Chapter 5
Today was the day, thought a hopeful rainbow pegasus as she awoke from her slumber. Gilda was a friend, and whether or not she represented the Element of Loyalty, a friend who didn’t help another friend in need couldn’t be anything but a scumball. Besides, she hadn’t seen Gilda for so long; she wanted to know how she changed, hopeful that they could fix things once and for all. The fact that both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were here helping her must have meant something, right?
After a long, exaggerated stretch, Rainbow trotted out to the bar, not caring for the cramped space of the bedroom she had slept in. She wasn’t used to sleeping on beds; the clouds she called home were much more comfortable, but she made due.
To her surprise, she found a rather shy friend of hers cleaning tables in the bar, with Punch behind the counter. Well, at least Fluttershy was awake; that was good news. Regardless, this brought up more questions that Dash wanted answers to. She was getting tired of everything bringing up questions; asking questions was what Twilight and the Crusaders did; she was used to doing more than asking.
“Oh! Hello, Rainbow! You’re awake.” Fluttershy stated, noticing her companion enter the room. A smile held on her face, and from the looks of it Rainbow could only guess that Uncle Punch had told her the news. She seemed like the weight of the world had been lifted on her shoulders.
“It’s not surprising that I’m awake; it’s more surprising that you are. You slept like a log all throughout yesterday.” Rainbow replied, walking in a bit more. “Why are you cleaning up this place? Isn’t that Punch’s job?”
“Oh. Well, you see, he has been having trouble getting enough time to tidy up. He mentioned it when we were talking earlier, and I wanted to help him a bit. I’m good at cleaning, you know… with all the animals.” Fluttershy explained, continuing her work as she did.
“That’s so like you, Fluttershy.”
The conversation died off at this point, as Rainbow walked off to let the busy pegasus get to her work. Rainbow wanted ever so badly to go outside and fly around to try and see Gilda early, but she didn’t want to risk ruining the plan they already had; they had a link, and all they had to do was hope it wasn’t going to break the chain of events leading to their reunion.
"Hey, Rainbow! Come over 'ere for a minute." called Punch from behind the bar, waving a hoof towards her. The pegasus took no time floating over, hovering by the counter.
"What's up, Punch?" the somewhat anxious pegasus asked.
"Calm down. You really need it. You got your sleep but you're still as stiff as a board." the colt stated, pouring a cup of clean, cool water. "Take a drink and get your mind off the whole deal. Worrying too much over your little reunion'll probably crash it too soon."
"It's not that easy, Punch. We've known each other..."
"For a very long time? Yea; I know. Did Pinkie Pie ever tell you 'bout her dad?" Punch interrupted.
"Uh... yea she did. What's that got to do with...?"
"Her dad, my brother. Heck, I'm Uncle after all. Pinkie Pie's dad was in the rock farmin' business, which was what I did for my childhood 'fore I found out 'bout brewing. When I found my passion in life, he didn't like it. For many years we had such a good bond, true brothers through and through. Of course nopony's going to be extremely supportive of any relative who finds their true passion working professionally as that guy who gets folks drunk. He was no different, but his whole traditional deal made it a bit worse. He wouldn't live with me; he wouldn't talk to me or anything. It was against his beliefs to the very core to even think of alcohol as an honest man's line of work. We pretty much broke up; I moved out of my home and went to live here. He stayed on the farm and married, and we didn't speak for about four years.
About a year back I worked a job in the area, catering for a big 'ol party held by my old next-door-neighbor's son who'd inherited the property. I would've never expected my brother'd be attending the party. It was awkward, I'll give you that. Don't expect your reunion to be any different, but he'd changed so much. Pinkie was to blame for a lot of it, but he seemed much happier. He'd actually kept the party trend in the area going after Pinkie moved to live in Ponyville.
