Chapter 7
Hippophobia
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan fiction. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
Chapter 7
The heavy stomp of hooves on the hard dirt floor awoke Conrad with a jerk. Standing over him was a new pony, one with an orange coat, green eyes, and a blond mane topped with a Stetson hat.
"What do ya think yer doin', sleepin' in mah barn?!"
The human reeled back and scrambled back to get away from the mare who was stalking him with a vicious stare.
"H-help!"
"Ah ain't gonna ask ya again," she said firmly, "What are ya doin' in mah barn?"
"Y-your barn?" Conrad whimpered, "I thought this was Big Macintosh's barn!"
The mare raised her head and tilted it to the side. "Y'all know mah brother? Wait a minute..." She squinted and moved in closer. "Ah recognize you..."
Conrad pressed against the back wall, sweat running down his face. "Y-you do?"
She jabbed her hoof in his direction. "Yer that thing everypony was chasin' round town yesterday. Now Ah remember. Big Macintosh musta brought y'all here fer safe keepin'. But why?"
"I-I don't know! He said he wanted to... to..."
The mare raised an eyebrow. "To what?"
"...adopt me."
The mare stared blankly for a moment, her left eye twitched, then she burst out laughing. "Oh, sure! That's a good one!" Her laughter abruptly stopped and she deadpanned at Conrad. "Now don't y'all lie to me, boy."
"I'm not lying!"
"If ya ain't lying, then why would Big Macintosh just up 'n' adopt ya?"
"I-I don't know!" Conrad started panicking again. "I don't even belong here!"
"Yer darn tootin' ya don't belong here!" The earth pony prowled towards Conrad like a lioness about to take down her quarry.
The human looked from side to side, looking for a way out. He was cornered, and the only way out would mean having to get even closer to this evil pony.
Conrad's mind fuzzed out, and instinct took over. He lunched forward with his arms stretched in front of him, pushed the mare's head down, and jumped over her. If he had a more athletic build, he'd have cleared her and went on running, but instead he ended up on her back, riding her backwards. "Oof!"
The mare snorted out her nose. "Whoa nelly! If y'all can grab this bull by the horns, ya best be ready fer a ride!"
"Wait, what?!" His mind snapped back into control just a bit too late.
"Kick 'em up!" The mare bounced Conrad into the air high above her. "Buck 'em out!" Coiling her legs tight, she kicked at just the right moment to send the human flying straight out the door, screaming all the way.
As Conrad sailed through the air, his mind flashed back to the beginning of his time in Equestria, the trouble he'd gotten into, the places he saw, and the friends he made. All two of them. He would have had time to remember back further, but his flight was short lived, and he landed in a water barrel just outside.
The barrel tipped over and spilled out, then began to roll with its passenger still inside, spinning like some ignorant kid who climbed into a clothes dryer. It kept rolling until it was stopped abruptly by the hooves of Big Macintosh.
"Big Mac! Catch that varmint, quick!"
Conrad climbed out, stumbled dizzily, and then clung to Big Macintosh. "B-B-Big Mac! There's a crazy mare after me!"
Big Mac put his foreleg protectively in front of Conrad. "Applejack. Why are ya scarin' mah human?" he said calmly as ever.
"Yer human?!" Applejack skidded to a halt and stared at the bizarre biped hanging onto her brother for dear life, hiding his face in the stallion's mane.
"Yes, mah human," Big Mac said flatly.
"And what in tarnation are ya doin' with that thing in our barn?"
Mac looked at Conrad and reassuringly nudged his shoulder with his muzzle. "Conrad here was lost and needed somepony. And ya don't need a reason to help somepony in need. S'just the right thing to do."
Applejack paused and then sighed, hanging her head down. "Aw, shoot. Ah bucked up big time, didn't Ah?"
"Eeyup."
Applejack walked up slowly and tapped Conrad with her forehoof. "Ah'm real sorry fer scarin' ya like that. Can ya ever forgive me?"
Conrad didn't look at her, but loosened his grip on Mac. "Yeah, I guess so."
