Author, you need to add a [sex] tag or have this piece taken down.

Can't say I'm a fan of how you're handling Spike. You seem to be trying to make him more articulate, but all it's doing is making his dialogue sound stilted and OOC.

So far, a few grammatical errors, awkward phrasing at times, and unnecessary italics. Also debut doesn't have a mark over the u. Not exactly good, but not horrible. Pretty average.

I scared question before I read this: is this a Twilight x Spike shipping fic?

I take a note from Relevant Heavy Metal and leave this here:

I'm pretty sure Fluttershy isn't a unicorn.... if you want to know what i'm talking about, it said "Spike?.. Spike?" The unicorn pressed.

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Ya don't say?

I like Twilight x Spike but is this really getting commented for the fist time a few days ago?

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Erm, I think you misunderstood me: What I meant to ask, is whether this is a Twilight x Spike ship?

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Sorry. I'm an idiot. That was pretty rude of me, too. But, yea, this is a Twilight x Spike ship.

"...you're the only person I love."
"...only person I love."
"...person I love."
"...person..."
"PERSON"

Ughhhhh...
Oh well. Good story.

And suddenly, a wild 'Random Fluttershy Side Story' appears!

awesome storie

Why it says "To be continue" ?

i really liked this. i'm always up for a twispike ship fic. mainly because this pairing seems most likely to happen if only.

Besides the grammar and calling Fluttershy a UNICORN.... it was a pretty decent story. I'm always up for Spilight, however, it does hurt to see Fluttershy get turned down like that.

8 out of 10 for Romance
7 out of 10 for grammar
7 out of 10 for overall story.

A like coming your way... oh and the clop was cool too.

i thought this story was hard to follow, Then when Fluttershy showed up I got really confused.

The writing wasn’t great, but I’m a sucker for Spilight.