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A tad shambled, description included... But you've got the skills for this.
Learn to use Character Tags. Spike and Rarity are not main characters, at most they could be called a supporting cast. On top of that, all 2nd persons get a other or OC tag.
What happened? I couldn't understand the grammar AT ALL.
HOOO NELLY. Here comes the grammer wreck train.
Its good for a train wreck of mistakes.
Well written if you look past the grammer.
Just to get a sense, what nationality are you.
I'll be glad to edit or rewrite.
-NopeChuckTesta
1206345
Those words, from someone like you mean quite a lot for me, thanks, I'll keep working
1206348
) And about rarity and spike, i thought that if there was going to be 4 characters, at least put them all. It's a shame there arent tags for secondary characters.
alright, now i know what OC was for (it has nowthing to do with the fact i didnt know what OC was for
1208852
. Yeah, english isnt my strong skills, but still i work on it, because i like to. Work? Right now i dont have anything finished, but i have a few works on the queue, maybe after finishing them all i could offer you any of those.
Im spanish, that means i enlgish cant bad write
Well being an interdementional alien I could understand everything perfectly it took me few try's because my first human launguage is in fact American English (trust me thare is a difference mostly in the slang though) great story not rushed or anything either (btw the I Phone is hard to Internet type with)
Dude you gotta write a second chapter to this with the conditions he described in the last sentence
1272035
im lacking of time, but yeah, i will try to think about a seconds part, dont expect it too soon
1275337
That's ok I don't mind waiting
1279095
thanks for waiting
The grammar killed it, numerous other points, but when the clop began, the grammar killed the mood.
memearchive.net/memerial.net/575/i-didnt-come.jpg
1337848Penor is sad
1337848 Agreed.