Silence reigned over the castle as the commotion and hustle of the crowd slowly but surely died down with everyone gone. The guards managed to do a quick job of gathering and restraining any remaining ponies that were corrupted by anger unleashed earlier so that Princess Cadence and Shining Armor could neutralize the threat it posed.
Princess Celestia remained quiet throughout the whole ordeal and just watched as her citizens left the palace, slightly dazed and confused with all that had happened. One part of her was happy everyone was safe, though, in the back of her head, a smoldering, silky voice whispered, tempting the monarch to give in to her rage and seek vengeance. She didn't even know where to aim it. The noble couple that forced her to exile a family member? Or at her own citizens that laughed and jeered while it happened? All throughout this, Fluttershy remained. Always by her side, noticing the princesses distress and refusing to leave, her kindness showing strong.
"Auntie?" Cadence’s voice managed to break her from her blackening thoughts and, with a shake of her head, the solar princess looked to her niece with a small smile. "Yes, Cadence?"
"I said that that was the last one." She points at the pony Shining Armor was finishing curing. The last pony was covered in a blue aura that Shining was emitting not from his horn, but from his body. Manipulating it and spreading it on the victim, killing the fire in the process and calming the enraged noble.
"I see…that is great news. I thank you both." The princess thanked both ponies as the noble was escorted out of the castle. This time Shining also noted how the princess sounded distant and slightly cold, the same with Cadence as she eyed her aunt with a hint of worry.
"Aunty I know how you must be feeling. I'm also worried for Bluey but…"
"Oh do you?" Celestia, all of a sudden, transfixed Cadence with an angry glare. "Do tell me, dearest niece, when was it last, that you were forced to banish a loved one? When? When were you forced to spend a thousand years on the brink of insanity from the isolation of being the last of your kind?" Celestia slowly stalked up to her niece all the while maintaining her glare. "When, did you see all of your family erased from existence by the passage of time?!"
"Princess stop!" Fluttershy called out and tried to intervene by getting in between the two, fearing for Cadence, yet Celestia simply used a levitation spell that lifts her in the air and out of the way with no effort. Barely even altering her stride.
"Auntie, please calm down!" Cadence calls in fear as she slowly backs away, yet Celestia didn’t seem to be listening. Both royals gasp in surprise when they notice a burn mark spreading across her chest as her eyes begin to turn white from her anger. "Auntie you are infected! You need help!"
"Don't tell me what I need to do! I'm sick and tired of everypony thinking they can bend, twist and manipulate MY laws as to suit their whims! Perhaps this is why King Sombra took a different approach...You know what? Maybe he had a point if it means that I can keep my family intact. Maybe I should rule Equestria with an iron…"
The mane of Celestia was starting to ignite, and her teeth were in the process of turning to fangs before a spell hit the back of her head, turning her back to normal as she fell asleep on the ground, and Fluttershy promptly dropped with a thud.
Looking up, everyone found Luna on the entrance with Pinkie by her side and a smoking horn. "Seems like I arrived just in time," She told the group, as Pinkie and Fluttershy rushed to assist Princess Celestia who continued to sleep.
"What happened?" Pinkie queried, confused and worried.
"It seems Aunt Celestia was infected by the same pony that caused all of this mess in the first place." Cadence explained. "Her centuries of controlling her emotions was probably why it took so long for the magic to take effect. Honestly, with everything that happened, I'm rather surprised she managed to remain this calm for this long. Shining? Do you think you could…?"
"Already on it, dear" Shining answered and got to work in purging the rage out of the princess’s system as Cadence approached her other aunt. "Aunt Luna, Blueblood, he…"
Before she can continue, Luna raised her hoof for silence. "I'm aware, fair Cadence, Pinkie filled me in regarding the incidents, and I assure you, measures are being put in place as we speak. More so with a killer still on the loose" Luna explained.
"He escaped?" Pinkie stared at the princess in shock as she simply nodded.
