"MY CABBAGES!"

is that a avatar referenc i see? Nice.

8060465 I had to

8075352 thanks

Loving the fic Keep up the good work!

8091918 thanks

I suggest you space out your paragraphs.

The writing, especially the dialogue, feels a bit clumsy and overall awkward.
I'm unfortunately even more inexperienced myself, so I've little specific advice to give, but it generally gives me the impression you haven't quite mastered the 'flow' of a story.
But you've my interest anyway, despite the flaws.