Chapter 15: This Is Just Bullshit
It’s Monday, January third. I’ve been able to wake up early, but apparently Whisk hasn’t. I wake up to the sound of the alarm, and yawn. I look around to find Whisk is curled up on my stomach, with Kettle curled up on top of her. I sigh. Kettle’s asserted himself a little too well. I gently move Whisk off and set her on the middle of the bed. I throw my legs off the bed, and sit upright. I stretch my arms before standing up. I actually hate having to leave the bed, but I need to get ready. I walk out of my room, shutting the door gently before walking into the bathroom. I start the shower and start taking off my clothes. I wad them up and set them on the ground. Without thinking, I step into the tub. I yell and jump back out. Fuck, I forgot that it needs to warm the hell up!
“Anon? You okay?” I hear Whisk ask.
“Yeah! Just being stupid!” I reply. I hear the bedroom door open and the sound of Whisk dragging her wings. Shit. I look around to see if I can quickly cover myself. The towel rack’s empty. Shit, I forgot to take them out of the dryer! The washcloth might do, but-
“What do you mean being-“ As Whisk rounds the corner, entering the bathroom, she freezes as she sees me in my indecency. “...” Slowly, her wings start going up, but she doesn’t look away. I look down in horror before covering myself with my bare hands.
“Yeah, I uh...” I trail off, slightly embarrassed. Whisk blinks before covering her eyes with one of her claws.
“Right! Um, I probably uh...” We’re both a little red now. Admittedly, this was inevitable. I’m just glad that nothing too awkward happened. Like, what if I had morning wood? That shit would have been terrible.
“... Can you uh, get me some towels? They’re in the um, dryer,” I say. Whisk nods, with her claw still covering her eyes.
“Yes! Towels! They’re- uh, needed! Yes!” She says awkwardly, stumbling out of the bathroom. Welp. I bet she was disappointed more than anything else. I chuckle a little at that thought and step into the warm sho- OH FUCK IT’S TOO HOT!!!
Whisk and I sit on the couch as we watch the news, eating some eggs she had quickly cooked. “Good morning everypony,” the newscast says tiredly. He yawns and smacks his lips before continuing. “Today’s weather, Manehatten is scheduled to have snow falling, along with a cold temperature of thirty degrees Fahrenheit. Uh...” I quirk an eyebrow as I see the weather pony squint his eyes. “... I can’t read that Jewel. It’s too small,” he says. Whisk and I snicker at the little blooper as it transpires. “... Oh! Celsius! Right. Uh. It’ll be negative one degrees Celsius today. Flash Card?” The camera cuts to another news pony, a mare.
“Thank you Blue Skies,” she says. A picture of the princesses show up on screen with a caption. ‘Royal secret meetings?’ “It’s been reported that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were reportedly missing during New Years Eve in the span of three to four hours. It has been believed that there was a secret meeting that the press or nobles were unaware of...” I snicker and start laughing with Whisk at the conspiracy nuts.
I get up and stretch as I get ready to leave. It’s about five thirty. “Love you, I hope you have a good day,” Whisk says as I lean down to hug her.
“You too,” I reply. I squeeze her a little before standing straight. “Love you, and don’t forget to feed Kettle,” I say as I put my coat on. “Hope the bar’s day goes smoothly!” Whisk waves bye as I start walking out the door.
“Bye! Have a good day!” She says. I close the door, trekking onward towards my workplace. I would get coffee, but I spent some of my usual free time with Whisk. Normally, she would be going to work by now, but she decided to push the opening time a little further back today since it’s the first day back since New Years and Hearthswarming.
I keep my steady pace as I walk to work. I wonder what they’ll do to get a new border manager? I imagine they’ll surely bring in a substitute of some kind. As I walk, I pass various creatures going about their day. I have to admire how much Equestria has changed since I first appeared here. At first, there was a fifty to one ratio of ponies vs other creatures. Now, it’s starting to even out. Granted, I still see more ponies, but I’m impressed by how many other creatures there are now.
I arrive at the Checkpoint, seeing the tall concrete walls serving as stone reminders of where the border is. I’m heading towards my office when a guard stops me. “Mr Anon, sir!” He states. I stop to look at the speaker, Spearhead, galloping towards me. I quirk an eyebrow as he approaches.
“Did you just call me ‘Mr Anon’?” I ask. He chuckles.
“Well, you’ll be surprised by what’s changed,” he says, completely avoiding the question. I shrug.
“I doubt it’s a big change,” I say. I continue walking towards my office as Spearhead follows.
“Well, actually, it changes your schedule slightly, you’re getting a slight increase to pay, and you’re going to be out in public a lot more,” he says cryptically. I open the door to my office, taking notice of a letter on my desk. I walk over and sit down.
“Oh really? And why is that?” I ask, reaching for the letter.