"It appears my tracking skills have dulled more than I anticipated, but do not fret. My best tracker picked up the trail and they are still in hot pursuit. We will catch him. While he remains at large, another platoon will bring my nephew back, and I will grant him sanctuary within the royal palace. Equestria have mercy upon anyone that tries to stop me. For, I will not." Luna threatened quietly before turning her attention to Fluttershy. "But for now, I would like to know exactly what the events leading up to my nephew’s banishment were, and how they happened." Her eyes flashed white as a glare started to form on her face. "I need to be as well informed as I possibly can be, so I might know just how long I will be tormenting the dreams of those that hurt my family."
"I would like to hear that story too," Cadence tells, remaining neutral yet she too was feeling deep anger caused by the whole ordeal.
Fluttershy nodded, and for the first time in probably all of her life, she didn't get worried or scared for the well being of another as she met Luna's gaze with a fierce determination twinkling in her own eyes. "I will tell you, everything princess.”
At the moment in the streets of Canterlot
After practically being kicked out of the castle, both Jet Set and Upper Crust retired for the night to their mansion, grumbling about their bittersweet victory.
"Damn it! We were so close, we had all of Canterlots support behind us. If only Scarlet hadn't opened her mouth!" Jet Set complained before his wife interrupted him.
"Let us not think about what already happened dear, besides I think her interference is a blessing in disguise," Upper argued back, "Perhaps we were starting to bite off more than we could chew anyway." She reasoned with him as they continued walking towards their home. "Besides, this minor set back doesn't change a single thing."
"Really?" The voice of Scarlet Lips catches their attention as they see the mare in question waiting for the two at the front gate to their house glaring at them. "Because from what I see, what you did was anything BUT what we had planned on the first place!" She snarled at the two in anger.
"Ah Scarlet, I was wondering where you went.” Upper Crust addressed her friend before casting a small glare at her in return. "I have to say, it is brave for you to confront the friends you just betrayed."
"Don't you dare try spin this around Upper Crust!" She points at her with an accusing hoof. "You went off script, and you know it! The plan was for you to convince the prince into living among the people TEMPORARILY as he pays his crimes at his own pace, not accuse him of it!"
"Why play as a pawn when you can be a king. Besides the original plan was garbage!" Jet Set cries out in anger at her making Scarlet gasp before looking at him in a fury. "How dare you!"
"NO! How dare YOU! Ruining our plan Scarlet!" Jet continued approaching the mare. "That Buffon has no place being a prince, I'm a better stallion than him, I'm a better magician than him, I can gain the love of all Canterlot faster than he can, I'm more than he would ever be! I should be the prince. not him, I!" He yells at her. "And I could have gotten it all in one swift move by the end of the night if you hadn't interfered!"
Scarlet just look at him with a neutral expression. "Are you done?" She inquires with a bored tone and a raised eyebrow.
Jet only huffed in response. "Don't you see? You could have had anything! Your book could have had the perfect twist! The corrupt prince dethroned and the handsome, better fit and rightful noble becoming the new ruler." He picks up her hoof. "The three of us could have gotten our perfect ending. You could even have your wish of being with a prince, a much better prince that what you originally…"
Scarlet at that moment slaps him. "Don't you DARE rewrite my story, Jet Set! And don't go around spitting nonsense about happy endings, like you know any better. Unlike your pathetic and weak ideas of a "better story." Mine are works of art that respects its target audience and is worth the bits!"
She then turned to regard Upper Crust. "And unlike yours, my plan would have worked."
"My my, aren't we confident?" Upper Crust chuckled dangerously as she approached. "What makes you so sure that our plan will fail dear? The enchanted sword? Any pony will think either you or the crown planted the evidence. The Changelings? We have been spreading rumors about them housing Chrysalis for weeks now. By the time they get the press off their backs, anything they try will be pointless. The Princesses? You would be surprised how many rulers of other countries would love to have a chat with our rulers when they are in distress, and offer their support as they stumble into each other and fill their desks with impossible to refuse meetings. By Tartarus, even if by some miracle the princesses managed to arrest us, we will become martyrs and will be released the same day to avoid escalating the conflict!" She smirked at Scarlet.
