Chapter 4
Hippophobia
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan fiction. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
Chapter 4
Conrad tried to remain hidden as best he could, staying close to areas with foliage to hide in. He'd managed to avoid running into anymore bloodthirsty ponies since witnessing the death of a predator he now felt sorry for.
It was apparent to him now that this place was meant to be an embodiment of his nightmares. These ponies were clearly out to kill. And what of Time Turner? What were his intentions? Conrad shook his head, deciding he didn't want to know.
What had Conrad on edge almost as much as the demented ponies was the sun. Every hour, on the dot, it would jump forward instead of slowly sailing through the sky. It was both surreal and foreboding, like a timer counting down towards something.
Lost in his thoughts, Conrad didn't notice he'd wandered into the Ponyville park. Three fillies were playing ball together when suddenly the ball began to expand, and out burst none other than the purple unicorn from before.
"OK, now I know she's following me!" he whispered to himself.
"Hi giiiirrrrls!" the older mare said with a demented grin, slowly approaching the fillies.
"Oh, uh, hi, Twilight," the normal (or mostly normal) foal said, "How are--"
"Great! Just great!" Twilight's eye twitched, and she moved in closer.
Conrad watched the scene unfold, feeling more and more uneasy as it went on. His fear was slowly being replaced by anger as she started trying to tempt them with a rag doll. Wherever this unicorn went, something got killed or destroyed. And those fillies might be ponies, but children were children, and Conrad wasn't going to just sit by and let some pedophile hurt these girls.
Twilight turned away and clicked her hooves together. "Come on, Twilight! Think, think, think! Aha!" She turned to the fillies and gave them an evil glare. "You are gonna like Smarty Pants, and you are gonna like her a lot!"
He couldn't take anymore. Consequences and karma both be damned, he had to try! He lunged forward, shouting as he ran at the unicorn, "Oh, no you don't!"
Twilight lurched up and turned around in mid-spell cast, firing a string of hearts that hit Conrad square in the chest. He was temporarily levitated off the ground as the hearts were absorbed into him, and then dropped on his bum in the dirt.
The fillies stopped their arguing and fixed there eyes on him.
"I want him!"
"I need him!"
"I really like his mane!"
Conrad rubbed his hip as he got back to his feet. "Wait, what?"
Without any warning, the three fillies were on him, tackling each other and pulling at him. Conrad shouted and tried to get away, but his attempts were futile.
Twilight took a moment to brag about friendship before diving into the fray and getting promptly kicked out. She rolled back and slid right into the hooves of a larger red stallion holding a bucket in his mouth. "Big Macintosh! You've gotta help me save that guy from those girls!"
Mac stared for a second. "Eeyup." He put the bucket down, marched up to the foal melee, and effortkessly plucked the trembling human out from under them.
"Oh, good!" Twilight sighed with relief. "Now, if you could just give him to me for a moment--"
Mac slung Conrad over onto his back and took off. "Nope!"
Twilight watched the huge earth pony run off with the enchanted human and groaned. "Ugh! Get back here with that... thing! Whatever it is!"
"Nope!"
She chased him through the park, attracting attention from other ponies. Conrad recovered from his daze and dropped off Big Macintosh, scrambling to his feet and running in the opposite direction from him and Twilight.
"What's going on here?" a sunbathing mare asked.
"They're chasing after that creature!"
"That incredibly amazing creature!"
Conrad halted and looked behind him. The ponies were all fixed on him, some of them eagerly pawing at the ground. Like racing gates opening up, all the ponies bolted at once towards him at high speed.
"I don't wanna die..." He turned an ran, screaming at the top of his lungs. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
A pegasus swooped down and lifted him up, only to have another try to grab him out of her hooves. He was dropped in front of the oncoming Zerg rush and buried alive under an avalance of drooling ponies.
Big Mac dug in and carried him up to the surface, trying to keep him out of reach of everypony else. Conrad took this chance to jump on the ponies' heads down to the ground, and took off again. An explosion behind him was followed by a series of ponies flailing through the air. Big Mac stood triumphantly where the hoard once was.
"Nope!"
Meanwhile, Twilight came back to her friends in time to stop Rainbow Dash from gazing at Conrad. "Don't look at him!"
"What's going on, dear?" Rarity asked her.
"I don't know! I tried to enchant my Smarty Pants doll, but that guy got in the way, and I enchanted him instead, and now everypony's chasing him!"
"Why would you enchant your doll?" Fluttershy asked.
"Because I couldn't find a friendship problem, so I decided I would make a problem so I coukd write my friendship report to the princess! But I haven't got my report done, and the day is almost over!"
