• Member Since 16th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 20th, 2018

Makitk


T

The worst possible scenario; Nightmare Moon takes control of the throne of Equestria.

How could this have happened? And what lies in store for the ponies under her rule?

Chapters (19)
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Comments ( 31 )

Only one chapter?

This ... is far too incomplete to me. You have plenty more to work with here.

7864722
7864135

Erroneously set to Completed rather than Incomplete. My bad.

That better

So what going to happen to celestia in next chapter?

7865974
Wait and see.

Two chapters so far, and an amazingly different take on the Elements. I love it.

Please keep up the great work!

Oh, and I really don't think you need "gore" on this; it isn't like the eye-trauma is gone into in any huge way (unless you are leaving room for more in the future).

Hah, what an interesting variation on the Sisters and the Elements! You're off to a great start! :pinkiehappy:

I'm actually enjoying this twisted story, and would like to see where it goes.

Even the idea of Celestia becoming a "night pony" is strangely terrifying and wrong, and yet intriguing.

It's a good premise, but you have a contradiction between the last two chapters.

The Element of Generosity, found in a stack of damaged clothing in Celestia's dresser - and now closely guarded in the palace vault.

"It's the Element of Generosity, my Queen. I found it buried in a crater in the middle of a field,"

It may be a good idea to come up with an outline for future chapters to keep from running into this sort of issue going forwards.

I'm liking Contrail; hopefully she sticks around. :rainbowlaugh:

7885831
Oh, expletive... you are right. I'm going to fix that ASAP. :twilightblush:

Edit: Fixed.

Comment posted by Makitk deleted Jan 23rd, 2017
Comment posted by Canary In The Coal Mine deleted Jan 23rd, 2017
Comment posted by Canary In The Coal Mine deleted Jan 24th, 2017
Comment posted by Makitk deleted Jan 25th, 2017
Comment posted by Canary In The Coal Mine deleted Jan 25th, 2017
Comment posted by Makitk deleted Jan 25th, 2017
Comment posted by Canary In The Coal Mine deleted Jan 25th, 2017
Comment posted by Makitk deleted Jan 25th, 2017
Comment posted by Canary In The Coal Mine deleted Jan 25th, 2017
Comment posted by Makitk deleted Jan 25th, 2017

the possibilities are immense!!

I like this fanfic. Nightmare Moon in some ways might be a good ruler.

I like this story a lot but you should focus on being a bit more consistent with describing your characters. You should refer to them by name and for Crescent Ecplipse not awitch between Crescent, Eclipse and pony Queen for instance. I hope that Merryweather will recover from the attack.

8190716
Using the same reference for a character makes the writing bland. I've only gotten comments that I need to diversify so far, but it's good to know I have now reached the other side of the spectrum. I will see if I can find a middleground.
Thank you for your constructive criticism.

8198535 I can understand that it could become bland if you refer to a character always in the same way but you should at least be consistent with the name you use in the narration. For Crescent Eclipse you shouldn't use both Crescent and Eclipse in the narration.

Hmmm. But what of the other elements?

Hmm, so the Elements have a much stronger impact on the bearer than traditionally portrayed. Interesting...

well that's one way to make someone a bearer of Harmony...

but is it, though?

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