We felt like we were brothers again, and it was one of the best days in my life. A piece that had been lost got reattached, and another piece got sown on once I met Pinkie. But I know for a fact that the whole thing would'a gone horribly wrong had I known he was there, as I'da sweat up the biggest storm you'd have ever seen. Don't do that to yourself; you're obviously here for someone special, as otherwise you wouldn't be here at all."
Punch finished his monologue, proud of his speech, when he noticed a quiet sound which scratched at his eardrums; Rainbow's snoring.
"HEY! Wake up!" Punch said, slamming the counter. Fluttershy jumped at the outburst, turning to look in fear at him. Rainbow awoke with a start, immediately trying to act as if she'd been paying attention the whole time.
"Geh... whatever. Just do me a favor and don't screw yourself over more'n you have to." Punch said, waving Rainbow off as he went back to work.
Rainbow sighed. That was one boring speech.
"That Griffon's a real jerk, punch. She ain't even got the decency to thank me when I actually help her with somethin' for a change. I dunno what 'er problem is." Mark sat at the bench in Uncle Punch's bar, already with a few shots downed. He was off his balance, having nearly fallen off the stool twice, but didn't seem ready to stop anytime soon.
The mule had wandered in in the later evening, immediately asking for a big shot of Punch's strongest, claiming a need to get his mind off of a pesty pelican. It hadn't taken him longer than five minutes to be stone cold drunk, but luckily Punch had long been used to this side of the business.
"What's her name, Mark? She never introduced herself last time she came." Punch questioned, pouring another shot. He knew Mark's drinking tolerance up and down; he could survive about three more shots, then he'd be out.
"Her name's... Gildy er somethin'. I dun' care no more. She's such a stale person; ain't got no spirit at all. She should... she should come here more often. Maybe your spirits... could fill that hole." Mark suggested, chuckling a little at his weak joke.
"Eh, maybe she could. You got 'er here once before; think you could get her here again?" Punch poked, pretending to just be interested in her business.
"No... can do. I made a b... bet, and I lost... it. Can't even talk to her... no more at w... work or else she'll break a box... over my head." Mark replied, shaking his head.
"Aww, that's a shame. Well, can you do me a favor, regardless? I'd like to talk to her about a possible position here; I need some help, and she doesn't seem all too happy over there. Could you just hand her this letter?"
Punch pulled a letter out from under the counter, setting it in front of the drunk mule. Mark eyed it a bit, then chuckled.
"Sure I could, but it'll... cost ya." Mark replied.
"If you bring her this letter, your next round of shots is on the house. Sound fair?" Punch proposed.
"Heck yea! Sounds just fine by m... me!" Mark replied, downing his last shot before grabbing the letter in his teeth. "Puh ih ahn mah tahhb!"
"Sure deal. Seeya!"
Punch walked as the mule stumbled out of the bar, and just after the door shut he could hear three excited, happy cries from underneath the counter.
Punch couldn't help but grin.
"I thought I told you not to talk to me."
Gilda glared her eyes towards the one pest she had thought she finally dealt with permanently. Mark had approached her after the end of work, a greeting called through gritted teeth.
"I onnt. I aahv a ehher or oo!" The mule said, lifting his head to show her the envelope held between his teeth. He'd made a conscious effort to avoid slobbering over it, having already stained it a bit with alcohol.
"Who from? Is this some stupid attempt at an apology or something, 'cus I'm not gonna accept it!"
"Just shut up and take it! My work here is done, ya grumpy griffon." Mark said, as the letter floated slowly to the ground in front of her. Without another word, the mule turned and trotted off, headed home.
Gilda just blinked for a second, picking up the letter before it blew away in the mild breeze. Mark had tried to honor his bet for the most part, but generally slipped up every now and then. She wasn't used to him just leaving like this after work, though. Her curiosity peaked, the griffon used one talon to open the letter and pulled it out.
Dear Gilda,
Hello! My name is Punch, the owner and proprieter of Punch and Spirits. You visited my bar a few days prior to today, accompanied by my regular Mark the mule. Mark has told me that you aren't all too fond of your current job, and that you're a good worker. I wanted to formally extend to you an invitation to come in for an interview to possibly work here. I am in need of assistance at the shop, primarily with cleaning and waiting, and would be willing to pay well.
