• Member Since 26th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 10th, 2014


I take the world by the balls. I try to please eveybody while not being pushed around by anyone. i want critism, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM that is. So if you got any, please tell me. I wont bite...much. :)

Comments ( 39 )

A SpiLight clop! I'm sure ganna read this one soon! :pinkiehappy:

Meh. Little to no exposition about them being a couple, typos and grammar errors from the beginning all the way to the end. Honestly, a rather mediocre read. This might be one of my favorite ships and even a decent setting - the execution is sadly sorely lacking, though.

just two quick little things:
1) "She tried to hold off being as they only started dating about 2 weeks ago but she couldn’t." now hold on, you can't just state that out of the blue like it was nothing, unless you've also put out the story of how they got together and this is a 'sequel' to it (more like 'chapter 2' or 'x-rated version' but I digress)
2) there are some mistakes, like: "When Spike broke through her harmen," it's spelled "hymen"

otherwise, good read

giggity :rainbowwild:


The grammar is HORRENDOUS, but i still love spilight, i guess twilight will be expecting some kirins since shes on heat... Spike, that lucky bastard :moustache:

Get a proof reader and editor, this can be MUCH better if you fix your mistakes, trust me.

At the beginning of the story, you wrote "pony vile" rather than "Ponyville". Also:

“Well Spike that was surly a wonderful breakfast you made, you really are the best cook ever.”

That should be surely, not surly.

the next morning: spike ' s-so num... it was whearth it... die.

3109072 I am sorry for the horrible grammer. I do not have a proof reader at this time and i will try to look for someone willing to proof read and edit my stories from this pont on. Also thanks for still reading even with my horrible grammer.:pinkiehappy:

3109264 Thanks for that. I was in a bit of a hurry to finish this fic.:pinkiesmile:

3108645 Hmm... Sounds interesting to say the least. You sir may have just inspired me!::pinkiegasp: Also thanks for the heads up about the spelling.:twilightsmile:

There are some grammar mistakes, but it was a really good story. :twilightsheepish::moustache:

It started in the morning, then 5 seconds later its night time...........what?

Not bad for your first story. There are some inconsistencies and grammatical errors, but I've seen far worse from some others who have multiple stories. I hope to see you improve in future stories.

There is so much wrong with this story--I'm going to be frank, I don't see how it has more upvotes than downvotes.

The grammar is horrific, the spelling not much better, the clop is fairly terrible (you're either a man or a virgin, because I don't see ANY woman with a shred of sense writing "He trusted once more, pushing as deep as he could, pushing into her womb as he unleashed a tyrant as juices into her." without labeling it an extreme fetish. Just FYI, the womb is the uterus. Things are not supposed to go into the uterus, as it is actually quite tiny when a female is not pregnant and could be easily ruptured, causing injury and possible death from internal bleeding. SO SEXY), and the entire thing was so rushed as to be laughably bad. (Except for that part about the womb. That was just 'wince-and-cross-your-legs' territory.)

This would need a ton of reworking. A ton.

Also, just as an aside, 'unleashed a tyrant' makes me think of a little miniature King Sombra galloping out of his dick. Additionally, a 'living dildo' is referred to as a penis.

Dear lord this story was hideous. All those spelling errors, oh dear lawd have mercy.
Okay, the breakfast scene was just horrible, "Hurr something's wrong with her hurr."

“Well no I don’t be leave so Spike, why have anything planned?”

I don't... be leave so? Srsly? Like, Seriously?

Twilight was moving at neck break speeds as she continued to plow Spike like a living dildo as she felt her orgasm approaching fast.

Living Dildo

He trusted once more, pushing as deep as he could, pushing into her womb as he unleashed a tyrant as juices into her.


Eric, I am sorry that you had to endure this thing. That was a brief but fair review.

Living Dildo

I'm borrowing that one! :pinkiecrazy:

3121339 what am I, chopped liver?

j/k ilu


Nah, you always reminded me a good, juicy, flank stank. :raritywink:

Damnit, now you're makin' me hungry.


One word: Dam :applejackconfused::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::twilightblush::facehoof:

Damn, this is pretty impressive, rushed and needing to be edited but honestly not bad, though you could seriously build up with the romance, because it's a Spilight, I give it a 10/15. Hoping to see more from you, GO BEST PAIRING EVER!!!:yay:

3121164 I am going to be completely honest, your right. This fic is prob the worst thing i have written. This is also the first clopfic i have ever written. I also had no proof rader or a editor when this was wrote. So you are right and i appreciate your critizim and I will try to make my writing better in the future. I have a proof reader and editor now so there should be WAY less grammer and spelling errors from now on. I hope you give my future stories a chance and that this did not make you turn a blind eye to my future work.

3167494Another Spikelight lover! Im supprised you like this as much as you do. It has so many errors that it makes me destracted to read it and i wrote it lol. But thanks so much for the boost in convidence, i have been needing it. :twilightblush::heart::moustache:

Hmmmmmmmm hmmm hmmm:moustache:

Lets see :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright: Like, Favorite... aaaand aside from your own admission of a few grammar and spelling mistakes:trixieshiftright: All in all, NICELY done!:pinkiehappy: 8/10! Strait to the point, yet detailed enough not to be a vague mess, well done. :twilightsmile: all im gonna complain about is this: I would have loved it more if it had been longer, that last sentence was SUCH a tease!

P.S. If you need a proofreader or someone to bounce Ideas off of, I'm pretty much always free, just throw me a PM! :pinkiehappy:

that is the best picture for this story ever
its just amazing:pinkiehappy:

That pic reminds me of someone's avatar :trixieshiftright:

This story is riddled with errors, the 2 biggest being misspelled names (the name of the town is Ponyville, not "pony vile") and punctuation errors.

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