Chapter 12: So, Some Shit FINALLY Happens...
So, after the talk with Celestia, we figured that everything would be fine. I managed to get a night of sleep. Or, so I thought. I rub my eyes as I wake up to the sound of someone banging on my door. I trudge to the doorway. I open the door to find two yellow unicorns. They’re both lanky, with red and white peppermint mane. One has a mustache . They wear a kind of suit that’s white and blue. “Don’t care,” I say, immediately trying to shut the door. A hoof stops the door from doing so though, and forces the door open.
“My dear brother Flim, it seems that this schmuck needs an upgrade!” One says, eyeing my living room as he forces his way in. You know what? At this point, I’m a little too tired to give a fuck. I step aside as Flim walks in.
“You’re right Flam, this poor fellow does indeed need an upgrade!” He says, eyeing the couch.
“How about no?” I offer, sounding disgruntled.
“Nonsense! You, my weird friend, need a Flim and Flam Product!” Flim exclaims.
“Indeed brother, he needs a Super Helper Inker Tinker!” Flam says. I keep my tired expression.
“I need a SHIT huh?” I ask. The brothers stop and look at each other with horrified expressions.
“Brother, is the name intentional?” Flim asks with both fear and anger.
“No! Why would I endanger our business!?” Flam replies.
“Oh, maybe it’s because of the name of the invention!” Flim yells. I sigh. I look at the clock. Midnight. I look at the still arguing brothers.
“Hey, can you guys fuck off now before I call the police?” I ask. Both of the brothers stop arguing and look at me with nervous smiles.
“Oh, yes, I’m sorry dear sir, it seems our product wasn’t supposed to be released today due to unrecognized circumstances!” Flim says.
“Have a good night!” Flam quickly says before dragging Flim out the door quickly. I stare at the door for a second before sighing.
A week and a half has passed. Today’s the trial. I can’t go support Whisk at the trial, as it’s Wednesday. I sit in my office, quietly checking papers. Why am I nervous? There’s no damn reason to be nervous. I give a green stamp to the entrant and allow them to pass. I lean towards the mic. “Next,” I say.
The next entrant walks up to me, and hands me her papers. As I search, the pony starts trying to talk to me. I don’t care. As I search, I think of the trial. What if Celestia’s word isn’t good enough? What if the ponies buy out the trial. No, they wouldn’t do that while a Princess was in court, let alone the fact that it’s Princess Celestia. As I start finishing up the passport, a purple hoof waves in front of my face. I blink in surprise before looking up to see Bitchface. She looks at me with confusion.
“Did you hear a word I said?” She asks.
“... Nope,” I say, returning to the passport. She groans in frustration.
“Are you kidding me!? I finally work up the courage to say sorry, and you don’t even listen!?” She yells. I sigh and look up at her.
“Has it occurred to you that I have more important things going on that doesn’t involve you?” I ask. Bitchface sputters.
“Wha- but- you always-“
“Look here ‘Princess of Friendship’,” I use my fingers to do air quotes. “It’s thanks to your thoughtlessness that I’m here. It’s thanks to your stubbornness that I had to pay a ridiculous amount of money for my own house. Twice. It’s thanks to your absolute stupidity that I had to leave Ponyville. It’s thanks to you that I had to do two shitty jobs at the same time to make ends meet as I lived in Manehatten before getting this job,” As I rant, Twilight’s ears fold back as she flinches for every time I mention a consequence. I lean down towards her to be at eye level. “I don’t give a shit that you’re sorry right now. You should’ve been sorry a long time ago.” I point at the clock. “Right now, the one creature I care about most is on trial for some absolutely bullshit reason. I care about that a lot more than I care about some high-class asshat being sorry for repeatedly making mistakes that affect me.” I sit up straight, watching Twilight’s expression. She keeps looking at the ground, an unreadable expression on her face. I give her passport a green stamp and stop myself from shoving it into her direction. “If you really want to make up for what you did, leave me alone. If I want to talk to you, I’ll talk to you.” Which I doubt I ever will.
Wordlessly, Twilight grips the passport in a magical aura and trots out the door quietly. I lean towards the mic. “Next.”
The hours drag on as I keep glancing at the clock. It’s five o’clock. I have one hour before I can go see Whisk. I keep scanning each passport that comes across, trying to keep myself in check before the day is over. That is, until...
“Uncle Anon!” A young voice yells. I blink out the trance I was in and look down to see Maple looking at me excitedly. I blink again and look up to see Bacon and Snowy. They’re both smiling as they all hand their passports to me. I give a relaxed smile to mask my nervousness.
“Well hey guys, what’re you doing here?” I ask, taking up the papers to inspect them.
“Oh, we figured we could visit you and Whisk for a couple weeks!” Bacon explains, smiling cheerfully. Snowy smiles as well, but I can tell she isn’t too thrilled with being here. Maple, on the other hand, looks rather excited.
