Writer12577
Joined 28th Apr, 2012 ·
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Well, it's done. My first piece of published fiction. Had to try writing to public in order to realize how much effort it takes.
No "First!!1!" comments here, move on!
I'm warning you; it takes a lot of effort to write a good Derpy fic.
I see grammar; but it's your first fic.
I understand.
A great and touching story, feel so sorry for Derpy. Lovely work for a first story, looking forward to your future work! There are a few grammar errors and such but other then that I loved it.
958091
Yeah, I know what it takes. This was more of a "Hey let's see how bad I am!" thingy.
And thanks for your understanding. Not having English as a native language can be annoying nowadays...
958101
Really? Wow... Thanks.
958113
Meh.
I hate excuses...
I learned Japanese as a native.
It was fun.
And I understand.
Maybe you could check out my rock story. :3
958137
"-The Life Story Of A Rock-" and it's a comedy.
This is going to be good!
958146
The only thing I didn't like was the suicide in your story...
958153
Well, this was supposed to be a sad story... Desperate things were done.
And I can honestly, as the author, say that it was hard to kill Derpy.
And about your fic: Random, spiced up with a taste of humor. The time span was a little jumpy, but overall great fic.
This was, alright. Your syntax wasn't the most captivating and the plot elements just seemed a bit forced and rushed at times.
However, as a starting point, t'was a good first step. I'm expecting good things in the future
i remember my first fic, i gave up on it becouse i screwed up so bad. but your not doing do bad
958178
Yeah, I pretty much did this in rush. Going on a little vacation tomorrow and I just wanted to wrap this up.
958180
Thanks!
Good quality of writing, but the story was cliche. There are a thousand and one fics about Derpy as a struggling mother already out there. Overall, a pretty good first fic.
Very sad, but there was definitely room for more.
Your first fic was definitely better then mine, great work.
Maybe take out the end, and start the next chapter with something along the lines of
"Hey! Derps, what're you doing up here?" called a familiar voice, from behind. It was _______. (insert pony name here)
Dash seems to fit that role ^
also, how did Dinky already know what was wrong with Derpy when the health and care people came, if derpy hadn't even gotten home to tell her about losing her job?
958207
Yeah, that's true. But hey, I didn't make a Octavia X Vinyl.
958210
How come you read my mind? Inserting Dash to save the day was one of my final options. But Tragedy/ Sad, so I ended up doing this.
Dinky didn't know about Derpy being fired. Working for a mail office isn't too much of an income.
958224
Makes sense, I guess. But even low income families keep their children and houses.
It's whatevs...
Please do write more, the ending was waaaaaaaaay too lazy and rushed.
if you'd like, i can even help write it. ppppppppppplllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeeeeee?
Poor Derpy.
Great writing though.
958250
I'm off to a little one-and-a-half days vacation tomorrow morning, so I'll be writing Wednesday-Thursday. I'll see what I can do
958251
Poor Derpy, indeed
And thanks!
958273
yay!
Not bad.
958434
Thanks
What can I say? I had no options! This was digging me from inside from the second I got the idea!
Oh, yeah, sorry for saying "I wont be writing until Wednesday".
And if I may, I curse my brain for making me work on my technically-vacation.
958795
Let the feel take the control...
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/7206/I%27ll-never-forget
Go, Feel!!
958957 Mwahahahahhahhahahahahhahahahahahha....
All shall perish....
Your gramar is OK. you sometimes changes time in the centences, but that is not much of a problem. There is also a few spelling mistakes here and there. nothing ro be ashamed of. I do these kinds of mistakes myself
The story and the plot is a bit overused, but it is better to go safe than fail completely with your first fic. some parts of it also seem a bit rushed. I would overally call this a good first fic.
just one thing. wouldn't this story be suited for "slice of life" tag?
are you also implying that dinky considers suicide in the end?
you got 4 spikes and a green thumb from me.
It was good, very descriptive compared to the original reading.
But I really did want to see something a little 'happier', or at least bittersweet. I mean, yeah, life can't be perfect, but meh. I added you on Steam, by the way!
