Rainbow Dash runs in the forest near Ponyville, something after her.
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Writer12577
Joined 28th Apr, 2012 ·
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Okay, let me make clear that this is NOT a big project. I made this only for a single purpose.
I'm trying to improve my descriptive skills (Next chapters of The Fall will need it). The main idea was to write a short story with as much description as possible. And here it is. Done in ~twenty minutes.
So, if in any ways possible, please tell me how I did and how I could improve.
Pretty good. The way RD refers her pursuer as "it" is a nice touch.
Some minor mistakes here and there. For example, "... the sun borrowed its stage ...". Did you mean "lent", as in "lend me your ear"?
Also, " ... a slight hint of panting visible in her voice.": sound isn't normally visible without the use of Windows Media Player or certain hallucinogens.
A proofread is recommended. But good work - it produced some nice mental imagery, and included decent characterization of RD.
Lol i thought the story was about a monster from the ever free forest and is chasing Rainbow for some reason, but it was just a game of tag! lol
TAG!
1249547
Yeah, you're right. I put this up a way too fast, due to extreme hurry. I usually try my best at proofreading my stories. But anyways, I fixed them for you.
And thank you! That's the thing I was aiming for.
1250777
Well, I did try to keep it as a surprise. And I think I managed to do that all right...
1252605
Indeed.
1253159 YOU'RE IT!
1254292
Wut?
I'm not the Tag, Rainbow is!
1258026 I SAID TAG, CELESTIA DAMN IT! YOU. ARE. FUCKING. IT!
1259692
I'm a what now?
Dog tags?
Where?
On a side note:
AWW YEAAAH ARMORED KILL. FINALLY!
1263303 Playing Battlefield? I really prefer flying to ground vehicles.
1264904
>Support
>C4
>Jet
"LET'S DO THIS!"
>Fly.
>See choppa.
"Hey, imma go and kamikaze dat choppa!"
>Fly towards choppa.
>Just before impact, jump out.
*Wait for it*
>Jet still going.
*Wait for it...*
*NOW*
>Parachute
>See the trigger in my hands.
"C4, EXPLODE!"
*Boom*.
>Multikill 5 people.
"AWW YEAAAH!"
1268543 Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. That should have been recorded.
1270136
Too bad I don't have the required equipment. (PS3, I'd need a capture card of some kind.)
1274520 Hmmm...
Well, have a picture. I'd love this to be an episode:
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/9/10/KjCLKVPdfUqoRpeyO8YhDw2.gif
1276786
Yeah, things would go great!
1278254 How about a Rake episode?
1278614
I would love that!
But, Hasbro. Target audience is a bit young. Imagine a 6-years old girl watching an episode where Slendy or Rake appears out of nowhere and tries to catch the ponies.
1278678 Solution: They put it online. If you guess the password, you get to see it. The password: Brony.
1279236
That's a pretty good idea!
1280134 Since we will be the only ones to see it, the kiddos can watch the more tame episodes.
Plot (teehee) of the story:
>Dear Princess Celestia, don't go in the woods!
>Dear Twilight, I'll do whatever I damn please. I'm the fucking princess.
>Dear Princess, this is Slenderman. I took them. All of them. I'm coming for you next.
>Dear Rainbow Dash, I recognized your hoof-writing. Fuck you.
>Rainbow gets sent to the moon, where Slenderman comes after her for impersonating him.
1282220
Then, Moon-Nazis.
(What? A good story in the Moon MUST have Moon-Nazis!)
1283681 The moon nazis take Slendy prisoner.
1283692
Rainbow pretty much stalks the Moon-Nazis, trying to learn something about them.
(She got her lessons from Slendy)
1283706 The Rake helps Rainbow free Slendy and they all live happily ever after.
1283709
At the end we see a slow motion clip where Rainbow, Rake and Slendy walk away from the Moon-Nazi base and all of a sudden the base explodes and all of a sudden they all have black sunglasses.
1283732
>Implying that Slendy has eyes to cover
>Implying that Slendy has ears to put the glasses on
He's coming for you for that.
1283747
I blame brains!
And North Koreans.
And Russians.
And Sauli Niinistö.
And Timo Soini.
And that creepy friend of mine who just got a dog and is going to come and visit me next week and show me the dog and try to teach it not attack my bunny.
And the Finnish legal system.
1283766 The American legal system says that I can't threaten death upon all of those.
1283768
Ahem.
"Jokaisessa talossa pitää olla humalisto, ja istuttakoon talonpoika joka vuosi hyviä juuria neljänkymmenen salon varalle, kunnes näitä tulee kaksisataa kokonaiseen taloon. Joka ei sitä tee, vetäköön sakkoa kultakin vuodelta [talarin], ja istuttakoon kuitenkin niinkuin on sanottu, jollei havaita, että humalistoa ei voi siihen istuttaa taikka siinä voimassa pitää."
"Every house has to have a hop garden and shall the farmer plant good roots for forty (I have NO idea what salon means. I don't speak fancy Finnish.) every year till there are two hundred for a whole house. The one that doesn't do so, shall take fine for every year and still plant as said, unless noticed that a hop garden cannot be planted or kept alive there."
- Rakennuskaari, chapter seven, §1.
1283807 Sucks for you, man. Sucks for you...
Surprise slender mod!
1283814
I see sense!
SO MUCH CELESTIA DAMNED SENSE!!!!!1283823
1283828
i.imgur.com/Id4OM.png?1
1283836 No master. Not at all. I have done much Mormon magnet trolling lately. As well as trolling hacker kids on the x-box. You have taught me well master.
1283841
There is no better feeling to hear the kids scream in terror as you rush around Operation 925 with your loyal ACB-90 and GP-30 dart.
And when compared to your best evil laugh through your headset mic, the day is going to be perfect.
1283848 >Enter spectate mode in MW3
"Hey, Masterkilla, I'm behind you. No no, at your feet. There, see me in the corner? Look down. Under you. No, now I'm behind you. Now I'm in that bush. Go over there. I'm glitched into the rock. Oh look, you got killed. That's unfortunate."
1283855
♫And that's the art of Trolling♫
1283864
1283870
Catchy...
1283882 I know, right? This guy is the best troll ever. MinnesotaBurns. Best troll
1283886
I'd say that the Internet has to gather the top 10 of trolls into one place. Just to see what happens.
(They form up an alliance and start to plan against us!)
1283891 Celestia help us all... wait...
1. Trollestia 2. MinnesotaBurns
SHIT!
1283895
I'd like to see what happens when those two get into the same lobby...
1283898 Mind-nuke activated. ORANGE MONKEY EAGLE!
1283903
Okayyyy...
1283907Your pleases and thank you's are much appreciated
1283915
Too bad this isn't based on the story.
IT. WAS. BRILLIANT!
1283920 Brilliant! A fuckin' plus, BronyDanceParty. A fuckin' plus.
1283924
Yep.
1283930 Too much yes... He will need to make a Guncakes PMV... NOW!