“You’ll see,” Spearhead says, walking out with a smirk. I’m confused, unsure of why he’s acting so strange. I shrug and open the letter.
To Anonymous the Human,
You’re actions for the country’s national security has been noticed. The rebellion’s bombing attempt, the leader of said rebellion being taken down, the nearly flawless record, as well as various other instances reported within the Checkpoint. Though, your ‘professional’ quality is questionable.
However, Princess Celestia has vouched for you as well as Princess Luna.
In a majority decision, you are to be placed as a temporary substitute for the management of Manehatten Border Checkpoint until a more suitable pony is found. You are required to stay two more hours, manage facilities and resources provided, uphold the reputation of Equestria, and above all else, to keep the safety of Equestria’s borders secured. You will be given an increased pay roll for compensation.
Thank you.
I stare at the letter in shock, my eyes wide in surprise. I put it down, and put my face into my hands.
“.... Mother fucker,” I silently curse.
It has been a couple hours, and I’ve been very tired. I just called in the next creature, sitting back. The creature that comes in, is a diamond dog. A short grey one with a fur coat, smirking as he walks up. “Hello, my name is-“
“Don’t care, papers please,” I say tiredly. The dog widens his eyes before growling.
“Fool, I am king of-“
“If you don’t give me your papers, you’ll be thrown in jail,” I say with an unchanged expression. He growls.
“You will listen!” He yells. I sigh and gesture for him to hurry up. “Thank you. Now, as I was-“
“Wow, that’s interesting, but I sure don’t care,” I cut in, leaning my head on one hand. The dog growls loudly and slams his passport onto my desk.
“Fine!” He yells. I point at the space beside the passport.
“Didn’t you say you were a king?” I ask. He rolls his eyes and starts rummaging through his pockets. Suddenly, a different passport falls out of his pocket. He freaks out and scrambles for it as I stare at it with no expressions. “...” I grab my walkie talkie. “Yo, Spearhead, come get this schmuck, over,” I request.
“Affirmative, over,” I hear. The dog whimpers.
“L-look human, I-I didn’t mean to cause-“
“Don’t care, you go to gulag now,” I say in a Russian accent.
As the dog is taken away by Spearhead, I call in the next entrant. “Next!” The next entrant is a pony, looking around suspiciously as she walks up. When she approaches me, she hands me her passport, as well as a news reporter id.
“Hello, I’m with the Canterlot Daily, care to answer a few questions?” She asks, turning her gaze to me. I hate newsponies. Especially ones that tend to stir shit up.
“No,” I simply answer. She hums in interest and gets out her pen and paper.
“And why’s that?” God dammit. She’s the type of news reporter to stir shit up. The key to this is to never answer the questions. I’ll have to be polite about this. To a degree anyway.
“Didn’t I just say I wasn’t going to answer questions?” I ask. She scribbles down some more notes.
“I see you’re avoiding the question.”
“I see that you have nothing better to do,” I reply. She stops to glare at me.
“... Do you know anything about the recent increase in drugs?” She asks.
“Do you know the concept of leaving ponies alone?” I ask.
“Are you being bribed with money or drugs?”
“Are you? Because you seem hellbent on getting something from me,” I say. She sighs.
“Are the rumors about the biased decisions made in the Checkpoint true?”
“Is there a reporter in the world who doesn’t start up drama for no reason?” The mare reaches over my desk and snatches my rulebook.
“Are there any hidden, specist notes given to you here?” She asks, opening it.
“I’m starting to think you’re deaf,” I state. She quickly goes through the book before groaning and tossing it across the room. She slams her hooves on my desk.
“Can you answer a single question!?” She yells. I stand my ground, never flinching.
“Can you control yourself?” I ask. She groans in frustration and grabs her passport. She starts walking out to pass when the enchanted door stops her. She tries to push the door open, but because she doesn’t have a green stamp, she can’t pass. She spins around to glare at me in anger.
“Did you deny me!?” She yells.
“No, you never allowed me to allow you to pass,” I say. She stops and her ears droop.
“O-oh.” She walks back and gives me her papers.
“Oh, by the way, now you’re denied,” I say. She stares in shock as I deny her entry.
“Why!?” She yells.
“It’s technically illegal to try to cross the border without a stamp, and you seized control of a staff-only piece of property without my consent,” I say, gesturing to the book. She grabs her papers and glares at me.
“This isn’t over,” she says, stomping out.
“... Bitch,” I mutter. I lean towards the mic. “Next!”
The next entrant is a familiar griffon. Featherbird. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him. I give a friendly wave as he walks up.
“Ah! Inspector! It’s nice to see you,” he says. I nod.
“Yeah, it’s nice to see you too,” I say as I get his papers. As I inspect them, he goes on talking.
