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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You need to correct a lot of things still (adding commas and spaces, proper puntuation, etc.) Also, mention that this is dialog heavy in the description. Seriously.
Also, it's a bit OOC. Well, it's mainly Spike, but still.
And you made "us" basically assault AJ in her sleep.
At least, that's what I think happens. I can hardly tell.
Wait... How did Applejack get into a tree?
Also, get a proofreader (not me, I've got my hands full right now). I'm sure someone over at one of the proofreader groups would be more than happy to help, though.
I see nothing wrong with this fic! It's actually really good! Likes from me! :)
937252 We did assault her in her sleep. static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Rape_ca0462_559947.jpg
940831 Your user image is the greatest thing I've ever seen. I can't stop smiling.
937930
...i dont want to sound like a totally noob (even thought i am) but i dont know how the seach for them. In heavy rain (the other sorty of mine) a guy offered to help, right now hes supossed to be working in revising the first chapters. But how i find those groups you said?
This was a pretty nice read, could do with a continuation, "the me" talking to Twilight and then she kind of gets what happened and so on.
Other than that, I like it, it is clop but hey, it was good.
This isn't Anon in Equestria. I suggest you read the blog post. Anon in Equestria is ANON in Equestria. Just because you have an unnamed human, that doesn't count as Anonymous.
You should really change the part of the human molesting Apple Jack while she sleeps. We shouldn't do those things before intelligent beings become lovers. It's just wrong.
Other than that (and some proofreading) it is a good read.
This was good, and for the most part I even liked their personality, nothing felt to wrong about it either. I would like a sequel, but where they are loyal to each other. I also would like it to be a normal story not just a clopfic, make a story and let it have some more or less rare and more meaningfull sex scenes.