Hello, my name's Kevin Wright, and I...Well...I just crashed my car into Twilight's house...
In my defense, I could have sworn there was still plenty of road ahead of me before the universe went insane!
I suppose I should rewind just a bit. I'm only monologuing my thoughts to myself like this so I can actually pull myself out of shock and figure out what the heck I should do. Plus it's tons of fun, and helps me actually focus in some weird way.
ANYWAY, back to the point. What feels like a few minutes ago, I had been driving down a road I wasn't familiar with. I was horribly lost, but my natural nervousness with talking to people, the fact that there was, and still is, a horrible storm going on, and the fact that it was near midnight at the time, all worked together to ensure I wasn't about to even TRY to pull my car over and find someone to ask for help. My plan, if you could have called it that, was just to wait for the road to open up to SOME sort of store so I could hurry up and change direction. It is, or was Wednesday, which is when I have my weekly hanging out with my two best friends all day sort of thing, and I was feeling pretty bold with my driving for once. I was fairly certain I could save some time going down a different road than normal, thinking it would cut past the section that's under construction and-okay seriously why is THIS what I'm focusing my thoughts on? Is it the familiarity of the whole thing, or do I just become incredibly dull under stress? Maybe it's the mild sleep deprivation making me too tired to even mentally narrate properly?
At any rate, my point is, the storm was getting pretty bad, and I mean REALLY bad. There were flashes of lightning almost constantly, and thunder booming so loud I wasn't even playing any remixed and/or fan made MLP music in my car. It was also raining so much that the windshield wipers weren't doing a darn thing to change my sight, and I was starting to wonder why I was even using them. I had never driven through a storm like this before, which I could have sworn was just a light rain when I decided to take a new path home, and I was honestly completely terrified.
Unfortunately for me, the fabric of the universe was going for a new record with how absolutely freaked out I could be in one night, and before I could even think of the phrase, “this can't possibly get any worse”, or some other version of the popular line, lightning started striking the ground all around me. I'm not going to lie, I slammed my eyes shut, covered my ears with one shoulder and one hand, and started screaming. My brain's attempt at assuming the fetal position while driving, I suppose. Storms sorta freak me the heck out at half the strength this one was at, and combined with my rising nervousness of being lost, I guess my brain just snapped. I tried to hit the brakes as fast as I thought I could without possibly losing control of the car, and after a few seconds, my hearing and sight slowly came back to me. Well, that or I relaxed enough to open my eyes and uncover my ears, I'm honestly not sure which.
I took a moment to look around while slowly switching my foot back to the gas pedal, and began picking up speed again. After a solid minute of no more lightning or thunder, and the rain beginning to lighten up, I started to relax enough to thank the universe for letting me survive through what I had only seconds ago believed would be the cause of my death, and then…
Then the universe decided to set it's trolling level to over nine thousand, and another great big blast of lightning hit the road right in front of me, and I went right back to my half driving, half fetal position form.
I was so freaked out that I couldn’t even get myself to scream, which allowed me to notice the lack of expected thunder. Instead there was silence for a few seconds, and then a really weird, sort of semi-musical sound, started playing. Honestly, it made me think of the MLP:FiM theme song… If played backwards, while someone scratched their nails on a chalkboard. I opened my eyes to see an almost blinding series of colorful flashes, and then everything turned back to normal.
Well, except for the fact that the car was now slightly diagonal, no longer on a road, and, oh yeah, FALLING FORWARDS TOWARDS A GIANT TREE!!!
At this point, my brain threw out any attempt of proper driving, and I went full on fetal position mode, screaming as I heard the sounds of metal crashing into wood, and hoping that nothing would break through the windshield and kill me.
Once the screeching noises of possible death finally stopped, and I realized the storm and my screaming were the only sounds remaining, I pulled myself out of the fetal position. Apparently the car had maintained the semi-diagonal position, because I almost fell forward out of my seat. Thank goodness for seat belts I guess.
That all happened a few seconds ago, or a few minutes ago, I’m not sure. I've been sticking my legs out against the floorboards in an attempt to keep myself in my seat, and idly noticing that the lights, radio, engine, and stuff were dead. I will say that this mental recap has helped calm my nerves some, so perhaps now I'll actually get out of this car.
Oh, and once I'm out, I should probably go and move Spike away from the front of my car, so that if it ever rolls forward or something in the near future, it won't hit him.
Yeah, that right there, seeing a figure sleeping in a tiny bed in front of my car, and slowly realizing it looks exactly like Spike from my favorite cartoon show, and also noticing that despite crashing into a tree, I’m inside of a house. THAT is why I'm thinking I crashed into Twilight Sparkle's library tree house thing. The fact that I'm probably crazy has not been lost on me, I assure you, but I'm shoving it into a corner for now. I'll have a nice panic attack over my obvious mental break down later, but first I'm going to move the human child, or baby dragon, or possible hallucination, away from my car before the universe decides to troll any more.
With a plan in mind, I put the car in park, set the parking break, get my keys out, and try not to facepalm at the fact that none of that actually means anything now. I manually unlock and open my door, and now for the fun part.
I unbuckle my seat bel-OH GOSH I DIDN’T THINK I’D BE FALLING THIS WAY! QUICK, DIVE OUT THE DOOR! OKAY WOODEN FLOORS ARE NOT COMFORTABLE! WHY DIDN’T I THINK THIS THROUGH?!
Okay. Okay. Okay. Get back up, come on, I can do it. Good. Okay so I'm back on my feet, now to grab the kid/dragon/possible figment of my imagination, and get it somewhere safe. Also, let’s all try really hard to not think about how it slept through me crashing into its room.
My arms were about half a foot away from what I was still seeing as a sleeping baby dragon, when suddenly the door behind me slammed open. I heard a gasp, and turned towards the source to see an angry Twilight Sparkle. It was easy to see her in the dark since her horn was glowing, but I still didn't notice the angry look on her face until after she shouted something along the lines of “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” Most of my brain had shut down in confusion at this point, though I think a small part of me thought that I should apologize. Before I could do or say anything however, the glowing around her horn sharply increased, and a purple, pinkish blast of magic hit me in the face. At which point I was promptly sent flying back onto the top of my car.
As I slowly rolled off my car and began to lose consciousness, the oddest thing happened.
I heard laughter. I mean, the kind of prerecorded laughter you often hear on old sitcoms…
Since this will most likely be my last thought for the night... I just wanna say something about today... Jerk move universe... Jerk move...