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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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ah good, a story description that doesn't describe the story...
Lack of story description made me want to skip it, but curiosity got the best of me, so I read it anyway.
Besides the obvious typos, lack of words and weird sentences, I did kind of enjoy reading it.
Keep on improving, get a pre-reader/proof-reader/editor/whatever or three and have them run it through, so you can get it fixed before you post the next chapter.
Looking forward to more.
-Munck
1. Copy/Paste in Microsoft Word
2. Correct all mistakes that are underlined with squiggly lines
3. ???
4. PROFIT!!!
(It has the word Heavy in the title, THIS IS SO RELEVANT!!! C'MON!) :3
EDIT: I've read it, and oh my oh me is he screwed! (If ya know what I mean?) ;:3
Lolz, Molestia is going to be paying him a visit I take it then! XD
I totally agree with>>840384(Munck)
wow grammar aside i'll certainly like to see more of this....lol molestia want in it,,,,,,
Thank you guys, you all give me strength to continue writing, sorry about the word sentences, i havent lived in any english place, so its quite difficult to me think it in spanish and then translate it to english, and that word stuff of autocorrecting, i thought it would dissapear, looks like not.
Anyway, only the two first part will have that dammed microsoft word thing, tho other one ill upload, ill try to make it the best way possible, thanks you guys again for your comments and sorry for being so noob, time will change that (i hope). Now i have to go, my world call me, that means the other parts of the history (warning, spoiler, i am going to make 2 more chpaters) will take me more time to write.
Thanks again guys, nice to be on board of this place and sorry being such a disaster writing.
840384
Dude, im afraid i read your advice too late, i already upload the second part, but dont be mad, my plan consist on two more parts (spoiler warning), thanks about your advice, i, for sure try to keep on improving, thank you.
840300
noob fail, i hope in my future historys that doesnt happen, thanks for telling me that.
Sorry
A good story, but you need to get a proof-reader/editor to make it more reader friendly. It was almost painfull to read. I would guess that english isn't your native language, is that right? You're good at story building you just need to correct grammar and spelling and this will be really good. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing more from you.
841768
You can still get them fixed even if they have been posted.
I would gladly do it, but I already have one series that I'm an editor on and three of my own fics to write and a fourth in the works, but you could still find someone who might be interested in helping you fix 'em. ;P
842569
Thank knight, youre right, english isnt my first lenguaje, actually its spanish, thinking the histories before writing them in english is very difficult, but my will on writing and make you all have a good time with my histories help me to carry on (in fact, the first chapter of heavy rain i wrote it all in only one day lol). Thanks for advice hope you like my future works
843229
you sure seem like a very busy man, thanks for yhe idea, but im afraid this week i will be lack of time, summer is quite long, and the world wont end until winter, so, ill take it easy, thanks for your help
844009
Heres something I always do. It may not get everything, but it helps greatly with anything I may have missed. Copy and paste all the text (including any code) into Microsoft Word. Then you can look at all the underlined parts. It will change words in proper spellings for you! :) Also, it'll change words into proper grammar such as "your" into "you're" where appropiate.
cliff hangers D:<
doesnt that count as a foursome then? a threesome is 3 people not 4 :P
Ok. A few things, based on your first phrase.
>Its has been several months since your arrive to Euquestria
1) Your description should say it's second person. So people can avoid worst-pov.
2) You SERIOUSLY need to brush up on, no... You need to learn English grammar. If you are a native speaker, actually pay attention in your classes. If not, I can only recommend you study harder. Second languages are difficult, I know, but this is somethign I'd expect from a second grader.
"It has been several months since your arrival in Equestria,"
This is what you meant to write.
>living with Twilight and Spike at her library taught you a lot about ponies and their anatomy, they were exactly has humans, even their sexual organs were the same.
This makes for a run on sentence. So much comma splicing.
i couldnt help but to laugh at that. molestia is comming
First of all: Welcome to FimFiction. Have a nice stay and post many stories which hopefully will increase in quality.
To the story itself:
The set up is pretty standard for a HiE story. I was very supprised when I read the first paragraph because it is kind of blunt and straight forward. Another thing I noticed is that you make very long sentences. This is considered as normal in languages as Spain and in my first language german, but for people who speak English, short sentences are the norm.
Furthermore you should make more paragraphs. Most of the time the story is just one big wall of text which makes it very hard to read.
Also you use some expressions that do not quiet achieve to express what you want to. For example "something is something" is an expression you should consider to rewrite.
