Chapter 11
Chapter 11
While Applejack was fixing lunch, Conrad sat down in front of the barn and gave his clothes a sniff. Somehow, he didn't smell like urine anymore. Instead, he swore he smelled like roses. Hm, that's odd. Maybe Celestia cast a cleaning spell on me, too? Either way, he was clean now, and that was one thing off his mind.
He took a deep breath of the fresh orchard air and tried to relax. Well, looks like I'm stuck here for a while. At least I've met three ponies who don't seem totally insane. I still think it has something to do with being an earth pony. Anyway, I think since Big Mac 'adopted' me, and I've been staying in this barn, that makes this farm my new home? Could be worse, I guess. At least this place is quiet.
A sudden tremor made Conrad grab hold of the bucket he was standing on, and less than a second later, he found himself rising up into the air several feet. "Gah! What's going on now?!"
"HI!" said a high-pitch cheerful voice under him. The pink earth mare holding him up set him down gently. "I'M PINKIE PIE AND I JUST HEARD YOU WERE MOVING INTO PONYVILLE WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE THAT MEANS I GET TO THROW YOU A SUPER DUPER GINORMOUS SPECTACULAR TERIFFIC WELCOME PARTY TO WELCOME YOU TO PONYVILLE BECAUSE YOU'RE NEW AND IF YOU'RE NEW THEN THAT MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS YET AND THAT MAKES ME SO SAD KNOWING SOMEPONY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS SO I INVITED EVERYPONY IN PONYVILLE SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF FRIENDS!"
Conrad was backed up against the barn door on the ground, grasping his chest as he hyperventilated.
"Soooooooooo," the pink mare said as she got right up in his face, "What's your name?" Her nostrils flared and she took a big whiff of Conrad's hair. "Mmmm! You smell delicious!"
"ACK!" The human shoved the pink pony puff off himself and bolted into the orchard.
"WAIT! I didn't get your name!" Pinkie shouted, popping out of a tree top.
Conrad turned 90 degrees and went down another row, only to have the mare pop up ahead of him again.
"Don't you wanna come to my party?"
"BIG MAAAAC!" the human screamed.
"Ooh!" Pinkie shot up from the ground, causing Conrad to barrel over her. "I know Big Macintosh, too! Are you guys friends?" She kept talking as they tumbled in the dirt.
"HELP!"
"Don't worry! I gotcha!" Pinkie picked him up and set him on her back. "I'll get ya to the party, lickety split!" The earth pony broke into a full gallop with the terrified Conrad clinging to her cotton candy mane.
"HELP!" Conrad screamed again.
Big Macintosh was returning to the farm at that moment and saw Pinkie making off with his human. "Nope!" He reared up and then shot towards Pinkie to intercept her. He snatched Conrad clean off her back and ran towards the barn again.
Pinkie skidded to a halt when she realized her passenger was missing. "Hmm." She put a hoof to her mouth. "That's funny. You suddenly got a lot lighter." She turned and saw her bare back and let out a long gasp. "Oh, no! New pony? Where are you? Did you shrink? I hope I didn't step on you!" She gasped again and smiled. "Don't worry, new pony! I know just who can help!"
With an excited giggle, she disappeared in a pink blur down the road.
Big Mac tried to set Conrad down gently, but the human was clinging to him too tightly to drop. "Conrad? Pinkie's gone now. Y'all can let go."
Conrad shivered loudly and slowly climbed off the stallion. "W-w-what the freak was that?"
"Pinkie Pie," Mac said flatly.
"Pinkie Pie," Conrad repeated, "And here I thought there weren't any insane earth ponies. Is it just me, or are Turner, Celestia and your family the only sane ponies in this place?"
"Eeyup."
"Soup's on!" Applejack called, "Come 'n' git it!"
"Come on," said Big Mac, "Let's git some lunch. Y'all could use it."
Conrad stood up and sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Twilight! Twilight, I need your help!" Pinkie Pie bounced up and down around her unicorn friend.
Twilight grunted and rolled up a scroll she had levitating in front of her. "Ugh, Pinkie, I'm in the middle of something."
"But there's somepony new in town!" Pinkie squealed.
"So then throw them a party," said Twilight, "I need to find where that human went."
"But the new pony disappeared!" the pink mare screamed.
Twilight stopped and blinked. "Disappeared? Wait, what did they look like?"
"He wasn't really a pony," said Pinkie, "He was a funny pink thing with a reddish brownish hairy mane that looked like a bad case of bed head."
