Bamboozled again!

by Theboxcatgamr

chapter 12: how can ya have ya pudding if ya don't eat'ch ya meat?

Author's Note:

"I CAN AUTISM LOUDER THEN YOU!!!" - My step brother talking to a distant cousin

After my nap I woke up and went outside only to get ass-blasted into the air by a shitload of confetti. In the distance laughing could be heard, I investigated and made an expert deduction that the pranking duo was the issue.
After going around the town I found I wasn't the only one. The worst one would have to be the painted apples and it apparently took hours to get the apples edible again.

Some people just want to see the world burn.

The next day I found pinky chasing after rainbow at a speed only comparable to plaid. Eventually rainbow introduced me to her friend Gilda. She insulted me and said I looked "like a shaved diamond dog after an acid bath" so I basically did as I usually do and defeated her with the powers of memes: "

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the army and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the best sniper on this entire fucking planet you fucking fuck. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this planet mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across equestria and the cum-dumpster you call home is being traced right now so you better prepare for the shitstorm bich. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Shadow realm and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little 'clever' comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."

Rainbow was speechless and Gilda was trying to keep a straight face. I broke off into laughter and Gilda even joined in! Nice to know i can get away with some dark humour around here. Rainbow was relieved I wasn't serious and apparently this made me cool in Gilda's book.

"what's a bitch?"

Gilda was barely keeping it together

"A bitch is a female dog"

I managed to get even more laughter out of her and its official: I'm going to shit fury I'm now in the frendship with the birb-lady. What's a birb? It's like a bird except it's pronounced differently, BECAUSE MEMES.
At the end of the day when I found out about flutershy, I almost went on a rampage. Because if you don't defend that which has the butterflies tattoo then you are the biggest hittler-st.shitler himself.

I told her through clenched teeth that she really shouldn't have done that but I also said that it would be ok if flutershy got an apology. I didn't want to lose the only one within ten yards who I could unload my unnaturally high amount of dark humour to and get good results.

She reluctantly apologized and knowing that I could actually have some fun with this I smiled and said:

"Wanna find the prick who was talking shit bout' my friends?"

I have never had more fun on a man-hunt (or pony-hunt i guess).
I know that the fucker didn't actually insult twilight yet and that was before we were thrown back in time but luckily he was just as much as a asshat as before.

We may or may not have went too far.

RULE#24 no evidence

So after paying off Granny Smith to ship off the guy sending him off on a luxurious trip to the everfree forest me and Gilda went our separate ways. It was a nice day and I might have even saved Gilda and rainbow's frendship. I returned to the library and twilight was writing something about friendship probably. I asked her how many days until the gala and she said three. With that I went to sleep again and this time instead of the usual nightmare I found myself in a white room with the princess of the night. She demanded to know my 'evil' intentions for the world. I was blunt with her and said that I was just trying to right a wrong from a long time ago. I managed to get through half of my story before I could wake up and I just hope I made a lasting impression.

When I got up and out of twilights house I saw the town in ruins and a large swarm of bugs was following some sort of music. I wandered a bit until I found the six chatting something about listening to a friend or something. Then guess who showed up? Why is was ol' Nova hair herself talking to the group. She then got an uneasy look on her face and started looking around. She found me and naturally started turning me to stone AGAIN. She only got halfway because something was causing interference. She called her guards over to drag me out of sight and into a cage.

After Celestia talked to her student and her friends she made up some bullshit story about things and took me away to canterlot.

Whelp off to the dungeons I guess

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[Theboxcatgamr]

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nice

[Theboxcatgamr]

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I didn't make this to make sense. I made it to use the powers of being so mind numbingly dumb on purpose so that I could take advantage of the confusion. And this is how my story was born, through sure idiocy