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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Just a touch more Alt. U than Rom or Com in this one. Some of you expressed interest in seeing the first meeting with Nightmare Moon, and such an event needs a certain amount of lead up and wind down. Off to the Castle of the Two Sisters!
The only bad thing here was the book Celestia sent... It looked forced as fuck.
Everything else? Brilliant!
That ending line... Poor girl.
Hey Pinkie were you always interested in Mares or is this just you shooting at the hip and this was completely unexpected but not unwanted?
Sweetie bell have you tried being evil to get your cutie mark?
Still enjoying this twist of a story.
Only complaint I have is the transition from town hall to the library is very subtle. Yes, the sentences are there, but the whole thing seems to take only seconds with nothing to define the trip at all. If you were to miss even a single sentence, it would literally seem like the entire group just teleported there.
That being said, it's not all that different from how it was handled in the first episode either, so <shrugs> it works on a second reading.
And yes.... Twilight X Pinkie is adorable in this so far.
For Spike: What was it like growing up with two older brothers? ;)
Nightmare: First impressions after 1,000 years?
8252335
It appears I skipped a sentence, since I didn't notice the fact that the scene changed until Pinkie mentioned the book being under E.
For Night Light: Thinking back on it now, what do you think would be different about Twilight if she hadn't become a royal guard?
8252356 Poked an extra reminder in there to help people realize where things are moving. Thanks for the input.
Calling it now, the EoH turn Twilight male on a laugh when they are in active use.
8252392
i would have thought that would be more the realm of poison joke
For the other palace guards: What do you think of Twilight allowing civilians into a dangerous mission, like this Nightmare Moon one?
Holy shit, I saw like five whole contractions in one paragraph this chapter! Good to see some improvement in that area, keep up the good work bro
That's the delightful thing about prophecies, they can be interpreted in more than one way. For instance, the above could be read as foretelling the stars that released Nightmare from the moon, as well as her intentions following; or it could refer to Twilight setting Luna free from her corruption, and her resumption of her eternal duty to bring the night.
of
fainting (though I suppose her histrionics could be considered a feint)
8252454 Keep poking me about it.
8252474 Thanks! If those are the only mistakes I made, I think I am getting better at this.
So, much as I am loving this so far, I'm scared to ask. How long do you plan on having this story go on for? Is it just going to be a short thing that goes till the end of the Nightmare Moon thing, or is this something you plan on making a long thing out of?
I hope it's a longer one, but I'll still read it all either way.
For the Royal Guard,
Aren't you supposed to be with the Princess, or in close proximity, at all times? How, regardless of which Universe, do you keep losing her during the Summer Sun Celebration?
8252520 It will extend past the S1E1&2 beginning. There are plenty of gags and situations I have planned. Once it drops off the feature box I will likely slow releases... if it ever drops...
While I'm enjoying the story so far Celestia simply sending the book at the last minute with no explanations given felt kinda of like a cop-out.
8252567 Then it is lucky we will hear from her in a chapter or two, isn't it?
8252576
i.imgflip.com/jfnha.jpg
This story is getting better by the minute. I need more!
You know, I wouldn't be surprised if NM was also smitten with Twilight. Although, finding out Twilight is a mare? Nightmare may have to brush up on gender-changing spells
Discord: Do you know and can cast a spell that changes the gender of a pony?
It's great! The only thing that I found a bit weird was how Twilight didn't simply teleport up in the town hall. I mean, she used that spell in the NMM episodes, so it is reasonable to say she can teleport. Of course though there is the possibility that she didn't learn the spell yet in this alternate universe because she invested more time in guard training. Still thought I might mention this, since I found it like I stated a bit weird.
8252871 She seems to need a lot of work to teleport, and I figure armor makes it harder still. Save it for the important bits, like the "teleport behind the bad guy and save the day" move she loves.
This is rather fun. Not really a fan of Twilight x Pinkie but meh it doesn't detract from anything. Though those stories always make me wonder if they take "Feeling Pinkie Keen" into account or not.