“Sadly, I have some grave news,” he says with a grimace. I look up at him in confusion before turning back to the passport.
“What do you mean?” I ask. He sighs.
“There has been some controversy at Griffonstone. Terrorists managed to kill various griffons at a Border Checkpoint. What shocked us was what the terrorists were,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck with a claw. I look at his diplomat papers as he continues. “They were ponies,” he says. I quirked an eyebrow at him before looking back to his papers.
“Okay? There’s always a pony terrorist every other day. What makes it concerning this time?” I ask.
“They had weapons only given to high military combatants, as well as various tools to suggest that the ponies were spec ops,” he says. I look at him with wide eyes. “The secret meeting the princesses went to at New Years certainly didn’t help,” he continues.
“They weren’t at a secret meeting,” I say. He stops to look at me in confusion. “They wanted to celebrate New Years with me and my friends.” The diplomat snickers.
“Really? That’s where they went?” He laughs. I nod seriously. “You must be one important human.” I shake my head.
“Anyway, you said the ponies were spec ops?” I ask. Featherbird nods.
“Yes, they had concealed their crossbows with their magic, and the level of accuracy they showed when firing them was... unnerving,” he says, shivering. “I’ve seen regular terrorists, they rush into combat without enough training to live through it. These ponies... they were trained professionally,” he says with genuine concern. I scratch my head.
“Well, Celestia couldn’t have sent them. She knows how thin the relationship between Equestria and everyone else is,” I say.
“That doesn’t rule out the possibility,” he replies grimly. I shake my head.
“Did you capture them?” I ask. He nods.
“Yes, but the only thing they’ll say is ‘Glory to Equestria’,” he replies. I hum in concern. “Anon, I just want you to know, if you think you need to leave Equestria, I can give you a job in Griffonstone as well as living arrangements,” he says. I look at him in confusion.
“Why would I want to leave?” I ask worriedly. He sighs.
“I think our countries will go to war,” he answers simply. He looks at me tiredly. “I don’t know ponies well enough, but if it worst comes to worse, you are welcome in Griffonstone.” I stare at him for a moment, processing the information I’ve been given. I think about Whisk, and how ponies aren’t exactly the most welcoming of other species. I nod and give the guy a green stamp.
“Thank you,” I say. He nods and leaves with his papers. I stare out the door and think of what he said. Equestrian spec ops? I’ve never heard of them. I sigh and lean towards the mic. “Next!”
The next entrant is a yellow earth pony mare with pink and purple hair. She walks in and freezes upon seeing me. Why does she seem familiar? “... Well, are you going to stand around all day or come over here to give me your passport?” I ask. She trots up nervously, giving me her passport. I open it to see her name’s Jawbreaker. I quirk an eyebrow as I stare at her picture. She seems very familiar...
September 13, 20XV
I walk down the dirt path of Ponyville. I’ve been hankering for something sweet today, but I don’t particularly know what. I don’t want SugarCube Corner, but I know I want something sweet. Candy. I want candy, but where do I find such a- my thought process is interrupted by me bumping into someone. I look down to see Bonbon, a yellow mare with pink and purple hair. She’s rubbing her head due to the fact I accidentally hit her with my knee apparently. “Oh, sorry,” I say. She sighs, looking up.
“How about you watch where you’re going,” She scolds. I frown.
“Well, fuckah you too bitch,” I say, beginning to walk away. She huffs and continues on her way.
Present
“... You’re that rude bitch,” I say. She scowls.
“I don’t suppose you remember me,” she sarcastically says.
“Oh, I remember you very well. I know that your name’s Bonbon,” I start. She tenses.
“N-no, it’s Jawbreaker,” she says.
“I’m not stupid,” I say. I prop my head on my arm and smile. “Please, explain to me why you have an illegal name when I know for fact your name’s Bonbon.” She growls.
“Let me through, or I’ll-“
“What? Punch me? I’ve taken Minotaurs down bitch,” I reply. She sighs.
“Okay, look, maybe we can come to some sort of-“
“No,” I say. “Either you tell me why you have an illegal name, or you can go to jail.”
“Don’t you need to hoofprint me first?” she asks. I frown. Yeah, I kinda do. I sigh.
“Yeah, I do,” I say, leaning down to grab a sheet of paper and ink pad. I hand her the objects, which she takes aggressively, yanking them out of my grip. I get results instantly spat back at me through the enchanted printer under my desk. I grab the paper to see that there are two names listed for her.
Bonbon, and Sweetie Drops. No Jawbreaker. I smirk.
“Well well, looks like someone is in need of explaining,” I say, showing her the paper. I admit, I’m kind of being a dick, but I wanted to annoy the shit out of her for so long. Bonbon’s eyes widen, purely shocked.
