Kevin Wright, a 21 year old human male and a huge fan of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, is teleported to Equestria during a horrible lightning storm in both worlds. Unfortunately for Kevin, he was in the middle of driving, and the first place he appears in Equestria, is in the air a few feet above and to the left of Twilight Sparkle's house. this is Kevin's mental narration during this event, and the random shenanigans that follow.
My first fanfic, which is a HiE self insert story. The whole thing began due to me staying up way to late, eating too much sugar, and generally being insane. I've then decided to keep it up after the polite and positive reaction it seems to have received from people. Due to me still struggling with trying to write on a regular basis, and also because I'm going to try to write more than just this story at the same time, I can't really promise when this will update. All comments, criticisms, suggestions, etc, are much appreciated!
Well, I admit I'm not sane now as I try to upload this, but hey, thought it'd be fun. Plus, once I get this out of the way, I'll be much less nervous about my other stories once I get them going, now that I know how the story submission goes and how everything works and such now!
I hope at least someone gets a laugh out of this, if not, my apologies, but either way, have an awesome day!
So yeah, I just posted the second chapter. I didn't even really think I would be continuing it much, but I am having fun typing randomly!
If anyone has any ideas on what I could throw in here to make things more amusing to everyone, let me know!
Aha, this guy is the best driver ever!
I wonder how it will end...
Interesting
Continue this good sir
trolololol
((assuming I have these replies ordered correctly, going from the first comment to the most recent one.))
900466
Of course he is! He's mastered the art of screaming in panic while driving!
I have no clue how it'll end, I haven't really thought that part through, I HAVE however already made the next two chapters, which I'll be posting tomorrow and the day after, and I will say this: Things get better, and then a whole lot worse.
900491
I certainly will! I've been writing one chapter a day since I started this, I sorta can't help myself. It was just a random idea I typed up out of boredom one night to get my desire to write out of my system since I was too tired to focus on anything important but wanted to write too much to just let myself go to sleep. Then I thought I'd try to submit it to this site, just to kind of figure out how the site works as well as just to see if it would make anyone laugh. Next thing I know I'm typing a page or two every morning and every night, and laughing like a mad man while I do so! I still need to work on my other non MLP based stories though, and that MLP CYOA story I've had in my head for a while, but I'll get to them in between randomly typing up this story in a crazy half-asleep fashion!
901504
Indeed.
Okay, seems legit. I don't see any glaring grammatical errors, and overall a good story. Layout is a bit sketchy in my opinion, you might want to cut some of the paragraphs down to a smaller size.
Overall rated 4 1/2 out of 5
901557
I'll be sure to work on the paragraphs. I have a hard time rambling, in real life, in text, and in stories! Just my personality I guess, people do say I tend to talk a lot and sometimes kind of fast whenever I'm excited, and I've been almost bouncing right out of my seat every time I write a chapter.
And every time I get a comment or favorite or thumbs up, but that's kind of not the point.
901582 Yea me too! Except for the entire first part.
This is funny.
I like this guy's monologue.
I'm not sure what to suggest, other than keeping the story non-cliche. Doing a good job so far I'd say.
I like this and you have a made me lol... I will watch and see were this goes. Also, I wonder were Twilight got those metal cuffs from....
902894
Ya know the episode "Feeling Pinkie Keen", or whatever the name of it is, when Twilight freaks out over the whole Pinkie Senses thing?
The cuffs are part of the machine Pinkie was hooked up on during that episode for a short time. Assuming she slipped her hoofs out of them because of her warping reality powers, and assuming that near the edge of their hooves is roughly the same size as a human fist, I figured it'd be possible to slip your hands out of them provided you didn't mind the tight squeeze and risking cutting your hand on the metal...At least, that was my train of thought when I wrote that chapter shortly after waking up for the day after a five hour nap.
902294
I can't promise I won't go into cliches, there are a ton more than what I can keep track of, and I honestly don't know much about how most HiE fanfics go. I'm pretty much just writing whatever I think will move the story forward while being hilarious, occasionally at Kevin's expense. Let me know if there are any particular Cliches you want me to avoid, an I'll try my best to side step them.
901834
Thanks!
I uh...Really dunno what to say at the moment other than thanks, but seriously, thanks!
901720
I am SO confused as to what that means.
:applejackconfused
and on a final note: I really wish I knew who was giving me a thumbs down, because I wanna know WHY, and if it's something I should be correcting in my writing or just a difference in interests...