If you are interested, stop by the shop at eight PM on this upcoming Saturday. The shop will be closed, but just knock on the front door and I'll let you in for the interview. I hope you consider this offer.
Sincerely,
Punch.
This was sudden, and didn't make much sense. Mark had said good things about her? From the sound of things he wanted to get her out of his hair, now that he lost his bet and couldn't yap at her all he wanted.
Why was this Punch guy so interested in her of all people, anyway? Gilda couldn't understand what made her special; anybody else could probably do the job better. There were tons of ponies in this city.
"Ya know, I envy you griffons. Ya all got 'dem claw things. I ain't a pony, but I still only got hooves. What's it like actually bein' able to grab stuff?"
Claws! That's probably why. Such a simple thing, but that was the only explanation she could come up with. That and the fact that she was probably the only griffon in Fillydelphia. Still, it felt a little weird being targeted for something like that.
Gilda debated whether or not to go as she flew home. Taking the job meant losing the job here at the docks. Mark was right on one thing; the boss was a jerk. Regardless, it was a simple job and he payed well enough.
On the other hand, this Punch guy could very well pay more from the sound of it. He also seemed to be a lot nicer, and obviously would value her more than her current boss. But a waiter? She didn't want to talk to anypony around here.
It was an interview. She didn't have to accept the offer, and he wasn't necessarily going to hire her, right? What did it hurt? It's not like she had plans this Saturday, right?
Aww, to heck with it, thought the griffon. She might as well give it a shot.
The griffon unlocked her apartment door, walking in slowly before kicking the door shut. A calendar hung on the wall beside her bed. She didn't know why she bought it, other than the fact that it had tons of pictures of griffons all over it. It reminded her of home, she guessed.
Home...
"She's coming tonight!" Rainbow cried, excitement just as strong as worry in her voice. It had been three more days, and they were finally running out of money to stay at Punch's bar. If things didn't work out tonight, they would be forced to either find work or leave the next day, and Fluttershy couldn't bare staying away from the animals much longer. This was their all-or-nothing.
"I know! It's so exciting! We'll get to see her again! Oh! I wonder if she's still such a grumpy griffon. Does she look any different? Does she remember me? I hope she does!" Pinkie Pie was in her usual hoppy mood, bouncing around on top of the empty bar tables. The bar closed at 7:00, currently empty of all life except for the four anxious waiting ponies.
"Pinkie, stop jumpin' on the tables! We just had 'dem cleaned!" Punch called.
"Sorry, Uncle! I just can't stop bouncing! Hehee!" Pinkie said, jumping off the table and continuing her hops throughout the bar. "Oh! Should we set up a surprise reunion party? I could fix it up real quick!"
"No, Pinkie. This is important, remember?" Punch reminded her.
"Don't be a party pooper, Punch! That was Gilda's job! Or not job, but she was that! Your job is to make alcohooool~!"
Pinkie was lost, which didn't surprise the other three at all. Her excitement and lack of worry helped cheer them up, giving them a bit more hope that things would turn out right.
"Pinkie, now's not the time to get way too loud! If we startle her too early, she'll run for it!" Rainbow said, a look of seriousness in her eyes.
"Aww, sorry Rainbow. I'll be quiet, but I won't stop being excited! I can't be anything less than overly extremely excited!" Replied the party pony.
"Um, sorry to interrupt, but... I think she's coming...!" Fluttershy squeaked, quickly flying over to the door leading to the back hallway of the bar.
"Pinkie! We need to hide!" Rainbow called, quickly flying out to grab her tail and drag her back.
The bar went silent as Punch worked his best at cleaning a glass on the counter. After a short pause, the four heard a hard knock at the door.
"It's unlocked; come on in!" Punch called, pushing the glass aside and offering a smile as the griffon walked in.