Twilight's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "Wait a minute, Pinkie. Was this new pony perhaps the strange creature we saw yesterday?"
"I dunno!" Pinkie giggled, rolling her eyes around, "You told us not to look at him because you enchanted him."
Twilight gasped. "THE HUMAN!" She pounced on her pink friend. "Where did you see him?"
"He was at Sweet Apple Acres."
The unicorn teleported away in a flash.
"Wait!" Pinkie stood up. "What about the new pony?!" When she received no answer, she sighed and turned around. "Oh well, I have a party to plan!"
As the earth mare bounced off cheerfully, a sea foam unicorn watched from behind a fruit stand and chuckled lowly to herself. "Well, well, well, Conrad. You should have learned your lesson last time. Now that I know where you will reappear, catching you again will be a breeze!"
"Yes, yes," said Bonbon, tossing a few bits to the stall owner, "You found your human's hiding place, whoop dee do. Can we go home now? You're starting to draw looks to us."
Lyra poked her head out from behind the fruit. "Alright, Bonbon. We'll go home... just as soon as I have my Concon!"
Bonbon raised an eyebrow. "Concon?"
"Yes!" Lyra squeaked, "Bonbon and Concon for Lonlon!... er, Lyra. Hee hee."
As Lyra and Bonbon trotted off towards Sweet Apple Acres, a brown stallion poked his head out of a crate. "Well, well, well, Lyra," said Time Turner, "You should have learned your lesson from last time. Now that I know you're going after Conrad again, keeping him out of your hooves will be a breeze!"
As Turner blinked out of time, a pair of blue eyes popped out of a hay bale. "Well, well, well, Timey Wimey," said Pinkie Pie, "You should have learned your lesson tomorrow. Now that I know you know the new pony too, getting him to his welcome party will be a breeze!" She giggled to herself and turned around. "Anypony wanna help me drag out this joke?"
As she said this, a gray mare with a blond mane popped out of a well. "Well, well, well, Pinkie," said Derpy Hooves, "You should have learned your lesson last time. Now that I know you're going to Sweet Apple Acres, stealing those muffins will be a breeze!"
If you'd like to support my writing, please visit my site!
Stats
Page generated in 0.063 seconds
Total duration
961 users online
1,613,771 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That last part hurt my head...
Edit: Yay! First!
Well well well Derpy.... now that you appeared, finding your hiding spots will be a breeze....
Also, new cover art?
Da faq did i read O.o still great though, I'm waiting to see when Connor tells Twilight Lyra tried to rape him XD
The end was pretty funny.
With the amount of stress Conrad is under, I'm surprised he hasn't snapped and starting killing everypony; with the exception of everypony who was nice to him.
1026905 Well, well, well, Gordon. You should have learned your lesson last time. Now that I know you're hiding, helping the Combine take over will be a breeze!
i.imgur.com/Fw15W.png
SPYCURSION.
Because -ception would be the wrong suffix.
1026961 HAHAHA no. - whacks with crowbar -
Lol
Good chapter!
I'll get those muffins, and your pretty little dog too! MWAHAHAHA!
1026961 Oh dear. I'm afraid I may have accidentally started a meme.
1026966
That fits this so perfectly! What series is it from, pray tell?
1026991Well, well, well Gordon Freeman, now that you've attacked Soulless DCLXVI, stopping you and your weapon of choice should be a breeze!
Spoke (er, thought) a little too soon there, didn't you Conrad?
Hyperactive pink pony invading his personal space and saying that she wants to eat him?
This will not go well.
1027333 ........Ok this is getting out of hand. - whacks with crowbar -
1027371 *Shifts into Xanthian alicentaur form and flicks crowbar with tail right before impact, lightening it, making the impact into a light tap, and sparing me from damage.* Hah! I told you stopping you would be a breeze, and while I was unable to completely stop your attack, I was able to render your weapon next to useless! Huzzah! (Alicentaurs in Xanth have the magical talent of being able to decrease the weight of things by flicking said things with their tails, an ability that they use on themselves in order to make it possible for their wings to support their bodies in flight.)
1027397 Thats what you think. - presses a button and the crowbar shoots a laser - .... What?We can make gravity guns, is it really so surprising I upgraded this thing? ......... Still dont have a helmet though.
1027405 *Dissolves into a mist of mirror-like particles which bounce the laser around inside the cloud and then reflect it back to you.* Why is this possible? Because This. Is. The INTERNET!
