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Author, you need to add a [sex] tag or have this piece taken down.
Can't say I'm a fan of how you're handling Spike. You seem to be trying to make him more articulate, but all it's doing is making his dialogue sound stilted and OOC.
So far, a few grammatical errors, awkward phrasing at times, and unnecessary italics. Also debut doesn't have a mark over the u. Not exactly good, but not horrible. Pretty average.
I scared question before I read this: is this a Twilight x Spike shipping fic?
I take a note from Relevant Heavy Metal and leave this here:
I'm pretty sure Fluttershy isn't a unicorn.... if you want to know what i'm talking about, it said "Spike?.. Spike?" The unicorn pressed.
1073344
Ya don't say?
I like Twilight x Spike but is this really getting commented for the fist time a few days ago?
oh shit...
He was her dragon...
1082726
Erm, I think you misunderstood me: What I meant to ask, is whether this is a Twilight x Spike ship?
1085116
I'm an idiot. That was pretty rude of me, too. But, yea, this is a Twilight x Spike ship.
Sorry.
Daaaaaaaawwwwwwww!
"...you're the only person I love."
"...only person I love."
"...person I love."
"...person..."
"PERSON"
Ughhhhh...
Oh well. Good story.
My emotions went in this order.
And suddenly, a wild 'Random Fluttershy Side Story' appears!
awesome storie
Nice fic and great pacing!
I can't wait to read more.
She had to LURE him?
Oh, Twilight, you mischievous devil.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2603-132623390990.jpg
Why it says "To be continue" ?
i really liked this. i'm always up for a twispike ship fic. mainly because this pairing seems most likely to happen if only.
realized*
knew*
I'm rather intrigued by your writing style so lets see how this goes.
ooooo,
you really got me with this chapter. I'm really interested now.
Bravo, although you still need to fix quite a few grammar errors. Two are the same as the first chapter. 
If you want me to write out the errors here, let me know and I'll point them out for you.
Very interested to see what she has in store. I'm thinking Twi might be guilty for Spike's 'fantasy'
So that's how you use it...
1084134
What he said.
Besides the grammar and calling Fluttershy a UNICORN
.... it was a pretty decent story. I'm always up for Spilight, however, it does hurt to see Fluttershy get turned down like that. 
8 out of 10 for Romance
7 out of 10 for grammar
7 out of 10 for overall story.
A like coming your way... oh and the clop was cool too.
i thought this story was hard to follow, Then when Fluttershy showed up I got really confused.
owo
The writing wasn’t great, but I’m a sucker for Spilight.