• Published 23rd Apr 2017
  • 15,311 Views, 7,166 Comments

Magic School Days - Dogger807

When the CMC asked Discord to help them attend magic school, he pulled an owl out of his hat. Only he didn't exactly have a hat. Which was okay, since their new school had a singing one laying around. Where the hay was Hogwarts anyway?

  • ...

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 43: It's Not Safe Out There

Deep in the Ministry of Magic lay a realm of mystery. It held secrets untold, discoveries best forgotten, puzzles better unsolved. It was the domain of a special class of witch and wizard. It was the territory of the Unspeakables. It was the first, last, and best hope for the future of wizarding kind. It was also a place of order, and most people were expected to show up for work in a timely manner.

“Rufus,” a hooded figure called out, holding the door open to the office of the coordinator, “Saul sent me a patronus to let us know he won’t be in today.”

Rufus looked up from reading a report. “What? That doesn’t sound like him at all. I can’t remember the last time he missed a day.”

“I know, but it had all the safe words; there was nothing amiss, no hint of imperious or anything sinister.”

“It’s not like he hasn’t built up enough vacation days.” Rufus shrugged. “I suppose he was up all night studying something interesting and forgot to sleep.”

“I suppose, but that’s not what makes it so unusual.”

“Oh,” Rufus said, “you didn’t say anything about it being unusual. What makes it worth noting?”

“His patronus was brighter than I’ve ever seen it before, almost as if he had used bliss itself to fuel it.”

Terisa let her attention wander as the credits for the latest show began to wander up the screen. The wonderful discovery of children's nighttime programming would be something the entire Gryffindor house would remember for years to come. True, Hermione had explained that information was a couple generations out of date and that most of it was fiction, but that made it no less riveting.

There had been a couple interruptions. At eleven, the first years had gone to attend astronomy. Once they had returned, the fifth years had gone to their session. Other than that, it had been a marathon of new information. Currently, the members of the house were all chatting excitedly about the last show. More than one had a sleeping pony in their laps. Come to think of it, Hermione had not taken pony form all week; something was up with that.

Absently, Terisa let her gaze fall on a window and smiled at the predawn light that was shining through.


Abruptly, Terisa jumped to her feet and brandished her wand. “Tempus.” She shouted, “Guys! Breakfast’s in five minutes! We’ve been up all night!”

The morning light filtered through the gauzy shade as the resident of the small cottage took his first bite of his breakfast. The gritty crunch of concentrated calcium was off-putting. He spat out the mouthful and demanded, "What did you do to these pancakes?"

“What’s wrong with them?” his companion asked, reaching for the syrup. “I followed the recipe from the book to the letter.”

“Pancakes aren’t supposed to crunch,” his friend insisted.

“I think that’s just the egg shells. The recipe called for three whole eggs.”

Large eyes stared at him in disbelief. “You can't be serious!”

His companion didn’t respond beyond giving a meaningful look and a smirk.

“Right, you’d think I’d stop doing that after all these years. Remind me to introduce you to the muggle concept of legal name changes.”

“I didn’t see you volunteering to make breakfast,” Sirius reminded his friend.

“I’ve got bloody hooves,” Remus said holding up an appendage as example. “Have you ever tried making a meal without fingers?”

“Woof,” Sirius responded.

“Oh, you’re on a roll today,” Remus seethed, pushing his plate away.

There was a flash of green and Narcissa exited the fireplace, worry evident on her face. “There you are Sirius,” she exclaimed, “Since you never got in touch last night, we assumed the potion didn’t work.”

There was another flash and Andi joined her sister. She took one look at her cousin and said, “Sirius, why is there a purple horse at the table, and where is Remus?”

As Narcissa gave into temptation and threw her arms around the little darling, Sirius chuckled and said, “Amazingly enough, your questions are the answer to each other.”