“N-no, that can’t-“
“Fess up, why do you have another name?” I ask, crossing my arms. She glares at the paper for a second before sighing.
“I’m a secret agent,” she admits.
“...” I start reaching for the walkie talkie, but I stop. Why detain her instantly, if she’s an agent, maybe she can answer a couple of questions for me. She must have looked into the spec ops fiasco, right? Bonbon’s eyes are wide as she sees the communication device.
“W-Wait, don’t-“
“I want to know something,” I say, pulling my hand back, and getting serious. Bonbon looks at me in confusion before glaring.
“I will not share national secrets with you, stupid ape,” she spats. I roll my eyes.
“Unnecessary and bitchy racism aside, I actually want to know something that happened recently in Griffonstone,” I say. Bonbon blinks.
“... What?”
“There was a coordinated terrorist attack in Griffonstone, but the terrorists were trained, professionally. Furthermore, the equipment they were found carrying resembles spec ops gear,” I explain. Bonbon looks around, before looking at me with a glare.
“Who told you about it?”
“A griffon representative that recently passed through,” I say. She quirks an eyebrow in disbelief, but sees that I’m serious. She frowns, and remains silent.
“...”
“... I know you’re supposed to be a secret agent, but if your loyalty is to Equestria, then telling someone like me will probably help Equestria,” I say. She scoffs.
“How?” She asks. I lean over.
“They’ll target the Equestrian Borders. If it’s going to affect my Checkpoint, I’d like to know,” I say. She looks at me, staring into my eyes fiercely. We sit in silence for a minute before she sighs.
“We’ve been investigating that,” she admits. She looks up to me with tired eyes. “We have no idea who they are.” I notice her ear flicks as she finishes the sentence. I grimace.
“You know, I’m not sure if I really believe you,” I warn. She groans.
“Look, I told you about it, now let me through!” She says.
“You were investigating it, right?” I ask.
“Yes,” she confirms.
“How?” I ask. She freezes.
“... I cannot disclose that information,” she says. I narrow my eyes.
“You investigated illegally, didn’t you?” I ask. She looks away.
“I cannot-“ I interrupt her with a hand gesture, telling her to stop.
“Are the next words going to be, ‘I cannot disclose that information?’” I ask. She glares at me.
“The point is, it’s a need-to-know basis. The only pony who should know about it, is Celestia,” she says. I stare at her in silence before sighing.
“So, instead of going to the Canterlot Checkpoint, you take a detour?” I ask. She freezes. “... You’re following Featherbird, aren’t you?” I guess. She glares at me in silence. “... Fine,” I say. I take her passport and give it a green stamp. She blinks and looks at me in confusion. “The last thing I want to do right now, is fuck with this kind of shit,” I say tiredly, tossing the passport towards her. She grabs it in mid air, and nods towards me before galloping out. I grin a little as she ran out. She doesn’t realize how long we’ve been arguing however, I wasted a good ten to fifteen minutes of her time. Featherbird’s out of the Checkpoint at this rate, and I doubt he would just wander around the city. He must’ve gotten a carriage of some kind. Though, he could have a schedule, a schedule Bonbon knows of. That would be a good reason why she wasn’t too impatient. Why worry about following him if you know where he’ll be? I sigh. Looks like I really just annoyingly inconvenienced her. I smirk. Good enough. I lean towards the mic.
“Next!”
It’s the end of the day, and I close the door to my office. I sigh as I realize I still have to go to the other office to manage the border. I silently walk towards my new office as Segway and Spearhead walk up. “Anon! Congrats on the new-“
“Fuck the promotion,” I say tiredly. Segway does a double take as Spearhead laughs.
“That’s our Anon!” He says. Segway stops.
“Wait, why don’t you like it?” He asks. I groan, face palming. I stop and turn to the two guards.
“Because now, I have seven hours to sleep everyday,” I say. “And nothing else. What’s more, I now have to hold up some sort of image in public,” I say, crossing my arms. Segway’s eyes widen.
“Wait, you have to keep up an image?” He asks. I snicker at his reaction.
“Exactly,” I say, turning back to continue my way. Spearhead laughs.
“We’ll see ya tomorrow boss!” He yells. I turn my head to look at them as I flip them off.
“I’m not your fuckin’ boss!” I yell back, chuckling.
I open the door to my second, new office. It was Lucky’s office. Shoeside’s standing next to the desk, a little sad. I clear my throat to get his attention. He blinks out of his trance and looks at me. “Oh! Mr Anon!” He says, scrambling to get his papers in order. I quirk an eyebrow as he hands me said papers. “I’m supposed to show you around and show you what to do-“ Suddenly, the door slams open. I jump and look back to see who the hell did that shit. Low and behold, it was none other than-
“Small Fry!” I say, throwing my arms up and smiling. Lucky, however, is not amused. In fact, she looks pissed.