"We played our cards in such a matter that the princesses can't touch us, not without betraying the trust of their kingdom at least. Face it, Scarlet, we planned for everything, the pride and honor of all of Equestria are supporting us, dear. We are officially above the law."
"No pony is above the law Upper Crust," Scarlet remarks back before moving to the side and starts to walk away. "And you are not going to get away with this. I'm gonna make sure of that!"
"Oh really? And what are you going to do? Help the princesses?" Upper Crust laughs "Go ahead and try. Let us see how our monarchs react to the mare responsible for all this in the first place when she approached them and asked if she could help. I'd love to see how well that plays out."
Jet Set at that moment gets in front of Scarlet with a worried expression. "Don't do it Scarlet, at best they will put you on a dungeon and at worst no pony will ever find your body" She pleads her "Please, stay with us instead, just think about it. The three of us in a herd. We could be uns…"
"Save it!" Scarlet stopped him by raising her hoof. "That! That right there is the reason that I didn't even take a second a glance at you Jet Set. Perhaps you have a nice face, but you don't know a single THING about what real love is all about, and you hurt my future coltfriend!" She tells him with a hurt expression before hardening, now with eyes that could melt holes in solid steel. Jet Set gulped as the irate mare leaned forward.
"You underestimated what my stallion is really capable of doing. Mark my words, Jet Set. He will return. He will get payback for what you did. And trust me, as soon as he is done scraping you off of his hoof…I will be next in line." She whispered in his ear the last part before marching off.
"F-Fine! Go ahead, leave! See if I care! Enjoy being a garden ornament…or a spending a lifetime in a cell with no windows! Or whatever the princesses will do to you. Just know, you could have had the chance to be with a REAL prince, and you blew it!" Jet Set yells at her, though Scarlet pointedly ignored him as she trotted away.
Once she is gone. The stallion looked back at his wife. "There is nothing to fear, right dear? There is no way that idiot will come back, right?"
"Oh please honey, don't be paranoid. You did a magnificent job breaking the spirit of that brat into a million pieces. Even if someone offers him any kindness, Blueblood will refuse it out of pride and shame before running away. He is probably leaving Canterlot and hiding somewhere as we speak; no one will ever see his face ever again" Upper Crust assures him with all the confidence she could muster.
Meanwhile
Without any direction or place in mind, the former prince kept wandering aimlessly until he found himself in the heart of a dense and dark forest. He didn't know how long he had been walking, nor did he care, as he kept trudging along with his head held low. Reliving the events that brought him into his current situation, getting angrier as the image of Jet Set with that smug smile kept appearing, over and over and over again.
What have I done? I somehow managed to obtain what others could only dream about and had a second chance. A family that loved me, a comfortable life, friendship…even an opportunity to achieve my dream of being a hero. And now, I've lost it again. Once again I'm nothing but a wanderer. AND it is all his fault!
As he shakes his head in anger, the ex-prince trips over his own hoof and fall face first into a pile of mud. Shaking in rage, he slowly lifts his head and found a frog croaking in front of him without a care in the world. The ex-prince sighed and looked at the frog with a neutral expression. "Sure, why not? What else could go wrong?"
As if to answer his question a thunderstorm erupts, drenching him in seconds as rain fell like there was no tomorrow. He remained calm for a bit and took a deep breath before roaring out at the sky in time for a clap of thunder to be heard. Stripping off his clothes, the ex-prince started to punch the puddle of mudd repeatedly, imagining it to be the face of Jet Set.