Pearl Cupcake stood behind her display counter and watched the creatures wander by. She was ever on the lookout for two things: potential customers and Draknads. Why Draknads were allowed to mingle with civil beings, she’d never know. The large reptilian monstrosities thought nothing of snatching up the smaller denizen of the city and biting off something important, like a leg or maybe a head. Granted, smaller denizens meant Gruzniks. Every other sapient native was at least twice Pearl’s size. That Pearl was, in turn, twice the size of a Gruznik did nothing to ease her fear of Draknads.

On the other hoof, ponies were nigh non-existent in Bragastian. She and her herd had traveled far to get where they were. They had been especially lucky in Saddle Arabia; when they had been caught there, they were closer to the farther border than the one they had originally crossed. Their captors had actually escorted them exactly where they had been headed in the first place. Banished ponies were not welcome in Saddle Arabia.

Thus, they had ended up in Bragastian, where ponies were more the stuff of legends than anything else. Aside from the occasional Saddle Arabian, they were the only sapient equines around. It was this rarity, more than anything else, that most likely ensured their continued survival, that and the fact that when any creature asked if they were poisonous the answer was an emphatic yes. If Pearl were being honest, she would admit that probably had contributed to all of her limbs being attached more than anything else. It nicely offset the fact that her parents had given her a name that sounded like a dragon snack waiting to happen.

“Why hello there,” said a voice directly behind her, and Pearl leapt over her counter with a yipe in her hurry to get away.

“I do apologize,” chuckled a strange creature, the likes of which Pearl had never seen before. “I did not mean to frighten you.”

“Who are you?” Pearl narrowed her eyes but made no attempt to reclaim her spot behind the counter. “What do you want?”

“My name is Discord. Gather your two herdmates; it is moving day.”

Milo sat at his desk, a smile hidden behind his hand. In the visitor chairs sat his colleague Andromeda (Andi) Tonks, the recently-released Sirius Black, and a painfully purple little horse. Tonks stared longingly at the little cutie while Sirius regarded it with an amused smile. As a healer, Milo had seen the results of many transfigurations gone wrong. That his patient didn't look human was nothing new, but he couldn't help but marvel at how a fierce werewolf had been transfigured into what looked like a little girl's pet.

“Mr. Lupin. I have finished my tests and I have good news and bad news,” Milo said. “The good news is that I can find no trace of lycanthropy left in your system.”

“And the bad news?” Remus asked with a raspy voice.

“The side effects seem to have left you a little horse.” Milo said with a straight face.

Sirius groaned and said, “You couldn’t resist, could you?”

“I wasn’t going to try,” Milo said with a huge grin, “not even a smidgeon.”

“That line's getting to be a galloping gag.” Andi said, hiding her own small grin.

“It's something everyone has to work out of their system,” Remus agreed.

There was a knock on the door and Narcissa entered, followed by one of Sirius’s least favorite people. “I convinced him to come before classes for a quick look,” she said as she ushered the potions master in.

“Good Morning, Professor Snape.” Milo called out in greeting, “I believe you know my patient and his friends.”

“Yes,” Snape said with a dismissive glance at Sirius, “Narcissa informs me that the potion I left for you to test was ingested and produced an unforeseen side effect.”

“That is an understatement,” Remus said from where he had been sitting in a chair.

Snape looked at him without a trace of surprise and said, “Remus?”

“Yes.” Remus waved a hoof in acknowledgment.

“I see the side effects have left you a little horse.” Snape observed.

Silence reigned for a few seconds before Andi said, “I guess you were right, it is kind of mandatory.”

“Hush, Andi,” Sirius said, “Severus just made a funny; this is one to mark on the calendar.”

The last of the night’s fire smoldered in the pit in the center of their compound. She really could not call it their compound any longer; Sugar Star was the last of her herd. Now the lone brass-colored earth pony sat as close to her only source of warmth as she could manage.

The high log walls surrounding her may have protected her from the horrors of the jungle, but they did nothing to protect her from her own memories. They had started as five, five sisters, driven away for having the gall to fill the void that had been eating them from the inside. Nopony would believe them when they tried to explain. Neither potions nor magic could bring any relief to the all-consuming need. Only a stallion could bring blessed relief.

