After returning from Camp Everfree, Sunset and her friends are in for yet another surprise when they learn of the human Sunset that is living in their world. Can Sunset learn to deal with the permanent effects she has caused to the human world?
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9660130
Remember, at this point Shining is newish to Homicide, and likely trying to impress, thus hesitation to shoot and potentially kill a suspect that could make a case. My father was on the police force years and years ago and said to me before that this was common. A lot of newer cops or recently promoted are a bit gun shy since they want to leave a good impression early in.
After some consideration, I have reached the conclusion that I will stop reading this story. I feel that, ever since Serenade appeared, there has been a drop in quality. Sad, since the first part of the story was top notch and I really enjoyed it.
My main issue, as I have already pointed out, is that Serenade feels to one-dimensional. Aside for her hate for all mortals, there is nothing else to her character. I get that she is supposed to represent someone who has been consumed by her hatred and most of the time that can be quite tragic. Unfortunately, I believe that in order to pull it off, the audience must know the character before the fall. Not just through the occasional flashback, but through an actual story. If you took someone like Sunset and allowed her to be consumed by hatred, losing everything and everyone she loved in the process, that would be tragic, since we have known Sunset since the beginning of this story. Serenade does not have this history with the readers. She appears out of the blue, consumed by hatred, and proceeds to stomp everyone into dust (a personal peeve of mine).
Why not flesh her out a little? Instead of having her constantly talk about how much she hates mortals or displaying how powerful she is, why not have a chapter where she takes a day off? What does she do when she is not actively working on her revenge? Does she have a cup of tea while reading a book? What does she think about in that moment between waking up in the morning and actually getting up from her bed when duty calls? Does she have anyone she can discuss things? Talk about life in general or something like that? Small things like these makes the character feel more real. It is easier for readers to relate to her. Hell, if you pull it off well enough, at some point some of the readers might actually side with her.
Giving the villain a moment to themselves, where the enjoy something else, does not make them weak. It makes them easier to relate to. They become more sympathetic.
I do have some issues with other parts of the story (some major, some minor), but I have already mentioned them in my previous comments.
Either way, do not take this as me saying that this story is bad. It is not. There are some aspects I like and some I don't. In the end, this is simply not my kind of a story.
Best of luck.
9812068
I respect your views on the matter and I especially respect how respectfully you aired them.
Best of luck to you as well, friend!