The ex-prince stops with a startled whinny once he heard a chuckle not too far from him. Looking to his left, he saw an ancient, apparently blind earth pony mare sitting on a log next to a bonfire. Her fur was white, and her mane and tail were complete gray from age. She was using a sheet secured between two trees to protect her from the rain. She also had a simple gray poncho to cover her torso, a cane lay resting next to her in the ground. "I think the mud learned its lesson, sonny."
Blueblood only grumbled and look away. "What do you care?" He angrily replied as he hugged himself in frustration. "Mind your own business grandma."
"My, my such a dangerous wrath you have in you." Blueblood could hear the mare approaching him while still laughing at him. "Didn't your parents ever teach you not to run around with fire?"
Blueblood trembled in rage before turning around, fully intent on lashing out again. "What do you know about my fa…" Before the Ronnie could process what was happening, at breakneck speed, the mare closed and tapped his chest with her cane. Somehow, at that moment, the fiery rage burning within his chest was gone. Ripped out like an old piece of paper from a book. "There, all better now."
"What the…?" The ex-prince watched at how the mare waves her cane a little to extinguish a smoldering flame that clung to its tip before looking at his chest, inspecting himself. He could not find anything wrong, not even burnt fur. Not only that but all the frustration and anger he was feeling was gone. Or at least reduced enough for the prince to recover his reason. "How did you do that?"
"Doesn't matter, it's in the past." She quickly replies as she goes back to her camp. "Plus you feel much better right?"
"Well…yeah, I think... so but how exactly did you…?"
"…Now, now sonny, before anything else, why don't you come over here before you catch a cold?" The mare offers him an empty log on the other side of the bonfire. "Come on lad, I don't bite." She joked and flashed the former royal a grin, showing him a mouth full of gums.
The ex-prince stands up and eyes the mare suspiciously before slowly approaching her and waving his hoof in front of her face until she used her cane to stop him, opening her eyes revealing a pair of discolored pupils. "Yes, dear I'm blind, now would you please stop that, and just sit?" She asks him again slightly annoyed.
Blueblood still looks confused but agrees and sit on the available log. "There you go, now we can talk, properly." The mare smiled and poked at the fire going with her cane. "So tell me, lad, why are you so far from home?" The mare casually asks.
"Because I no longer have a home to return to." The ex-prince answers in shame.
"Really?" She asks raising an eyebrow. "Do tell, how did a colt so young end up losing his home?"
"It a long story, let's just say that the stallion who I used to be, did not care for anything other than myself…and now I'm finally paying for it. I lost my home, my friends, my family…my name. Everything, I treated everypony around me like they were nothing and now that is what I have become…nothing. Just an exiled Ronin."
"Yeah, it sounds like quite the story you have there sonny, one I would love to hear in detail, but I would much rather hear it when you find out how it ends." The mare then stands up and starts to walk away, as a confused ex-prince just follows her with his eyes. "How it ends?"
When she stops, the mare turns around and looks at him. "Tell me, young man, now that everything has been stripped from you. Is this really how you want it all to end? Do you not wish to recover that what you lost? To have back and appreciate all the things you had, now that they were taken from you?"
"Of course I do!" Blueblood tells.
"Then your story is far from over, in fact, I dare to say. Now that there are no distractions in your heart or mind, it is just beginning." The mare smiles cryptically at him.
"What are talking about?" As if to answer his question, lighting strikes near them, and it's light revealed a cave behind the mare that was hidden only moments ago by the shadows. "Like this cave, there is more to you than meets the eye lad. Some secrets you still guard in your heart. Some demons that you have yet to face. If you truly wish to conquer your opponent, you must first conquer yourself."
Drawn to the cave, Blueblood stands up and slowly approaches its entrance. He could distinguish something moving inside but couldn't make a clear image of it.
"Tell me, lad, what do you see?" The mare asks without looking at him.
"I…I'm not sure, it too dark for me to see anything. Do you know what is inside?" The Ronin asks the mare as he keeps staring into the shadows.