Gilda had taken the time to comb her feathers, but it seemed like a bit of a rush job and, otherwise, she hadn't prettied up too much. She wasn't incredibly interested in the idea of waiting, but she loved the idea of getting away from her boss.
"Oh, hello Gilda! Come in, come in! Seat yourself over at that table right there." Punch said, pointing a hoove over at one table that had been cleaned up.
Gilda nodded, her expression not very excited at all as she stepped over and sat down.
"I'm so glad you came. I've been in real need of some help around here, and all the other ponies I've interviewed in the past didn't seem to have the coordination to handle it. How are you, by the way?" Punch greeted, sitting down opposite her.
"Tired and irritated. Can we just move along?" Gilda retorted, not putting on any form of fake act to make herself seem more likable.
"Sure thing. Sorry to hear that, though. So, how long have you lived here in Filly?"
"Only about three weeks." Gilda replied, sharpening her talons a bit as she waited.
"Oh really? You already seem to have adapted well to city life. Where have you lived beforehand?" Punch asked in return, keeping the conversation as engaging as possible. He wasn't a star actor, but he knew how to keep someone interested.
"Cloudsdale, and before that I lived outside of Equestria." Gilda stated bluntly.
"What brought you here from Cloudsdale?" Punch asked.
A-CHOO!
The conversation stopped dead at this point, as Gilda peered over Punch's shoulder to look at the hallway.
"What was that?" She asked, trying to spot the source. "Someone else here?"
"There's nobody else here. You hear something?" Punch replied, trying to pass the subject.
"I know I heard something; that was too loud to be nothing. Who's back there?" Gilda asked again, a little less patient this time.
Punch, about to reply, was interrupted by a very light chuckling, followed by a noticeable hush.
"Who's back there!?" Gilda called, angered now. He was keeping something from her; was this a trap or something?
"Nobody, I swea..."
A-CHOO!
At this, a familiar pink shape flew across the room, hitting a table. The pink pony immediately burst out laughing.
"Pinkie Pie? What are you..." Gilda didn't finish her question, realizing the only thing this could mean. This had been a set up; they'd come after her. The slamming of a chair on the ground was nothing in comparison to Gilda's heart as she charged for the door, only to be tackled by a familiar blue pegasus.
"Let go!" Gilda cried, light tears dull in comparison to her frustrated and scared cries as she struggled in Rainbow's grasp.
"I don't want to!" Rainbow replied.
The deafening scream of Rainbow's cry pierced the night as three talons fell down Rainbow's right front leg, forcing her to release her grip to stop the bleeding. Gilda took this opportunity to push open the front door, fleeing her woes.
"My leg!" Rainbow cried out in pain, lying on the floor. It had been so many years since she'd last felt Gilda's claws, but this time it wasn't an accident during Junior Speedsters; she attacked her.
"Oh dear! It's bleeding badly!" Fluttershy cried, coming over. "Mr. Punch, do you have any first aid supplies?"
"I ain't got enough for that! I normally deal with small cuts 'n bruises during bar fights, not anything this bad! I'll get what I got, though; it'll help at least." Punch replied, running off to find supplies for the gaping leg wound.
"Fluttershy, go get Gilda!"
Fluttershy stood silently over Rainbow. She was bleeding, pained in more ways than one, and had just been attacked by her old friend, but her thoughts still went to her first? Loyalty was much deeper in Rainbow's veins than Fluttershy had ever thought.
"Rainbow, I... I wouldn't be able to catch up with her. Besides, you need medical aid... and..."
"I'll go get her~!" Pinkie interrupted, running out the front door. Her hopping, laughing demeanor had been dropped once Rainbow had been hurt.
"Don't hurt her! Just stall her, bring her back, whatever!" Rainbow called after her, just as Punch returned with the medical supplies.
The cleaning alcohol stung Rainbow, but not as much as the tears in Gilda's eyes did.