Aside from the expressions only, you should also try to use a more sophisticated style. For example the sentence
"Walking without hurry, with her at your side, both smiling, you were under a little rain, but you both felt happy, she showed you her tricks and you were with her, you though everything was okay, but the rain started to get harder, now that could be bad for your health" is a stylistic nightmare and waaaayyy too long.
wrong expression for the thing you want to say
odd conjunction
Further in the text you write "[...]She was write on that one, and heave direct contact with her made you forget all the bad things."
I for one would change the sentence in this fashion, without changeing the semantics too much:
"She was right. (insert explaination here) The imagination of the sensation of her soft furr and her smell made you forget the world around you" And even this sencence is not very well writen. In contrast to your sentence though it adds more details and therefore has a much greater impact on the reader than just the line "[...]made you forget all bad things".
But that were just two sentences, there are many more that need to be rewriten properly.
Another thing that came to my mind is that Rainbow never would ask someone if her tricks would be good enough. She has a very cocky and egocentric personality which makes the sentences somewhat implausible.
But enough criticism, you know by now what you have to improve. And if not: read stories. Lots and lots of stories and you will get a feeling for what you should write to creat certain emotions in the readers mind.
Oh and by the way, the proper word is not "history" but "story"
So long,
Quill
I dont care about grammar i just want to read the ending of this story.
848904
well quill, how to say this?....youre right, enlgish is not my native languaje, and yes, its spanish. I am the second of bachiller (dont know of this works in other places) but the thing in here is that i learned something very important, i dont have any idea of english. In my class i am not bad, without studying i pass, theachers told me that english works with short sentences, i thought to myself "for them not for me" now i know i have to respect that, but is very hard, ill try to imrpove, thanks for your advices.
847256
, but i really want to improve and make you enjoy my histories. So thanks for your advice, hope i improve, only time will say that....and you 
Your comment quite hurt me, its very straight in his mean
Well i am afraid of telling you that ill be short of time this week, thats a shame beacause i know how are the next chapter going to bem and i rally want to write them. I know i also have to improve my handwriting, i think ive made team with other user of here, who is helping me rewriting it, he is also lacking of time. In any case, be sure this history is going to end....some day, until then, wait please, thanks to all of you who read my stuff.
845109
I have bigger ideas
856859
well that depends on a few things, your preferences, the way i write for example, i cant tell you to be worried, afraid or excited. Better wait to the future to know it, dont you think?
856245
You obviously want to continue writing which is a great thing. I suggest that you watch some films and read some books on English to get a better feeling on when to use certain expressions.
860777
i know, but i dont have that much time. I have just returned from my petite vacation, i feel sooo tired. I think ill be writing again in a few days, i know im going to end the third chapter in no time. Maybe any of you could recommend me a program to check my handwriting before uploading it. Any help will be gladed, thanks.
857037
well in that case......i think you can wait patiently, youre not going to die tomorrow after all. Dont worry, i know im going to enjoy writing what is going to happen, hope you do the same reading it, until then, wait please.
873049
read the third chapter
okay now, anyone who says that the name of the third chapter is based on starcraft 2, ill stare at him with my death vision. I dont have the starcraft 2 (i actually have brood of war) i havent take the tittle for it, dont think bad please.
878910
dude relax, if you have read the third chapter, you should wait now for the next (it will be the last one by the way)
Besides, i didnt say anithing about threesome, i said i had bigger plans. I want to tell how the story will evolve, but that will be a big spoiler, and i dont want to do sucha thing. Just wait, miracles can happen, can they?
i like
842569
Ya got that right!
Me Gusta lol i really like this story keep on writing man /)
887379
thanks, im just resting for a few things my life had just encounter. After this break, ill write the last chapter and starting my other ideas, i think i have around 5 more clopfics in my head lol.
879000 in the previous chapter rainbow dash and twilight and princess celestia said they would have a treesome
891251
, well that doesnt change too much my idea for last chapter. ill start wrtiting it...someday lol
did i?
All right, i think ill start writing the last chapter soon enough. But before it i need to know something. Readers of this piece of thing ive made, do you think ive improve in anyway between the first and the last chapter?
WOW GOOD STORY
hmm its kind of Ironic how I found my username in this story.
925142
well i think i kinda did what i promise didnt i? in any case i like you liking it. Be sure ill write more stuff, but for now heavy rain is over.
Molestia
Great story, but as people have said, you really need to work on the grammar issues. A LOT of preposition issues I noticed really pull from the story. I would be happy to be a proofreader if you would like. Just let me know.
1123209
that sounds great, but unfortunately this story is already taken (even thought the one is upgrading it is taking his time), but if you want to help with the other stories i have already here (or even those i havent upload yet XD)
Oh shit
Well to sum it up, What The Fuck. But any way good story man, I love how you ended it happily