• Published 23rd Apr 2017
  • 15,301 Views, 7,164 Comments

Magic School Days - Dogger807



When the CMC asked Discord to help them attend magic school, he pulled an owl out of his hat. Only he didn't exactly have a hat. Which was okay, since their new school had a singing one laying around. Where the hay was Hogwarts anyway?

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Prologue (Rewrite)

Author's Note:

The time had come for me to reread the first piece of work I have ever posted. This was followed by a time where the realization arose that self criticism is the worst kind of criticism. I must admit, I cringed throughout the entire experience. While I won't be so arrogant as to say that I have gotten good at writing, it is abundantly evident that I have gotten better. As I read, I found that I was making mental corrections as I went; it was only fair that I write those down and post them as a rewrite. Eh, I was planning on rewriting the first few chapters anyways, why not now?

*********

WARNING!

If your idea of a good story is dependent on Dumbledore not being called out for his gross criminal actions, then this tale is not for you. The author is well aware of all of the rationales people use to justify Dumbledore's actions and does not accept any of those arguments. Knowingly and willingly leaving a child in an abusive environment is an unacceptable and deplorable act. The fact that he had lost the first war and it took the initiative of a protective mother to garner a reprisal only proves the man has no idea what he's doing. The excuse of blood wards is flimsy at best and, even if true, does not negate Dumbledore's complicity to the crime. To do what Dumbledore did in cannon takes either maliciousness or a startling degree of incompetence.

While Dumbledore was never meant to be the pivotal point of this work, too many have commented on how they feel showing Dumbledore in a bad light ruins it for them. All I can say is remember this is an alternate reality fiction. You are not obligated to share the same view of the original Dumbledore as the author.

The life-giving light of Celestia’s sun shone down upon the land. Once again, it was nearing the end of summer, and a beautiful day graced Ponyville and the surrounding countryside. As befitted the mood of the parents in that provincial town, nature itself seemed to be laughing. The twitter of birds was unmistakable, with their calls coming from trees near and far as the little scamps flitted from branch to branch. From the ponds, the bass rumbling from the frogs evoked memories of hearty chuckles.

Meanwhile, lying in the grass, there were three fillies, their barrels rapidly rising and falling as they took quick gulps of air. They were three industrious fillies, determined to meet their destinies. To achieve their goal, they were determined to use every resource, every scheme on which they could lay their hooves. They were persistent. They were clever. They were ambitious. But most of all, they were sticky. They were desperately in need of a bath to rid themselves of the tree sap that coated every hair on their bodies.

“Aaaaand,” the first little filly, an orange pegasus named Scootaloo, said, “scratch Cutie Mark Crusader Lumberjacks off the list.”

“I can’t believe we didn’t see that one coming,” the white unicorn filly of the group groused as she rubbed her white pelt. “With our record, why would we think that taking a saw to a tree was a good idea?”

“Ah still say it was a good try, Sweetie Belle,” said the final filly, a yellow earth pony named Apple Bloom. “How’n were we supposed ta know that a tree could be so aggressive?”

“A good try?” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “The tree shot out a stream of sap, ten trots in length. We barely nicked it, and it started playing target the pony.”

“Well . . .” Apple Bloom untied the red bow in her mane, annoyed by the way the sap’s weight was causing it to sag into her eyes. “. . . it does stand to reason that it would be a mite mad. We were trying to cut it down, after all.”

“Trees aren’t supposed to shoot sap like that,” Sweetie Belle clarified. “Trees aren’t supposed to be good at targeting dodging pegasi who avoid the first squirt, either.”

“Yeah, it sure had good aim for an overgrown stick without eyes.” Scootaloo sighed. “Though, considering all the times we’ve ended up covered in sap, I’m sure it’s normal tree behavior.”

“But,” Sweetie protested, “trees aren’t supposed to be sapient. They’re just supposed to be trees!”

“Ah don’t rightly know what sapient means.” Apple Bloom gloomily shook her bow before giving it up as a lost cause. “But it has sap in it an’ Ah can vouch that trees have sap. It stands to reason that they must be sapient.”

“That makes sense.” Scootaloo quickly agreed.

Sweetie Bell wisely let the matter drop; after all, the tree had been aiming at Scootaloo. Then, there was the fact that they did live near the Everfree Forest. “That was a lot of sap to get out of a small nick,” she said, attempting to rein in the conversation.

“It’s not like they have better things to do than stand around all day making sap to shoot at ponies,” Scootaloo noted.

“Enough with the sap talk.” Apple Bloom abruptly stood up. “We’re wasting crusading time; let’s go get cleaned up.”

“Can’t we wait a while?” Sweetie Belle asked. “I’d like to give Rarity a little more time to get engrossed in her dress making. That way, she won’t notice I'm covered in sap, again.”

“Y’all don’t need ta go home yet.” Apple Bloom smirked. "Before we got started, Ah asked mah sister ta set the washtub out behind the barn. Should be there waiting fer us ta get cleaned up.”

“That works.” Scootaloo also stood up, did her best impression of a dog shaking itself, and started in the direction of the barn.

