Love in the Library

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Comments ( 13 )

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BetaHammer

BetaHammer #1 · Mar 3rd, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

This was.....good. Short, but good. This was Spilight indefinitely, the grammar and writing style were fine as well. Overall there wasn't much to the story, but what was there was exceptionable. The only change that could be made to this story to make it better, structure wise, is separating the dialogue between the two characters in order to show who is talking when.

BetaHammer

BetaHammer #2 · Mar 3rd, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

Also, keep writing, the more you write the easier Spilight (or any story) becomes.

JCraig589

JCraig589 #3 · Mar 3rd, 2014 · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

pretty sure spike sleeps in a basket not a crib

Author of MADness

Author of MADness #4 · Mar 3rd, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT3mIbM7hDrGupEGxH80kJED75ws44XdHXtuXAKdOI_raBU8sUo
I love it!

ImaginaryCatnip

ImaginaryCatnip #5 · Mar 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

Hm...honestly I don't remember the last time I wasn't sure how to comment about a spilight story. On one hoof you managed to do it nicely, the feeling of awkwardness present in two unexperienced characters, the characters personalities are well shown etc. On the other hoof however, sometimes I got the feeling that characters are that are inexperienced to jump quickly into full professional love making act and back to awkwardness.

A lot of shifting emotions, this story while good, resembles two different kinds of puzzles which clash together because some parts are underdeveloped while others are developed too well. I gave it a well deserved like, since it was a simple, enjoyable spilight but I get the feeling there could be way more to this story which shows your untapped potential as a writer