“Sit down!” She orders. I casually do so as Shoeside perks up. “I heard you were promoted Anon, and I decided that if anyone’s going to train your dumbass, it’ll be me!” She states, trotting up to my desk. She points to Shoeside. “You! Get a notebook!” He salutes her and gallops out the room. She points to me. “You! Don’t be a smartass with me!” I shrug. She walks around the desk and hops onto the desk. She turns on my desk lamp and turns towards me. “Now, come here so that I can teach you how to not buck up,” she says.
“... Did they enlarge the table?” I ask absentmindedly as I notice the size difference. Lucky sighs.
“Do I need to smack some sense into you?” She asks. I snicker and sit down as Lucky hops down. “You’re so damn lucky I was paying you guys a visit,” she bickers. “Those idiots at the top think that this job’s easy.” She glares at me. “And to think an idiot like you managed to get my job,” she continues. I roll my eyes.
“Great to see you too Short Stack,” I comment. She uses her magic to bring my head down to slap the back of it.
“Now, here’s what you’re going to do...”
One hour later...
I learned the ropes of what I’m supposed to do. I have to write out permission forms for paying certain ponies, like guards and staff, and I have to keep count of how much funding the wall gets depending on how well it does. Since I’ve done so well at keeping the place safe, the wall is well funded. Lucky also helped me get an idea of what to do with the funding. I can either improve the wall, or I improve the facilities of the border. See, when the entrant can pass me, they can do one of two things. If they are civilians of Equestria, they can go ahead and go home or whatever. However, if the entrant is a foreign individual, they must either get a temporary-housing-card or go to the immigration office. Equestria’s way of handling stuff like this is very different from America’s. Anyway, as I was saying, I can direct the funds to literally anything I want as long as it is in the best interest of the Checkpoint.
Lucky scans through the papers, pointing out various bits of information as she goes along. We had a nice system. A pile of papers in the center of the desk, a stack of approved papers and commissions on the left, and everything else is crumbled up. “Now, when I left the Checkpoint, the place could run on its own,” she says. She throws down the paper ball she was holding, groaning in frustration. “The last pony to run the place really bucked it up.” I scoff, signing a paper to pay for janitorial staff.
“Yeah. Smooth Course was from Canterlot. In his opinion, he was improving the things that weren’t broken,” I say, placing the paper on the stack on the left. I had to stop myself from looking for an ink pot. I’ve been using an enchanted quill so that I don’t run out of ink.
“I heard he tried to stop paying you,” Lucky comments. I nod, picking up another paper to look at.
“Yep.”
“Did you know that he tried to stop payment for some of the guards?” Lucky asks, picking up another paper. I frown, crumbling the paper I was holding. Who the fuck would want me to commission an official Opposite Day?
“No, I didn’t. I bet there’s a different reason about why he quit,” I say, picking up another paper.
“He quit before he could be fired. It didn’t really hurt his reputation in Canterlot if he resigned,” Lucky says, crumbling her paper. “I swear to Celestia that if I see another silly commission-“ I pick up a paper and read it. I sigh. Someone asked for a statue made of gold. I take my quill and write ‘Fuck you’ on it. I put it in a clear area on the desk. Lucky quirks an eyebrow and looks at the writing. “What’s this pile?”
“The fuck you pile,” I say nonchalantly, picking up another paper. Lucky smirks.
“I like that,” she says, picking up another paper as well.
After another hour, there was a bin full of paper, a stack of approved papers, and a stack of ‘Fuck you’ papers. Lucky pitched in to help. Lucky and I stare at the stacks. “That’s a lot of buck you papers,” she comments. I nod. “... You’re not really going to deliver those, are you?”
“Of course not,” I say. She sighs. “I’m gonna make Shoeside do it.” Lucky groans.
“Celestia dammit,” she says. As I chuckle at her words, I hear someone outside my office.
“Hey, have you seen Anon?”
“Yes! He right in there!”
“Oh, thank you!” I frown, realizing that I forgot about Whisk. My office door opens to reveal Whisk, a peeved Whisk. At least she’s not pissed. “Anon! Why’re you still here?” She asks, walking up. I sigh.
“Got a promotion,” I say. She stops and her eyes go wide.
“What?”
“Promotion,” I reply. She smiles widely and hugs me.
“Oh that’s wonderful!”
“Now that I stay an extra two hours, I’m working over eighty hours a week,” I say, my voice showing my fatigue. Whisk giggles.
“It’s okay Anon, you’ll survive,” she says. I get a flashback to the spec-op-fiasco. I frown as I realize that her situation will be a little complicated. Lucky snickers as she watched our interaction.
“Wow, I bust my flank to get over here, and I don’t even get a hello?” She asks. I snap out of my thoughts and give her a grin.
