s Sergui, don’t mess up his name,” he stops to point at the pair of adult griffons. “The red one’s Canadian Bacon, and the other is Snowy Falls.” Spearhead looks at Rainbow, Rarity, and Twilight, “Anon And I go back until December ninth, this year. He saved my flank more times than I could count,” Spearhead stops to smile at a memory. “And, he saved my marefriend from going back to a terrible village.” Spearhead gestures to everyone with his hoof. “If you want to know why everyone here likes him, just ask them.” Rarity quirks an eyebrow and heads over to the griffons.
“Excuse me darlings,” she says. Segway, Bacon, and Snowy stop to look at the white pony. “I was just wondering how you came to know Anon?” Segway barks a laugh.
“I’m a rookie, so they put me in the Manehatten Checkpoint,” He starts. He looks around before leaning in. “Anon’s a better shot than any pony could ever be, with that crossbow of his. He saved my flank from being burned to a crisp many times.” He leans away as Rarity p’s eyes widen. “At first, I didn’t like the guy. He was so unprofessional, I was sure he would get laid off at some point!” Segway stops to laugh. “But then, I started to just kinda give up on being professional, and I started liking him. Awesome game nights of Go Fish were infinite!” Spearhead stops and looks at him in confusion.
“Uh, Sergui, that’s the second game night. We have a Poker game night,” he says. Segway freezes and swirls to face Spearhead.
“For how long?” He asks.
“Um, since the beginning?” Spearhead offers. Segway’s face grew red with anger.
“Oh that stupid-“ Segway stops, and just face hoofs. “So you mean to tell me, Anon never told me about poker nights? Despite the fact that I specifically asked him if there were any?”
“.... Yes,” Spearhead answers. Rarity shakes her head as Segway gets even more mad. She turns to Bacon.
“And you? How do you know Anon?” She asks. He chuckles.
“Well, he saved my feathers, and reunited my family,” he says. Snowy rolls her eyes.
“See, my son Maple decided to run off to find him,” she says, gesturing to Bacon.
“Yeah, I was in the hospital at the time, and my sister and I’s letters wouldn’t get through due to something in the mailing system,” he explains. Rarity stares at them with wide eyes, along with Twilight and Rainbow. Bacon gives them a confused look. “Didn’t you guys know about it? Him and Applejack talk to each other a lot.”
“W-well, Applejack felt that it was best not to tell us much,” Twilight says. “She said Anon asked her not to. Which reminds me, I need to ask about that-“
“Wait,” Snowy says. She squints at Twilight. “Purple, an alicorn, and sounds like a nerd...” Twilight huffs.
“I’m right here,” she deadpans. Snowy scoffs.
“Aren’t you the one who ‘accidentally’ ran him out of town?” Bacon sends a sharp look in her way.
“Now Snowy,” he warns. Snowy scoffs again.
“I mean, why would you show your-“
“Snowy!” Bacon snaps, Snowy, Spearhead, and Segway look at Bacon in surprise. It takes a lot to make Bacon mad. “Now is not the time for it,” he says seriously. Snowy gives a shameful Twilight a glare.
“... Fine,” she relents. Bacon gives a nervous smile to Twilight.
“I-I’m sorry,” he apologizes. Twilight sighs, but smiles.
“It’s okay, I kinda deserve it,” she says. “Besides, Anon’s not as mad at me as he was beforehoof.” Spike, standing behind Twilight, sighs as he sees her ears droop.
Finally, Whisk and I emerge from the kitchen, with a smile of course. Though, if you look at Whisk closely, you can tell she’s nervous.
“Are you sure I cooked enough?” She asks. I sigh and nod.
“Yes, you did, now let’s-“
“FOOD!!!” Maple yells, jetting past me and into the kitchen, I look at the dust trail he left and smirk.
“How’s that for a quick reaction?” I ask Whisk, who’s coughing the dust out of her.
“Speedy,” she confirms, coughing some more.
Everyone gets a plate or bowl and pick out what they want to eat. So far, everyone’s having a great time. Twilight eventually got out of her she’ll enough to at least talk. Snowy doesn’t like her still, but that’s Snowy. Hell, even Rainbow’s getting along with some of them. We all eat, drink milk or orange juice, and genuinely have fun. It’s been some time since I was really able to enjoy myself. The ponies were happy to hear Whisk and I are together now. Spike finally got over himself and started mingling with everyone after an hour.
And now, we’re here, five minutes until the new year. Everyone becomes quiet, and we huddle up on the couch or floor. The news is on, where many ponies are parading and counting down with the huge clock in Canterlot. This clock is only dragged out for New Years. Manehatten has a clock, but it’s broken currently. So, everyone’s focus is on Canterlot. Whisk sits beside me, closer than anyone else. I have my arm around her, making sure it stays that way. Whisk turns to me. “I can’t believe how fast this year was,” she says quietly. I smile and nod.