"Not cool, not cool, not cool!" Muttered Gilda in pained breaths as she landed on a skyscraper. She couldn't believe she had just done that; sure she wanted to get away, but that drew a line she couldn't uncross. Rainbow would never forgive that.
Where could she go now? What could she do now? When would she ever be able to just stop thinking about her past, and when could she stop asking herself questions all the time? Gilda couldn't concentrate on anything; her mind was once again in a whirl, and she couldn't take it.
Gilda looked down from the skyscraper, watching the city below her. She'd never taken the time to take in Fillydelphia. The scale of the city was glorious; the pony who layed out the plan way back when did a great job, but probably would have gaped at what it had become after so many hundreds of years. Why didn't she slow down more? She loved the speed of life, but couldn't she appreciate this?
"I can't appreciate it anymore." she whispered, as the image before her blurred.
"Can't appreciate what?"
Gilda shook her head, blinked about a million times, then looked down at the voice. Pinkie Pie peered up at her, leaning out the top story window. Her face held a smile, though it was much duller than what she normally had.
"Leave me alone!" Gilda cried, bolting off the top of the skyscraper before racing towards the dockyard below. She couldn't let Pinkie just follow her like that.
The fleeing griffon landed on top of a coast-side restaurant, closed, dark, and empty. Despite her athleticism, the dash still forced her to catch her breath.
"That was close..." She muttered.
"What was close?"
Pinkie Pie stood next to Gilda, wearing a chef's hat from the restaurant with a slightly bigger grin on her face than last time. Pinkie obviously enjoyed these chases.
Gilda didn't bother to scream at Pinkie this time, spinning on her heels and darting off once again. This time she settled herself in an alleyway about three miles away, hiding behind a dumpster. Couldn't that party pony just do her a favor and leave? She'd already made one mistake too many.
"Why are you sitting here? It smells in this alleyway!" Gilda looked up to see Pinkie hanging from the fire escape ladder of the building next to the dumpster, waving at her with a huge grin.
Her feet shuffled themselves again, but this time went nowhere.
"I give up." Gilda said, falling flat on her face.
"That's funny! That's exactly what Rainbow said when I chased her around the day before you came, except that was back in Ponyville. What are you two giving up anyway?" Pinkie said, jumping down from the ladder and landing beside Gilda.
"The chase. How the heck do you move so fast anyway?" Gilda asked, breathing hard.
"That's a secret~!" Pinkie said, giggling as she hopped around Gilda.
"Why are you even following me, anyway? I clawed Rainbow Dash, and I acted like a jerk to you back at the party you threw for me." Gilda questioned, looking up with curiosity at the pink pony.
"Well, DUH! I wanna bring you back to the bar! Or bring Rainbow here. But bringing Rainbow here would mean that she'd be with me and if she were with me than she'd already be here, so I'm here to bring you back to the bar! You ran away so quickly; you didn't even give us a chance at all!" Pinkie said, still hopping a bit.
"I didn't want to stay!" Gilda yelled in response, anger showing in her eyes. "Dash tackled me!"
"Why didn't you want to stay?" Pinkie asked, honest confusion covering her face as she sat and tilted her head. Why did she want to leave? Gilda knew the answer, but she would never tell Pinkie. That would just be so uncool.
Uncool.
Gilda stopped at this. It was uncool? What was uncool? Why should she even care if Pinkie thought she was cool? And what has cool ever done for her? She wouldn't even be in this whole mess if she had just ignored "cool" for once in her life, but no! She just couldn't stand to be uncool.
Gilda looked at the blurred Pinkie, a frown on her face and anger faded. Pinkie Pie didn't care about being cool, and look at her! Up until Gilda came along and acted like a party pooper, Pinkie had been smiling and laughing and enjoying her life. She sneezed herself across the room at the bar and hit her head on a table, but just kept laughing. Gilda would never be able to do that. She would have groaned, kicked the table, and walked away as if nothing ever happened; she wouldn't have associated herself with that table, and if anyone brought it up she'd just call them stupid. If anything she wasn't cool; she couldn't be cool.
