The boy

by Thebomb

Chapter 1

Scappy walked up the stairs of his apartment complex. He slowly reached into his pocket and got his keys for the door. He slowly opened the door. "Uh hi mom." said Scappy as he entered his living room.
"Hi Scappy." the reason she gave me that name well I don't know. My dad died in a bank robbery, he was one of the guards, if it wasn't for him the guy would of got away. We were forced to move out of our apartment. We moved to the west side of Chicago. It wasn't bad at first until I went to school. No one excepted me I was never in a group, no friends, beatin everyday, my teachers didn't care. Ever time I walked home there was a group of students that beat me and say that I should kill myself, I just wish my dad came back. "So how was school?" asked his mom.
"Not good mom it's never good!" he exclaimed.
"I know but you have to belive in yourself." she started tearing up. He pulled her in a hug.
"I'm sorry I should of kept my mouth shut." he said.
"No no no its ok Scappy he would want us to move on." she said crying. She got back up got back to what she was doing.
"Oh no I need bread!" she yelled. It was Scappy's job to go shopping. He would sneak past the bad kids and go shopping. Sometimes he would get muged, and robbed. But she could never make it. She was a helpless lady, an easy target. So he would go shopping for food.
"Scappy please I'll go."
"NO mom no! I'll go ok?" she nodded. He left the apartment complex with being noticed, yes he was sneaky. By experience. He could run away from a cop if he wanted too! But he was thought disipline he never wanted to be a bad person. He just wants to make people happy. He made it to the shop.
"Hey lil boy." said a employee. He helped Scappy at the store. He even gave Scappy some discounts. The employee felt bad for the lil kid. So at least he could help.
"Hey Keven." Scappy rushed to the bread and quickly went to the cash regigister.
"Ok you need bread you know what it's......"
"EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!" a man came in with a gun. He walked up to Keven and put the gun point blank.
"Put the money in the bag." he handed him a wornout bag.
"NOW!" Keven quickly went to regigister and put the money in the bag. Scappy noticed that Keven was shaking and so was he. He looked at the man, now staring at him.
"What are you looking huh?" asked the man. He pointed the gun at him. Keven looked and got his attention.
"Hey heres you bag." said Keven. The man went up to Keven. He took a look in the bag, then looked at Keven.
"Thanks." BANG! he shot him in the face. Scappy closed his eyes. "Please make this stop, please make it stop, please make it stop." He then heard footsteps. "I'll make it stop." BANG! Then there was another gunshot. He tryed opening his eyes all he saw was a blur. Out of the blue a white light appeared. Scappy shielded himself from the light. He fell to the ground. He fell in a forest. He slowly got up.
"Why am I in a forest? Am I dead?" he asked himself. He heard a noise behind him he turned quickly to the source. He saw a wolf made out of timber.
"What the...." the wolf charged at him Scappy ran away. The wolf was slowly catching up. He ran into a clearing. He heard a waterfall.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