“Uncle Anon! I passed my flight exam a couple days ago, can I show you and Aunt May my super cool skills?!” He asks excitedly. I chuckle as I stamp green on their passports.
“Of course kiddo. Just wait for a small while, okay? I have to go pick up your Aunt when I get off work,” I say, handing them their papers. I see Bacon’s smile lessen.
“... Hey, you two go on, I’ll catch up in a little bit,” Bacon says. Snowy looks at him for a moment before nodding. Maple’s confused, but goes along with Snowy. He waves bye to me as he leaves. I wave back with a smile before looking at Bacon. He’s not smiling. He has a frown, and he’s worried. “What happened?” He asks. I lose my facade as I sigh.
“Whisk got accused for some bull crap a week and a half ago. She’s on trial today,” I say. Bacon’s eyes widen and he starts to slowly panic.
“Trial?! What’d she do!?” He asks loudly, grabbing my shoulders.
“Nothing. Some pony got drunk and slipped into a coma. Some idjits are accusing her of not taking enough care for her patrons. Don’t worry though, the princess is on Whisk’s side, and I accidentally made one of the accusers punch someone,” I say. Bacon stops panicking to look at me with confusion.
“Wait, what?” He asks. I shrug.
“Point is, she’ll be fine,” I say. Bacon sighs, and nods.
“.... Alright Anon, I trust you,” he says. I see him smirk slightly. “Hey, when you pick her up, you should let her go on a date with you,” He comments.
“Now Bacon, you and I both know she hasn’t said anything yet. I’ll take her on a date when she says she loves me,” I chastise jokingly. Bacon chuckles and pats my shoulder.
“She will Anon. Now, I gotta go. Ice cream’s calling my name,” he says, licking his beak as he walks out. I shake my head and lean towards the mic.
“Next!”
The next entrant is a familiar draconequus. Especially since he’s the only draconequus in this universe’s existence. He pops in, holding a glass of water upside down, with the water resting on the air of the open end of the glass. I sigh deeply. This mother fucker.
“Why heeelllooooo little human!” He exclaims, taking a sip of the glass, and proceeds to chew it like ice. Except the sound of ice being crunched is replaced with the sound of glass being crunched. Absolute bullshit.
“Discord, you and I both know I don’t like your Tom-fuckery,” I deadpan. He carelessly tosses the glass aside, and it bounces a few times before one end lights on fire. The glass then proceeds to jet out of the room, creating a hole in the wall. I just stare at the wall with bemusement.
“But I like it,” Discord responds. I turn my attention back to him.
“Can’t you just poof into the country?” I ask. “As illegal as it is, all the nations agreed that it was okay since you’d do it anyway.” Discord laughs.
“True, but I decided to give my good old buddy chummy chum pal a nice visit,” he says.
“Any chance you’ll leave? I hear friends like to do that a lot,” I dryly remark.
“Now Anon, you know me, I won’t do anything until I had my fill of accidental chaos,” he says, grinning mischievously as he shrinks to the size of a toy soldier. He then lays down on my desk. “So, amuse me!” He says in a deep voice. I sigh, and suddenly get an idea.
“Hey Discord, you ever want to mess with everyone spectacularly, but you did nothing wrong?” I ask. He perks up, and grows to normal size instantly.
“I’m listening,” he says, levitating in the air, upside down. I smile evilly. Rarity is going to hate me.
After Discord left, with my admittedly demonic plan in mind, it was time for me to leave. I quickly walk down the streets of Manehatten, with the moon visible in the middle of the sky. I see the court in the distance now, with the doors open and Whisk sitting in front of it. I quicken my pace, determined to get to Whisk. As I come closer and closer, I see Whisk’s face. She has tear stains on her face, and she’s actually asleep while standing up. My eyes widen and I rush over. “Whisk!?” I call. Her eyes spring open and she looks up at me with surprise.
“Anon?” She asks. She looks over at the court for a second before looking back at me with a smug smile. I feel all the pressure on my shoulders lift instantly at her victorious look. “They didn’t stand a chance,” she says smugly. I give a deep breathe out, smiling. “The pony they vouched for woke up today. He not only dropped charges, he let the court know what really happened and who the ponies were. I have never seen anyone so horrified.” I smile at her as she rants. I guess that wasn’t part of their plan.
As we walk to Whisk’s place, she talks about her day up to the trial. She got support from a lot of creatures, not just the princesses. She got support from various ponies, griffons, Minotaurs, and so much more. As she talks, I smile at her cheery attitude. Suddenly, she drops her smile as she remembers something. She looks at me seriously. “Anon, I have something to tell you,” she says. I stop and look at her with a quirked eyebrow.
“What?” I ask. She opens her beak to say something, but snaps it shut as she looks away. She mulls over her words before looking at me again, with a look of determination this time.
“Anon, would you ever consider having a girlfriend?” She asks. I shrug.
“Maybe,” I answer. She nods and looks down. After a moment, she looks back up.