Winter Gust was loved. How could he not see that? Five eligible bachelorettes literally threw themselves at his hooves. He would have wanted for nothing. In all honesty, they had been premature with their advances, but their hearts were in the right place. Why did nopony else understand the irresistible drive that forced their hooves?

They started as five. Celestia would have been kinder to have given them a quick death. Marigold was the first to be taken. Before they had built their palisade, she had fallen victim to a flower, a huge, pony-eating flower. Sugar Star still heard the screams whenever she closed her eyes.

A year later, Blue Stream was lost. One of the unseen jungle predators had taken her. They had given chase for nearly an hour, but they lost track of the beast when their friend's screams were abruptly cut short.

Coco Tail started wasting away during the next season. It seemed that every day, a little more of herself vanished, transformed into pure pain. Her herdmates did everything they could to help, but it was to no avail. Sugar Star was sure it was some sort of parasite that had been the culprit.

Until just last week, Lucky Petal and Sugar Star had been the survivors. They had been out foraging and got separated. Sugar had no idea what happened to her last friend. Only one thing was certain, when the sun was fully up, she was going to go out and look again. Either she’d find her friend, or she wouldn’t bother coming back.

Sugar Star heard a snap, and suddenly there were seven other mares in her compound along with a weird creature seemingly made from several different animals. Sugar stared at them for all of a second before lunging at the nearest, engulfing her in a desperate hug. Tears soon followed.

The lime unicorn she was mauling reached up to pat her on the back with a hoof, “There, there,” she said unconvincingly.

“How . . .” Sugar Star sobbed brokenly. “How did you find me?”

“Celestia has the biometric signatures of everypony ever banished,” a male voice said behind her. It had been years since she had heard a male voice. “Normally they are just used to alert the guard if anypony breaks their banishment. I just appropriated the data and borrowed Celestia’s own power over the sun to power the scanning spell. I don’t think she even realizes she can do it.”

Sugar Star just continued to bawl into the unfamiliar unicorn’s mane.

“Our next stop is not too far from here,” the male voice noted. “Shall we?”

The Gryffindor table was unusually quiet as Professor Snape approached it. Most of the students looked happily half asleep. No doubt they were up late making mischief of some kind. He would have to keep an eye on them

“Miss Bloom,” he said, acknowledging the heavy eater who interposed herself between him and the rest of the first-years. She was one of the few seemingly wide awake. “I require a few minutes of your time. Follow me.”

The girl gulped but followed the Professor from the Great Hall into one of the small side chambers for privacy.

After closing the door and casting a few privacy charms, Snape turn to the girl and said, “I understand you provided Mr. Goodman with a cure for lycanthropy.”

“Yes sir, Ah did,” Apple Bloom said, curiosity evident on her face. Once again, Snape resisted the urge to probe the child’s mind; he was not going to be the first to try that on an unknown species.

“When you requested the potion, did you inform the brewer that it was to be consumed by a human?”

“No?” Apple Bloom furled her eyebrows at him in confusion. “Should Ah have?”

“It would appear so,” Snape said. “For that oversight, I will need you to write a letter of introduction. Take a seat over there; you will complete it to my satisfaction before you may return to your meal.”

She grimaced in pain as she stretched her neck to reach the small steady trickle of water that adorned the rockface near her. This was a stupid way for a pegasus to die. Distracted, she had walked off a cliff. It hadn’t been a long drop, but she had wedged herself between a tree and the cliff. She didn’t dare call for help, there was just too much of a chance that something nasty would find her before her last remaining friend could.

All of the foliage within her reach had been stripped of all greenery. Some of it had made her sick. With water within reach, she was able to last the week. The luck of her name could not last forever though. This was a stupid way for a pegasus to die.

Her eyes must have drifted shut, because the next thing she was aware of was the sound of flapping wings. Snarling she awoke to let every flying scavenger that had found her know that she wasn’t dead yet. To her surprise she found she was looking at a fellow pegasus, a beautiful butter-yellow pegasus with an orange mane.