“Wow, such fowl language from a little filly,” I tease. Her smile instantly goes away and her horn lights up. I feel a painful sensation from my face as I slowly realize that Lucky threw a book at me.
“Don’t even,” she says, making Whisk giggle. I chuckle as well, and start walking out with Whisk and Lucky behind me, going into a conversation. I hope Celestia fixes that situation soon...
A week ago…
An interview room within a secret griffon-base is occupied by a single pony, two chairs, and a table. The mirror on the wall is obviously a one way mirror. The pony’s demeanor is stoic, never changing his expression. He just stares ahead as a griffon enters the room, holding a clipboard with papers. The griffon sits across from the pony, never taking his eyes off the papers. “... So, Mr ‘Glory to Equestria’, are you willing to tell us about your little mission at the Griffonstone Checkpoint?” He asks, finally looking at the pony.
“Glory to Equestria,” the pony replies.
“... Okay, let me rephrase the question,” the griffon leans over, glaring at the pony as he raises a claw to the pony’s face. “If you do not answer the question, my buddies are free to extract info from you in a ‘non-friendly manner’,” the griffon leans back. “I’ve suggested a couple things, like branding, de-hoofing, et cetera, et cetera.” He chuckles. “Would be nice to see what pony meat taste like.”
“Glory to Equestria,” the pony stoicly responds. The griffon frowns.
“You know, that’s starting to piss me off,” he says, getting up. He can already tell that he isn’t going to get anything. After all, ponies were the most breakable. Threatening ponies was easy, but if this one wasn’t even wincing at the ideas the griffon said, then the griffon’s wasting his breath. “Welp, it seems that you’re going back to solitary. Once you’re willing to cooperate, you can just call.”
“Glory to Equestria,” the pony says again as the griffon walks out. Featherbird watches the interrogation from behind the mirror, frowning.
It seems he needs to go to Equestria for a little chat. He turns and leaves, worried and concerned for the future of his country. He doesn’t want a war to break out, that’s for fact. The economy in Griffonstone would be torn asunder. He thinks back to his nephew, who travelled Equestria. He apparently likes it there. The eceonomy was certainly better. Featherbird suddenly remembers the human from the Checkpoint. A rather provocative creature, yet very logical. He smirks. The very thought of that fowl mouthed creature makes him want to chuckle. He frowns as he realizes that ponies aren’t exactly going to treat him fairly when war breaks out. He sighs. He can’t think of that now. His country comes first.
Present
Celestia sighs as she looks at the clock. Today, she was to be in an emergency meeting in Manehatten. The room it was taking place in was rather small, but enough for her and the diplomats. Celestia sits at the end of a long table, taking up one of the various seats. She looks at the entrance of the room just in time to see the door opening, revealing the griffon diplomat, Featherbird. Celestia quirks an eyebrow as she notices no one else enters. Why is there only one diplomat? “Good evening Princess,” the griffon says with a grim expression. “I’m sorry to have called you in at this hour, as well as how early into the year.” Celestia puts on her calm mask effortlessly, bringing a practiced smile to her face.
“Oh, it is no trouble. After all, I of all ponies know that if you called an emergency meeting, then that means it is important.” Celestia leans in a little. “So, what’s the emergency?” Feartherbird sighs.
“... There were two professionally trained and equipped terrorists apprehended the other day at a Checkpoint,” he explains. Celestia’s smile drops instantly. “They were identified as special forces from Equestria. What’s more worrying, is that they only seem to repeat the phrase, ‘Glory to Equestria’.” Celestia’s calm mask was gone, and her eyes show nothing else other than concern.
“...”
“... Do you know anypony by the names of ‘Trickblade’, or ‘Trigger’?” He asks. Celestia’s eyes just barely widen. “Those were the names found on their dog tags.” Celestia sits stoically. The griffon stares at her with a trace of worry. “... Look, I know our relations with your country is thin enough,” he starts. “I don’t want to believe your country’s government deliberately sent two special forces units to go on a terrorist mission.” Celestia remains in her seat with no readable expression. “But please, if there is some logical explanation, you have to tell me.” The room remains silent, with a cold chill running down Featherbird’s back.
“... Mr Featherbird. I cannot disclose any information about our special forces,” she calmly says. Celestia knows her words are menacing sounding, but she can’t say anything else. Featherbird’s face floods with a mix of emotions. Shock, fear, betrayal, and many other things.
“Celestia, please-“
“I cannot disclose anything at all,” she cuts in. Featherbird slams a claw onto the table.
“Don’t you realize what will happen!?” He yells furiously. “This could start a war! A war that my fellow griffons, despite having such a low national budget already, are going to partake in!” Celestia does not even flinch as the diplomat yells. “Please! Tell us something! Anything! We cannot-“
“I’m sorry, but I cannot discuss it,” Celestia cuts in. The griffon stares at her in angery confusion before scoffing.
