We go together like Bubblegum & Bacon!

by Sense of Humor

Cooked Cryptids

So there they were, three hours into the drive on a long stretch of road.

The rickety old vehicle had a sort of strange shake to it as it moved along, so soft that it was borderline a vibration. The only reason she didn't think it necessary to pull over to the side of the road was because she didn't have a single idea on what was causing the shaking--just multiple. It could be something wrong with the spokes, it could be a significantly lower tire, it could be the engine or it could be a few other little things that she doubted Pinkie would have ever noticed upon getting the RV. At least it wasn't bad enough to keep them from driving any further.

The view beyond the windows was only of the great plains of the Idaho land, filled to the brim with grass of varying heights and flowers of varying colors. Very few times had there been an animal to spot, and even then it was either a small rabbit or an Eagle circling something deceased in the far distance. Sunset turned from the view and sighed as a familiar weight crawled onto her shoulder. She glanced over at her friend, who had been talking about last year's Psychology class for about two and a half of those three hours. "Pinkie, get your lizard off of me."

"So then, he asked the room--Oops." She carefully snatched up her green pet and booped his nose in a disapproving manner. "Bad Gummy! I told you to stay put in Mama's lap! Don't you take that tone with me!"

Sunset resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the one-sided argument going on right next to her."You really need to get another pet, you know. "

Pinkie scoffed at the apparently outlandish statement, holding up gummy to her nose. "Aw, she's just a big ol' jelly, welly grump because she doesn't have a pet! No she doesn't! No she doesn't!"

"I'm not jealous of your little...thing. If I had a pet, I wouldn't ever want it to be some creepy, scaley...thing with a forked tongue and all those claws. Even a Gecko wouldn't do it for me." The reddish head retorted with complete confidence. She briefly thought she saw Gummy glaring from the corner of her eye, but she shrugged it off as nonsense. "I would get something furrier than a lizard, with a cute little nose and paws. Maybe a puppy."

Pinkie frowned as confusion wrinkled her brow. "A puppy? But you're deathly afraid of dogs."

Sunset grinned, perhaps a little too wide to be convincing, and laughed. "Ha, ha. No. No, I am not deathly afraid of dogs. That's--Thats an over exaggeration."

"The last time you saw a dog, you ran up the nearest tree and I had to talk you down ten minutes after it left."

"That's different! My reaction was totally justified! It was a Great Dane; you know how huge those things are? Besides, that was years ago."

"That was last week. And it was a tiny, angry little Chihuahua. It wasn't any taller than your ankle. It only chased you because you screamed and ran--"

"A puppy is what I said, okay? Not a full grown dog. A puppy. I can start getting used to dogs if I get used to a puppy. "

"Riiiight."

"Oh shut up." Sunset started to make the turn on a curved part of the road. "So how close are we to your surprise first stop?"

Pinkie Pie instantly unsheathed the ma from her side and unfolded it after setting Gummy back onto her lap, her legs raising to cross them on the dashboard. "Weeeeeell, it should actually be just three minutes away from us. Right behind that big mountain in the distance."

"Hmm." Was the response to that, along with a disapproving look to the crossed legs on the dashboard. Sunset looked up forward in time to spot a rather jarring, random sight not too far ahead of them and she pressed her foot into the brake to bring them to a slow halt in the middle of the road. She blinked with wide eyes at the animal starting to cross the road, failing to comprehend it. "I...Is that…?"

Pinkie seemed even more shocked and bewildered than her friend, inhaling a mighty gasp inward. "Oh my gosh, it's a--SASQUATCH!"

Yes, a Sasquatch.

Clear as day, the creature ambled across the road from the left with a slow, lazy gait. It's long arms swung with each half-hearted stride across the concrete and his head was leaned forward on its apeish body. Right in front of the vehicle, the creature's head swing in their direction to fix the girls with an unreadable gaze. They all stared at each other just eight feet away and no one dared to make a sound to one another. Sunset slowly shifted her foot on the gas pedal, preparing to either run the thing over or knock it out of the way with the hood of the RV…

"...Oh, thank God."

The Sasquatch suddenly leaned back in relief and allowed a sign it had been dragging to fall in the road. It kept starting in their direction with that frozen expression, despite its body language looking utterly exhausted. "Oh man, I thought I was gonna be stuck out here forever."

Sunset blinked at the giant beast, before tearing her eyes off of it to stare at her friend. "...Did...Did Bigfoot just talk?"

Pinkie shrugged at the question, then rolled down the window to lean out of it. "Uh, Bigfoot? How can you talk? Is there a library in the woods?"

"...Uh, this is a costume! For my restaurant, see?" The fake bigfoot picked up the sign from the ground and held it up for them to see. He pointed to his proof and shrugged. "Yeah, The Sasquash. Ya know? The eatery right past Blondi mountain?"

Pinkie stared at the mountain in the distance and scratched her head. "The mountain doesn't look Blonde to me. Let's see if it was just colored yellow on the map." She went silent scrutinizing every inch of the map, only pausing when she apparently discovered the desired area. Her smile fell slowly as she took it in, only to return with a very nervous undertone to it. She looked up at Sunset slowly. "Ha Ha. So...Heh. It's funny…"

Sunset narrowed her eyes. "What's funny?"