“Don’t worry,” the vison said, “I’ll get you down.”

“Lucky Petal!” she heard Sugar Star call out from bellow. “Thank goodness you’re alive!”

Rainbow Dash lifted her head from the fluffy cloud she had commandeered for a nap. Somepony had called to her from the ground. Blearily she looked over the side of her retreat and saw a familiar black and white form. “Whassup?”

“How my heart beats with glee. Is that Rainbow Dash I see?” The intruder said, rousing Dash’s addled brain, “With you I must have a word. I am being harassed by a bird.”

“Huh?” Rainbow said rubbing her eyes, “Bird is the word?”

“Bird is the word, that is true. A passenger acquired, I know not what to do.” Rainbow watched her zebra friend point at the rider on her back, “The situation has become most fowl. I cannot lose this owl.”

Rainbow blinked at the bird on Zecora’s back and said, “Did you just rhyme a pun? I think you get extra points for that.”

“I don’t mean to implore. But now is not the time to keep score.”

Rainbow hopped off her cloud to glide down. "You've got mail."

Zecora blinked then took a closer look at the owl on her back, “Can this be, is that for me?” she paused a second and had another thought. “Though I should have gotten the notion. After all, I had a phoenix request a potion.”

“Who.” The owl said, once again offering a leg with a letter attached. It sounded more than a little peeved.

“What does this entail? Who uses owls for mail?”

“Humans do apparently.” Rainbow said landing in front of Zecora, not bothering to hide her yawn.

“It seems my reclusiveness has not been ideal. Since when are humans for real?”

“You’re about two weeks behind the curve.” Rainbow said, watching the angry owl wing away, “So, what does it say?”

The scent of this cottage was unmistakable, as was the the welcoming aura projected by its owner. “Hello, Fluttershy,” Discord said to his friend who was smiling up at him. “I do not mean to be rude by rushing you, and I know I told you I would always come when you called, but I am in the middle of something extremely delicate.”

“I won’t hold you long,” Fluttershy said. “I just wanted to make sure we were still on for tea tomorrow and ask you if we could have a couple more of those wonderful rings you made. I can only take mine off in human form and that makes it hard to lend to my pony friends.”

“But of course.” Discord snapped his claws and seven rings popped into being, “A pony can just hold these in their mouth and will the change. Now I am very sorry, but I have to run.”

Cutie Bee plodded along as she did every day. If she had the strength to spare, she still would not feel much spirit emanating from the ground below her. It was a hard pack circular path, long devoid of anything remotely alive. It had become the sum of her existence, forced as she was to forever tread upon it. Cutie and her two herd sisters were attached to a capstan which powered the pump that pulled life-giving water from the depths. Hour after hour, day after day, she walked. Hope had long since fled.

Her ribs were easily seen through her sparse coat. At one point, she may have been a brown pony, but it was hard to tell anymore. There had been a time when her mane meant the world to her; that time was long gone. All that was left was to put one hoof in front of the other. Sadly, Cutie had it slightly better than her sisters, she never had a horn to be sawn off. There would come a time where she would be allowed to lay where she stood, and she’d receive a meager ration of food and water. If she refused to eat, they’d force it down her throat. Little sleep would follow, then it would be one hoof in front of the other once again. She hadn’t even been allowed to touch a herd sister in longer than she could remember.

The sound of a muffled sob drifted through her consciousness, and she became aware that she was surrounded, surrounded by ponies accompanied by a strange creature, the likes of which she had never heard of before. She continued walking, no longer capable of hope.

“Stop! Just stop!” A voice wailed.

Cutie continued walking.

“Oh, sweet Celestia, no!” she heard another voice cry and she heard the sharp snap of a pair of claws. The sudden disappearance of her harness surprised her so much that she actually stopped moving, only to have Silversong run into her from behind. A dream come true, she could touch her herdmate once again!