"It not my place to know, rather it is yours to discover and confront." The old mare replies as she goes back to the bonfire.
"But…what if I can't defeat my monsters?"
"It up to you lad, you can face your monsters like a man. Or pretend they are in the mud and keep punching it like a baby."
Blueblood nodded at her words before his eyes widened in realization from the terms the mare used. "What did you just…?" Turning around to face her, He only discovered that both the mare and the camp were nowhere to be seen. Not only that but now with his mind clear. The ex-prince could see the type of forest he was in. It looked like some kind of dense, dry wood, with pine trees whose tops were impossible to see. Besides some small vegetation in the form of bushes, there was nothing but dirt and roots in the floor, and there wasn't any fauna to be seen anywhere. But what really caught his attention is that nothing around him seems to have any color. Similar to what happened when he talked with D.
Where the hell am I?
The rain gained more force as the wind started to increase velocity and making him tremble from the cold. Looking back at the cave the ex-prince hugged himself once more to gain even a little bit of heat as he decided to venture inside. If anything, the place could provide him with some shelter.
Due to his rush, he didn't notice how the entrance disappeared like a mirage once inside, and he could see nothing but darkness.
Outside in the clouds, the mysterious old mare watched the ex-prince enter before transforming into the ghost-bandaged alicorn with one eye, who promptly returned the color of everything once more.
"Be brave young prince, your test is just beginning." She whispers to the wind before looking to the distance where the assassin was still being chased by the royal guards and heading for the outskirts of Canterlot.
"Not yet, there is still much for the Prince to learn before facing you." She nods once as she sees him escape, before disappearing in a flash of light.
Ahh the classic blind master
Interesting ending... Also great timing Luna. That was TOO close.
Seems like even Scarlet isn’t going for the immediate response of pointing out how badly Jet Set and Upper Crust have screwed themselves. Also I’m assuming it’s pronounced the same as ronin but at least as stands I find my initial reading always comes out Ron as opposed to roan.
A few corrections, here. To rephrase,
*Might I suggest Harmony, since that's an actual force of nature in Equestria?
If I may comment here, put shortly, Luna is mighty ticked and out for blood!
Don't say it! Don't say it!
You said it!
I think I like this mare already. I love it when characters have a snarcastic sense of humour.
This brings something to mind.
I would've taken one more swing at the mud.
I freaking TOLD YOU, Jet Set! This is how we get Daybreaker!
Fuck it. Let the task force go and kill these fucking upper crust fools and make it look like a changling attack
Hmm, I don't know Crusty, even assuming you have the influence to arrange this, you are forgetting one thing: You need to sleep at some point, and one of Luna's duties is in the dream realm.
And she again seems to assume that having the support of the nobility means having the support of Equestria. I wonder... what if the newspapers for the following day prove to be less than glowing? While I'm sure "Prince Dethroned!" is going to take all the front page headlines, I would not be surprised if there were other headlines like "nobility dethrones Prince during celebration of reconciliation!" or "has the nobility lost the Equestrian spirit?"
Still hasn't realized it isn't just the Canterlot he needs the support of to become Prince. He needs the whole freaking country. That's what happens when you don't read the law correctly. And with his challenge done incorrectly, which, while it hasn't been officially addressed yet, will likely be addressed later. There are consequences to their actions they just don't see even though its right in front of them. Their belief in them being untouchable with how they handled everything will be there end. I can see them being even more hated than the former Blueblood. They attempted to undermine the Princesses. They are not just self-centered monsters, they are traitors on top of it.
I wonder where the other major conspirator is in all of this, and what his plan was and is.
