After returning from Camp Everfree, Sunset and her friends are in for yet another surprise when they learn of the human Sunset that is living in their world. Can Sunset learn to deal with the permanent effects she has caused to the human world?
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
1,067 users online
1,411,731 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice story! I’m already warming up to Act 1
Bit of a question, but where did you make the cover art? It looks really nice and I need some nice cover art myself
Thorn's last name is Scratch and has a mother who's mute? I'll bet her mother's a DJ as well.
10652929
Applety made it. She's my ex-wife.
10652950
Hmmm it seems to be working on my end... Check your browser settings perhaps?
10670370
I try to go back and edit earlier chapters as frequently as I can, but sadly I have a full-time job and a life outside of writing fanfiction. I always appreciate constructive criticism, and I have tried to edit things periodically in response to complaints, but I am not a flawless writer or even a "great" one by any stretch of the imagination.
For clarity's sake though, I don't consider sex between human characters "clop".
That all being said, the tone of the story does evolve after Act II.
I appreciate your feedback, though perhaps it could have been worded a bit more... constructively?
10670917
I somehow didn't get notified by your comment but nevertheless;
I'm sorry if I came out as angry or anything, those few chapters really were frustrating to read, with many "why did this happen" moments. It was not my intent to be rude.
I'm calmer now and in a few points, here's what I would consider doing:
-Go back and rewrite Act 2. I really think no-one's acting as they should, and it is frustrating to read Twilight, who's supposed to be the princess of friendship, being the princess of keeping friends apart.
-Move the sex scene somewhere else.
-Have Sunset actually be mad at others taking her away from her life.
I'm hoping it does get better later on, I mean, you wouldn't have this many viewers and like if it wasn't I'm sure.
Edit cause I've got more time:
Also while I think about it, whatever the deal is between Shimmer and S. ends up to be, I really hope it was worth so much teasing because it's also one of the thing that could use changing. It's too much and too little at the time. Too much teasing so it doesn't make sense that we don't know yet and too little cause we still don't know shit about S. and their motivation and their connection.