Just saying, I've tried the whole 'jump off a cliff' suicide trick, it doesn't work if you stop walking and look down, you lose your nerve. If you want it to work, you have to start running fast towards the edge, that way, when your subconscious says 'STOP!', you'll have gained so much momentum that you can't slow down in time and you just fall. I tried that, but someone grabbed me before I fell and told me to go home and watch My Little Pony: FiM, it would make me feel better. I'm a brony now, and still alive. It feels good and I have no regrets.
My god, taffy revival, there no better thing.
959274
I blame it on my writing style. I make the start and the ending, and then start mixing stuff together. So, that causes me these, "Past-Current-Past"-problems.
Yes, it's fairly overused. At lest I didn't do Octavia X Vinyl, eh?
Slice of life, maybe. I'll see about that. (though, suicide isn't quite of a everyday problem.)
Now when I look at my text, you can see Dinky's thoughts that way. But no. I'm not killing her. She's just saying that when her time comes, they'll reunite.
And thanks for the Spikes, now I just need to find a place to store them...
959996
Sad fic, sad ending. But I'll spoiler you for a bit. Next fic forming up in my head. It will be happier and will have Scootaloo.
960400
Well, am I glad to see you here. I had troubles like that before I found MLP. So I'd say that MLP isn't just a great show, but also a life-saver.
960529
I second that.
And when I'm still able to use my computer, I'd personally like to thank all of you. You made me write more.
960400 if you want to jump badly enough, it wil work. that is the only good thing about that technique. you find out if you REALLY want to take the final step
looks like that makes two of us. except i could not find anything high and remote enough. i found 2 things that worked for me. 1: mlp and 2: sports shooting. it is ironic, i know
962945
Wow. Survivors club united present?
And yeah. Just clear your mind, select a cliff or anything that's high enough, and jump.
Though you can do it faster by just going to your local pub and starting to annoy the most drunk group. One of them will have a gun for sure.
962634
Scootaloo is best filly!
I hope you know I'm still interested in writing with you.
962954 yeah. i am pretty sure that wil happen in Norway. We even need to get cleared by the police. To get cleared, we have to prove that we need a gun
oh wel, life is not that bad now. besides, a 6.5x55 is more effective than any mountain
962968
Yup.
But I'll see about that tomorrow. The vacation got slightly moved (Curse you rain!), so I'm able to be here lurking, but we're leaving as soon as it stops raining.
962978
Oh, hiya there neighbor! Terveisiä Suomesta!
And true there. Firearms > Mountain > Cliff > Starving to death on your sofa because your favorite show is having a 1-week marathon and you forgot to bring snacks.
962982
Ah! That's some shit. Will get on Main PC soon, we can speak via Steam.
Sad. As. Fuck. Wow. R.I.P.
1073772
Oh no! My weakness!
Seriously, now when The tale of the Slenderman is done, I'm hoping that I would have put more effort to this one.
I like to think that this one had potential. But now when I look at it it's rushed and the complete picture is blurry from times to times.
But I do admit it was sad. This was hard to write, and not just on the level of making enough catchy content.
1073802 Have sad emoticons for your effort in the saddness.
(They make sense)
1073818
Sense is present. In a sad way.
(This is no good for the comedy I'm working on as we speak...)
1073830 Comedy? Oh, shit, I have to get back to writing mine!
1073836
What can I say?
After I saw how you people reacted to The tale of the Slenderman (And after I enjoyed writing it so much) I just can't stop stuffing my thoughts into the sheet of virtual paper.
And I'm turning lyrical now. North Korea planned this.
And good luck with yours! Expect me to appear to the comments when you get it up!
1073847 The Russians helped plan it.
1073858
Oh you bet they did!
Lurking in the woods...
Slendy.
Russians.
North Koreans.
And occasional tourists so the above three wont come rampaging to the city.
1073875 Speaking of Slendy, I found another one that you may have read already: Slender I can see it, in the forest. Watching me, following me, stalking me. It is... the North Korean!
1073902
Speaking of Slendy, I have been extremely busy to keep up with my reading while writing that fic of mine.
But thank you for linking that. Shame that it was a short one. Potential was present.
1073936 I know, right? There should have been a chapter about Luna destroying the pillar and what happens afterward. But, we got Trollestia'd with a cliffhanger.
1073949
Yup.
Revenge?
But how?
North Korea.
Now just how do we harness the endless powers of the North Koreans?
1074046 Turn their own propaganda against them!
