After returning from Camp Everfree, Sunset and her friends are in for yet another surprise when they learn of the human Sunset that is living in their world. Can Sunset learn to deal with the permanent effects she has caused to the human world?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This a great story, but oddly, I am only seeing updates in the full desktop version. I use my phone most of the time to read stories here, and the last two chapters just don't seem to show up. No notifications or anything.
It's weird. I just don't know what went wrong!
You are doing the work beyond mere mortal understanding, the fiber of the world you weave immaculate. What I am trying to say is, keep up the good work.
8588535
Odd, try clearing your browser cache, cookies, etc.
8588656
Hahaha thanks. The story should continue this Friday. Gotta sit down with Applety to talk about the illustrations for next week.
8589452
I found the issue, my phone browser decided I wasn't an adult. So a LOT of stuff wasn't showing up.
Okay, I've only finished the first act, but I thought I should get my thoughts out now, before I move on.
Overall, it's an okay story so far. Human Sunset is different enough to be an interesting character, and she doesn't act too much like a remix of Sci-Twi. I like the interactions between the two, which draw from the fact that they ended up being such different people.
One of my biggest criticisms is the handling of Shimmer's parents' deaths. When she freaked out at the sight of magic, it was promising, hinting that perhaps Sunset had accidentally led something from Equestria to Earth. But instead, Shimmer just got magic randomly from Sunset's entry, and lost her temper. Then it's dealt with in one chapter. I'm guessing there's more to it that I haven't read yet, and you haven't really gone in-depth into Shimmer's bouts of rage, but so far, it's kinda disappointing.
Overall, not bad, and I look forward to the rest.