Bamboozled again!

by Theboxcatgamr

chapter 19: A candy crusade

Author's Note:

"Tonight we dine in hell!"-Walmart greeter Steven on B-day (Black Friday 2018)

the following days after estrus was filled with apologies and ruined relationships (so basically a night on the couch for the offenders) and after hours of nothing turning into days and eventually months I had almost blown my brains out until nightmare night rolled around:

"This is going to be amazing!"

"so what are we dressing up as?"

"Crusaders!"

"...what?"

"I already got the costumes made and by nightfall we will ether be storming the gates of Jerusalem or snagging sweets"

"ok!"

She perked up at the mention of candy and went to the clubhouse to explain to the other crusaders tonight's plan.
Really I'm supprised no one else thought of this (hint hint).

Unfortunately I couldn't remember what a real crusader looked like so I basically copied and pasted that one guy from dark souls who praises the sun, I think his name was solaris or something like that? Eh close enough.

"do you really think this is a good idea?"

"Yes"

"fine. Should I go as that one knife guy from teamfortress two or a ninja?"

"Also yes"

"well that's helpful"

" just go with the spy"

"fine, doesn't really matter since I have to wait for the results to come back"

"Ok papa smerf"

"Never call me that again"

"Never bring up estrus again"

"...deal"

With this I set out to rarity's for my costume and in the end I was clad in armour and ready to test the limits of EVERYTHING,

I went to the farm and approached the tree house.

"wait so that's what a crusader actually is?"

"yep! At least that's what Noah told me."

"Sisters! Don your armour! We make for the village at first moonlight!"

"what?"

"Oh! sorry I thought we were going to do this in character"

"no we are. Right sisters? (Nudge nudge)"

"oh- uh...yar?"

"... Eh Close enough. Anyway put on your armour- er costumes...It's time for a REAL crusade!"

Scootaloo was bouncing in excitement and rarity did her best to create a pony version of a warrior of sunlight (minus the creepy sun on the front) and I got to say that she absolutely nailed it. Not many were prepared for the quadruple threat asking for candy. In true crusader fashion naturally we set fire to the bridge on the outskirts of ponyvill (swords, shields and fake plastic torches make very poor fire starters) and we set after our ambitions of glory and glorified begging

"Sister scootaloo, I need recon on the city"

"very well brother Noah."

She blasted off on her scooter and circled around town

"hey sweetie bell?"

"yeah?"

"don't you think scootaloo is acting strange around this Noah fellow?

"kinda. Why?"

"brother noah! Their appears to be 78 houses accounted for."

"Excellent. Come sisters! Tonight we dine in a slightly elevated location!"

"..."

"I meant the clubhouse. Anyway-"

"CHARGE!"

Me and scootaloo stormed the town with the other crusaders hesitation slowing them down

knock knock knock

"nightmare night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!"

The pony put some candy in scootaloo's bag and shut the door. We rinsed and repeated this many times and our candy bags grew six times that day.

"Yes! Sisters we shall feast like royalty this nightmare night!"

"yay!"

Out of the corrner of my eye I spotted Luna talking to twilight about something.

"Speaking of royalty... I'm going to break out of the group for a bit sister scootaloo."

"aw"

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"ok! Uh can I just stick with you?"

"That's a-ok with me"

We went over to the duo and Luna looked distraught.

"Greetings! How art thou this fine night?"

"are you mocking me?"

"Sorry luna! I was trying to stay in character"

"speaking of which...what are you?"

"we're crusaders!"

"oh I remember you from the gala! Tell me what's your name little one?"

"scootaloo!"

"and as a group we are..."

It was as if the trio telepathically communicated and teleported to sync up for maximum output.

"THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!"

A nearby house broke all its windows as a result.

"he-ha...oops?"

"remarkable... You replicated the royal canterlot voice!"

"the what now?"

"WHAT?"

They had knocked out my hearing and the only sound registering was a ringing and the usual screaming. It was hear (Ha puns) that I realized that I had stopped being insane two years prior. I made an assumption that it was someone who simply couldn't accept death. Just like me. So she hung on and with my hearing out of commission I had this chat in my head:

"So how ya doing nightmare?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Good, good, did you try to take control?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Good chat, good chat, tell me. Did you get into the mixtape?"

"HOWDOIMAKEITSTOP?!?!"

"Well it starts with you SHUTING THE FUCK UP"

"..."

"Ok good. Now I'm going to turn it off and we are going to have a...chat."

CLICK

"Ok now, the fuck you doin in ma head? You could have ended up dead"

Back at it again with the super sick rhymes.

"I just wanted ponys to love my night-"

"BULLSHIT, they already like the night!... They just fear what usually lurks in it."

"how dare they treat it with such dis-"

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

"but-"

"SHUT IT!"

"(Sigh) look I have a... Proposition for you"

... I'm listening.

"I am willing to let you go free in a sense and be reborn under the condition that you announce who you are and how sorry you are."

"what? Just like that I get almost everything I wanted just for that?"

"I believe in redemption. That and I kinda want to show you some nightlife"

"Ok I can hear again and I'm going to talk this over with Clyde"

I snapped out of it and realized I had been standing there for about an hour. Everyone was closing up shop and I was tired as hell. I returned to the tree house and I talked to Clyde.

"Clyde I got more voices in my head! We need that thing from earlier"

"what!? But-"

"I wasn't asking, this is my favour"

He reluctantly went outside and made the pit and I climbed inside and started to roll around just like last time.

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Meanwhile...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"(Yawn) hello and welcome to ponyvill orphanage but unfortunately we aren't-"

"Miss I'm here on account of the equestrian community of parenthood and we finally found enough evidence in the records to pinpoint the identity of the orphan: scootaloo's father"

"Why that's wonderful! I will let her know first thing tomorrow!"

"Have a good night miss"

The door shut and the agent shifted and changed shape.

"I hope this will be a proper thanks to that sonny who saved Applebloom.

EXTREME PLOT TWIST INCOMING