Impossible to refuse meetings .... yah right .... *ahem* where waiting for all interested parties to arrive itll take so and so days for everyone to arrive so the princess can address all concerned parties at once instead of repeating the same thing 20x.... you can wait ... or appear while court is in session... I'd suggest night court.... or you can return later. If they demand to see the princess after that. She'll see you at her earliest convenience. Worst case scenario she appoints a foreign affairs ambassador to handle everyone below ruler. The nobles are not liked ...getting ponies to side with them in a civil war isn't gonna happen ... itll be vassals and mercenaries.... half the nobles probably cant go toe to toe with a trained guard. Mercenaries work both ways too and mercenaries aren't dumb if the princess hires the best bands the others will back off ... you can't spend bits if your dead. So the nobles have zero chance of winning.
I'm loving this story, and I can't wait to read more X3
it is funny how the people in power always goes: 'All logical ways of reprimand are gone, they cannot touch me'. Only to have the blindingly mad family member saying "fuck it i will take the hit, they f**** with my family, now they die".
Yeah.... hate to tell you this, but that ain't happening Red Lips. You set Prince Blueblood up, helped these sods dethrone and humiliate him, and more importantly threaten his family, and did it all so you could write a book. Blueblood will return, he will kick Upper Crust's arse, and Upper Crust will spill your part in the whole sordid mess, if he hasn't already figured out how convenient it was that the party you suggested that set hiom up for this fall.
Still, at last we get an explanation of what her scheme was. I still think this whole arc feels unfinished, but hopefully now that we're past the set up, it may start getting more coherent.
Though having the 'face the darkness inside' challenge just pop-up without explanation or any kind of proper set up doesn't help. Yes, it's a logical place for the story to go, the hero must overcome his own flaws to develop as a character, but this feels like he was just teleported to the Degobah system. Who is blind Yoda pony, and why has she not been mentioned up till now? It feels like the character was conjoured up out of thin air purely to advance this one plot point.
I expected him to start doing what was set up in previous chapters, finding room with one of the Elements, probably Fluttershy, and sticking to the terms of the exile, refusing to return to the palace until he's made recompence. Then he overcomes his flaws of self doubt and guilt for his predecessors actions by going out and repairing them. And as he goes he wins over the hearts of those the previous Blueblood wronged.
Don't get me wrong, I still want to see more of this, I like the concept a lot, but I feel it could have used an editor.
O my this is going to be a vary hard path for the prince but he will come out the other side so much better and finally knowing his true self.
i like th use of the lantern mythos you've peppered in here, given the fact ponies already use emotions to fuel magic its not much of a stretch to imagine them discovering the spectrum at some point
9482517
one of the things he was specificly denied was to accept help from the elements of harmony sooo no go there
as to this being a jump, yes it is but thats kinda the point, bluey is being pushed by something to become more then he was
both as a pony, and as a person the forces that be want him to reach beyond and there guideing him to that end.
and whats more before you gripe about stolen story beats, if your going to site star wars perhaps i should introduce you to a little story called homer's odyssey
or hell lets go aaaalllll the way back to the epic of gilgamesh
these stories have existed since time beyond memory, its called 'the hero's journey' theres a saying, theres nothing new under the sun' no tale told is going to be wholy original anymore, its not in what the story is, its in how you tell it and i think this author is doing a damn fine job
9482517
I understand almost all of your points except one. The old blind mare, her identity was revealed at the end of the chapter and was present before. It the same ghost mare that show up after Blueblood defeated Fort Knox, hope that explain
9482663
9482517
Yep, he can't accept the help of them…but they didn't say anything of the common folks, rich or celebrities, or outside kingdom help (Wink, wink ) Believe me, all your observations are contemplated. And indeed, the ghost put him on that forest on purpose (A small reference to how it start divine comedy) And the thing of the arc still not present was also the idea. Those two interrupt a lot of things.
