Isoya
Joined 4th Jul, 2012 ·
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Terrible.
download.ultradownloads.com.br/wallpaper/276255_Papel-de-Parede-Meme-Obama-Not-Bad_1920x1440.jpg
Not bad feels a bit rushed like you had only one hour to write it and you were set on meting the diedline. Next tme play with it a bit (not like that) but let the story grow on its own
im comfused
is this an antro fic
866319 I agree with this guy
it was... ok...
not great...
not bad...
but ok...
Grammar mistakes. The idea has been used a lot, and you did not meet the requirements of a decent writer. Sorry.
Words of wisdom never start with the sex.
Overall analysis:
Concept: good. The idea of clothes coming off for a feasible reason outside of sex and then leading to sex is always fun. Notably she was fully intentional on the sex but such a method would have allowed you to expand and make it feel less rushed.
Foreplay: good. It was well detialed and explained, plus Spike having duel dragons will always win points from me
Sex scene 1: not good, not horrible either, but not good. Way to fast for starters. Second Spike ripping her dress off sounds unreasonable. She makes her clothes and spends a lot of time on them, he knows that, so logically he would slip it off in respect to that. It sounds like he shoves himself right into both holes, I have to imagine that would hurt like hell personally even if I am a guy. She tells him it's her first time, and then he proceeded to fuck her roughly out of the gate, again not pleasant. Virgin Rarity won you points though. He came, and yes came not cummed, damn near instantly. Sure it's his first time, but still two sentences worth of end game sex is supper fast. The last line was pretty damn good.
Sex scene 2: better. More realistic, more emotion, slightly longer. It still feels horribly rushed though. This line, "and he also came, heating her marehood and hoofs as she licked his members clean.", is impossible unless shes a two time gold medal winning gymnast. She can't be riding him and bending over licking his member at the same time. Especially with him being directly in front of her.
Ending: short but cute and fluffy.
Needs work, but still enjoyable. Let's see how you improve in the next chapter then shall we.
I dont know what you guys are talking about. that was great. who cares about grammer. its the story that matters.
would have been better if this was a prologue of a dream spike had
This was my first time writing anything like this at all, So thanks for all of the critism
Nicely done!
that was good. we need more rarispike sexines
while i read this i kept thinking about spikethed s avetar
that was ok it was not the best but you did good. I noticed that you don't see many clop fics that are anthro.