“Anon, I want to say something,” she starts. I feel a little bit of myself perk up a little. Please, for the love of God, just ask.
“Alright, what do you want to say?” I ask. She looks at me for a moment, deeply into my eyes.
“I... I-I...” Come on, three words Whisk. “... I...” It seems as if Whisk looks conflicted, like she can’t decide whether to speak or to shut up. I wait patiently, waiting for her to continue. “... I wanted to ask....” Good Lord, just ask. “... Do you want to come to my family’s Hearthswarming party?” She asks. Her eyes widen as if realization struck her. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that she screwed that up, or her ‘Someone please fucking kill me’ face. I just stare at her for a minute.
“... Sure,” I say. Whisk smiles weakly, though I can clearly see she’s in mortal pain because of her own screwup. It’s a little hard not to laugh at.
“Gr-Great!” She says. “That is, Uh, great! That’s really, um, swell!” She continues, trying to play it off. This hurts me so much on the inside.
“Cool. By the way, your brother and his wife and kid are here,” I say, changing the subject. Her eyes widen and she looks at the sky.
“Crap! It’s already midnight! Where are they staying!?” She asks, looking at me. I open my mouth to answer, before shutting it once I realize I have no idea.
“... Maaaybe at your house?” I offer. She looks at me with fear before grabbing my hand and dragging me in a rush.
“We need to get there quickly!” She yells.
We arrive at her apartment, panting and sweating. We enter the room to find Bacon and Maple playing Uno on the couch, while Snowy is watching on with a cup of something.
“Plus four! Green!” Maple says excitedly, putting down a card. Bacon sighs.
“Darn,” he mutters, starting to draw a card as Maple cackles wickedly. Snowy looks over to us and smirks. She gets up, and walks over to us, taking a sip from her cup.
“Looks like you got off your butt,” she quietly comments to Whisk with a smirk. Whisk pants some more, but looks up to glare at her. I finally recompose myself, and walk in. Snowy and Whisk talk to each other quietly as I walk to Bacon and Maple.
“Sup crew?” I ask, sitting on the little space provided on the couch.
“Just losing to my own son,” Bacon mutters. I chuckle as Maple puts down a green two plus.
“Two more Dad,” he says smugly. I notice he has two cards left. Bacon, on the other hand, has over ten. I snicker as the two play. Bacon sighs deeply, but obliges. He looks over to me with a quick glance, but I know what he wants to know.
“It went smoothly,” I answer. Bacon smiles, and returns to his game.
“Uno,” Maple says, putting down a green three, Bacon smiles.
“This is where your streak ends son,” he says. He starts going through the numerous cards, only to find that he doesn’t have any threes or greens. He frowns as he has to draw cards again. Only to find a red three. Bacon smiles with a smug look and slaps down the card. “Ha! Now you-“
“I win,” Maple says, putting down a red eight. Bacon stares at the card with surprise before sighing.
“Lucky rascal,” he says. Maple and I snicker as the defeated father stacks up the deck.
As Maple gets ready for bed, Bacon takes me out of the apartment and sits me down. “Did she say it? She had the look, did she say it!?” He quietly whisper-yells. I snicker.
“She asked if I could attend a family Hearthswarming party,” I say. Bacon stares for a second before face palming.
“Oh good Celestia, she’s so dense!” He says. He sits against the wall, shaking his head. “I swear, it’s like she’s making it as hard as preening for the first time,” he complains, still face-palming. I scoff, sitting next to him.
“You’re right. She’s so cute though.”
Meanwhile.
Snowy looks around the living room after putting Maple to bed to see Whisk sitting on the couch, starting to dose off. Snowy rolls her eyes and walks over to her husband’s sister. “Hey, Whiskey,” Snowy mutters. Whisk wakes up and looks at the cause of her disturbed nap.
“Yeah?” She asks.
“Did you tell him?” Snowy asks. Whisk’s eyes widen and she chuckles nervously. Snowy squints her eyes. “You didn’t chicken out did you?” She asks. Whisk coughs into her claw out of nervousness.
“I... asked him to go to the family Hearthswarming party,” she mutters defeatedly. Snowy only looks at the purple dingus for a second before sighing, and face palming.
“Oh good Celestia you’re dense,” Snowy mutters. Whisk looks at her with offense.
“Hey, it’s not that easy you know!” Whisk whisper-shouts.
“No, I know what it is. You’re a little too much of a scaredy-chick to do it,” Snowy challenges.
Meanwhile.
“Pretty sure Whisk isn’t a chicken,” Bacon says with an amused look.
“Well, she definitely acts like it,” I complain.
“Then, why won’t you do it?” Bacon asks with rising amusement in his voice.
“Because I know she wants to say it,” I answer simply.
Meanwhile.
“I know you want to say it. So, why won’t you say it?” Snowy asks with a little irritation present in her voice.