Though on a brighter note, Twilight really ought to do well in the running of the leaves, and seeing her go full Sargent mode at the Winter wrap up would be funny.
I just hope Dash doesn't get too upset about Twilight lacking a chance to introduce her to Spitfire
Though I doubt the gag will stretch that long I wonder what kind of Tux Rarity would make for Twilight's Gala attire?
8252878
That, and I figure for her to teleport she probably either needs line of sight on her destination, or be intimately familiar with the location she's teleporting to. Blind jumps are possible, of course, but they're probably dangerous because the end point is more or less random, so she could end up anywhere in town hall from the middle of the hall to the rafters or tangled in the drapes of Mayor Mare's office...
Poor Twili...
8252956 If you keep watching (I have now watched these eps so many times they lack all meaning now), Twilight does her first teleport and it nearly saps all her magic to go a few ponylengths.
"On a scale of 1-squee" - This is now my official scale everytime I read romance =P
Also, just a gag, eh? Totally not a way to snatch the new, sexy mare all for yourself, isn't it, Pinkie?
8253097
Are ypu gonna answer my question?
8253123 I answer the question from the previous chapter that has the most votes. This time it is:
8253123
Twilight Velvet: How would you react if you knew mares had the hots for your daughter because they thought she was a stallion?
Barely batting an eyelash, Twilight Velvet smiled. "If my daughter wishes to be a stallion I would certainly not stand in her way. Twily is an adult now, and she has grown enough—in more ways than one—to have earned the right to stand on her own four hooves." The serene smile cracked for just a moment. "Her father, however, will have some explaining to do."
You've got me intrigued, I wonder how far you'll take it.
Celestia: Why did you wait until nearly the last minute to send that book?
I want to ask Twilights drill sergeant about what was his/her opinion when Twilight entered training and what he/she thinks of the current situation Twilight is in with 4 or more mares thinking that "she" is actually a stallion
Ok, after going this far I can safely say this; WHY HAVE I NOT READ THIS YET!?! OR ANY OF YOUR STUFF!?! This is great stuff and look forward to more.
For Celestia; Did you suddenly have a 'Oh shit!' moment when you sent Twilight the information regarding Nightmare Moon to aid her and the girls in their quest to find the elements or did you plan to leave it last minute?
Princess celestia, how do you feel about your student maybe getting a harem?
This fanfiction is a weapon.
It has succeeded in killing at least 20 people. It is the deadliest weapon in the world, deadlier than even the atomic bomb. If it had been deployed against the Nazis 80 years ago, it would have saved countless lives.
This fanfiction kills people by causing them to laugh so hard that the air leaves their lungs, leaving behind a vacuum that generates an implosion with such force that it cracks bones and kills people.
Rest in peace all the people who have read this fanfiction and perished.
8253951 But such a thing wasused in WW2.
Okay now I Cant help but imagine Cadence as a secret scandinavian XD
"Cadence is my latinized name... my True name, Is CADÆNCE ODINSDATTER, Højeste Hersker I Krystallernes imperie, og svoren tjener af Aserne!"
8254916 If you like messing with her name, you might want to read:
- MLP: FiM
- Comedy
Princess Cadence tries to legally change her name to "Princess Cadance." Footnotes ensue.And then Cloud and Star just disappear from the chapter. Which is odd in light of the camaraderie Twilight showed towards them in earlier chapters, what with her lying to help them score with some local mares. Even if Twi’s operating under the logic that “Stopping Nightmare Moon is priority number one, so I don’t have time to check on Cloud and Star!” at the very least she ought to think to herself, Oh, I hope they’re okay.
From where I’m sitting (having only read to this chapter) I think the easiest way to deal with Cloud and Star without completely derailing the plot would be if Twi rushed over to check on them. And once she confirmed they’re okay, she ordered them to send word back to Canterlot and return with reinforcements, in case she failed.
Celestia is like, "oh darn, Twilight doesn't know she's supposed to... Crap, how to fix..."
I really like this story. But one thing that really gets under my skin is that NONE of the characters use contractions. I'm a grammar nazi, so it may just be me, but it breaks my immersion in the story to picture them talking like that.