"Not almost." Applejack pointed to the sun, which was now setting at normal speed.
Twilight slumped to the ground in defeat as a shimmering ball of light appeared in the sky.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
Conrad stopped short and tripped over himself at the sight of the royal white alicorn that had appeared out of nowhere, shouting the name of the pedophile he'd failed to stop earlier.
If that red one was big, she was enormous! Easily taller than him, and radiating power and commanding authority. The very sight of him made every joint in his body buckle down, and he collapsed like a bunch of broccoli.
The princess's horn lit up, and she emited a wave of magic that broke the spell controlling everypony around her.
The townsponies looked at Conrad and shrugged, then went their own ways. The only one who stayed was Big Macintosh, who slumped the catatonic human over his back and whinnied victoriously, galloping back to Sweet Apple Acres.
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..... Wow. I didnt know Big Mac swung that way.
oh no CONRAD
HAHAHAHAHA! I like this dude keep posting!
i9.photobucket.com/albums/a53/Kajidono/681.jpg
Twilight Sparkle a pedo. I fuckin' lol'd.
Oh, poor Conrad.
Amazing
this would be traumatizing for anyone let alone someone ALREADY afraid of ponies, this had me loling
Poor poor Conrad
Conrad is gonna get friendship where the sun don't shine.
His sacrifice shall not be forgotten.
But seriously, five bucks it turns out Big Mac is also afraid of his fellow ponies to an extent or something and sensed a kindred spirit because magic. Or he knew Conrad took some apples, so he's going to make use of his Apples to get money's worth.
Or maybe Conrad has a really likable mane.
I shudder to think what inhuman things Big Mac will use at our human...
Seriously. Fantastic fanfic and Celestia have to meet the human at some point!
Conrad got hit by the Want-It-Need-It spell, and suddenly the nightmare that his life had become was upgraded to night-terror.
880038 well if it isnt gordan freeman... about time too
'dat line "children were children, and Conrad wasn't going to just sit by and let some pedophile hurt these girls."
Yeah, if he didn't already have hippophobia, this would definitely be enough to give it to him.
oh, and I love how the timber-wolves gave him nightmares about wooden ponies
wow. big mac took em, just wow
883920 You know what?! F*** you! F*** the resistance! Im sick of this! You know why im late?! I was in a coma! And Kidnapped! Screw you all, im going home to watch old re-runs and eat ice cream!
........... Sadly that line is only what should of happened in the game. Anyway, back to commenting, I feel like Twilight should be saying "that thing" rather than "that guy"
Poor Connor! I wonder what will happen next?
and thats how big mac saved the day
885618
at the end of half-life 1 G-man time traveled Gordon Freeman to when the combine took over. Thus started Half-life 2
Reading this since the last chapter, where it became clear just what episode it was, has been like watching two trains speeding towards each other in slow-motion, smashing into each other and allowing you to see each individual steel beam and plate bend, buckle and break.
It's GREAT. :)
Oops! I said Connor when I meant Conrad!
Got the HiEs I'm currently reading mixed up!
I simply lost it when she cast the spell on Conrad.
The universe just loves making Conrad its bitch. I'm starting to think he was a genocidal maniac in a past life.
Conrad is gonna find something sharp and pointy, and then the fun starts...
Conrad would look like this after all that's happened t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTNgySPN9pCBi6TY-uUnXP_neAKOCtgR7WJBGooPotGvw8L1XQZ
As much as i'd like to feel sorry for this guy and his phobia, i can't help but laugh my ass off at this chapter! Excellent wofk, guy! you EARNED your like and favorite.
I was gonna stop reading this.
Just drop it, just like that, because there were sexy ponies to be read about.
...
Dat Blatant Starcraft Reference.
*last line*
*Deliverance-banjo.mp3*
YOU GONNA GET RAPED, BOY!
Congratulations, Conrad, you're the new Smarty Pants!
Starcraft reference. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_ooh.png
Hahaha. Anyway. Pretty cool so far. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_lazy.png
Nice, but it kinda annoys me how Twi completely ignored the oddity of the presence of a completely unknown life form though. Granted she wasn't in the sanest state of mind, but still
Never thought I'd read a fic that mentions the zerg and calls Twilight a pedo...twice...so far
shouting the name of the pedophile he'd failed to stop earlier.
My god. Yes
It's not ever day you get kidnaped by what you fear the most.
Because I couldn't find a friendship problem, so I decided I would make a problem so I could write my friendship report to the princess!
The very sight of her made every joint in his body buckle down, and he collapsed like a bunch of broccoli.
Uh, also… Broccoli?…
Okay, fine. That was kind of clever.
*girly screams, not from the fillies*