In my runthrough of FO3 I got pretty far into game and never ran into Burke. Does he really appear that early?

Alright, good sir I believe you deserve some feedback on this piece.

If I'm being honest, I initially thought this was going to be mediocre. It took me a while to become fully vested in the fic- the writing seemed a bit awkward, and I was having a hard time letting the words flow smoothly enough to create a mental image of the events you were trying to portray. But I'm glad to say I was proved wrong. Around the third chapter, the story improved remarkably. The characterization is fairly accurate, the diction is not awkward, contrived, overly artificial, nor is it overly verbose. It's just the right type of speech I would expect from the Canterlot High Students. When you couple the nice writing with the entertainment, you really make this fic good. You may be telling a modified version of Fallout 3's events, but you focus on the girls enough, and you flesh out their struggles well enough that I don't feel anything is missing. Rather, it all plays out in my head, as if I were watching a movie. When you can connect with the characters on an emotional level, comprehend their struggles, and visualize the events in a cinematic fashion, you've found yourself a gem of a fic. And so far, I think I've found quite a nice read here.

All in all, bravo sir.

Also, I know you've been thinking about sex scenes in this fic, and that concerns me. I find it hard to believe that any of the canterlot high girls would engage in sexual activity with some wasteland degenerate. This makes me anxious about the prospects of a sex scene. But hey, that's just me.

8899545
She would also give you cupcakes

8899538
You can find Mr Burke in Moriarty's saloon the first time you enter. He's sat in a little alcove to the right, if you really want to you can even make blowing up Megaton the very first thing you do after leaving the vault

8899662
First of all i'd like to thank you for the feedback, it is very much appreciated and I hope I can maintain or improve on this standard as the story progresses.

I understand your concern about the sex scenes. I'm not planning on adding any that involve the canterlot high girls for quite some time simply because it's not something they would go around and do under almost any circumstances. When it finally does occur it'll hopefully make sense as to why she/they have ended up doing that rather than just some fling with a random wastelander.

8899662
Hymn .... i don't see any potential hook ups until minimum rivet city and bos introduced. I could see rd and aj going after bos guys ..... sunset could hook up with twi or a oc or both sunset shouldn't be weirded out by herds. Rarity and the mysterious stranger oc version no 40+ year old version you could make him his successor. Fluttershy is tough an oc maybe or the lone wanderer after amada kicks him to the curb for good. Pinkie gotta go raider oc she befriends who frees her after capture.

8900409
For the moment the girls have higher priorities than that. Their focus for now is on finding James and figuring out a way home. Of course if you know Fallout 3 then you know that events are coming that may.... complicate things.

8900409
You forgot twilight.

8900432
There's a lot that happens in this game. How do you decide what you're going to tackle and when?

8900682
I've actually planned it out in stages to an extent

I'm going through it as if the Lone Wanderer has gone charging off after James (understandably) and is single-mindedly ploughing through the main quest line. The girls are (mostly) less headstrong and more concerned with safety and supplies so they are going to be slower to catch up but I have planned out how and when they are going to catch up. Basically I'm just trying to follow the steps in the most logical progression with a few random encounters thrown in.

8900682
No muhaha I'm all for twi/sun wether a third person is to be included is the real question. Also anyone who states timber as a potential love interest for sci twi needs to be taken out back and shot. First warning sign he's a camp counselor meaning he's a adult with a job ....mkay.. trying to pick up teenage campers...... it's like a teacher dating a student. For those who say he's a teenager you can't become a camp counselor without certification which requires you to at least be a intern for credits as part of your major from college.... hence adult. Which takes upto 4 years for those interested. I swear a brony works for them and somehow had his oc included in the movie. Sorry sore subject ... sci twi/ sunset all the way.

8900432
You just started the story I don't expect romance ..... or lust ...... until atleast 200k words unless this'll be a short fic then 80k ... i mean if they started sleeping around the first month or two they are there I'd be shocked. I'm reading this for the story not just for the clop.... I'm enjoying it so far. I'm just surprised .... the girls became friends with amada and james .... but it sounds like .... adam? Was it .... hasn't had any contact with them ever. When they get to the reentry to vault 101 and amada throws adam to the curb after using him can't wait to see the girls reactions.

8900761
I don't see this being a short fic at the moment, so many different scenarios to write and I'm honestly having way too much fun with it!

I've sort of got it in my head that the Lone Wanderer sort of kept himself to himself while he was in the vault I feel like the game implied that Amata was his only real friend so out of the equestria girls I suppose the only ones he would have had a lot of contact with would be Fluttershy (working in the clinic) and Pinkie Pie (it's Pinkie Pie).

And yes, I do have something rather special planned for Trouble on the Homefront..... :)

Rainbow needs a reality check.
The magic she got from equestria has given her the idea that she is invincible.
She may be able to dodge a bullet if she was running but her reaction speed is normal so the gun would kill her before she could move.

8940957
I think that she just got that reality check.

I think it's kind of funny what's going on. Now all we need is for Amata to leave vault 101 looking for these girls, and we'll have a right conga line happening.

Things have just gotten real

Perfect song for chapter btw

Well written chapter, you certainly did the 'Power of the Atom" quest justice. Burke, Simms, and Cromwell all in character. And the girls get their first taste of wasteland violence as well.

That went easier than I expected. It took me a whole magazine from an assault rifle to Burke's head to bring him down before he could kill Simms.

10738420
Huh, I thought Simms death in the confrontation scene was scripted. I'm gonna have to try that route next time I play. Usually I just go straight to disarming the bomb and never talk to burke

10825922
It’s cripted in regards of Simms dying in a single shot, but you can intervene just before Burke attacks, and save Simms

Was this a option you could do in the game?

10996749
It's possible to save Simms from Burke, but it's not easy. You basically have to kill Burke in the split second between him pulling out his gun and firing, and he has a lot more health than would be expected. Sometimes, it's possible to shoot the gun out of his hand using V.A.T.S., but it doesn't always work.

Twilight could probably have taken both charge and gun, or at least held Burke in place while Sunset did... but only if she got the message fast enough. Probably safer to play along.

(For that matter, someone else with her power, hearing what he had planned, could probably have pinched his mouth and nose shut for a minute or two... but I don't think Twilight could, not yet at least.)

11237776
At that point forget the mouth and nose and just go straight to the windpipe for a discount force choke (probably easier to)

Man, poor Sunset.

Fairly spot on reactions I think from the group. I probably would have had Fluttershy faint or something (that's such an incredibly shocking thing to witness, nevermind being of a shy and delicate nature), but I understand the need for having a dedicated healer available for the purpose of plot. Given that I think she was as in character as the story would allow.

Now the girls have a good idea of the stakes! I hope Rainbow is OK. Seems she may have been hurt too.

11768263
Yeah that thought crossed my mind too, but I think we have to remember the girls aren't violent by nature. They'll have to spend more time toughening up and losing some of that bubblegum innocence before anyone is using their powers that way, especially someone as morally driven as Twilight.