• Member Since 18th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 23rd, 2012

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Comments ( 31 )

Author, you need to add a [sex] tag or have this piece taken down.

Can't say I'm a fan of how you're handling Spike. You seem to be trying to make him more articulate, but all it's doing is making his dialogue sound stilted and OOC.

So far, a few grammatical errors, awkward phrasing at times, and unnecessary italics. Also debut doesn't have a mark over the u. Not exactly good, but not horrible. Pretty average.

I scared question before I read this: is this a Twilight x Spike shipping fic?

I take a note from Relevant Heavy Metal and leave this here:

I'm pretty sure Fluttershy isn't a unicorn.... if you want to know what i'm talking about, it said "Spike?.. Spike?" The unicorn pressed.

I like Twilight x Spike but is this really getting commented for the fist time a few days ago?

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Erm, I think you misunderstood me: What I meant to ask, is whether this is a Twilight x Spike ship?

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Sorry. :derpytongue2: I'm an idiot. That was pretty rude of me, too. But, yea, this is a Twilight x Spike ship.

"...you're the only person I love."
"...only person I love."
"...person I love."
"...person..."
"PERSON":applejackconfused:

Ughhhhh...:rainbowderp:
Oh well. Good story.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

My emotions went in this order.
:trixieshiftright::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::twilightblush::moustache:

And suddenly, a wild 'Random Fluttershy Side Story' appears! :yay:

Nice fic and great pacing!
I can't wait to read more.

Riz

Why it says "To be continue" ?

i really liked this. i'm always up for a twispike ship fic. mainly because this pairing seems most likely to happen if only.:twilightblush:

:applejackunsure:Seems interesting. Two blatant mistakes I noticed:

Twilight released that during the little outburst, droplets of tears trickled down Spike's face.

realized*

Twilight new from then that he would finally be alright when the arrived back home, but

knew*

I'm rather intrigued by your writing style so lets see how this goes.:twilightsmile:

ooooo, :pinkiegasp:you really got me with this chapter. I'm really interested now.:pinkiesmile:Bravo, although you still need to fix quite a few grammar errors. Two are the same as the first chapter. :applejackunsure: If you want me to write out the errors here, let me know and I'll point them out for you.:twilightsmile:

Very interested to see what she has in store. I'm thinking Twi might be guilty for Spike's 'fantasy'

So that's how you use it...

Besides the grammar and calling Fluttershy a UNICORN:ajbemused:.... it was a pretty decent story. I'm always up for Spilight, however, it does hurt to see Fluttershy get turned down like that. :fluttershyouch:

8 out of 10 for Romance
7 out of 10 for grammar
7 out of 10 for overall story.

A like coming your way... oh and the clop was cool too.:twilightsmile:

i thought this story was hard to follow, Then when Fluttershy showed up I got really confused.

The writing wasn’t great, but I’m a sucker for Spilight.

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