After returning from Camp Everfree, Sunset and her friends are in for yet another surprise when they learn of the human Sunset that is living in their world. Can Sunset learn to deal with the permanent effects she has caused to the human world?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice start. I'll be tracking this.
8401853
Danke. <3
Didn't this story used to have more chapters?
8401909
You may have been pre-reading. This is the official release.
The story is going to have far more chapters down the road.
Actually sitting down to read this after all the time listening to you talk about it is an almost surreal experience. Seeing my artwork in it is also an odd feeling lol
Anyways, great start to the story! Can't wait for future developments...
This is really interesting can't wait for the next chapter
im curious what is the shipping going to be in this
Whoo, that apartment is...
(wait for it...)
..da bomb!
8653242
Probably not going to get that call, pal.
Hey, most of it's not your fault; it mainly lies on Star Swirl. If you want to vent your spleen on him, just go back to Equestria; he should be freed from statis relatively soon - after all, it was he who decided to use the human world as a "prison" or "garbage dump".
Technically, that's not entirely true - just ask Princess Twilight why she wasn't answering for all of the Friendship Games.
...Though I would like to see a fanfic detailing what might've gone differently had Princess Twilight been able to respond, and perhaps even enter the human world during that time...Crystal Prep would be bamboozled for sure, for one thing.
Replace the comma after "sprinkles" with a semi-colon.
This entire sentence is running on too long. Try to find a way to split it up.
Type out the word "percent".
Dessert.
See above.
This is worded oddly. "It made Sunset feel guilty" or "Sunset felt guilty" should suffice.
Switch "kind of" and "was" around. Also, replace the comma with a period.
Capitalize "eh". Also, doubts about what? That she can use magic without turning into Midnight, or something else? Because the entire point of the movie was about her dealing with the first problem.
Struck a chord with her.
Add a comma after "Sunset". Also, "reminded" doesn't seem to be the correct word choice here.
Switch "breathe" and "even" around.
Odd line break here.
Should be a comma after "meant", but Twilight really doesn't seem to be the type to curse.
Unnecessary comma after "strap top"
Remove the first comma and replace the last one with a period.
Camp doesn't need to be capitalized.
Sorry for the long-ass list. If you want me to stop, I will.
But I am enjoying this so far. You have a great set-up.
Oh my god I adore your take on her.
This chapter is incredibly wholesome
8851625
I just read your review in the style of CinemaSins. Doing so made it even more entertaining.