“Wait. What?” Sweetie jumped to her hooves, facing Apple Bloom.” You knew we were going to be covered in sap?” she demanded.

“We war planning on taking a saw to a tree.” Apple Bloom shrugged, before following after Scootaloo. “How could anypony not see that coming?”

Bringing up the rear, Sweetie reflected that there was something really wrong with the entire conversation; however, she was unable to put her hoof on exactly what that might have been.


A short time later, they were in a wooden tub, industriously scrubbing the sap out of each other’s coats, tails, and manes. It went unvoiced, but they were all amazed and grateful that they hadn’t received their sap removal cutie marks. After all, no matter how proficient they became at that particular chore, none of them wanted to wear that accomplishment on their flank.

“Well,” Apple Bloom sighed around the scrub brush in her mouth. “School’ll be starting next week. That means less time fer our crusading an’ we still haven’t got our marks.”

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to putting up with Diamond Tiaraaaaa! Hey! Watch my wing there, Sweetie! That hurt!” Scootaloo sent the little unicorn a baleful gaze. “Anyways, I almost wish we were going to a different school just so we won't have to deal with her.”

“Sorry, my brush slipped.” Cutely, Sweetie's cheeks reddened. “I almost wish we were going to Celestia’s school in Canterlot. Not that I wouldn’t miss Miss Cheerilee, but there would be sooooo much more to do and learn.”

“That there school is fer unicorns only.” Apple Bloom shook her head. “An’ Ah’m an earth pony. Thar ain’t no way they’d let me in.”

“That’s not true,” Sweetie corrected. “I overheard my sister talking to Twilight. They’re gonna start an earth pony program and a pegasus program this year.”

“Really?” Apple Bloom brightened. “Hmm, that’s not so far; we could be home fer the weekends. Think of all the new ponies we’d meet.”

Sweetie Belle let her ears droop. “The problem is they’ve closed the enrollment for this year.”

“Then why’d you bring it up?” Scootaloo scoffed.

“I don’t know.” Sweetie sighed.

“That’s okay Sweetie,” Apple Bloom said, dipping her brush in the water before attacking Sweetie’s flank again. “We’d probably have ta pass all kinds of hard tests an’ follow all kinds of rules jus’ ta get in.”

“Still, it sounds cool,” Scootaloo said. “I’ll bet they have an advanced flying class. Pity about the whole rules thing.”

“Wait a minute!” Sweetie perked up.

“Ow! My wing!”

“Sorry. But wait a second, girls; who do we know that practically makes it his mission to get around rules?”

There was a moment of silence as the fillies traded glances with each other. A wordless communication affirmed that they were all thinking the same thing. There was tacit agreement that this was an idea they’d regret not attempting.

One caveat had to be acknowledged, and it was Apple Bloom who broke the silence. “Thar ain’t no way this is gonna end well,” she stated.

After finishing their collective bath, the three fillies went looking for trouble, and everypony knew that trouble’s name started with the letter "D".


There really was only one logical place to start their search. The path to Fluttershy’s cottage was a familiar journey for the trio, leaving plenty of their attention available for them to squabble over the approach for their attempt to convince the object of their endeavors to help them.

“I still say we should offer him cupcakes,” Scootaloo contended. “You can’t go wrong with cupcakes from Pinkie Pie.”

“Nah,” Sweetie countered. “That won’t work. Let’s face it; he’d prefer it if we tried something sneaky. That would appeal to his trickster nature.”

“Thar ain’t no way we’re going ta hoodwink anyone.” Apple Bloom put her hoof down, proving that some traits were genetic no matter what some other ponies may assert. “It wouldn’t be right.”

“Well, we’d better make up our minds,” Sweetie said as their destination came into sight. “We’re almost at Fluttershy's. I hope he’s there." She sighed. "What are the odds of him actually being here right now?”

“Oh,” said a smooth voice from behind them. “I don’t know? What are the odds of who being here right now?”

Squeaking slightly, the three fillies turned to behold a familiar outlandish figure. Floating in the air, with a serpentine body that sported mismatched limbs, Discord grinned down at the children. When he had their attention, he flashed a brilliant smile and wiggled an eyebrow suggestively. Of course, he may have taken ‘flashing a smile’ a little too literally as the world went white for a second.

“Gah!”

“Mah eyes!”

“Bright light! Bright light!”

Giving in to instinct, the three fillies threw their hooves over their eyes and dropped to the ground.

“I’ve been using a new toothpaste,” Discord commented absently as he watched the three blink the spots out of their eyes.

“All right,” Sweetie Belle deadpanned. “Everypony who saw that coming, raise your hoof.”

Four hooves raised to the heavens, three being the right forehooves of the fillies. The last was on the hind leg of Discord, being the only hoof, he actually possessed. Though, in truth, that wasn’t actually a limiting factor.

“Am I getting predictable?” A pout flitted across Discord’s lips. “How could you say such a thing? After all, I thought you wanted to have a conversation with little old rule-breaking me.”

“Yup,” Apple Bloom muttered. “Thar ain’t no way this is gonna end well. Ah wonder if it’s too late to run away screaming at the top o’ mah lungs.”