The doorbell rings. Everyone freezes and looks over at the door in confusion. Who the hell would be here right now of all times? The opens, and Luna walks in with Celestia. Everyone’s jaw drops. “Good ‘morrow everypony, hath we missed anything?” Luna asks. Celestia giggles at everyone’s reaction as she walks in.
“Hello my little ponies and griffons, do you mind if we celebrate our New Years here?” She asks. I give a thumbs up, unimpressed.
“Sure, get your royal butts over here,” I say. Everyone either laughs at my rather mild phrase, or looks at me angrily as if I poked a bear while blowing a party flavor. Luna just laughs and sits on the floor with the kids. Celestia walks over to my side of the couch and sits beside me on the floor.
“Thank you Anon, for allowing us to celebrate with you,” she says. I give her a look of confusion.
“Isn’t there some sort of royal ceremony you guys do?” Celestia sighs.
“Not this year, we decided to celesbrate with someone who worked hard at their jobs, who would give their life to-“
“Shush,” I say as the final countdown began.
10.
The time seems to slow down as the numbers pop up.
9.
I feel my memories flow through my mind about this year.
8.
How I was miserable on day one, having no one to really turn to.
7.
How I had no real friends, just people who tolerated me.
6.
How I thought Twilight was a bitch.
5.
How I was so angry because of that.
4.
Because of that though, I found friends.
3.
Because of that, I found Whisk.
2.
With that...
1.
I turn to my girlfriend, a beautiful purple griffon that made me feel like my life had some more worth than I thought.
0.
I lean in, and kiss her forehead before joining everyone’s cheers.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” Everyone yells.
For three hours, we partied. Eventually, everyone left or went back home. It was nice to finally have the house back to myself. Oh wait. Whisk’s here too. We... ran into a situation when we started getting ready for bed...
I stare at the black circle on my bed, wearing a white shirt and boxers. So, that’s where Kettle’s been. The little shit stayed in my room. “Kettle!” Whisk yells, scooping up the fur ball to nuzzle it. “He can sleep in here!” She declares. I open my mouth to object, but I just close it back up as I realize I’m too tired to care right now.
Whisk climbs into bed, with Kettle still in her grasp. I’m telling you, that cat gives no fucks. Ever, I sigh and chuckle as I climb into bed. I lay on my back and look at Whisk, who’s on her side, looking at me. “Hey Anon?” She starts, blushing a little.
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever... been in a relationship-“ I clamp her beak shut. Her eyes widen at my physical touch.
“It’s not even a day into the new year, don’t worry about it right now,” I say as the fatigue starts showing. She sighs, but smiles.
“Okay. Sorry, I just... kinda thought about it, and I’m worried I’m-“ I interrupt her by pulling her into a hug.
“Shush, it’s sleepy time,” I say. Whisk giggles, still holding Kettle while he’s in between us.
“Okay. Good night Anon,” she concedes, closing her eyes. I nod off not too long after.
The year was hard, but I’d say it was worth it.
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Well a good chapter. But a bit disappointed with Twilight being really the therapist. I think it would havr been funier if she was the perspn who needed therapy as well.
Ample parking day and night!
People screaming "Howdy neighbor!"
One of the best chapters so far- loved it! And the total misunderstanding around Anon being run out of town.
And of course the rebellious adorable moments.
Wonder if spike got punished for his fuck up.
From HS Shakespeare, it should be 'Wouldst thou...." & the ''''thou's" should be "thy"
This feels a lot like an end. I know you planned to have this wrap up at some point, so is there more than just an epilogue to come?
Personally. Spike really need as capital level punishment(not death no way but something thats going to hurt). He royally screwed up and some how turned a joke get anon out of bed petition in to a run anon out of town and stab him with a pitchfork (witch is assault with deadly weapon) and have him be homeless for a week at the least. He really really screwed up and honestly if he was a government worker he would likely be not only sued but permanently removed from government work for the rest of his life it was that bad of a fuck up
9393197
End?
Ha! Hahahaha!
Buddy, this guy hasn’t retired, and now he lives with someone. Tell me, do you not see the potential?
But yeah, while I was quickly re-reading it, I knew it felt like an end. Don’t worry, it’s not. Not yet anyway.
9393201
Okay, I was going to say Spike’s like, four years old, but I just realized that if the show’s timeline is correct, then he’s actually about fourteen or fifteen. I just f###ing froze for a good ten minutes as I realized that.
9393174
Thanks!
9393214
Haha though to be frank if he was four why the hell would he have been handling petitions in the first place
9393214
Considering a dragon's probable lifespan, he's probably still a baby
9393246
Ponies.
