The Final Project
The Final Project
“We’re going to get expelled!” The skinny ferret looked up and down the corridor while thrashing his bottle-brush tail back and forth. “Well, you’ll get expelled. They’ll probably feed me to something. For sale, one mage familiar for wolf chow. Hardly used. Lightly singed. Former owner was an idiot! What’s taking you so long?”
“Enchanted keyring. Security. It’s always the last key on the ring,” muttered Raindolph just before the storeroom door lock gave out an almost inaudible click. He slipped inside and grabbed the ferret before he could escape. “Oh, no. You’re coming with me. I still need a lookout.”
“I’m innocent, I tell you, copper!” The ferret placed one paw on his hairy chest. “I was forced into this life of crime by a cruel and heartless owner. Maybe I should swear you put me under a mind control spell.”
“I don’t know any mind control spells. Besides, you helped steal the storeroom keys from Dean Mnemosyne’s office for me,” whispered Raindolph. “Look, there’s only three ways this can go. We give up, I flunk my final project, and we get kicked out of school. We do this and get caught, same result. That leaves…?”
The ferret hunched his skinny shoulders and glared at the floor of the storeroom. “We find three tail hairs from an adult unicorn so you can finish your final project, I know.”
Raindolph ran his fingers through his perpetually tangled mass of red curls and tried to pull his robe sleeves down to cover his bony wrists. The rest of his class had respectable if short beards which made them look the part of proper mages, as well as tailored robes which were not tattered and patched in all the wrong places. His own attempts at a beard had just made him look fuzzy and slightly pink, as well as lopsided from wherever a failed alchemy experiment or misfired spell would burn off one side or another. Still, if they had kicked him out of the school, somebody else would have inherited the bottom rung of the ladder, so his peers had tolerated his presence until tomorrow when he was going to at least get kicked out of school with a functional wand.
“Three virgin hairs. That is tail hairs from a virgin adult unicorn. And here’s the only place we can find them.” He pulled the dust cover off the magic mirror and started to adjust the control runes while his familiar watched the door behind his back.
“We could have built an astrolabe for your final project, that would have been fun, but no,” muttered the ferret. “We have to go wandering around some weird dimension where unicorns aren’t as ‘friendly’ as they are here. Seriously, a virgin unicorn? How’s a mirror going to find one of those? You might as well be looking for an honest king.”
“It’s a matter of tuning.” Raindolph touched two last spots on the mirror and the surface began to shimmer. “Now, the portal enchantments are restricted to dimensions with livable conditions and our desired parameters. All that’s left is—”
Raindolph made a frantic grab to catch his familiar's tail before he could slip away.
- - ★ - -
The house on the other side of the mirror looked almost normal except for the low ceilings and distinct horsey smell which was somewhat masked by cedar and vanilla. It was just as dark as Raindolph had hoped, with only a few beams of moonlight coming through the curtained windows. Using the concealment of their shadows, he began his search on the ground floor through the rolls of cloth and clutter, eventually working his way up the stairs and to better results. To his pleasant surprise, there was a white unicorn in the first upstairs bedroom he checked, sleeping sprawled out over most of the ornate bed with her violet tail dragging over the edge.
“So is this the first bedroom you’ve ever snuck into?” whispered his familiar from where he was perched on the back of the young mage’s neck.
“Shut up.” Raindolph crept around to the back side of the bed and regarded the unicorn’s coiled tail. It was most certainly a beautiful and large tail with more than enough hair to make hundreds of wands, but a few quick magical gestures made his heart sink. That, and one other thing.
“Go ahead,” hissed his familiar. “Trim her tail and let’s get back to the university before somebody finds out.”
“Two things,” said Raindolph. “One. The spell says she’s not a virgin.”
“Nidricks,” cursed the ferret. “What’s the other thing?”
Raindolph lifted his chin to reveal the sharp scissors resting firmly against his carotid artery, held in a light blue glow of the unicorn’s magic. “She’s awake.”
- - ★ - -
While planning how to obtain the last ingredient for his final graduation project, Raindolph had never really anticipated sitting at an undersized kitchen table while explaining said plans over tea and sugar biscuits to Rarity the Unicorn, who was taking the whole unusual circumstance far better than expected. She nodded and made little sympathetic noises while keeping his teacup filled, and once he had fully explained his graduation project to her satisfaction, she very politely removed the sharp sewing implement from against his neck.
“You could have just asked,” said Rarity. “I know there are certain… disqualifications for myself, but I understand your predicament. Thankfully, I keep sample hairs for color reference from all of my friends, and I think some of them will solve your problem. There’s just one tiny little thing I want in return.”
