• Member Since 1st May, 2020
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

InternetStranger


Just a random guy on the internet.

Comments ( 93 )

A bullet fly's out of the gun, speeding towards the figure. John strains his ears until he hears a sound that has been etched into his mind

Should be "flies."

I love stories like these, a soldier from a past war going to Equestria

10496877
Jeez, I completely missed that! Thanks for the heads up. I should have it fixed momentarily

Im gonna read this until the story finish this sounds interesting.

After the last changeling fell, the ponies cried out with joy. They hugged each other and gave each other high-fives, relieved that they didn’t die today. Chuckling at the antics of his soldiers, Iron Force looked at the strange creature who had helped them. It just stood there, taking in the atmosphere of the temporary celebration and looking at the ponies with curiosity. Deciding that it was time to move on, he raised up his hand, which told his troops to quiet down. After they fell silent, Iron Force moved towards the strange creature.

Should be using hoof, I think. Unless they're anthro

well done to you on this excellent chapter.i will be following this story with great interest.

Quite rushed the kiss, but I don't mind at all. Besides, the story's being great as far as I'm reading it; now, if you'll excuse me, I'll give it a like.

Not bad. However, two things. First, and this is a rule of extreme importance that should never be broken, whenever you write dialogue, any time the speaker changes you need to start a new paragraph.

For example, this:

“I have a proposal for you,” Luna said, stopping just behind a large pair of doors behind the throne. “Our kind has not experienced a true war for thousands of years. Hence, we are ill equipped and prepared for battle. However, you seem to be fully prepared for dealing with war.” John looked at her curiously and responded, “Yes, that is true. What are you getting at?” Luna sighed and turned to John and asked, “I am asking that you lead the final assault to protect our city.” John simply stared at her in shock and awe. “Me? Leading? I-I am honored your majesty, but why me and not you?”

should look like this:

“I have a proposal for you,” Luna said, stopping just behind a large pair of doors behind the throne. “Our kind has not experienced a true war for thousands of years. Hence, we are ill equipped and prepared for battle. However, you seem to be fully prepared for dealing with war.”

John looked at her curiously and responded, “Yes, that is true. What are you getting at?”

Luna sighed and turned to John and asked, “I am asking that you lead the final assault to protect our city.”

John simply stared at her in shock and awe. “Me? Leading? I-I am honored your majesty, but why me and not you?”

Second,

Hell, I might not even be from this dimension.

The idea of parallel universes wouldn't really be a thing until the 60s. It's doubtful he would think this.

10526503

Dude, thanks for the help! I probably never would have noticed that my paragraphs were wrong unless someone called it out (which you thankfully did).

The little fact about the alternate dimensions thing was interesting. This just goes to show that the 60's were truly WACK.

I will immediately move to fix my errors (when I have time)

10526867
Technically, the theories existed, but outside the science community there were incredibly few people that knew it. The 50s and 60s, with the advent of the sci-fi genre into the mainstream, got normal people interested in things like that.

was Sorin looking for the necklace or for something else?

10587286
He's looking for something else. I can't really explain much without spoiling something. All that you need to know is that Sorin is wanting something... but what that something is will have to be explained later in the story.

You're missing a human tag to this story.

Not bad, not bad all.

Also, I think your missing an A in Soarin name. Or is that another Soarin?

10588643
I think I just misspelled it. Thanks for letting me know!

10588617
Thanks for catching that! It should be fixed by now.

nicely done. very sweet and heart warming. well done.

He's not going to die from blood loss! The story was barely just STARTED!!!!! :flutterrage:

This chapter was exciting can't wait for the next

10697877
God I am bad at this. Thanks for noticing. I will fix it as soon as I can

Awesome story so far: Excited to see future chapters!

I was hoping for a Celestia shouting at Soarin moment for disobeying her orders.

now this was a tremendous chapter. well done.

Just when it was getting good I reached the end.

What about Soarin? That bastard has to pay for what he did.

Great fic so far mate don't give up on it

Yes! I'm glad another chapter has come out. I can't wait for more and more. I'm like a stallion with a phone and I'm waiting for another announcement. I hope it will be soon. Good luck in the next chapters.

I'm glad u mentioned and explained that whole "dude" thing bc I was about to ask down here trynna figure out if the characters got switched in writing. Interesting fact though, never would have thought

It was about time Soarin got what he deserved, I hope that Celestia and Luna throw his ass in jail.

10826207
Fuck jail thats a death sentence in most countries

I would have pluck your wings clean of feather and use them for my pillow!

This is really good and I would love to see more of this.

Hes a commander for the 1st infantry? As in hes a general? I think calling him the CO of an entire division is a bit of a stretch, those guys are never on the front line and most of the time nowadays not even in the same country their units are deployed to. Even during Ww2 those guys were rarely on the front.

Would have been better to have him be a senior Nco or lower commissioned. Never did like officers myself, most of them were holier than thou and could do no wrong. At least NCOs were in for a few years before being put in charge over anyone. I was in for 3 years before getting to E5.

Why did they wait a whole damn month to show the princesses the letter? That's not something you wait on...and why did Luna not question their reinforcements not showing up?

10863594
Ok, I just took a look back at what you were mentioning, an I'm just going to come out and say that I thought it over and you seem to be absolutely correct. I was originally trying to convey that he was a CPT instead of a General, so that's on me for my god-awful wording.

I also appreciate you commenting and giving me a little bit of info on your experience helps me understand military structuring and how officers act in battles, so thank you for that.

I will try to correct these issues as soon as I can.

10863666
Alright, so I'm going to explain this more in depth in the next chapter, but since you asked, I'll give a quick summery of why. Basically, the Equestrian military is completely disorganized and ill prepared for battle, that simple things like delivering a vital piece of information slips completely through the cracks.

Another explanation is that the Princesses priorities during the past month was to focus on civilian recovery, so they just immediately sent the army to help rebuild the city. Clear Sky simply never had the opportunity to deliver the letter, since she was either helping to rebuild the city, or she was watching over John. ( It's also noteworthy to mention that the previous chapter occurred after most of the major projects have slowed down.)

As for Luna never questioning the reinforcements, she never questioned it because, A. She was fighting alongside her sister in the battle and B. She kind of assumed that John had potentially dismissed them and Soarin had chosen to join them on this side of the castle (once again, the Equestrian military is pretty bad.)

10863791
Thanks, I figured it may have had something to do with their inexperience and logistical problems, since they were desperately asking for his help. Reminds me of the AA, those guys can't even tie their boots right.

"victory comes at a price" That is true for any victory, it matters not if it was perfect, or hard fought.

MARE DOWN! MARE DOWN!:flutterrage:

Login or register to comment