Everything will go back in order, in do time, but for now, we are at 5:00 (Approach) and headed to 6: 00 (Crisis)
Hope that helps
9482838
i probly wouldnt be alone in asuming the 'treasure' in bluey's case is going to involve a shiny new pair of wings
one should also mention that there is a moment where this fomula can be subverted and switched around
the hero's journy has a darker counterpart, the hero's fall if when the hero hits that low point during hte crisis they fail to properly get back up they can rise up again no longer the hero, but the villan
several of the twilight gon bad stories involve this
9482930
Everything is in the air yet, but it nice to know that, that can be an option well earn
9482932
i edited my post to add a little extra snipit, its unrelated in this stories case but i thought it was a fun bit of info to throw in there
9482014
I absolutely thought of that as soon as I read that paragraph. I'm quite eager to follow Blue's "Jedi trials" and just how much wiser and more powerful he will become in the ways of Magic.
Hmm... I feel as though I have an idea on what this might lead to...
Maybe Blueblood will face through certain tests in his time alone, and he might possibly ascend into alicornhood, and he'll return and take down Jet Set to gain his title back?
9483640
Don't worry she is the only one that breaks it, and it will explain why, in the next chapter. So far everyone seems to love her character
9482663 I know perfectly well what 'the heroes journey' is. Have you read John Campbell's book, 'The Hero with a Thousand Faces'? This is clearly the 'ordeal'. In Star Wars terms, his status as a prince has been frozen in carbonite, and he's barely made it away from Cloud city.
Go read my own 'A Different Bridal Path'. That follows the Heroes Journey monomyth to a tee. For that matter, so does 'Cutie Mark Adventurers'.
My problem is not with the idea, it's with the fact that it wasn't set up very well, and that it's gone off on a complete tangent to what the story led us to expect. I can even get behind him eventually doing this. However, it feels like the whole part where he actually helps people out, andf in doing so builds up their respect for him, has been skipped over, making this feel hollow. So he goes in the cave of 'face your bad self' and beats it, then he comes out, revitalised and dianetically clear. How does this help him gain the respect of the citizens or the nobility?
Likewise, the entire nobility and common citizenry turning on him at a festival he organised because of a single idiotic demagogue feels forced. It happened because the story demanded it, not because it was a natural outgrowth of previous events. We're told that he's committed all sorts of dreadful crimes, and has up till now somehow been protected from the consequences. But no-one gives specifics, or how the situation has changed so that he's suddenly vulnerable when he wasn't before. In fact, Upper Crust would have had a far easier time of it running this scam against canon Blueblood. That ponce certainly wouldn't have had the guts or nerve to defend himself.
If you want to see a political takedown set up properly, read R H Junior's Alicornundrum, an AU of Penstroke's Past Sins.
There a cabal of nobles is trying to overthrow the Princesses, by blaming the damage caused by three weeks of eternal night (and day on the other side of the planet on their leadership of Equestria. There they've seeded other countries with whispering campaigns, used the yellow press, and thrown endless legal wrangles at them to ensure they are off-balance and unable to defend themselves.
It's not that any of this story is a bad idea per se. In fact I think it had some very original ideas, and good ones. The problem is it feels poorly executed.
9482783 I don't really remember the old blind mare from the Fort Knox arc. Did Blue actually interact with her? Or was she just an observer? And if he did, why didn't he acknowledge the fact?
9484136
She interacts with him, and no she wasn't blind but she only has one visible eye. She was the ghost that calls Fort Knox the embodiment of greed. And told the prince that he officially started his test. Also, cure him of his wounds after the match and disappear on a flash of light.
The ghost simple disguise herself as an old mare
9484146 Okay, that means, as Silver Quill would say, "Continuity!"
If Fort Knox was Greed, does that mean that Jet Set is Pride, Upper Crust is Envy and Scarlet Lips is Lust?
9484374
There you go. Now you are getting it.
Ah, so his transportation wasn't entirely self-guided. Well, not as random as anticipated anyway.
Just rest here in this pot, Jet, don't worry about the steadily increasing temperature...
It's interesting to see Scarlet revolt, will she attempt her own redemption?
Keep going! ;)
9484374
He's facing down those seven? Oh now this story really has my attention. I love it when someone gets into a rumble with them. Let's hope he doesn't break like the last one...