“Ironic how ponies claim to have a ruler of friendship, and yet most of your country lacks all of the harmonic qualities of it,” he comments, starting to walk out. Celestia just stares ahead as the events unfold. Featherbird stops when he reaches the door. “... Just to let you know, if this doesn’t start a war, you will be on very thin ice.” Celestia nods.
“I understand.”
“...” Featherbird walks out, with many emotions swirling in his head.
Celestia watches on, waiting for the diplomat to close the door. Once he does, Celestia’s eyes start watering. Before she could cry, a series of rapid knocks sound from the door. Celestia immediately wipes her eyes and opens the door with her magic, revealing Agent Sweetie Drops on the other side. “Princess, I have news for you, but I’ll have to be quick.”
“Come in,” Celestia says, stepping aside. Sweetie Drops walks in, and turns to the princess as she closes the door.
“The special forces that went missing last week were the ones that attacked in Griffonstone,” she reports. Celestia keeps a strong face, but inside, she’s crumbling. “I checked everything about them, but they’re the spec ops we were looking for.”
“And the griffons? Have they sent special forces to attack us?” Celestia asks.
Unbeknownst to the majority of Equestria, a letter was sent to Celestia two days ago, warning her of an attack. Thus, Sweetie Drops was sent to investigate. The day she arrived at Griffonstone, the two spec ops ponies attack. She investigated them as a side mission.
“No. It turns out, they didn’t. The letter was false,” she confirms. Celestia sighs.
“Anything else?”
“The griffons have actually partook in a treaty with a couple countries,” Sweetie Drops continues. “The Dragons, the Minotaurs, and half of the Hippogriffs.” Celestia quirks an eyebrow.
“Half?”
“It seems that there was a disagreement between the populace, and thus decided to segregate.” Celestia sighs. “The treaty entails that all who sign it are to assist each other in times of war.” Celestia freezes.
“War? Why would they draft up such a thing?” Celestia asks. Sweetie Drops shakes her head.
“It wasn’t them who drafted it, it was the Minotaurs,” she explains. Celestia hums in concern.
“Anything else?”
“I was instructed to follow Featherbird. In the process, I was almost caught by the stupid ape at the Checkpoint,” she says. Celestia chuckles.
“His name is Anon you know.”
“He tried to interrogate me when he recognized me,” she continues.
“You answered at least some of his questions, right?” Celestia asks. Sweetie Drops frowns.
“Why would I?”
“Because this is of concern for Checkpoints like his. His Checkpoint could be under attack any day now,” Celestia says. Sweetie scoffs.
“As if. Ever since that loudmouth showed up, there has been a dramatic decline of terrorist attacks on his Checkpoint. If anything, he has the safest position,” Sweetie Drops continues. Celestia sighs.
“Agent Sweetie Drops, his Checkpoint was attacked by one of Equestria’s biggest threats. Yes, he’s much more prepared than other Checkpoints due to his lack of naivity, but that does not mean he is prepared for everything,” Celestia scolds. “I would also like to remind you of the agency’s failure, as well as the Elements of Harmony’s, to bring in the same threat that Anon took care of in the span of an hour with no major casualties,” Celestia continues. “If I can trust him alone with an entire Checkpoint, then surely you can trust him enough to divulge his questions regarding the very thing he is supposed to protect!” Celestia finishes with a more-than-pissed attitude. Sweetie Drops stares up in slight fear and embarrassment as Celestia realizes she lost her temper. Celestia clears her throat and recomposes herself. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. Still, my point still stands.”
“Yes ma’am,” Sweetie Drops replies, saluting.
“Anything else to report?”
“No ma’am.”
“Alright. I imagine you have Featherbird’s schedule?”
“Two steps ahead of you.”
“Good. Follow him. I need somepony to keep an eye on him. Just in case.”
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We have some 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy' stuff going down now. The plot. It be thickening.
Celestia, please, for Frost's sake, just tell Featherbird that you didn't order the attack!
I can't decide if this is a typo or not...
Woot woot, I'm excited.
9431091
Oh shit it is
Oh boy, here comes a war.
Now this is interesting... looking forward to where this goes.
Well, things are about to head south very fast.
This is why I’m best friends with yellowtail. This shit is fucking golden
I don't swear much.
But why the fuck wouldn't she deny sending them? At the very least, the griffon could have had some scoop on who they're dealing with.
I take good o' fashioned swigs of "fuck you" every time I watch Thomas the Tank Engine segments narrated by George Carlin spliced with audio works by George Carlin.
I guess the next chapter will be named. Shit splashes when you launch it on the vent. XD
Eighty hours? Sounds like hes being punished, not rewarded.
Never have I ever seen Celest be so dumb before...