She was a dweeb.
"I really don't know why, anymore." Gilda said, tears coating her voice. Her audible sobs and falling tears were absorbed by the junk strewn around the alleyway, but Gilda knew she was crying and, for once, she didn't care. She wanted to cry it out.
"Aww, don't cry Gildy! Pinkie Pie's here to cheer you up!" Pinkie said, poking Gilda's shoulder a bit. "Why don't we just get back to the bar?"
Gilda shuffled her claw, rubbing her eyes against the fur on her upper leg. Her tears were wiped, but quickly replaced. It took a half minute just for her to dry her eyes enough to see anything, and when she did she slowly raised herself from the ground.
"Lead the way."
"Rainbow, hold still! We can't do anything if you keep flailing like 'dat!"
Punch struggled to hold Rainbow down on the table, her hooves flailing in pain as Fluttershy nervously applied the small bandages Punch had on hand. The pink-haired pegasus had barely managed to get one on after working on the wound for five whole minutes, as the pain of the wound and Fluttershy's hatred for causing her pain made the process even more slow and painful for the three of them.
Rainbow attempted to calm herself, her flailing reduced by quite a bit. This was the first time that Rainbow could even hear Punch, having been crying in pain earlier as they cleaned out the wound. She remembered how much pain she'd gone through the last time she got clawed like this, but for some reason this felt much worse.
Another painful minute passed before Fluttershy could finally say "They're all on", allowing Rainbow to move herself off the table and onto a stool. Rainbow held her arm to her chest, doing everything she could to avoid touching it to anything. She knew that the claws wouldn't heal anytime soon.
"Sorry you had to go through 'dat, Rainbow girl. Must hurt worse'n bein' applebucked." Punch stated, looking at the wound in case any of the bandages were coming off. "We really should get you to the hospital for that."
"No!" Rainbow blurted, angered at the idea. "I'm not leaving until Gilda comes back!"
"We can't wait here for her! You need medical..."
"NO!"
Rainbow shook her head and held her leg closer. She wouldn't leave. Punch frowned, and prepared to open his mouth again, but was interrupted by the sound of the door.
Pinkie Pie hopped in, smiling and happy, but accompanied by nobody.
"Pinkie Pie! Where's Gilda?!" Rainbow asked, darting her head over in fear.
"Oh, she's right here silly!" Pinkie said, turning to point at the air. It took Pinkie a second to realize that nobody stood there, and as soon as she noticed she darted outside. Rainbow could hear a minor scuffle of words before seeing Gilda slowly skidding into the bar, pushed from behind by Pinkie.
"Get in here, Gildy!" Pinkie said, excited. "Rainbow's still here!"
Pinkie stopped pushing Gilda, bringing her to a halt before closing the door behind her.
"Here she is!" Pinkie reported, saluting to Rainbow before breaking off into giggles.
Gilda wouldn't look up, her gaze straight down and head tilted away. She was waiting for Rainbow to scream at her. She sort of wanted it, too. She couldn't just forgive herself like that.
"It's been so long since you last scratched me like this, right? It was way back in junior speedsters. Man, that hurt! But it was so weird to see you apologizing so much." Rainbow said, getting off the stool and trying to stand. The thought was short lived as she winced from placing her wounded hoove on the ground, forcing her to keep it up and stand on her remainder. For once Rainbow didn't feel like using her wings to float around.
"Must've been an accident this time too, right? Just pressed a little too hard and forgot to sheathe your claws, right? Whatever; it's not like it was the first time that happened. I'll recover just like I did way back when."
"Stop that!"
Rainbow looked over at Gilda, head held lower but no longer turned away. Her beak was clamped tightly shut, and her eyes seemed like they were glued.
"Stop what?" Rainbow asked calmly.
"Stop forgiving me like it's nothing! You know that wasn't an accident, Dash! You know I clawed you on purpose! Why can you just forgive me like that was nothing? I attacked you!" Gilda cried.