The mare softly stroked the human's back, making him cling tighter to Big Macintosh. He seemed oblivious to the irony that he was holding onto a pony to protect him from a pony.
Big Mac nuzzled Conrad and led him back into the barn. "Ah was on mah way to ask ya if y'all were hungry."
"I guess so..." Conrad sad unenthusiastically as he sat back on his bedroll.
Mac nodded. "Alright. Ah'll git ya somethin'. You just sit tight."
Applejack sighed and began to load her apple cart. "Ah best git to work now."
Lyra bounded down the streets of Ponyville, asking everypony she met if they knew anything about the human she saw the day before. After searching all morning, she still hadn't found any leads; everypony had been too dazed to notice where the mysterious creature had disappeared to.
"Hey, Twilight!" she called out, running towards her fellow Canterlot unicorn.
"Oh, hi, Lyra," Twilight said warmly, "I was just heading out to see my friends at the park. What's up?"
"I need to know, did you see which way that human went?"
"Human?" Twilight tilted her head.
"You know!" Lyra stood on her back hooves. "It stands up like this and it has clothes on and a rust color mane?"
"Oh~!" Twilight put a hoof to her mouth and giggled. "Yeah, I was wondering about that too. Big Macintosh carried it off somewhere."
Lyra's eye twitched. "Somepony... took him?"
"Yeah, Big Mac, like I said." Twilight closed the door after Spike came out. "They might be at the farm right now."
Lyra got back on all fours and grinned like a twisted demon. "Re-hee-hee-heeeee-heally?!" She giggled and finished with a squeak, then galloped off towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "What was that all about?" she asked Spike.
"I have no idea, but I'm sure I should be scared to find out."
Big Macintosh took the empty bowl he served Conrad's apple cinnamon oatmeal in and walked back towards the house with it. He stopped when he saw Lyra Heartstrings bounding up the road and remembered what future Turner said about her being dangerous to his human.
He slipped the bowl behind a rain barrel and resumed his usual expressionless stare.
The seafoam green unicorn stopped daintily in front of him. "Hello there, big, red and handsome," she cooed, flutterying her eyelashes at him, "I'm in need of some help, and I think you're just the stallion I'm looking for."
Mac's eyebrows went up ever so slightly. "Mkay?"
"You see, I'm looking for a certain something," she said softly, moving closer to the red stallion, "It's tall, kind of pink colored, and has a short, rusty mane. Seen anything like that around here?"
Big Mac's eyebrows went all the way up now, and then he laughed. "Lyra, yer a pretty mare, but Ah'm savin' mahself fer that special somepony."
Lyra's jaw dropped.
"Don't get me wrong, Ah like ya," Mac said reassuringly, "It's just we haven't even had a formal date. Wouldn't be appropriate to rush that far right now."
The unicorn shook her head rapidly. "N-no! I meant the human! Ugh, Celestia!"
Big Mac resumed his deadpan, but laughed out loud inside. "What human?"
"The one Twilight saw you carrying off." Lyra was showing signs of frustration.
"Oh, him. Ah set him loose in the Everfree."
Lyra nearly jumped out of her pelt. "YOU DID WHAT?!"
"Eeyup," Mac nodded, "Probably left Equestria bah now."
Lyra gaped, and then scowled. "You... You stupid hayseed! Do you realize what you've done?"
Big Mac's eyebrows went up again. "Nope?"
"UGH!" Lyra threw her head back and stomped off. "Never mind! I'll find him myself!"
Big Mac waited until she was out of sight and heaved a sigh of relief.
Conrad peeked out of the barn. "W-was that L-Lyra?"
"Eeyup." He smiled and ruffled Conrad's hair gently. "Ah'm gonna git to work now. Y'all can explore the farm if ya want, y'know, in case ya get bored."
Conrad shook his head. "Not now. I... I need some time to think."
Big Mac nodded, and cantered off into the orchard.
Meanwhile, the displaced human sat on a wooden stool and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his phone and flipped it on. No signal, of course. He sighed and put it away.
"Looks like I'm gonna be here for a while," he said, resting his head in his hands.
"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that."
Conrad startled and looked at the barn door. In front of him stood a very satisfied-looking Lyra Heartstrings.