“Because I might be too forward,” Whisk replies. She rubs her arm, looking down a little sadly. “I know I’m not the best at being...”
“... What?” Snowy asks.
“You know.... Emotional?” Whisk offers.
Meanwhile.
“You won’t egg her on because you’re not emotional?” Bacon asks, confusion clearly in his voice. I nod. “... Anon, you don’t have to be emotional to declare you love her!” Bacon exclaims quietly.
“I know, but that’s what Whisk wants,” I firmly assure. “And, I know Whisk is much more capable of that than I am.”
Meanwhile.
“Whiskey, Anon has about as much emotional tact as an elephant on a tight rope,” Snowy says, face palming.
“N-no! Anon is fully capable of being passionate!” Whisk defends. Snowy just deadpans at her.
“Really? His attitude definitely says otherwise.”
Meanwhile.
“Well that’s because it’s a facade,” I protest.
“Anon, your ‘facade’ made my wife mad. Five times,” Bacon deadpans, holding out five talons to emphasize his point.
Meanwhile.
“It’s not his fault he didn’t know you were in the guard the first time when you brought over weapons. The rest was just your own fault,” Whisk points out. Snowy sighs.
“Well, the point is, he’s probably waiting for you to tell him.”
Meanwhile.
“Look, the point is, she just needs some indication that you’re interested in her!” Bacon explains. I sigh.
“Look, I-“ I get interrupted by myself when I just so happen to glance at my watch. It’s almost eleven. Shit. “Crap. I gotta go,” I groan. Bacon sighs.
“Anon, please-“
“Don’t worry, I’ll egg her on,” I assure. As I turn to leave, I hear the door open.
“Hey Bacon, is Anon- Oh! There you are!” I hear Whisk say. I suddenly have time to chat some more. I spin on my heels to look at Whisk.
“Hey Whisk, I was about to leave, but I need to tell you something,” I quickly say. Whisk blinks.
“Um, sure, what is it?” She asks. Shit. I have no idea how to encourage her without telling her. My mind goes blank as I try to search for a metaphorical button to push.
“... You’re the prettiest griffon I’ve met,” I say. FUCK. TOO MUCH. PULL THE FUCK BACK!!! Whisk blinks again before blushing heavily.
“U-uh, um, I- uh, th-Thank you,” she stutters. Shit, she’s broken. I get a flash back to the annoying ‘Fix it’ soundtrack from Futurama. I’m trying to, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Thankfully, Whisk shakes her head to break out of her stupor by herself. I internally breath a sigh of relief. “Right, I um, wanted to invite you to a movie that was, uh, playing a lot recently,” Whisk starts. I nod, mentally calming down.
“Alright, when is it?” I ask.
“Tomorrow at one,” she says. I see Bacon’s eyes shrink. Tomorrow’s Thursday, which means it’s a work day..... Fuck it, I racked up a shit ton of vacation days. I just need to call in before the day starts. They should be able to call in someone easily. In the past year, we managed to acquire various suitable substitutes. In any case, I give a thumbs up.
“Alright. Sounds cool,” I say. Bacon gives me a silent, incredulous stare. I quirk an eyebrow at him while Whisk smiles widely.
“Great! I can’t wait!” She says excitedly before rushing back into her apartment. Weird. Normally, when we decide to go to a movie, she talks about how much it costs and stuff. Either she”s planning something, or whisk is getting tired. My thought process was interrupted by Bacon waving a claw in my face.
“Anon! Equus to Anon!” He says urgently. I blinked and look down.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t you have work tomorrow?” He asks.
“Yeah.”
“... And you can take a day off?”
“Of course. I have worked seventy two hours a week for at least a year. I’m bound to have at least one day off,” I shrug. Bacon sighs.
“You know what? Even I’m too tired to care. Just... Get some rest I guess,” he says. I chuckle as he walks into his sister’s apartment. I turn back, and start heading home.
I arrive at my house to see a strange sight. Sitting in front of my house, is a black cat. It just stares at me as I stare back. I squint my eyes. I’ve had cats before, they’re smarter than they let on. “I got my eye on you,” I warn as I walk up to the door. The cat merely stares at me as I enter my house. It’s not like I don’t like cats, I just don’t want to take care of it.
The next morning, I walk outside first to find the black cat nowhere to be found. I smirk as I think I’ve avoided having to give a fuck. I walk back inside and practically threw on some clothes. A red shirt and grey pants. I look at my Inspector Coat. I could wear it outside of work, but it’s actually rather nice to just wear my t-shirt in the winter. Nice and cold. I look at the clock once I’m done to see it’s almost five. I better go ahead and write a letter to Mr Asshat. He’s particularly fond of schedules. Like Bitchface. I sigh as I rub my face to try and wipe off the sleep and drowsiness. Alright, I’ll have to lay it on easy. I grab a paper and quill and sit down in a seat next to my nightstand. I tap the quill on the stand for a little before quickly writing the letter.
‘Dear Smooth Course,
Taking a day off.