Just ponies.
That’s my reasonable explanation
Anyone up for a game of punt the cunt? Or maybe kick the dragon?
Seriously, spike fucked up.
9393266
Fair point in your universe (i have seen some writers actually have them be smart but still fair point)
Kinda surprised Spike isn’t more contrite. I’d figure after Twilight found out it would have come up at some point how they were at fault. Also the previous story or one of the older chapters say something about Anon not being able to answer some questions in regards to why he was run out of town?
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You gathered together all his friends and family (of sorts), toned down his anger and swearing, and gave a swift resolution for why he's pissed with Ponyville. Other multi-chapter problems were solved in previous chapters.
The only way this could have felt more like an end is if little Maple found a pair of crutches and proclaimed, "God bless us, every one."
He's even tolerating the cat now, and if that doesn't signify the end times, I don't know what would.
Wait on, ponies got mad at Twilight for making the petition? Why not get mad at the mayor and those other racist fucks who actually ran him out of town! For fucks sake. It was those pricks who took the opportunity and ran with it. I hope Twilight had some very strong words for the Mayor.
More please? This is fucking great.
Can we get a few snapshots of that day?
I want to see the reactions.
Good job. Happy new years/Merry Christmas.
Anon was right the wait was soo long
Yet soooooo worth it
Happy new year
Can't even say why, but it was this
fucking paragraph that got me too bust a gut.
Yet another legen-fucking-dary chapter, sir. And a happy belated New Year to you as well! Looking forward to the next update.
Also, dunno why, but I'd assumed that both Twilight and Anon would've been put into "couple's" therapy, but this one works too
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He couldn’t answer *at the moment*, thus Twilight wanted rush to get results.
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What will signify the end, is when he retires. I won’t drag the story out too long, but this will be a long story.
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“Can you react with anything other than ‘okay’!?” Spike yells. I look up. He stands his ground. “Celestia got mad at her! Some of her friends got mad at her! I had to watch her get punished for no reason! All because you couldn’t answer a few simple questions!” Spike yells. He breathes heavily, tears streaming down his face.
Also when Twilight shows up in the first story it says she tried to use magic to make him tell the truth. It just seems like there is a disconnect between that and the petition story, as if the magic tied into his house getting burned down that happened a full day before.
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Okay, I remedied this error I’ve made.
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Cool. I don’t mean to harp on details I was just confused if there was another incident before or after the petition that hadn’t come to light.
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To be fair its never said if its the same ponies that signned and some may have realized later that running anon out of town was a dick move
9393893 I see what you're saying, but I don't think this is the kind of thing that you 'realize later'. If they didn't realize right away that it was a dick move, then they are stupid beyond help. No, they knew exactly what they were doing.
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Might've been that some went with it thinking like spike and twilight or hearing the full reason rather than the incomplete part and went, "sure, sounds amusing enough"
Still waiting for the Whisk/Anon/Luna harem. Or at least, the three going out partying and getting drunk as good friends. ;)
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I am sorry, but this comment has to be deleted by site reasons. Though, I appreciate it!
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/026/NOTSUREIF.jpg
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Heheh.
In my defense, I re-read it at midnight. I was a little tired.
I like how the "therapist" part was Luna's way to get Anon and Twilight talking, and, surprise, it worked. It was all a misunderstanding and that led to anger and ... "Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. — YODA
Luna knowing his dreams and knowing Twilight knew it was all a misunderstanding and didn't want Anon to suffer and Twilight who was confused about that whole thing as well. So I guess technically Luna was the actual therapist which I guess is under her purview as dream master/warden/guardian. Anon is swearing less, so he probably isn't as angry. The winner: THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT! Oh, and Anon and Twilight, too. Everybody wins. Especially Whisk who wanted her beau to be happy.
This was a enjoyable chapter to read and I'm glad some of the issues have been resolved. Hopefully it doesn't make him less effective at the border.
Why are the dates half written in roman numerals? You know 20XX is meant to be 'variable year between 2000 and 2099' right?
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Yes. I know. I just thought ‘what’s the stupidest way to say 2020/2021?’ So, I decided on half Roman Numerals.
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I mean... if that was your goal... good job, I guess? You definitely succeeded.
Glares judgingly.
The broken telephone effect.
Didn’t see that coming
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Yup. It is standard practice apparently.
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I honestly thought it was a megaman reference :P
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I was certain it meant "sometime in the twenty-first century, but let's not be specific, ok?" but now... now I don't know if it's 2020!
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I would have thought that was what he meant but he also had 20XIX.
That's one hell of a misunderstanding. Damn. I even feel a little relived too for the guy. Also, happy late new year to you too!
Awesome chapter!