A Brony since 2014, and one that wishes to share stories out of my imagination and sometimes inspired by other works.
Following after the events of 'Rainbow Rocks' and 'Sunset Shimmer's Time to Shine (Novel)' and before the events of 'Friendship Games'. Sunset Shimmer decides one afternoon that it's time to change her look from the evil girl who once ruled Canterlot High School with an Iron Fist, sort to speak, to the girl who's seeking redemption and hoping to make new friends in the future.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story has a lot going for it, but I think the middle section is a bit rushed.
I really like the use of the uniform fund-raiser as a parallel to Sunset seeing the value in a new look. I think that's the strongest element of the story and gives an organic genesis for the idea of changing styles. Having Flash be a part of that also helps to frame the idea of Sunset looking to her past and recognizing a desire for change, as Flash was a part of that past. It gets the story started on a strong note.
Unfortunately, the shopping section is paced awkwardly. Slice of Life stories are generally slower, focusing more on the minor details of everyday life by their very nature. This type of story could be done rapid-fire, but it would require laser targeted focus on key elements while the story moves at a regular, fast pace. The pacing here seems to start slow, pick up, and then slow down toward the end. If this sort of pacing is the goal, I would do that by starting with the shopping already in progress and Sunset simply remembering elements of the text messaging and Flash's comment as the story goes on in flashbacks.
A slower pacing option could involve Sunset examining each change. For the spa scene, this could be done via dialogue with Aloe over what her new look should be about. For the shopping, it could be Sunset thinking about what each piece of the outfit means for her future. Assigning a value to each item beyond simple looks would add a mundane significance to the story. Since the result of the decisions is already known to the audience (presumably readers have seen Friendship Games, and it is in the cover art), the conclusion of the story is not really that interesting. The journey of how to get there is what matters for a story like this.
The final section is also strong. Sunset going with her new look to her friends shows the idea that that is the future she is moving towards. It contrasts with her attitudes in the past, in which she was solitary, by having the first thing she does involve her friends. And ending with Flash's reaction provides a solid book-ending to the story, while also showing that Sunset is not doing this because she is running away from her past, but simply that she is looking toward the promise of a better tomorrow.
Overall, this story got a number of big picture things right. It's just a matter of keeping a consistent pacing while focusing on the right details to bring it to the next level.
Congratulations on your first story and I hope you found this review to be helpful!
This was a nice story. It's a pretty good explanation for Sunset's appearance in The Friendship Games, Legend of Everfree, and Magical Movie Night. And the lighter tones of her hair fading would make sense for the Summertime Shorts where she wears her old outfit. Mix that in with Rarity doing repairs to her old jacket and clothes, and you have a reason for her look in those shorts.
He pai te korero! I aroha ahau ki te whanaketanga o te tangata me te huarahi i whakawhiti ai koe i waenga i nga tirohanga! Ko to ahuatanga i hari ai ahau, a tumanako ana ahau kei a koe te pai! Kia tupato kei waiho e koe te ranu i roto i te horoi!
I always wondered how Sunset got her new look, now I know.