Anon.’
I look at the small letter before nodding in satisfaction. Good enough. I grab a bag of money and stuff it in my pocket with my wallet. Time to run like hell.
I come back home, panting after I literally tossing my mail at Smooth’s face. It’s not my fault he just so happened to be there. Anyway, I enter my house and just plop on the couch. I pant as I catch my breathe. I lazily tilt my head up to see the remote resting on the arm rest of the couch. Convenient. I slowly take it and turn on the tv. Electronics in Equestria is starting to advance quickly, though I didn’t contribute to any of it. They just kinda figured it out. Anyway, I turn on the tv and it just so happens to be on the news. I watch on with a bored curiousness.
“Hello ponies of Manehatten, we are getting a nice look at today’s forecast, which seems to be scheduling a few minor rainstorms in the western part of Manehatten, but the eastern side of the beautiful city will get less rain due to an important meeting being held between all of the world’s major leaders. One of which, is Princess Celestia.” I quirk a brow. An important meeting? “About a year ago, there was a new law passed that was quickly taken down, known as the Addict Laws. These laws were ordered by the Crystal Empire’s princess, Princess Cadence, but not even two days later, the law was retracted as it deflated the ratios of immigration between Equestria and all the other various races. In order to prove Equestria’s claim of peace, the leaders decided to rename Equus. There have been many interesting names chosen, but only one name will be picked.” I sigh. I wonder what fucktarded name this planet gets.
Meanwhile...
Celestia bangs her hoof on the table in annoyance. “There is no way in Tartarus we’ll call the planet ‘Deathy Doomlamd!’” Everyone’s heads nodded in agreement as the dragon diplomat, Ember, sighs in shame. All of the leaders of the world sit at a round table, a glass of water provided to each of them. The Minotaur King snorts.
“I say we call the planet Minauria,” he says. The zebra diplomat rolls his eyes.
“That name is just a joke, when it’s used, it’ll only provoke,” He rhymes. The king scoffs and leans over him.
“Then what do you suggest?” He asks.
“Seeing as how we are competent, we shall name it, ‘The Great Continent’,” the striped ruler responds. Thorax, representative of the changelings, shakes his head.
“I’m not familiar with pony names, but even I know that doesn’t sound good,” he points out. A yak stomps his hoof onto the table.
“Yak says we call planet Yak-Yakia!” He declares. Everyone gives him a deadpan stare. The griffon ruler growls.
“Can we have one name that isn’t self-bucking-centered?” He seethes. Celestia is trying not to just bang her head onto the table. This should be much simpler. But no. That would be too easy wouldn’t it? Celestia gives a deep sigh and face hoofs. After this, she’s going to take a tea set, and get lost in the Everfree. Maybe they can figure out how to move the sun on their own. Then, suddenly, a claw raises from the hippogriff’s diplomat. Celestia cracks an eye open and sighs. Welp, she’s heard stupid names until now. What’s the stupidity this time? Celestia defeatedly gestures for the hippogriff to continue. The griff beams before clearing her throat.
“How about Earth?”
The room fell silent. Everyone stared at the hippogriff, who stands her ground. Even Celestia was looking at the diplomat in surprise. “... Why that name?” Celestia asks. The hippogriff shrugs.
“It was a name a funny creature told me. It was the name of his planet, despite his planet being mostly water,” she explains. Ember narrows her eyes.
“Funny creature?” She asks suspiciously. The hippogriff nodded.
“Yes, his name is Anon.” A pin drop could be heard. In one way shape or form, all the diplomats had their jaws hanging open. The hippogriff looks at them in confusion. “What?” The yak decides to speak first.
“Anon is considered honorary yak by yak kind! Anon is good funny creature!” The yak yells. “If name came from best funny creature, then yak approves!” Ember coughs nervously.
“I might have accidentally burned his house down,” she admits. The griffon cackles.
“Anon’s been a rather famous creature among us griffons! They say his attitude is as bad as a volcano!” He exclaims. The Minotaur King groans.
“He’s the only one who has the nerve to yell at me, for a bunch of useless paper! Still, I respect his bravery,” he says. Thorax smiles.
“Oh! I heard Starlight talk about Anon before! I didn’t get to meet him, but I hear he’s nice once you get to know him!” The zebra diplomat chuckles.
“Anon is that of an interesting enigma, though he was the first to befriend my friend Zecora. His anger is said to be great, I fear for those who suffer his fate,” he says. Celestia looks at them all with wide eyes before giggling uncontrollably. Everyone stops to look at her. Celestia retains control of herself, and smiles.
“When I met Anon, he told me to buck off,” she says, giggling inspite of herself. Everyone just chuckles, except Thorax, he’s gawking. “I guess I made the right choice when I made him Passport Inspector.” Everyone nods in agreement. “Now, who agrees with the name Earth? Especially since it is a non-biased name?”