Raindolph paused with the teacup just barely at the edge of his lips. “My immortal soul?”
The unicorn had a most unnerving laugh.
- - ★ - -
The University Testing Grounds were adjacent to the Dark Woods for a very good reason, because any wild spells or explosions from somewhat-less-than-successful students could be directed where they would not unduly disturb the citizenry. There was also a persistent rumor that disobedient students could be disposed of in the same fashion, but nobody lingered over that possibility, particularly the students.
The morning had been filled with explosions and fire of various intensities while the final examinations for the university continued, but most of the sound and fury had died down when noon (and lunch) approached. By the time Raindolph came running onto the Ranged Test Range (which was run by the Department of Magical Redundancy Department, of course), there was only one teacher left, but thankfully, it was the one he needed to see. Dean Plaigiosphere, who had just begun to pack his folders and test notes back into his pointed hat, looked up at the sound of Raindolph’s frantic approach and shook his head.
“Ah, young Rainsford,” he bellowed, due to an accident in his youth which had rendered the elderly teacher nearly deaf. “I thought you weren’t going to show today. Had your grading sheet all made out too.” He pulled a thick sheet of paper out and placed it on the nearby table, the crimson ‘F’ at the top a silent testament of his expected performance. “The worst student in our graduating class attempting the most difficult enchantment in the book.”
“I did it too, sir.” Raindolph presented his freshly finished wand, still warm from the final curing and attempted unsuccessfully to look marginally competent while the elderly teacher examined it.
“Not bad,” mused the dean at a volume that he probably considered under his breath. Plaigiosphere looked up to take in the trim black robe Raindolph was wearing, as well as the emerald green glints of gems along the seams mixed with hints of gold thread. “Finally decided to look like a mage, young lad?” he bellowed while handing back the wand. “Took you long enough. Now let’s see if your project functions. Start with a simple blasting spell.”
Raindolph held out the newly created wand and squinted at the pitted stone disk at the other end of the range, which had more than a few smoldering spots still remaining from the other student’s morning testing. The three thin purple tail hairs had been devilishly difficult to get tied into the remaining wand enchantments, and there had not been any time for Raindolph to test the results. He let his breath out slowly and focused his magic into a simple blasting spell, hoping that the fresh wand would at least make sparks.
Other than the fire and exploding trees, it was the last thing he remembered for quite some time, although he did survive the experience with only a broken arm, and Dean Plaigiosphere eventually regained what little hearing he had left. In the aftermath, the grading committee could not decide if he had struck the target with the blasting spell because nobody was actually able to find any portion of the ancient stone other than a few pieces of sand, and any remaining fragments had most probably been knocked a few miles into the Dark Woods.
At least he passed.
There was just one problem…
Stats
Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
1,108 users online
2,002,690 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The word limitations of the writeoff crippled a lot of what I was trying to do, since I was putting 1.5k words into a .75k sack. I chopped the final version until blood ran under the door. There’s pruning, and there’s arboricide with extreme prejudice. Sadly, the word ‘adult’ in front of unicorn caught the axe, so some people in the writeoff thought those were Sweetie Belle’s tail hairs. Sorry. Ditto for making it crystal clear that Raindolph was using a *spell* to check the (ahem) suitability of Rarity’s tail for his final exam project. Oh, and there's no Harry Potter in here until the third chapter. Sorry.
The power of purity has long been a matter for literature. Jesus being born of a virgin (although the word is more properly ‘maiden’ but bear with me). The Church’s insistence on priests being celibate. Sir Galahad who had the strength of ten men because his heart was pure. The theory that the only way to catch a unicorn is to put a young virgin out in the woods, and the unicorn will come trotting along and put its head down in her lap to be captured. (Read The Unicorn Creed by Elizabeth Ann Scarborough for some really funny approaches to the subject.)
So in a Darwin sense, intelligent magical creatures in a magical land who don’t want to wind up being harvested for their parts get… innovative, as anybody who has killed a few hundred rats in a MMORPG to find only one or two quest item tails can testify.
If the story is ever expanded, Rarity's little collection of hair samples would be a full wall cabinet with carefully-labeled patches of mane/tail/coat hair from nearly every pony in town. And of course, if Raindolph stayed in town for too long, it could get embarrassing for him.
Raindolph: Excuse me. Ladies. Why do you all keep coming back here?
Lyra: I don’t know. There’s just something… exciting about you.
Rarity: I’ll admit, darling. I find your presence quite soothing too.
Sparkler: Can I lay my head in your lap?