9482517
I mean, there's the nightmare sequences that told us his inner demons, are we just going to brush over that? It was one of the first five chapters I believe.
A thought occurs, but with the assassin having also targeted Celestia -even if only to distract her-, the sisters really don't need to bend their laws a lot to pounce on Jet Set and Upper Crust. Arrest on suspicion of an attempt to assassinate Celestia, with the assassin himself still on the loose, is more than enough.
Anyone who wants to turn them into martyrs has to face the threat of being labelled sympathizers to ponies who want to kill the Princesses. That's reputational suicide.
ok great chapter i hope to see more soon
Really great work. Love the star wars reference
More please oh this is getting more more more dark and revenge oh i wish she daybreaker and she gonna fuck this sin noble to Pisces and ash to the ground i really want to see this happen
9489051
When Blueblood asked what was in there, I was almost expecting her to say: "That place… is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go."
9492963
Ha that is funny
9496289
Thanks for your thoughts and I'm sorry you didn't like it. Although the crystal pony power isn't actually sudden. It was referred to since Cadence and Shining arrive at Canterlot. THAT was part of the magic they were talking about. And the assassin introduced in previous chapters right after Fort Knox judgment, so…yeah it wasn't sudden.
As for the duel. It not that easy to abuse, the prince simple make it easy for them. When telling all that he did, he gave the couple, the evidence they need. One can't simply demand a duel out of the blue. They need solid and proven evidence, otherwise, it only invokes an investigation. Plus it wasn't legal. The prince only accepted in order to avoid fractures in the relationship with nobles (trust me, it important to maintain those)
And the biggest issue with the sword. Yeah, I get it, that issue was put like that unpurpose. And it kind of was address with the condition Blueblood made. Plus it was rush, and out of nowhere. So Blueblood was impulsive and enter a conflict he wasn't very familiar with, and actually have a lot of ways to escape, but didn't do it. Because he didn't think things throw. It was supposed to be something that shows the readers that he can make mistakes and it not perfect.
But it possible that I put too little clues and things didn't work all that well. I thank your opinion and apologize that you didn't like it. Hope you have better luck in future stories
9496513
First off... Shame on Fimfiction.net not giving me a notification that you responded to my comment/rant.
"Although the crystal pony power isn't actually sudden. It was referred to since Cadence and Shining arrive at Canterlot. THAT was part of the magic they were talking about."
I can't find this reference and I certainly don't remember it. Could just be an issue with the serialization style of publishing that fanfiction tends to have. It might have been in a chapter I read months ago and have long forgotten. *shrug* Oh well... Doesn't really matter.
"But it possible that I put too little clues and things didn't work all that well."
This is a possible explanation for my complete missing of some important references.
It could be attributed to the problem of "Author Knowledge." I've had it crop up in pen and paper role-playing campaigns more than a few times.
The Author/Game-Master places an important clue/hint/reference/etc. To the author this is an obvious clue or piece of information that when remembered will make future events make sense. The author KNOWS it's important because they KNOW how it fits into future events. To the reader, that subtle clue might be perceived as a throwaway line used for scene filler.
It's a delicate balance. Too subtle and too many people miss the clues and nothing makes sense later. Too obvious and it's a baseball bat to the face with "REMEMBER THIS CLUE" written on it.
On a more personal note, that chapter may have disappointed me, but you haven't lost me as a reader.
9490731
*looks at profile pic*
:P
The old mare very much reminds me of Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender
Rafiki? Really?
No, I haven't seen the new movie yet.
9490731
What's in there?
Only what you take with you.
...I'm calling intentional on this one
This chapter was really "meh" to me. Also what is a ronnie?? And what exactly does a "royal" smile look like?...
Story seems to be all over the place to me but i will still read this and see where it will lead.
9845339
I think Ronnie is ronin
You still have "ronnie" instead of "ronin" in this chapter.