12:30
I sigh in content, walking down the streets of Manehatten. Ponies are arguing, dogs and cats are fighting, and a hobo is offering me a shitty watch for fifty bits.
Just like home.
I keep walking towards the general direction of the cinema Whisk and I normally go to. I wonder if she’ll finally have the gall to say she likes me? I suddenly stop as I kinda realize something. I look up in thought. Do I like her though? As I think about this, I stare off into space. I mean, I do like her, but do I want to be that close? I mean, the last time I had a relationship, I was kinda hurt deeply. I almost got depressed. I look down and rub my chin as I go into deeper thought. I mean, I didn’t really think too much of this. When I figured out Whisk liked me, I just kinda waited for her to say so. Realization hits me as I think of that. I have been waiting seven months, just to hear someone say they like me... I smile to myself. I guess I’ll give it a shot. I certainly didn’t feel like this with my last relationship. I continue to walk, now smiling slightly. Fuck it, I’ll chance it. What do I have to lose other than the obvious?
I arrive at the movie theater, and spot Whisk in front of the building. She’s pacing, wordlessly muttering to herself. I smirk at the sight and approach her nonchalantly. “Hey Whisk!” I greet, causing her to flinch and spin towards me. She smiles widely and blushes slightly.
“Anon! I didn’t think you’d get here,” Whisk says with relief before she looks back at the theater. “The movie starts in a couple minutes.” She looks back up to me. “Wanna get popcorn?” She asks. I nod.
“Yeah, I’m a little hungry,” I admit. Well, I’m actually pretty fuckin’ hungry. Who knew skipping breakfast and lunch is rather hunger-inducing? Anyway, with my agreement, we walk towards the cinema with a fast pace. I quickly get ahead of her though, to open the door for her. That’s right, I know how to be a fuckin’ chap. She smiles sweetly at me and walks on in. Brownie points just got earned. I smirk at that thought as I walk in. We walk towards the concession counter, which is also the ticket counter. I see Whisk is already at the counter, waiting for me. I walk over, and look at what all is on the menu, which of course is just candy, popcorn, and various sodas. Thank God for sodas. As I’m looking, Whisk gets us two tickets, a large bag of popcorn, and two sodas. Looking at the menu, there are a couple of movies. Midnight, featuring an earth pony-turned-bat pony falling in love with another bat pony.... This is oddly familiar if the sparkling face of the bat pony means anything. What was that one movie called?... No matter. The next movie is about an earth pony literally grown out of the ground because of a couple’s wish. It’s called, ‘The Wonderful Life of Tiny Green.’ Hm. The next movie is even more ridiculous. ‘Passports Please.’ It’s a movie that kinda revolves around passport inspectors like myself. Too bad they didn’t ask me to be in it. I quirk an eyebrow at the next movie. ‘Sharktwister’. I smile at that one. I loved those movies, fuck the people who deny the existence of a fifth movie.
“Alright, thank you!” Whisk says, grabbing the bag of popcorn and a soda. I unconsciously grab mine as I walk with Whisk. I wonder what movie she picked? So far, she’s been a sucker for romance movies and dramas. However, she does like a little comedy.
It’s been two hours. The movie was Sharktwister. If she doesn’t say she loves me, I’ll have to tell her I love her. I keep snickering about the dumb joke from early on in the movie. It was a joke on some popular tape. It made me think of when I was last on Earth, watching an ad about tape. Or was it glue? I just brush these thoughts away as I look at Whisk. She’s smiling widely, with no care in the world as she throws her empty cup away. “Best choice, ever,” she simply says, walking with me. I nod with a hum of agreement. Suddenly, Whisk stops, and loses her smile as she seems to realize something. I stop as well, looking at her in confusion.
“Something wrong?” I ask. Whisk keeps her gaze on the ground, before looking up at me.
“Anon, I have to tell you something,” she says, a look of resolve clearly on her face. She’s determined now, no backing out. I turn to her, and nod, giving her the Okay to go on. She takes a deep breathe, and sighs. “... I uh, never really thought about relationships before...” she starts. I nod. “... and I’ve never had... a uh... coltfriend,” she continues.
“Which is surprising,” I comment. Whisk darts her eyes to mine, blushing. “Continue.”
“U-uh...” she shakes her head, getting her focus back. She looks at me, her determination back in full force. “I’ve been thinking for a while... about how I felt about you...” I nod. “... and I realized, that I have never really felt like this about someone before...” I nod again. “... Anon...” Jesus this is taking forever. “... I um...” For fuck’s sake it’s three fucking words, not a goddamn speech. As frustrated as I am inside, I keep my outward appearance naturally calm. After all, I remember how I asked my first and last girlfriend out. “... I love you,” Whisk finally says, her blush obviously present. I look at her for a minute before cracking a smile, seeing how nervous she is.