“We do!” Scootaloo chirped up, eagerly plowing forward. “We wanna go to magic school. We just need your help getting in.”

“You three want to go to magic school? Hmmm.” Discord rubbed his chin as he scrutinized the girls. “Well now, I must say, this is rather unexpected. Most fillies your age want my help avoiding school, not the other way around. I must say, this is delightfully inverted.”

Scootaloo looked at Sweetie and mouthed. “Inverted?”

“I’ll explain later.” Sweetie sighed.

“Still, credit should be given where credit is due.” Discord said, ignoring the byplay. “I shall be happy to outfit you for this little quest of yours.”

“Going to school is a quest?” Scootaloo tilted her head to the side, confusion visible on her face.

“Oh, my my my. Yes, it is. More so, the older you get,” the draconequus answered with yet another smile, albeit not quite as bright. “I will leave you to discover the truth behind that at your own pace. For now, let us proceed with the outfitting for your upcoming quest. We do have to give you every possible advantage so you can get all of those hidden achievements later.”

Three lost stares met that declaration.

“First things first: the acceptance letters.” Discord reared back to his full height, dramatically stretching out his lion’s paw. “Simplicity itself,” he said snapping his claws. There was a mild flash of light and a startled owl appeared. It was only by reflex that the bird managed to perch firmly on the proffered limb.

“The talons!” Discord called out in pain. “The talons! Watch the talons!” It was Discord’s turn to act reflexively as he shook his injured limb. This only caused the owl to latch on tighter, flapping its wings to maintain its perch.

“Ooooo.” Discord snapped his claws again, causing a heavily padded sleeve to appear where it would do the most good. “Remind me to introduce you to a pedicurist.”

“Who?” the owl hooted, looking more surprised than any owl had any right to.

“Do not change the subject,” Discord scolded. “It is just I.”

“Who?”

“Me.”

“Who?”

“The one and only Discord.”

“Who?”

“The spirit of chaos.”

“Who?”

“Never mind, this is getting old, fast,” Discord said untying three letters from the bird’s leg, while the three fillies watched the exchange like cats observing a tennis match.

“Here you go.” Discord floated the letters down to the waiting hooves of the fillies. “Now then, we need to send back an acceptance so the school knows you are coming. Since the deadline has passed, someowl is going to have to make a trip through time as well as space.” Another snap marked the appearance of a new letter tied to the owl’s leg.

“Who?” the owl managed to hoot, looking worried.

“I think you know who,” Discord stated, snapping his claws. The owl disappeared in another dazzling flash of light.

“Argh!”

“Not again!”

“Remind me to bring my peril-sensitive sunglasses next time we plan on talking to Discord!”

“Hmm.” Discord studied the digits he had used for snapping. “Maybe using that toothpaste on my claws wasn’t such a bright idea. Or rather, it was too bright of an idea.”

“You used toothpaste on your claws?” Scootaloo asked.

“One needs to maintain proper hygiene.” Discord nodded. “Lucky for you, I am ambidextrous. Now, where were we? Ah yes you will be requiring funds for tuition and supplies. That is not going to take much magic to accomplish.” He snapped and a gaudy cabinet appeared.

“Is that one of Rarity’s work cupboards?” Sweetie asked, squinting.

“I do not think she will mind contributing toward your education,” Discord said as one of the drawers opened and some gems floated out. “These will do nicely,” he commented, loosely holding a pouch into which the jewels floated. “You will need to take them to the bank; then, you should have more than enough.”

*Snap!*

The cupboard disappeared.

*Snap!*

A tightly rolled scroll secured by a red ribbon appeared. “This is your ticket home,” Discord said, floating the scroll into the pouch, which should have been too small but wasn’t. “Once you learn enough magic that is. Now then, is there anything I am forgetting?”

“Apples?”

The other two fillies gave Apple Bloom dirty looks.

“What?” Apple Bloom said defensively. “Mah sister always says it’s a good idea to pack apples.”

“There will be plenty of food where you are headed,” Discord replied. “Which reminds me.” He snapped again and three pendants appeared, only to make their way into the pouch. “You will need these to fit in at first, not that you won’t make friends fast.” He tied the pouch shut before tossing it in the general direction of the fillies. Somehow it ended up on a lanyard around Apple Bloom’s neck.

“Thank ya kindly,” Apple Bloom said reflexively.

“That should cover it,” Discord said. “You are all equipped, except for the wooden sword. And thus, begins your grand quest. Off you go!”

There was one final snap of his claws and then the fillies were no longer on the path leading to Fluttershy’s. Blinking their eyes, the young adventurers found that they were in an alleyway, a particularly dirty alleyway, right after they had taken a bath.

“That went better than I was expecting,” Sweetie Belle said around the letter she still held in her mouth.

“Less than two minutes after asking Discord for a favor an’ we find ourselves in a strange alleyway?” Apple Bloom shot her a look. “Actually, Ah’d say that’s about average.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Sweetie warned. “He might decide to get creative.”

Meanwhile, Scootaloo had given into her curiosity and was reading her letter. “Girls?” she asked. “What the hay is Hogwarts?”

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