"Stop telling me what to do!" Rainbow yelled back. Gilda froze. This is what she had been waiting for; she wanted Dash to yell more.
A silence fell the room, and Gilda couldn't bear it. Where was the screaming? The anger? She was just about to break and run again, tears welling up in her eyes to blur her sight for about the thousandth time. That's when she felt something soft placed gently against her left eye.
Her right eye opened to see the side of Rainbow's wounded leg, wiping the tears with a medical rag. This was her first good look at the scale of the wound she had inflicted, and it was worse than she had imagined. The scars covered just over half of the full length of the leg, and the bandages left so many open gaps.
"I want to forgive you, Gilda. Stop trying to act so cool and just let me."
Gilda cracked. Her tears surged as she wrapped her arms around Rainbow's waist, wailing as she did. The pegasus held her close, ignoring the pain in her arm to hold Gilda as tightly as possible.
The journey had been long, painful, and tiring. It had wound itself over thousands of kilometers, yet it finally brought itself to rest here.
"I don't want to be cool anymore. I just want you back."
"You're still cool to me."
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D'aaw
Aww... tears bring back friends together...
But... is this really the end? It feels a bit abrupt, if you don't mind me saying so... especially with all the build-up from before... will there be another story?
6927
I might work in an epilogue; otherwise this is the end. This story turned into sort of a stress thing in the end, so I wanted to be done. I enjoyed all the feedback, but this wasn't a serious project in the first place; it was more of a tryout.
6928
I have to agree with Wanderer D. All the build up, and this is all we get? RD and Gilda meet after a year and all that happens is a hug and everything is over? Talk about unfulfilling.
The ending felt a little... unfulfilling. You had a few spelling and syntax errors in the prose, but nothing too egregious. As for the ending itself, it seems strange that Gilda would change her mind so quickly. It was just so abrupt that I felt a little unsatisfied; the tension wasn't really there.
A solid effort, but it needed a little more punch to it especially with such a strong opening.
6941
6949
I know, and I'm sorry. I tried my best to at least give it some closure, and make an effort to avoid total failure, but in the end it just felt like the story was chewing at me. The excitement was all there at the beginning, but it sort of tapered off at the end. Prose isn't my home in my creative endeavors; it's just a storage shed out back I hang out in on rare occasions.
I may try and rework the ending at some point, and I'm planning a possible epilogue that would add on to it, but I'm not making any promises and I'm not going to worry myself sick over it. This was a learning experience for me, and I've learned well from it.
Sorry for the disappointment.
It's a simple ending, but in this case a simple ending is the best.
Hate to jump on the less-than-fulfilling ending pile, but yeah... it was a bit abrupt and sudden. I was honestly expecting some sort of refusal setting up Dash chasing Gilda through the streets or something. Dunno why, just happened to be where my brain went last chapter. Think I at least expected Dash and Gilda to have a talk, something you might end up with in the (possible) epilogue. I think the happy of the happy reunion is just oddly brief and there is a desire for some "what happened next."
I think that otherwise, the story's been pretty solid. This chapter was a bit rough on the technical side of things. Might need an editing pass.
Still, nice job.
That ending
Talk about anti-climactic
While yea it is abrupt, I can defiantly understand just wanting a story to be done and finished.
When the feeling goes from "Hell yes, IDEA!" to "Oh hell, kill me now", it's a good bet to finish up quick.
Yeah, the ending seemed pretty abrupt and didn't entirely make much sense. Otherwise, however, it was a good story, and I enjoyed it. So, other than the somewhat sudden and sloppy ending, I'd say good job. Thanks for the story! :3
I fixed up this chapter after that earlier crap attempt. It still starts out the same, but the ending is much, much better and the entire chapter is much longer. I hope you'll take the time to re-read, and I apologize for nearly shoveling that earlier crap down your throat.
I'ma make a longer, more explanatory blog entry.