MEANWHILE IN EQUESTRIA

The wonderbolts were practicing for there show in Canterlot. They flew past a waterfall. They all formed up near the cliff.
"Good practice guys." said Soarin.
"Yeah good..... What's that." said a fellow Wonderbolt. She pointed a hoove to the cliff. They all turned to see a timber wolf chasing a creature.
"What the hay is that?" asked Spitfire. They all looked at the timber wolf chasin the creature. The timber wolf was only a couple feet away from Scappy. Scappy decided to do the dumbest thing. Jump off the cliff, into the waterfall. They all looked at Scappy.
"Can that thing fly?" asked Soarin.
"We got to help it!" yelled Spitfire. She flew at him at top speeds. Scappy heard a thunder like sound he flipped his body to see another creature flying right at him. His eyes widen. He turned his body and he saw the waterfall. Was he going to make it? He fell into the water head first. He couldn't get up he was drowning by the current. He extended his two armies out do he could grab anything. His right arm catched a rock. He quickly grabbed on. He slowly got out of the water. He coughed several times. Water coming out.
"What was that thing? What was that other thing?" he asked himself. He fell to the ground he was tired and not to mention hungry! He closed his eyes. He pinched himself a couple of times to see if he was dreaming. He was in shock now. Running away from a wolf, made out of timber, falling off a cliff, drowning. He quickly put those thoughts aside. He heard something comeing. He got up and saw the same creature. It was wearing a blue uniform. He quickly ran into the forest. He climbed up the tree not all the way but enough.
"Spitfire I thought you said that the creature was over here?!" yelled Soarin landing near Spitfire.
"Spitfire..." Scappy whispered to himself.
"I'm pretty sure Soarin." she lowered her head. She wasnt fast enough. "How was I not fast enough?" she thought. Scappy was starting to slip because of his wet gym shoes. He slipped making a noise. They both turned there heads to the source. Scappy quickly climbed up higher into the tree. They trotted to the tree.
"Were not going to hurt you." said Spitfire. They clearly saw Scappy. Scappy wasn't going to let go. He heard his stomach growl.
"Here." Spitfire put some bread on the tree branch near Scappy. Scappy's mouth was watering over bread! He quickly went from branch to branch. He grabbed the bread and ate it. Spitfire giggled a little.
"Your hungry here." she put more on the branch. He quickly grabbed the other piece of bread. He turned to her and gave her a weak smile.
"T-thank you." he said quietly. She flinched back a little. Surprised to see a creature, running away from a timber wolf, and jumping off a cliff, thank her. He was brushed up a little bit. She noticed when he turned to look at her.
"Your Welcome." she replied. She was curious about the creature that could talk.
"Well do you have a name?" asked Spitfire stepping a hoove closer. He turned to her.
"My name......My name is Scappy." she smiled at Scappy.
"Spitfire we have to go leave it!" yelled Soarin.
"You should go." said Scappy.
"No I think that you should come with us." his eyes widened.
"R-really you w-want mmeee to come with you." it was the first time someone...somepony asked him to be with them. His heart melted at what she said.
"Yeah it will be fun come on." she replied with a smile.
"Uhhhhh s-sure yeah." he climbed off the branch following Spitfire.
"Spitfire what are you doing?" asked Soarin.
"Bringing Scappy." his eyes widen.
"You can't be serious." he said.
"I'm real serious, Scappy will be staying with us." his jaw drop.
"He's going to be more work that a pet Manticore!" yelled Soarin.
"I said Scappy is coming no excuse." he sighned in defeat.
"Ok,ok he can come but I'm not taking care of him!" he said. Scappy walked up to Soarin.
"I can take care of myself." said Scappy.
"Not out here." said Soarin.
"Shut it Soarin, come on Scappy get on my back." said Spitfire.
"Why do I need to get on....oh" he quickly noticed her wings flapped. He walked over to her and got on her back. He was pretty light.
"Hang on." said Spitfire.
"To WHHHHHHAAAAATTTT!" she quickly flew into the air unannounced he quickly grabbed on to her fur.
"Ow!" she yelled.
"Oh I'm sorry!" he yelled past the wind. His eyes were watering, more than ever. He looked down to see a large city on the cliff. He was astounded at what he was looking at.
"Woooooooooowwwwwwww!" he said in amazement. He heard Spitfire giggle a little.
"That's Canterlot. The main capital of Equestria." she replied.
"It's so beautiful!" he replied.
"Do you have cities were your from?" asked Spitifire.
"Yeah but I don't know any on CLIFFS!" he yelled she smiled.
"Hey kid where are you from?" asked Soarin.
"I'm uh from Chicago."
"Never heard of it." he quickly remembered the robbery. Keven getting shot. He pictured the whole scene again. Was he dead?
"Where here!" yelled Spitfire. They landed at a hotel. He got off and wobble around dizzy.
"Whoa there before you lose your balance." said Spitfire. He stood there looking at the ground for a minute.
"I was just a little dizzy." he said regaining his balance.
"Here we are Scappy, Wonderbolt HQ!" Spitfire said. He looked at the hotel with amazement. They entered threw the front entrance. They walked down a hall. Scappy saw a group of creatures like Spitfire, with the same blue uniform. They all trotted to Spitfire and Soarin.
"Uh whats that?" asked a fellow Wonderbolt.
"Guys this is Scappy, Wonderbolts this is Scappy. He's going to stay here." all there jaws dropped. He felt a little like a freak in there world.
"Ok let's introduce ourselfs to Scappy." said Spitfire.
"This is Soarin." she said pointing at him.
"Hey."
"This is flashwhings."
"Uh hi." he was a male.
"This is Fireflash."
"Hi there." she said. He waved back at her.
"And this is Thunderflash, who is brothers with Fireflash." Scappy just stood there.
"Hi everyone." he said quietly. Soarin yawned really loud. Scappy gave him a look.
"What's wrong have you ever yawned?" asked Soarin.
"No it's just where I come from I was taught that yawning really loud is rude." said Scappy.
"Don't worry Soarin is nothing but rude." said Spitfire. Soarin gave her a bad look.
"Hey just saying!" she gave him a little shove. They all laughed.
"Where is he staying?" asked Fireflash.
"He can stay with me." said Spitfire.
"Are you s-sure?" he asked quietly.
"Of course! Here follow me!" they all split up at a hallway. Leaving Spitfire, and Scappy.
"Were here." she opened the door to a large one bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom.
"Wow this is so cool." he said.
"Yeah we all get our separate rooms it's just a Wonderbolt thing." she said.
"What do the Wonderbolts do?" asked Scappy.
"Were a very andvanced flying group, we do tricks, and shows." she said.
"Like in a stadium?" his eyes widened.
"Yeah of course, we have so many fans. We even have a show in a couple of days, and you can come." she said with a smile.
"Wow your the best friend a friend could ever have!" he said.
"Oh it's nothing really, here you want the couch or bed?" he mostly sleept on a couch.
"I'll sleep on the couch." he said.
"You sure you don't want the bed?" she asked.
"No I mostly sleep on a couch where I come from." Scappy said.
"Oh I forgot where are your parents?" the first thing that came up was his dad. He started tearin up a little.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" she quickly put him in a hug.
"No no no its, it's ok. My moms fine, my dad was killed. In a bank robbery." he replied.
"Oh I'm so sorry I should of never asked that question." she said.
"No no its ok it's normal I get it alot." she looked at him.
"What do you mean?" asked Spitfire breaking up the hug.
"Oh nothing I think we should go to bed." she got up and got a blanket for him.
"Thank you so much for everything." said Scappy.
"Your welcome. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." she shut the light off.
"Your the best friend I ever had." he said.