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Oh snap.
Quick, claim to be a shaved monkey! It's your only hope!
Yay! Update!
I must say, I'm surprised at how much I love these short chapters. Somehow you manage to pack a lot of entertainment into 1,000 words.
And you didn't disappoint here! Angry Applejack, meddling Macintosh, lunatic Lyra, and cuddly Conrad!
And a cliffhanger to boot...
Excited for more. I look forward to understanding Time Turner's special talent better.
oooooooooooh...............Sucks ta be him
Poor Conrad!
Big Macintosh having a human boy as his animal sidekick while his sister has a dog is so right! I think Conrad and Winona should sleep in the same doghouse.
And Bigmac should get his human a nice collar!
BWAHAHAHAA!
980856
i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj580/charlieg1999/be3.jpg
The hell man?
he was thrown into a water barrel yet his phone still works?
dafuq?
OOOOOOOOKAY..... Now I need to know; is this story slowly making it's way in "That" detour of a direction? While I think this story's a riot and a half, I don't think I can read a "steamy" male on male story. I won't be able to visit my niece's ranch anymore 'cuz I wont be able to see her horse without breaking into a cold sweat. What's worse is it's a male. Not even a gelding. Besides, idk who's scarier atm. Big Mac or Lyra?
980895 Said it was a water barrel, didn't say it had water in it
I'M ONLY ASCARED OF GIANT HORSES, YOU KNOW, THE HUGE ASS ONES AS TALL AS ONE STORY BUILDINGS! My Bigass Horse. Good story, make it.... instead of Human in Equestria it could be Bigass Horse in Equestria.
"You see, I'm looking for a certain something," she said softly, moving closer to the red stallion, "It's tall, kind of pink colored, and has a short, rusty mane. Seen anything like that around here?"
Big Mac's eyebrows went all the way up now, and then he laughed. "Lyra, yer a pretty mare, but Ah'm savin' mahself fer that special somepony."
Go Big Mac! Its your birthday!
980919 touché
DAMN IT LYRA! NOT AGAIN!
980728
Time turner is The Doctor, as in Doctor Who. Is it not obvious?
980715 that just made my day, thanks!
Damn good son. Man I wanna be adopted by Big Mac.... and maybe meet a crazy Lyra, shoo I think we could get along quite nice, cuz incase y'all hadn't noticed, i'm crazy as hell.
AWW YEAH HERE IT COMES
I wonder at what point Conrad will finally wet himself...
faved for Lyra and only for Lyra~ the way I see it she is crazy to own a human, or crazy cause she wants to transplant his hands onto her.... (if she wants to own a human, I'm right here and not opposed to wearing a collar!
)
Hrm. I look forward to seeing how Lyra will be a problem. Because I honestly can't see how.
Ohhhhhhh shit, son.
980856
Sounds kinky.
981357 No you're not. Twilight O.P. Sparkle defends.
Um, sleeping? Now feeling total abject terror.
Ruh roe!
980715 It's too late! She's already heard him speak.
He a ded mahn
Lyra found him...
SOMEPONY HOOF CONRAD A GUN!! ASAP!!!
980715 ...yes. Just.....
YES.
981867 Yessss~ I'm not the only one who remembers!
toonpool.com/user/589/files/when_the_shit_hits_the_fan_321595.jpg
1128809 agreed. cigargeeks.com/community/forums/get-attachment.asp?action=view&attachmentid=1157
Conrad, you better R.U.N.N.O.F.T AQAP!
Scratch that last comment, now, that is the scariest Lyra I've ever seen! For some reason Ace Ventura Lyra scares the living buck outta me!
AHH LYRA!!! by.....Fire.....BE....PURGED!!!! "self destructs"
980895
Maybe it was made by Nintendo. You need dynamite to make their stuff stop working!
Is it just me or was the moment with Conrad and Applejack a little weird?
Yes Applejack, I forgive you for having me re-live the moment whence I first gained my phobia,
and for kicking me through a barn door into a barrel which rolled through the orchard with
me STILL IN IT
PRUNE JUICE!!!