“Hey!” Cutie heard her owner yell, followed by running feet as he advanced, whip held ready, “Get away from my property!”

Again, there was the sound of snapping claws and her owner was entangled in heavy chains., more than were strictly necessary to hold him. With limbs bound, he toppled over and skidded to a halt.

Dully, Cutie watched an apricot earth pony charge the mass only to turn at the last second, pulling back her hind legs. Roughshod hooves found their mark.


Cutie’s owner disappeared into the distance.

The apricot pony turned to the strange creature and demanded, “Bring him back, I need to do that again.”

Cutie saw that it was he who was snapping his claws, and her owner was suddenly back in the same spot, still covered in chains even as he bled.


“Again!” the apricot pony demanded once more.



“Will that suffice?” the strange creature asked, pulling a pair of binoculars out of nowhere.

“Is he still breathing?”

“I think so,” the strange creature answered.

“Then buck no, it won’t suffice.”


“Fault Line!” Cutie heard another pony shout out in a commanding manner.

“What!” the apricot pony yelled.

“Let somepony else get a turn in.”

Professor McGonagall was walking down the hall conversing with Professor Sprout when they spotted a large group composed of students from every house huddled together. They were standing around just before an intersection with looks of shock on their faces, and every now and again, one would peek around the corner before snatching their head back.

“What’s going on here?” Professor McGonagall questioned after being able to stroll right up to them without gaining any attention.

As one the group turned to her and made shushing motions.

Eyes widening at the sheer audacity, McGonagall repeated more quietly, “What is going on here?”

“Professor Snape is talking to a woman,” an elder Hufflepuff girl stated.

“I fail to see how that warrants . . .” Professor Sprout started.

“And she’s smiling,” the Hufflepuff finished.

“What?” McGonagall asked and moved some students out of the way so she could peek around the corner herself. Just as described, she saw the Potions professor standing a good way down the corridor talking to a woman. She wore a strapless black dress that showed off her chocolate brown skin, and her hair was up in a large, striped mohawk, of all things. Most importantly, she did appear to be smiling.

“How long?” McGonagall asked, pulling her head back.

“Just over an hour now,” one of the Gryffindors said.

“Did one of you happen to slip her a cheering potion or something?” Sprout asked, unable to believe her eyes.

“That’s natural as far as we can tell,” a Ravenclaw said.


“He hasn’t drunk anything for over an hour,” a Gryffindor observed.

“Does anyone know who she is?” McGonagall asked.

“No clue, but from what we’ve been able to tell, she always talks in rhymes. Maybe she’s one of those America rappers,” a muggleborn Hufflepuff girl relayed.

“Do you think he’s going to pull a Flitwick?” a Gryffindor girl asked.

“I don’t know; this is Professor Snape we are talking about here.” a Ravenclaw boy said. “But can you imagine how much easier he would be to deal with if he actually got lucky?”

“Mr. Greyson.” McGonagall absently admonished as she rolled the situation over in her mind. She wasn’t alone as the crowd also entertained the concept.

“We can’t let him muck this up,” a Slytherin seventh year asserted, wringing her hands.

One of the dedicated healers for the department stuck her head in Rufus’ office just as he was preparing to go home for the evening.

“Sir?” she asked questionably.

“Yes Heather?” Rufus replied.

“Sir, I just thought I’d let you know that earlier I got a patronus request from Mr. Croaker. It seems he had run out of pepper up potions and wanted to know if I could send some over to his residence. I thought it was fishy, so, instead of sending an elf, I delivered them in person. I am keyed to his wards, after all. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that he probably won’t be coming in tomorrow either.”

Rufus frowned, “Did he tell you that?”

“No,” the healer shook her head, “call it an educated guess. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go send an elf over with some fluid replenishment potions as well as something for rug burns.”

“Severus, good evening.” Professor McGonagall said, striding down the hallway toward her target with Professor Sprout once again at her side.

“Professor McGonagall, Professor Sprout, good evening.” Snape replied, forgoing his habitual half sneer, something that almost made the two women stumble in surprise. “I’d like to introduce you to Zecora, a fellow potions enthusiast.” He said, introducing his guest.

