- Member Since 15th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Tuesday
Sparrow9642
I'm a proud brony who reads stuff for a living. I also write darkfics & family-friendly stuff every-so-often. All I can say is, if you plan to read any of my content, happy horrors ;)
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Sparrow9642 · 5.1k words · 36 14 · 3.1k views
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8038734 Thank you, I'm planning a reading for Halloween this year
8038759 Oh? :3 Really? Still I can find way to force Chrysalis to lift the spell.
8038767 Well, you've gotta find and manage to detain Chrysalis first. Even if you were able to, I doubt she'd cooperate
8038801 Well. I'll do the same thing that she did. Make her kill off her hive.
Well. It's a good story. So good that I try to think a way to avenge those ponies without hurting anyone else. In fact I know one, but only if Twi is going to gain her mark again and practice her magic like Hell. I'm not going to like this story. But only because I don't like when changelings are depicted as horrible monsters.
8056879 Well, technically Chrysalis is still evil and is indeed monstrous, considering her plan in the season six finale. That's your opinion though, so I won't judge
8057929 Well, yes, I know. I just prefer when she's interpreted like "not bad, just misunderstood" because of "blue and orange morality". I was very impressed with stories when she's quite good when someone teaches her how to be good (like in those "courtship rituals" series. You know even Discord is now a "good guy". So... I don't think Chrysalis doesn't have a chance too.
But, as I said, this is pretty good darkfic.
What would happen if Princess Celestia knew about this even if Twilight and her friends didn't tell her about Queen Chrysalis killing Starlight?
8563942
There's no way she could know, Twilight and the others were taken completely undetected, and returned undetected as well. There's really no way Celestia could've known.
8567593
Even if she did, there was nothing she could do. Plus not every Brony likes Starlight Glimmer
Just curiously asking, what would've Rarity and Pinkie's punishments have been?
8689724
Well, when I originally wrote the outline for this, it was written that all of them were going to get punished, but for the sake of the dramatic reading, I cut it. Pinkie's punishment was originally going to be to give her a permanent smile, by cutting away the flesh that covered her teeth on the inside of her mouth, and Rarity's was going to be along the lines of severing her horn.
Well that was...ultimately disappointing. Starlight was an idiot, the deaths were way too fast, AJ would've died without immediate medical care, and the ending felt super contrived.
What I'm about to comment is something you can choose to read.
First things first, Chrysalis doesn't have this much of a twisted mind.
Second things second, there is no such thing as a death spell that activates after you say something
Third things third, Chrysalis does not have a lair with a machine that could turn a pony into nothing or split someone in half
Fourth things fourth, You can't destroy a cutie mark. When Starlight dropped the glasses that held the main 6's cutie marks in The Cutie Re-Mark they didn't become nothing they came back to the pony they belonged to. This is also proven when Starlight uses Magic to prevent the glass jars from breaking when shes on the bridge, she makes a scared face because she knows if it breaks it goes back.
Fifth things fifth, Chrysalis lost her throne so there is nothing preventing them from using their on magic to escape
Sixth things sixth, There is no such thing as a life meter that sucks you dry of all your life? That's just plain stupid.
Seventh things seventh, I'm pretty sure if Starlight were in this situation I believe after everything she has been informed about she would just click the 3rd level and be done.
That pretty much is everything
8935015
Dude, notice the Alt. Universe tag. That means the story takes place in another universe where basically anything can happen, even if it's not canon to the show. The story was written for Halloween last year, so it was my version of how Chrysalis would've made Starlight pay the ultimate price. It was meant to be disturbing and horrifying with vibes of Magpiepony's "The Friendship Test" and the Saw movie franchise. Plus there is no confirmation that such things can't possibly exist in the MLP G4 universe. With things like the Alicorn Amulet, Swamp Fever (which if not cured, kills you), the Infestation Manifestation spell, and Sombra's limits with dark magic, I wouldn't doubt that dark magic among the lines of death curses exist in the darkest lore of Equestria. Either way, the whole story takes place in a universe outside of the G4 universe, so anything is possible.
8917976
I know right! I mean no such thing as a life meter, or a death spell.
8936691
Just because it is an alternate universe, it doesn’t mean anything can happen. But even if there was a death spell, it wouldn’t be able to activate after they say a certain words. Still doesn’t cover the fact that there is no such thing as a life meter that sucks you dry of all your life than kills you. Also did you choose the order that the ponies died? Because when I do a horror story, I use a random number generator, so I don’t get hate for picking favorites. But whatever that’s off topic.
8935015
I mean, I agree with your last point, but about the whole cutie mark thing, we don't really know the bounds of Starlight's power and she was using her magic to hold and destroy the cutie mark, not drop it. Also about pretty much every other point you put in, this is a fanfiction, it uses the characters from the show but it doesn't actually mimic their personalities 100%, so Chrysalis was a lot more twisted, a lot of stuff was possible, but that's also because this is a Halloween fanfic.
Chrysalis...you will die by my hooves, and by the blast of my KAMEHAMEHA WAVE
!!!
Couldn't even get past Rainbow dash, Sorry, WAY too gruesome and F**ked up
9519954
Understandable
This one is really good...
Keep it up..
It’s so painfully obvious that this is a rip off of Magpiepony’s Friendship test, a fic with a lot more intelligence behind it. The ending is so forced, so stupid, and void of any inspiration or logic.
10592563
It's not a rip off. Its heavily inspired, yes, but if it were a rip off, it would be word for word, paragraph for paragraph, torture method for torture method, exact. I changed things up in multiple ways, not to mention made the ending more tragic.
For example, in TFT you could predict who was going to die easily, when here it was randomized with multiple choices, making it unpredictable on who would die.
There's also a difference in who is performing the actions, and are much more brutal in nature. Only one character does the actions while the victims have no choice in the matter, and await their fates left to choose by Starlight.
There's a difference between ripping off something and writing something inspired by something else. Next time, make sure to look at both stories again and see if they are exact in the writing and sequence of events.
I can point out the many rip offs of Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, and many other fics I've seen in my time on this site.
Get your facts straight before you accuse me ripping off something. It was inspired by TFT, not ripped off. Get it right or don't say anything next time.
Btw, the ending wasn't rushed. It was inspired by the ending to Saw 1. You think you have a chance at victory, but its destroyed when you learn that the antagonist was one step ahead no matter what. They lost no matter how it played out.
No hope of ever avenging your friend's death. That's grimdark and twisted
A bit of a writing tip, Most of the mane 6 are uncharacteristically selfish, they do know if they don’t loose these things they will die, not trying to be rude just giving you some advice to improve
Okay I read more of the story, and I see you’ve already fixed this problem, I’ll chuck Rainbow and Twilight at the beginning up to being tired and scared from just waking up
By the third heinous act (Trixie), if I were in SG's place, I'd think: Surely they're angry with me enough that I can choose the 3rd option and they'll be too upset with me to fall into despair. Besides, I can't live with myself after this.
Guess I'll have to keep reading to see if she gets to that point. Dang, I wish Discord could help.
Surely they'll have nightmares of this and Luna will piece it togethe- Oh there's a sequel.
I heard about this story long ago and this is well done Fanfic and I watch the video on YouTube The voice acting is so spot on and it’s a great story telling I don’t care if people don’t like or not I think it’s awesome keep it up
11191182
Thank you so much! Idk how I missed this comment, which is why this reply is late lol
11209186
It’s okay 😊