1027503 ..... Clever girl....
Also,WHY DO I KEEP SEEING YOU IN THE COMMENTS OF THE STORIES I LIKE?! ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!
1027525 ...
Girl? I'm a guy! (But thanks for the clever compliment.)
(Not really.) I guess that we just like similar stories. *Shrugs*
Maaaaaaaabe
1027645 ........ Not sure if troll or just hasnt seen jurasic park.
1027669 I've seen Jurassic Park, just not in a while. I think that a vague memory of what you're talking about may be surfacing.
1027688 A guy was gonna sneak up on some raptors and snipe them. Then, one appears next to him and he just says "clever girl". Look it up,im to lazy to post the link.
1027697 Nah, I'm too lazy to look it up (plus it's 3:05 in the morning, and I should really go to sleep. Big fat "Duh." but he gets eaten I presume. Also: Comment conversation.
1027712 Yes, so it would seem......so how was your week?
1026966
Well, well, well, pantsless guy. We meet for the first time, and the last time. For I have bested you once again, FOR I AM BARE-ASS NAKED.
PREPARE YOUR ANUS!
I liked this chapter. It was a nice little plot setup, Pinkie Pie was entertainingly ... Pinkie I guess, and the ending joke became even more amusing with the participation of the comments.
This was about a 1000 words worth of chuckles and that's a great thing. Kudos.
Great cover image! I was wondering when you would tie one to this fic.
And that ending... oh, man, that was so funny! Way to go, Midi the Meme-Maker.
1027012 Pinkie doesn't have a dog, she has an alligator
Lonlon?encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS-2wxzXLO2nRECvXXMCB8tpiR81HN9YKNZ9bV9NKxfQl1RdY7ngA dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png Was that a TLoZ reference?
1027299
It's from Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, in this particular episode the titular character is the head of a stalking chain.
[youtube=Qjnklo7QryU]
1027712 1027752 Any chance y'all could RP in PM?
1028155 I'm color blind. She looks white to me. Which is odd since I usually have trouble with purple and blue, yet I can tell Luna is purple just fine. (JK about Luna)
1027752 ahaha gordom free man i am your bro john free mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn but you are a headcrab zombie
1028750 Sorry, wont happen again. Got carried away.
1028750 She looks white to me as well..
1028750
I'm not color blind, and she looks white to me. Grabbing an arbitrary screenshot (s1e2 after NMM's defeat) and checking the colors, the hue puts her in the pink/purple range, but the saturation and luminance makes her close enough to white that it doesn't really matter. "Pearly white" (or similar) is an apt descriptor of the exact color, I think, and there's nothing wrong with calling her white.
For comparison, the gloss on her iris (same screenshot) is a low saturation/high luminance blue and the white of her eye is a low saturation/high luminance red-orange. I think you'd have trouble finding someone who would call the white of Celestia's eye "ochre", but that's technically the hue of those pixels.
1028750 I'm sorry too. I continued it too far.
1027645 Well well, alicentaur brony, now that you have admitted you are a guy, reversing your gender will be a snap! *transforms you into a girl with the power of the Internet!* For I am... TEH TROLL KING!!
1032425
well well well Alondro now that you have troll'd AliCentaur Br0ny, I can crush you with the fist of Arizona for trolling!
1032614 well well well well, TS9644, now that I know you're on FiMFiction, sneaking these drugs across the mexican border into your state will be a breeze
This...
IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF FANFICTION EVER!
THIS IS THE BEST!
It is super duper funny.
Has timey wimey stuff in it.
and best of all...
Pinkie Pie meeting a Hippophobiac. Or whatever.
Point made.
Now give us moar chapters. (Insert wicked grin here)
Well, well, well, commenters. Now that I know you've embraced my meme, taking over the Internet will be a breeze!
1034530 Well well well, Midi! Now that you've taken over the Internet, possessing your mind to rule the Internet via a shadowy secret organization will be accomplished with ease!
1035084 You're doing it wrong.
1036268
This is the internet. The laws of right and wrong are debatable.
1036268 Well well well, Midi! Now that you've told me I'm doing it wrong, doing it right will be a snap!
1026910 are you reading in between the lines? i dont remember seeing that...
1039152 in his eyes, he prolly thinks she was going to rape him.
1039180 ah, so on the one side: he loses his virginity. on the other: he loses his virginity to a pony... tough choice man
1039240 ha, she didn't rape him tho, he got teleported away