"Well, it seems I've been navigating us in the complete opposite direction of our first stop…" As if that wasn't enough of a shocking problem on its own, Pinkie sank a little further into the corner of her seat. "...For the past... two and a half...hours…?"

"You--WHAT?!" Sunset clutched at her hair in utter disbelief, glaring daggers at the one she foolishly assigned to be the GPS of the trip. "WE'RE THREE HOURS AWAY FROM THE FIRST STOP? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO SCREW THIS UP THAT MUCH?!"

"Technically, two and a half hours."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"I DONT KNOW! I JUST--" Pinkie turned the map to her so she could see the jumbled mess of streets and roadways on it. "IT ALL LOOKS THE SAME! We were supposed to be driving past Brunette Mountain!"

"Why are they even hair color names?!" Sunset allowed her head to hit the steering wheel with a groan. "Maaaaan, why did I ever let you be the navigator?!"

"I tried to be the driver, but you didn't want me to! "

"Because then not only would be this far off track, but you would have run him over!"

"I would not! I wouldn't have run him over even if he was the REAL Bigfoot! Mostly because we could train the real one to be our best friend and do tricks for people!"

Before Sunset could even think to call her out on the absurdity of such a plan on several grounds, the guy in the bigfoot costume outside carefully butted into the conversation. "Uh...I hate to be that weird hitchhiker in a stifling hot Bigfoot outfit in three digit degree weather...but could I get a lift back to my job with you two?"

She only lifted her head up from the steering wheel enough to let him see the whites of her very irritated gaze. "Don't you have a way of getting there yourself? How did you get all the way out here?"

"Well, I walked about ten--maybe thirteen minutes on the side of the road, and then I had to jog for about ten more minutes because a Mountain Lion saw me and, uh, I guess it thought I was like...a baby bison, or deer or something? Those things run pretty fast, you know? Like cheetahs or something." He paused to look around at the plains that border the road. Sunset distantly wondered if that Mountain Lion never actually left and had been stalking this guy all the way up until now. It was mildly hilarious to think he might have used the sign as a weapon to ward it off. "Um, yeah. So...If I could just get a short lift? I would really appreciate it."

Sunset started to lift her foot off the brakes. "Tough luck, guy. We gotta get outta here so we can actually get back on track again."

Pinkie stared at her incredulously. "You're not seriously gonna leave him out here in the middle of nowhere, are you?"

"This isn't the middle of nowhere. It's the side of the road. He can follow it back to his dumb eatery from there." She turned the RV past the poor Bigfoot fella and would have started away a little faster if it weren't for Pinkie's hand latching onto the steering wheel. "Hey! Let go of the wheel."

"Sunset, I'm sorry for getting us off track and all, but that doesn't give you any right to make this guy's life miserable!" Sunset blinked at the firm stare she was given, then felt a bit of guilt seep into her. It was a tad bit wrong to leave him when it would be no trouble to drop him off. If her words weren't enough incentive, Pinkie had another sentence. "Plus, if you try to drive off, I'll just crash us and make sure we ALL get to walk."

Sunset weakly grimaced as she whispered. "What if he's one of those crazy costumed serial killers?"

"You can't kill Trix or Lucky Charms, Sunset." Pinkie explained. "Besides, do you really think any meanie could take the both of us on?"

With a sigh, Sunset finally consented to the madness and motioned for the dude to get into the RV. With a pep in his step, Bigfoot guy rushed inside the side doors to the massive vehicle and, after a moment of indecision, decided to sit on the couch. His suit looked highly difficult to sit in, but he didn't even take off his mask. Then again, removing anything might make the van smell all sweaty. "Oh, thank you, Ladies! Man, am I glad to be out of that sun!"

"Yeah, sure. You're welcome." Sunset murmured as she began to drive off again.

"You know, you are really committed, person! I could never stand out in this weather in a giant suit…" Pinkie exclaimed with thoughtful eyes. "Unless it was a giant snowman outfit with mini fans inside."

"Well, it's not as bad as it looks, really. A-And I get paid pretty good too, so…"

"Well, Mr.Well Paid Bigfoot, " She gestured to the driver and then herself. "This beautiful little lady here is Sunset Shimmer, and I am Pinkie Pie! We're out on a bonding, friendly Roadtrip across Idaho!"

Sunset sighed through her nostrils. "Oh yeah. Why don't you give him our social security numbers while you're at it?"

"Well, I don't quite have yours...but I do know mine! It's 64--"

"Pinkie."

"I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding!" The Pink haired Partygirl turned back to the guy. "So, you got a real name, Friendo?"

"Oh! Yeah. It's Flash, " The mask nodded. "Flash Sentry."

Author's Note:

Eh, yeah. Since this is an Alternate Universe, I reckon sprinkling one or two show characters in. Might involve Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo later on.

Comments

[StrummFan217]

I really hope this story continues, because I am loving it! 😂