On a single, normal night, a pony is heading home from a party. Well, he never arrives home and worry starts to spread. The close ones of the missing one get worried, of course, and after some discussing with the police, a search party is arranged.
But the things the party finds pretty much turn the life of the residents of the whole town upside-down.
And after all, the only thing this thing wants is a little fun. And maybe some chaos if any can be found.
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Whoa, it's been a long time. About time I came up with something, really. And about time I finished this first chapter. This idea has been bugging me for months.
But yeah, here we have it. Now, I simply must say some stuff.
- First off, this site really needs a tag for Screwball.
- Secondly, I think this thing here belongs under Dark, even though it has some general randomness and even comedic parts. You say you know better? Go ahead and suggest, let me know why this story should have X tag and if I like your arguments, I'll add the tag.
- Thirdly, credits for the cover image go to Dragonwolfgirl1234 because I could not find anything else that would suit this story with "Evil Screwball" in Google Images. Got a better cover pic? Let me know and I'll see if it suits.
- Fourthly, this is based on a personal headcanon. The headcanon itself will be revealed later. How many chapters later? I have no idea.
- Fifthly, this is poorly proofread because of me simply being too tired and too excited to do it. I'll probably proofread this in a greater detail tomorrow. This doesn't mean that you can't point out my mistakes, though. That helps me a lot.
- Sixthly, updating on this one might be really slow. Chapter two is currently at ~2,000 words, but process is still really slow as I have no idea what to do with chapter three. But we'll see what happens, be prepared to wait.
- Seventhly, this still goes under "Everyone", I guess. That might change later. You have been warned!
- Eighthly, also the tags, character tags and things like that might change during the trip. You will probably be warned, though.
I think that's all, have a nice day, thanks for stopping by and so on. I'm off to bed.
Huzzah! You're back! With a delightfully creepy story in tow, I might add.
I'm pleased to say that I have been the first of what, I hope, will become many likes, as well as the first fav and the first comment, other than yours. Is that greedy? Meh, I like your stories.
Anyway, I am willing to wait for more of this.
Keep the fuzzieness going!
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Well, I could say that this one flopped. Quite possibly the worst start for a story of mine if we don't count Desolution and its mature rating. To be honest, I was expecting for something a bit more than 30 views.
But oh well, the idea has not died even though the audience is not as big as I thought it would be. I'll do my best to get the second chapter here as soon as possible.
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I hope you don't let this die, because this is a fantastic take on Screwball. I'm used to an incoherent babbling madmare, but this! This is brilliant! I can't believe I never thought of having her take after her father.
Some of the diction is rather knottily convoluted, though it does a give a good sense of Thunderlane's drunken disorientation. Still, in future chapters, you may want to write in a more straightforward manner. Try reading some passages aloud and you may see what I mean.
In any case, again, I am eagerly looking forward to more, because Screwball is best equinoid abomination.
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First off, I must apologise for such a late answer. I was away and unable to use my computer for a week.
Now that I've done that, I can start answering properly.
Thanks for your support! I plan to keep this alive as long as I can, as I like writing this story as well, but I still must note you about the extremely slow updates. Chapter two is doing well at the moment with around 3,000 words down and I should be able to publish it within a week, but after that the ride can get really bumpy as the third chapter begins. But I'm not willing to let this die, no matter what happens, so no worries
.
And then about my not-so-straightforward writing, I have noticed this myself and am aware of its existence. I let it pass for this chapter as I have had my troubles with writing and so on. It should disappear when I manage to get my writing to flow flawlessly again.
It's good to hear that people are looking forward to see some more. I shall provide you with more, even though it might take some time. And take my thanks for the golden star and the green thumb!
You are right about that they should really add in some new characters, but where is the next chapter.
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Sadly, it's late. I'm currently on a vacation (one that I wasn't even supposed to go on) and my computer usage is very limited as it's rather hard to charge my laptop as there are not many power sockets in the woods. I currently have about ten minutes of power left thanks to a visit to a café. But if everything goes as planned, I'll be back home tomorrow and I'll start working on the next chapter.