Teleport him into RD's bed...with her inside.. Have them snuggle..while they are both asleep.
904078
I'm going to have to politely decline that. As hilarious as that sounds, I don't think I could write it well.
I read some light shipping here and there, but I don't think I could write it to save my life. I have no experience with relationship stuff, hahahahahah.
Again though, the idea sounds hilarious, so thank you very much for making me laugh. I think now I'm ready to go type up chapter five!
Maybe I should also start working on some other stories too though in the near future, this was supposed to be a side project that I did while working on my main ones, but instead I'm working almost only on this, just because it's so much fun to write without over thinking everything!
903931 Well cliches aren't ALL necessarily bad, though I myself would classify the good ones as tropes :P. The particular ones I guess that bug me are the ones you see in a whole bunch of HIE stories that make those stories seem formulaic. As long as you keep up good characterization for your characters and don't turn them one-dimensional, I don't think youll have that problem.
Oh, and throw in some cringe moments. I guess I'm mildly sadistic, but I love to see main characters get beat up emotionally/physically (in a comedic fashion). Helps me empathize.
904689
Tropes eh? So I take it you're a fan of TVTropes.org as well?
I'll try my best not to make the characters one dimensional, characterization has always been a difficult thing for me. I'm always much better at explaining things like a history book, and a bit better if it's from my own kind of perspective (Though I suppose I'm doing the latter here, Kevin Wright is a shameless self insert.
).
As for cringe moments, I'm not sure how many there'll be. I don't want to spoil things, but you might have to hang in there for an extra chapter or two before any more physical harm or mental breakdowns occur...
Chapter five has just been finished! I can't wait to show you all! I'm only restraining myself because I'm thinking it will work a bit better to post one chapter a day, that way I can write at a more relaxed pace and have a few chapters done ahead of time in case something happens where I won't be able to write for a while. If I post everything at once I'm likely to start procrastinating a ton on writing any more chapters...
Maybe I shouldn't try to explain or develop a thought process for sending chapters in at two thirty in the morning. Heck, maybe I shouldn't have been working on a fanfic at two in the morning. I can't really remember what I just wrote. Here's hoping it's coherent and makes sense!
904136 aww..maybe i could do that when i have a good computer..
Hmm...Oooh, how bout meeting a not-evil changeling?
I want to truely see the universe pick on him. Like, out of an entire crowd, he would be the one to get a piano dropped on him.
905553
I gotta say I wasn't thinking of anything as creative as that. It certainly seems like a pretty interesting idea...
I dunno if I'll be able to pull it off, but I might try to throw it in there in the future.
So yeah, chapter three! Things kind of calm down a bit in this one. I hope you all enjoy it! I'll post the next chapter roughly the same time tomorrow!
Also, don't forget what Kevin said behind the scenes when his car was going to crash into Twilight's house.
Kevin: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
*crash*
P.S. Funny story
- Brought to you by Max Headroom who is still stuck in TV land with nothing but corroded metal in the background.
eh...eh...
906241
I have no idea what that means, and not knowing is driving me insane!
906215
Hahahahaha, indeed! I'm glad you like it!
LIKE A BOSS!
906278
Sometimes the brain just runs out of energy to be upset about things, hahahahah
Dohohoho
906493
Heheheheheheheheh (attempt at mischievous chuckling.)
906514 oh-ho, is it a laughing contest?
Heh heh. Uwah-hah-hah... MWA-HAA-HAA-HAA!
906595
Well played...
903931 Ooooooh ya. For some reason my mind had thought that they were for something far more sinister. Ha! Stupid mind making me think wierd stuff! When will it learn.
906694
Maybe that's why I like to use the Pinkie Pie emoticons so much? 
My brain thinks weird things all the time, which is why I'm usually laughing out loud at my own thoughts during work, and why my co workers think I'm a little mentally unhinged.
Hmm, let's see...
Driving home in a storm, on an unfamiliar route, thinking "This can't possibly get any worse".
Nah, I don't see a problem!
You mean to tell me that I'm not the only one who's done that?
Now to read chapter three.
I'd have thought there'd be more of a panic when Kevin realized he was in Twilight's lab. (cue creepy music)
'Cause we all know Twilight sometimes has "oopsies".
Final paragraph: Fan-boy squee (if applicable) much?