Comments

[Mr Ignorable]

Alright, first thing's first. One, it's accepted, not excepted. Two, you switch between the first and third person frequently. Especially during the description scenes.

See, you have a half-way decent concept that I'm deciding whether to love or hate. The bad thing is, it's an HiE. And one with a sad protagonist to boot. Not only is he sad, he's sad in both empathetical and actual terms. I'm talking about his character. I know we're supposed to feel sorry for him, but he just makes me want to shake my head in disappointment. I think the closest thing I have to describing him in my eyes is foppish.

On the other hand, it's a child, and if you pull this off correctly, you could probably win the hearts of many a viewer. (Because most of them are bleating lambs). Though, your intro sequence has already made me hate him enough already so I doubt that.

That aside, you need to double space whenever someone new starts talking. It doesn't matter if the chapter ends up looking like Angel Hair pasta, if you do that, I guarantee it'll reduce flak.

Overall....this story was.......not so good.

[fwe]

992758 Seconded.

[Jlargent]

Interesting, as far as I know there hasn't been a fic like this. Consider me interested.

[KamiyaItsuno]

static.fjcdn.com/gifs/I_62ec5d_2987636.gif

[SwiperTheFox]

992758
I don't really know what I could add... yeah...

[grimness]

when i started reading this i instantly pictured isaac (basicly a naked 1-year old) from that game: the binding of isaac......
you have no desctriptions and that kind of makes your story 'bland' or 'naked' as it were, you should describe more things!
not only does it help set the enviorment witch makes the reader stay intrested, it also paces the story more evenly instead of burning through it's content! this is good, but can definetly improve. looking forward to more of this
sorry for my horrible english by the way

[Camshock55]

Well a decent story but the first comments got a point overall a
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
But it might turn out good so you know whatever

[Xerzes]

Read as far as "beatin."

[MrDibbsey]

All I'm going to say is remember to proof read your work afterwards, this will save embarrassment later. All to often I scold myself after realising an obvious mistake.

[MrDibbsey]

.

[shellfish2233]

I like it...now where is the next chapter.

[Thebomb]

1311234 yeah sorry I got a lot on my hands trying to get a profreader..... But I should have the next chapter up in a day or two

[JFK]

1313069 lies :

[JFK]

1313069 come on im been here for 25w, 5d an i want pt2

[FireWing 77]

Please continue this story.