It's currently at around 3,000 words and I just need to write some nice ending to wrap the chapter up, so I'd dare to say that I'll have it ready in a week, or at least before I have to get moving again.
Okay, chapter two, it took some time and so on, but I warned you.
I think I noticed a drop in quality in here. If you noticed it too, I'm sorry about that. I had a hard time writing this chapter.
And also sorry about the rather nasty cliffhanger here, I'm really busy and could not think of anything better. I have to get moving again tomorrow with a trip to a family cottage near the Russian border. The car trip there is 4 hours if we do not stop anywhere and there is no electricity in the cottage, so I'll be pretty much isolated for the whole next week. But hopefully that will get my imagination running properly.
Anyway, I hope you managed to enjoy, I have no idea when chapter three will be out.
And if you see any grammatical errors, please let me know. That helps me a lot since I tend to manage to let some errors slip past my eyes.
Oh hay, a new chapter! Cool!
*reads*
Well, the only error/typo I found was in this line:
Considering that Cloudchaser was the first to dodge, I'm thinking that she wasn't the one caught off guard. Unless I'm misunderstanding something, which may very well be the case as I am tired.
Meh, whatever.
Anyway, about the chapter itself.
I did NOT see that coming.
Seriously.
I mean, I liked it and everything, it was funny yet creepy, but man. That was unexpected.
I have a prediction as to who Cloudchaser is going to see about this. My first thoughts were torn between Zecora and Twilight, so I went back and looked at the tags. Seeing as the zebra lacks a tag yet the Mane 6 tag is there, I'm guessing Twi.
Wait. New idea.
Could she be going to see Fluttershy? If Thunderlane is not acting like a non-pony animal, would Fluttershy not be a good pony to talk to?
Hmm.
Well, now I want more.
I will wait but I want more now.
Sigh.
Have fun on your trip. Just make sure you're back on the 30th. It is my one-year anniversary on this site and I have a few stories to post in celebration. One is dark and creepy and the other is sad.
FUZZIENESS!
Unless Cloudchaser is friends with her lifelong aspirations, I think you mean "guests."
Officer Boston Cream quietly sank beneath his desk. Doughnuts understood him. Doughnuts didn't judge.
Right, silliness aside, your writing style continues to be clunky, at times almost unreadable. Once again, I recommend you read what you've written out loud and listen for phrasing that sounds stilted and unnatural, especially needlessly roundabout introductions like "the colt, known by everypony as Rumble". You established that his name is Rumble in the previous paragraph, and that he's a colt in the one before it. Every word in that phrase other than his name could be taken out without any loss of meaning. More words do not automatically make for better writing.
Aside from that, I am loving the story thus far, and I look forward to more. It's just lacking in elegance, is all.
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First off, you're correct, that mistake is on me. Feel free to consider it fixed.
Then to the chapter talk.
It's good to hear that it really was unexpected. That's pretty much what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to achieve that feeling of chaos and trying to make some unexpected things happen.
About the mane six, yeah, I can safely say that it's the mane six that are going to handle this case for now, but I have to admit that you have given me some really interesting ideas.
And then to the ending.
It's not going to be a long trip. Most likely around four days and the absolute maximum is a week. I wouldn't survive that long without electricity unless I would have had a bit more time to prepare. So, I think I can safely say that I'm going to be here on the 30th.
2986987
Yep, that's a mistake you spotted. Consider it fixed.
And then for the feedback.
This is just what I need. Constructive feedback that's still strict. Thank you for letting me know of this (yet again), I'll do my best to try to at least reduce it when I'm writing chapter three. And if something manages to slip again, just let me know and I'll try to improve.
Hey man, loving the story so far. Chaos and madness make for some pretty fun reads.
As you appear to already have gotten the same advice I would have given, I will not repeat it.
I noticed a couple of mistakes in spelling and grammar, but nothing major and nobody's perfect. I mean, I can't even spell 'grammar' without spell check.
Anyhow, looking forward to chapter three upon your return. Happy belated holidays and happy new year.