7234
This is much better. Gilda is more in-character, the drama and tension has made its way back in, and it's a much more satisfying ending all and all. Great job on the revision, and great job on the story.
7314
Glad to hear it. XD It's a big weight off mah shoulders.
Birds of a Feather Flock back together
Reworked final chapter is much better. I actually liked the original ending, but this fits much better. Bravo.
I have to agree with you, it is better. One thing though:
"We can wait here for her! You need medical..."
you put in can instead or can't or here instead of there.
Yes, I agree that this ending is much better. There's more tension, drama, conflict, whatever you want to call it. Bravo, sir, bravo.
Definitely a much better ending. Fits in with how the set-up for the fic works better as well. Nice rework.
6927Agreed
Sup! Same Anonymous that told you about the spelling error in the previous chapter (or the one before it... I don't remember) to tell you that there are more spelling errors. These things just seem to jump out at me for no apparent reason. Remember to use CTRL + F to find the text, a real pain in the flank without it.
"I'm so glad you came. I've been in real need of some help aroud here, and all..."
aroud = around
"...the griffon used one tallon to open the letter..."
tallon = talon
and two more things I noticed, but not sure if they are errors or not.
"...the somewhat anxious pegasi asked..."
pegasi = pegasus? (only one pegasus being referred to, no need for plurals)
"...off to let the busy pegasi..."
again, only one pegasus being referred to.
There were probably more I noticed, but I went back to find the errors after I had read it. An abrupt end, but I still liked it. Kudos to you.
7603
Thankya muchly! I've fixed up the typos and replaced all the plural "pegasi" with "pegasus" when used in context of only one pegasus.
Really hope you'll make an Epilogue soon.
Hearing everyone talk about how the ending got better got me curious to see the old one
Anyway great job, would really like to see an epilogue, maybe about Gilda being re-admited in ponyville
Great writing there keep up the good work
I found one grammatical error in the third paragraph:
"Well, at least Fluttershy was awake; that was godnews"Should bee good, unless 'Shy is a god
Other than that, It's been a very captivating story
11266
Fixed. Danke.
Man talk about a emotional trip but damn they way you wrote this was phenomenal.. I actully cried a few time during the story ..but the end was a big downer could of done better on the end.....if you weren't Serious when writing this I would enjoy reading something you really poured your time and soul into!
We need more fanfics with Gilda and we need more fanfics like this one. Little disappointed with the ending,but still good piece of work.
what a fic!
.
This is a very good fic, though (as has been said before), the ending is kinda... meh.
It just needs... something else, something else to provide closure.
Gilda is like:
then:
then:
it just... needs to have some release, at the end. Currently, it ends right in the middle of heartfelt and deep conversation, which just feels... off... though its still a FANTASTIC fic!
Well, I see everyone is a little antsy about the ending. It could have been more, yes, but it still was a great story!
156554 Glad you like! Just be happy you came later; the original ending was crap 'fore I redid it.
I don't know if I'm a bit late to comment here, but this was really nice. Usually not a big fan of gilda, but this one seemed quite nice
224248
Thanks! I'm always glad when people like my work.
The pictures were lovely additions to the story
268854
Glad ya like! Go tell Butterscotch you like 'em, if you'd be so kind.
this is y Gilda needs more fics.......dang it
I must agree with everyone, t'was an abrupt ending, but it was a nice one. I enjoyed every moment of this story, very well written. Promise me you will keep up the good work.
OMFG SO MUCH D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW
I hope it's not too late to post this in the comments section for people to read, but;
I started on an alternate ending the minute after I read the last chapter, whenever that was.
I also recently published it because I put it off and put it off until now.
This is the link to the fanfic alternate ending I made.
Also, if the original author sees this and wants me to take my fanfic down, please. Tell me. I would understand if you want it down.
On a related note, I want the author to have my rating.
/5 moustache.
Iliked it.
Damn, I wish I had found this sooner! It was amazing~