9431223
That how Mafia works
Woo!
-Ru
One more pony to add to the "Fuck You" pile.
Will there be extra " Fuck you" put in for good measure?
"impress" should be "impressed".
I can hear the soviet anthem in the distance for I've become death, destroyer of worlds
I'm pretty sure you're talking about a one way mirror.
9431332
Nah the use of the 2 way mirror could be a fear tactic. Showing a cold and imposing general or official standing unblinkingly; letting the victim know that what ever is happening is sanctioned by the head of the government and whatever IS going to happen is to be recorded and processed
9431172
Ringo is the only Thomas narrator. Carlin is a git who doesn't know mean from median.
9431464
Still he could so a hilarious Scottish accent.
why do i have the feeling it is becoming much like WW1
9431535
Again, even though the in-game date says 1982, the uniforms and designs are from the '90s Yugoslav Wars. And the in-game map resembles the former Yugoslav republics.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-STE6UiRzaFY/UjjBzdIYXpI/AAAAAAAAD6E/Z4mjiYQWRK0/s1600/uniformes_52.jpg
Poor, naive, dum dum Bon Bon.
I know I should leave this comment in the other chapter, but given how recent this one is...
The therapy sessions still leave too many questions. What's Spike got to say for himself? Why did Luna do what she did in a stupid way? Seriously, it was stupid. Nobody makes the source of your problems your therapist. And a mere "i have my reasons" doesn't cut it.
So yeah, loved the new year part, disliked the therapy part.
The latest chapter was excellent though I do have to say that if who ever nominated Anon for the promotion thought his attitude would improve because he would have to maintain a ‘good’ public image at work. Then they should have their head examined.
9431090
Telling someone a bunch of your special operatives just went missing and then attacked their country is worse than straight up telling them you ordered the attack. It both shows the possibility of incompetence, disrespect with the other party by suggesting they might believe such an excuse and tries to deflect the blame.
If she had concrete information of who and why, though, that might've been enough.
... What Celestia needs to do is disavow, loudly and openly. Sure, it looms bad, but at the end of the day you can't justify a war when the supposed instigator is claiming innocance and you have no evidence otherwise.
Also, wow, what a treaty that multiple nations would immediately come in to support one another if a war kicked off, unilatterally. Not defensive pacts, not a series of alliences, a massive treaty guaranteeing unillateral support for one another. In real life the closest we had was WWI, and that was mostly just a series of alliances forming a web, not a single pact involving half a dozen factions.
Just found and binge read. FUCK THIS CLIFFHANGER. Also, great story. I want more.
Sorry
*cough*MOAR NOW PLZ
LOL that is all. I know the creative posses takes times
9431260
SON OF A [Demonotized]! That meme has reached a point where it's really annoying now!
*takes swig*
Ahhh.... I haven't had a good mug of Fuck You for a month !!
Thanks, dear author !
We needed that.
9431090
Yep, I genuinely can't tell why she'd choose this 'silent' path. For christ's sake she's a damned immortal, diplomacy should be second nature and if you refuse to tell the truth then lies should flow like water. WHAT IN THE EVERLIVIN' FUCK'S SHE THINKIN'!
Ya got every fuckin' nation on yer ass against yer ass, this ain't gonna end well if you dont handle it properly, that idiotic Fatass!
Amusing to see the incarnation of the sun playing with fire.
9431580
I love how you say that, and the chapter you commented on is called ‘This is just bullshit’
Interesting fecal-matter is at hand/hoof. Bet it's just waiting for a ventilation unit.
9431933
I know what this chapter is called.
Sorry, it's just a little funny to me.
... Welp, it's time for the Treaty of Friendship, Cooperation and Mutual Assistance.
9431835
Plus this could also turn Anon against her.
9432553
OH SHIT! and let's not forget how important a diplomatic pawn he is. He's the ONLY person well liked by all nations(excluding Equestria) and every LEADER of every nation considers him important.
Best case scenario she takes him a forceful hostage when he tries to leave(this will more or less be because Whisk is a griffin). Whisk will escape and when word gets out Equestria and all it's "special agents' will be fucked.
9432589
Yep. Whatever is happening, Anon is the key to changing the outcome.
9432173
Are you relpying to someone?
9432206
The Treaty of Oh God We're Fucked
9432830
Yep. Forgot to reply to you specifically.
Holy shit...this went from back alley fight comedy to freaking war!
9433005
That's certainly one way to spell 'The Warsaw Pact'.
9433005
Yep. That’s the unofficial nickname.
Argh!
I dont wan't Anon to go to the griffons because everyone's probably gonna be nicer and he wont be able to channel his inner self,
But! I don't want him to stay with the ponies because he'll either get separated from the ones he cares about, or they'll be treated worse.
Curse you Author for writing a compelling character!