Wait until Pinkie notices; you might want to go back into the fetal position ... again.
906729 Been there, done that, was asked if I was off my meds.
Had to resist laughing maniacally.
906821
and slowly back away.
906784
The only major problem with my whole laughing nigh uncontrollably at my work, is that I usually work til really late at night, and my job is to walk around a parking lot getting carts. This wouldn't be too much of a problem, but in the winter, when I'm wearing a black hoodie and other winter gear so that my face is covered up aside from my glasses which are always fogged by my breathing, and it's late and really dark and I'm laughing really loudly for no reason then run up and go "Oh do you want me to take that cart for you?" to anyone I see almost done unloading groceries, well...People tend to look at you like
Not to mention the time I forgot to wear my badge and vest, the only things signifying that I'm an employee there, and I just stood behind an old lady and patiently waited for her to finish unloading her groceries before speaking. I was still in my full winter gear that day, and apparently she didn't hear me coming. She jumped when I spoke and said she nearly had a heart attack. I just stood there like
and thanked them for the cart before walking off, and two seconds later started laughing uncontrollably again.
My co workers have specifically stated that they want me to stop doing that, and I tell them I'll try, but thinking "don't laugh" just makes me think of things to laugh about...
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who does stuff like that though!
and 906812 about the lab thing, Kevin's mind is currently trying NOT to think of things that would freak him out, it'll hit him later when he's had a chance to think, and when Pinkie notices what exactly?
906917
Oh, well, when you look at it that way...
When Pinkie notices he's in town and decides to throw a welcoming party. I imagine that confetti cannon is big enough to stand up in by now...
907206
First thought: Is Pinkie Pie gonna launch herself out of a cannon?
Second thought: Is Pinkie Pie gonna launch KEVIN out of a cannon?
Third thought: Kevin will probably just end up randomly in the way of the confetti cannon, and will get blasted in the face with tons of various decorative party supplies, and probably have to just stand still for a half hour afterward while Pinkie Pie runs around pulling decorations off of him and setting them up.
Fourth thought: Man I could really use some cake right now...
2 requests:
If you can write shipping, don't ever ever ever ever ever write humanXpony. I find it kinda gross.
Start a new paragraph every time a person speaks! No exceptions!
907418
I can't do shipping, heck, I don't even know if I can get the mane six personalities down all that well, but we'll find out when I introduce them around chapter six or so. I was planning on bringing them in at chapter five but one of the only things I can remember when I wrote that chapter was that my brain went "lawls nope" to introducing them just yet and went down a bit more serious path near the end.
As for starting a new paragraph when someone speaks, I suppose I'll start doing that around chapter six. I've separated the paragraphs a bit more than when I first typed them up, but it'll take me a bit of time to get into the habit of breaking my paragraphs up that much. It just feels REALLY odd whenever I break paragraphs like that during a conversation, and I've been slowly trying to get used to doing it during chapters three, four, and five, with some sporadic level of success.
Thanks for the advice! I hope you enjoy the story!
PS: You should have said "Never ever ever ever ever"
The universe LOVES being ironic, it's how it remains interested in us and doesn't decide to yell "Whelp that's it I'm done" and then poofs out of existence.
There is much wisdom in your words, 907528 Here is a VIRTUAL cookie from Pinkie Pie as thanks!
I say VIRTUAL because the last time I said the above without that word, she actually jumped through the other person's monitor to give them a cookie. They weren't online for a good month, and then I got an angry message from them about how I caused Pinkie Pie to break their computer. They were thankful for the cookie though, and for meeting Pinkie Pie for all of like two minutes before she jumped back into the computer, so I didn't get sued or threatened or anything...
The heck am I even typing?
903931 Oh that's definitely not me
where for art thou chapter four!!
So yeah, it's midnight where I'm at, and I might be kind of busy tomorrow til like 8pm, so let's just pretend it's saturday already, and you can all enjoy the next chapter!
Oh btw, I might be, kind of soon actually, changing the making one every day thing to making one every week, if work and family start slowing me down too much in the near future. I was on vacation when I started making this, and I have a few days of work until another five days off, but after that it's going to be total chaos for my writing schedule.
But till then, Imma try to make one EVERY DAY!
910101
Wow, now that's what I call epic timing...You need a reward of some kind...
Hmm...
Any ideas?
You know it's bad when you're quoting directly from the show ... and it works.