Luna is not the only pony to have a Nightmare inside her, In fact all ponies do. that anti-conscience, The devil on your shoulder if you catch my meaning. Sometimes it is very apparent, it comes out sometimes when a pony is sad or upset, Pinkamena for example.
But this story isn't about them, This story is about your cherished Princess Celestia and her dream that started a chain of thoughts that nopony will ever disregard as meaningless.
An Alicorn's mind is a precarious thing with so much power it's a wonder that it doesn't go to their heads, or does it?
Chapters (1)
For a first story. Well done.
A couple of wording errors found;
You don't need to capitalise the 'A', it should be in lower case.
Out of 10; 7.85/10.
Keep it up, you've got potential.
8080200 Thanks I wasn't sure about that, Also thank you again!
rs1204.pbsrc.com/albums/bb411/NyanBloodyNeko/MLP%20FiM%20pix/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-march-on-bronies.gif~c200
Brony forever and always!
For one's first story, this is really good and incredibly gripping. Hell, half of my one shots aren't this good and I'm someone with over 180 followers for some reason I have yet to understand. I can see talent in your future, Moonstar!
8120195 Thank You!!!!!
Before I read this, what is the Gore and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8223769
Using blood as a color choice and it doesn't go much into detail but ripping off of limbs and more blood if you can handle that then you should be fine!
Eh, not bad. There's a good bit of punctuation errors where the commas ought to be periods, a good number of places where your periods ought to be commas, and some places where you're missing punctuation entirely. It was really distracting, and I think it removed a good bit of the impact to your story. I would recommend getting an editor to check over your work next time, or just be more thorough in your proof-reading.
As well, I wouldn't think making a simile involving blood and a reference that touches upon violence but doesn't actually show said violence qualifies as a 'Gore' tag.
You made a quite a few errors, but the overall writing was solid.
8313714
Thanks for the advice!
This story is really good I should give it a thumbs up, favourites and tracker
Courtesy of Horseshoe Reviews:
Well written story about Celestia and Luna each reflecting on different subjects with what appears to be their inner demons.
Some grammar issues, mostly comma usage. Kind of a confusing jump between the first and second sections.
Very good for a first story, though.
3.5 out of 5 horseshoes because of the comma and capitalization issues.
8361076
Thank you!
8361503 You're welcome!
8316509
Yay!
Wrong
color
Correct
colour
on the 4th paragraph
Wrong
my first story(I just wanted
Correct
my first story (I just wanted
“You really are me aren’t you?”
I just found that only mistake I just love reading you stories over again.