“I love you too,” I say, leaning down and pecking her head with a light kiss. I stand upright again to see Whisk with wide eyes, staring at the spot on her head that I kissed. I am so fucking glad that I stopped giving a shit about how a guy is supposed to act, otherwise I would never see this reaction. Whisk finally looked at me, blushing fiercely.
“R-really?” She asks. I roll my eyes, but I keep my smile.
“Whisk, I waited for seven months. If you didn’t say anything, I would have just confessed at Christmas,” I say. That’s kinda bullshit, I wouldn’t have done anything. I would have waited for her to find someone else. After all, you can only be unsure for so long. Also, I’m like, seven years older than her. I doubt she should actually be dating me. However, I have just kinda given up on caring. I’m thirty and my prime has passed. I think. Fuck it, who knows. Anyway, Whisk squeals with glee and fucking jumps into my chest. Thank God I can act swiftly, otherwise she would have fallen onto the floor. Sadly, even I couldn’t escape the bitch known as gravity. I realize this as I notice the ceiling is now in front of me, and I’m in the air, going down quickly. The weight of the purple griffon manages to knock the wind out of me. Whisk doesn’t seem to notice as she proceeds to nuzzle into my chest. At least she didn’t peck me with her beak. “Ow,” I mutter. Whisk looks up and pales before trying to get off.
“Sorry!” She squeaks. I just give a thumbs up before trying to stand up.
As Whisk and I walk down the street, with Whisk pressed against my side with a smile. As we walk, I notice a certain trio of griffons. One of which, is now a speedy bullet. I quickly took the pose of a goalie from soccer as the fur ball of joy known as Maple collides against me. I am getting a shit ton of bruises after today. I grunt on the ground as Maple hugs my belly. “Uncle Anon!” He exclaims.
“Hey kiddo,” I rasp. Whisk quickly walks over to us with a concerned, but amused, expression on her face.
“Are you okay?” She asks. I nod, patting the kid’s head as he sat on me.
“Maple! What did I say about tackle hugging?” Snowy chides as she walks up. Bacon follows suit.
“Anon, you alright?” He asks. I give a thumbs up from the ground. “Maple, can you get off of him?” Bacon asks. I feel the kid’s pressure leave before I can breath with less resistance. That boy has definitely gotten a little bigger, if not heavier. I get up, chuckling.
“How’s it going buddy?” I ask Maple, once I got back upright. His tail actually wags as he starts to talk.
“It’s been super cool here! I got to try some popcorn, a carrot dog, and I got a new hat!” He swiftly pulls up a hat from fuck-knows-where, placing it on top of his head. I smirk as I see that the hat is a little too big. The hat is a cap, with a red and white color scheme. Go figure. I freeze when I spot something. Maple’s feathers on his head are starting to be... pink? Actually, now that I have a closer look at him, the mostly-white and brown griffon-kid is now sorta-white, pink-ish, and brown.
“Wait, did you get new feathers?” I point out. Maple’s eyes start sparkling. I see Snowy face palm while Bacon smiles warmly.
“I forgot to tell you, my feathers are finally coloring!” He says excitedly. I quirk an eyebrow at Whisk, who’s also smiling warmly. Then, suddenly, the kiddo goes into hyperdrive as he starts running his mouth to describe how he finally noticed his color. The most I got out of it was- ‘I woke up... went to school... a kid said something... and dad was proud.’ The verbal machine gun finally ceased fire, and it took me a minute to realize that.
“Wow,” I simply say with the added expression that I’m impressed. I mean, I don’t really understand the significance, unless it’s something like losing a tooth. I’ll have to think about it later, as I now notice that Maple’s dragging me to the park so that he can show off his flying skills.
I see Bacon, Snowy, and Whisk talking amongst themselves as they follow right behind us. I look towards the sky and smile slightly.
I guess today’s been a good day.
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Good chapter, but ehhhh, I didn't like how the scene with Twilight's apology went. I feel like there could of been more development there with their dynamic, but now it feels like she has been copped out of the story. Knowing you though, I bet you have a plan, or some glorious BSing somewhere there. Probably BSing.
9348555
Bruh.
I’ve been BSing from the start.
Also, why would I cop Twilight out of this little den of madness?
Yes, today have been a good day.
Holyshit is every chappie gonna be this long that would be great
9348560
ah yes, the art of improv.
Ah shit I aint got nothing else smart to say.
Good chapter!
Hell yeah Progress!
Whisk is adorable xDD
MY BOI GONNA GET THE PUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beautywithinclinic.com/resources/images/content/2018/2/shocked-dashie-meme-generator-dankland-super-deluxe.jpeg
9348805
Gahfuckin’ dammit
And since this a anon story, me thinks the next day is going to suck ass.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Flim and Flam gave a yell
For they do not know how to spell
Bits are they gleam
So they made a machine
It would help ponies out
But looking at the name they gave a shout
It makes a word that is very bad
And it made them very sad
9348827
I'm guessing film and flam show up to anon at an inopportune time and his mood goes to shit, and he never got the off day so his boss is really mad he left and some bad shit happens.