“Hello, Zecora,” Professor Sprout said. “I do hope that you are enjoying our school.”

“Greetings and well met; this visit I won’t forget. Although, I came expecting a workday, I’ve found that I am indeed enjoying my stay.” Zecora said with a smile.

“Marvelous,” Sprout smiled in return. “We simply insist that you stay for supper.”

“I must admit that at the present, the offer of a meal sounds most pleasant.” Zecora accepted.

“Good, good,” McGonagall said and gestured for a seventh-year to come forward. “Marcy here would be glad to take you somewhere you can freshen up, if you would be so kind as to follow her.”

“Your hospitality is most kind,” Zecora said then nodded to the student. “Lead on if you don’t mind.”

The three professors watched as she was led away. As soon as she rounded the corner, Snape turned to his colleges and said, “What are you two . . .”

McGonagall said, "This is what the muggles call an 'intervention'."

Snape groaned. "I was having a most delightful conversation with a colleague who is actually competent."

Sprout added, "We're going to help you get to know her a lot better."

"My personal life is my own," insisted the potions professor.

"You're not going to get very far looking like that," observed Sprout.

"Butt out!"

McGonagall replied, "Lily would want you to be happy. We're here to help. Think about it Severus. When was the last time a woman took personal interest in you?"

Grudgingly, Snape sighed. "All right. I'm listening." Glaring in the direction of the wolf whistles, he shouted, "And that's quite enough out of you lot!"

Croaker threw on a robe and went down the stairs to find the cause of the commotion. The sudden sounds of a small mob were more than enough to draw his attention. At the top of the stairs, he stopped to behold the large group of women crammed into his living room, the majority of which sported the distinctive hair coloring of Equestrians. Calling out an expansion charm, he made his way down the stairs.

“Good evening, Mr. Croaker,” Discord said from where he leaned against the fireplace. The wizard seemed to be in a grim mood. “I had started collecting some more women for you. However, circumstances have made the effort more involved than I had originally anticipated.”

Croaker looked at the condition of a few of the five score women before he hurried over to the fireplace and grabbed some floo powder. After calling out the destination he said, “Heather, disaster protocol, medical, medium. We need help now.” The women were all quiet, watching him with worry evident on most of their faces.

“What happened to them?” Croaker growled as the department’s healer emerged from the emerald flames. Heather gasped and turned back to the flames, directing the other healers as they came through.

Discord sighed. “I had thought to look for more individuals that deserved a second chance. Things on the outside turned out to be rougher than I had first guessed.”

With an internal curse, Croaker let his practical side rise. “Are you telling me that all these women are criminals? Am I to unleash them on the ignorant public?”

Discord gave a sharp laugh before saying, “You will find that the crime these unfortunates have committed does not even warrant a slap on the wrist in your culture. At most you would have probably only have spanked them for it. There is nothing in this transaction that you should find to your disadvantage.”

“This is inhumane, Croaker pressed.

“Less so than your own Azkaban,” Discord countered, “but you will not hear me condoning it.”

Croaker looked over his shoulder as healers began the triage process. Some of the immigrants looked perfectly healthy, while others looked closer to death than not. “Will there be more?”

“According to the records, there are still twenty-two groups I need to check on.” Discord promised, “I shall not rest tonight until afterwards.”

“Those robes have to go. I brought a silk set, and we’re about the same size.”

“What about the clothes underneath? He doesn’t look like he put much thought into those either.”

“I’ll transfigure them.”

“What about his undies?”

“He’s on his own for those.”

“Who brought the shampoo?”

“Will one bottle be enough?”

“Better make it two just to be safe.”

“Does anyone have any decent cologne.”

“I have the stuff my sister got me last Christmas.”

“I repeat, does anyone have any decent cologne?”

Snape gave a silent scream.

Author's Note:

Yeah, I am going to have to work on my rhyming.

PreviousChapters Next