Spike is really going to hate Anon now.
9348979
Ditto.
-Ru
I wonder how will the GGG go. And of Twiggles will finally realize she screwed up hard enough that no amount of apologizing will ever earn her the forgiveness she craves.
I don't get how Anon will make Spike's job harder.
Nice, confession done. And the world being renamed. Bet Anon is all "...Eh..." about it. Or something, I dunno.
Just read both this story and Equestrian Border Checkpoint. I made notes on random issues/typos/mistakes I found. I'd normally format them to be all pretty and shit, but I'm too tired for that right now.
Chapter numbers are the ones from the fimfiction URL.
413458/1 (AKA Equestrian Border Checkpoint)
"I steele myself" -> "steel"
"I reluctantly let her passed." -> "pass" or "past".
/2
"Because some idiot knocks it down" -> "knocked"
414279/1 (AKA this story)
"Dova-kin" -> "Dovahkiin"
"I had plan" -> "a plan"
"but it fall through" -> "fell through"
-- Wait, does Tailscrew just talk like that? That does not read like "foreigner with poor English". It reads like "american attempting (poorly) to imitate a foreigner stereotype".
"Only to be rudely awaken by my paycheck" -> "awakened".
/3
"you’re one of the nicest creature they’ve met" -> "creatures"
/4
"I can take a stab at the hand" -> "stab to the hand"
/5
"Turns out, I helped his daughter passed the border" -> "past" or "pass"
"have a nice cup of coffe" -- You mean covfefe? Wait, no -> "coffee".
/6
"I trudge my way in the hospital" -> "through the hospital"
"I better feel fan-fucking-tasted after this shit" -> "fan-fucking-tastic"
/9
"moved back to Gryphon Stone" -> "Griffonstone", or the Griffon Kingdom.
"That’s the only reason I haven’t been ringing Anon’s neck," -- wringing
"without too much casualty"
"How much casualty did I cause?" -- Uh, I think casualties are countable.
-> "many casualties"
/11
"Celestia takes a deep breathe in, and a deep breathe out." -> "breath in", "breath out"
/12
"I take a deep breathe in" -> "BREATH" GODDAMNIT
/13
"The next entrant is a familiar draconnequis" -> "draconequus" -- it's 'dracon-equus'
"Especially since he’s the only draconnequis in this universe’s existence" -- same here
"We need to get their quickly" -> "get there"
"I notice he has two card left" -> "two cards"
"he’s probably waiting on you to tell him" -> "waiting for you"
"I lazily tilts my head" -> "tilt"
"there was a new pew passed" -- pew??? Wtf? Did you mean "law"?
Awesome story dude!
9349497
I appreciate your help, thank you.
I’ll work on the mistakes immediately
9349497
Also, no Tailscrew isn’t supposed to sound like a foreigner, I just typed it up incorrectly by accident.
9349497
I’m looking at the list, and I just can’t help but laugh at myself XD
How dafuq did I put down ‘pew’ and didn’t even realize it?!
I guess that’s what I get for writing these chapters at night.
9349497
Alright, I fixed all the ones you pointed out! Thank you for your help!
I'm so glad they are together now
Can't wait for more
Wholesome Anon being wholesome? Check.
Thanks for this.
The whole waiting for Whisk to take the initiative while finding her agony funny was really racking up minuses... then, again, Anon has the social skills and capacity for empathy of a potted cactus, so okay. Glad that's finally over with.
By the way, you spelled 'Flim' as 'Film' most of the time; looks like a typical auto-correct.
9350822
Thanks, I hate autocorrect sometimes. I don’t even know why it corrected me after the first time.
I find it funny you call this long the only reason why is because of project horizons
I just love being inadvertently summoned.
Nah, I'm kidding. Didn't know this just got an update 'till today, so that's my bad. Fuckin' great chapter though. Finally the bird admits her feelings and, y'know, Anon reciprocating them. Well, not finally, I should say. This isn't exactly a romance, after all lmao. Has that romance tag always been there, what the fuck?
Looking forward to the next one!
And, for the love of fucking God, make them this long more often. This story goes by too quickly for me
in a good way
9354421
Well now...
This was a rollercoaster...
I love it!
"We shall call it.. Earth."
Anon:
When my man gonna get laid!?
Ur going to make him become nice after this movie date aren't you? Damn bronies!
9357342
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathes in* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
9348555
Future me here, stfu boi. You're an idiot.
Maple is best
ponygriffin.You have no idea (or maybe you do) how much of a breath of fresh air it is to have a protagonist who can figure this shit out by seeing, listening and generally being present with their goddamn mind. Double points for the fact that he doesn't take months to sort his own thoughts out.
Holy shit. I haven't heard the term "Brownie Points" in years. I'm surprised people still use it(?).
9948515
It's ancient!
To test the power of flex tape, I sawed this boat in half.
NOW THATS A LOT OF DAMAGE.