Well, when the most powerful unicorn/newest alicorn in the land has 20+ years of pent up sexual frustration, it's understandable for the results to be a bit... explosive.
Very interesting short story. At a guess I'd say it was Twilight's hair that was used.
Even more enjoyable at full length. Good to know that I had filled in the gaps left by that rusty axe mostly as you'd intended, though I still like the idea of Sweetie Belle's tail hairs leading to utter devastation.
Should you continue this, I'll eagerly read it.
Of course, what else could Rarity ask for? I should'Ve seen it comming...
Not bad!
As everyone knows, too much magic in one place leads to inexplicable tense shifts.
missing a period to end it.
Other than that, deeply hilarious.
7766336 Areas of high thaumic concentration can also bring out the dreaded Thesaurus Rex, King of the Library. Beware.
Also, fixed.
7766357
As long as I don't meet a certain orangutan instead...
I do wonder just what Rarity wanted in return then?
Well, that got a giggle out of me.
I needed that, really.
7766371
Just make sure you carry a few bananas, and NEVER say the M word, and you should be solid.
7766397 To make him an outfit.
Has Augiedog seen this yet?
Bloody brilliant! Please continue :)
University Finals Week, eh? I know that feel, bro.
Please continue, I want to know what was wrong.
That was great.
7766455
It was:
One of my favorites from the just-concluded Writeoff. But I still wanna know the ferret's name!
Mike
7766204 Please please PLEASE do expand it! The idea is simply too ripe with comedic potential to go to waste!
That and I do so want to know what was Rarity's condition for the hairs, and all the other following shenanigans too
Pretty please with sugar on top?
7766555
Ron Weaselly, of course
The extra words certainly improved the story, but I think you're being a little bit harsh to the writeoff version. I think you did a great job of cutting it down to the bare minimum you needed to tell the story.
7766601 Model for her. That's where the new gemmed robe comes from.
Also the hair of living embodiment of Magic WOULD make a ridiculously (over)powerful tool. I guess Rarity didn't exactly warn him about the specifics of the hairs' source. I'm fairly certain she's still a unicorn by this time, but that doesn't make things much better...
You couldn't help yourself, could you?
However, I feel Terry Pratchett's shadow looming above your story. Am I right?
My favorite part. That was comedy gold, as well as in-character. Rarity doesn't need anypony or dragon to defend herself and be a complete badass.
It reminded me a comment a youtuber have made about her helmet we see at the begining of the gauntlet of fire. She is looking for gemstones in a cave with Spike. And well, a picture worth a thousand words so:
derpicdn.net/img/2016/4/17/1133744/large.png
She is self sufficient while still being fabulous.
Although, I would have liked that you tell to whom those tail hairs belong. It would have been an occasion to poke fun at fans' headcannon.
Twilight? Too obvious to make the headegg virgin.
Rarity?
img05.deviantart.net/653a/i/2016/110/f/e/killjoy_by_dilarus-d9zn1am.jpg
(Go check Dilarus Deviantart for more)
Anyway, very funny short story. I wonder why it isn't higher in rank. I'll take look to the others because if there are at least as good as this one, I'll have a so many great things to read.
Hah!
Rarity is a delight and a terror in this too. Tea and sympathy, alongside scissors sharp enough to take your head off. Excellent stuff.
Err... What did Rarity get in return?
7766961
Her own personal challenge, of course:
"Plaigiosphere looked up to take in the trim black robe Raindolph was wearing, as well as the emerald green glints of gems along the seams mixed with hints of gold thread. “Finally decided to look like a wizard, young lad?” he bellowed while handing back the wand."
Yup - all round a really good short. It would be nice to see a longer version, but this was worth the read.
"Fortunately, I keep samples of all my customer's tail hair."
"Oh, well, that's good news."
"Unfortunately none of them are virgins, either. But the good news is I know a re-virgining spell."
This must be a series! Like 50 chapters worth! Please!
Very nice. I must admit, I'm always a little leery when a story has a sex tag, but this was well worth the check. I do hope you decide to continue...
sequel ???
pretty please???
A good read. Please continue
The first thing that went through my mind after reading these words was that he was going to annihilate that slab of rock... and I wasn't mistaken
7766204
The story itself is very nice. I'm assuming the tail hairs came from Twilight?
The last bit in your own comment about the Unicorns in town finding themselves inexplicably comfortable around is pure gold.
7766204 Waaaaait a minute there. About he staying some more time in ponyville... ain't the myths about unicorns being confortable around MAIDENS? So, for that to happen, wouldn't Raindolph have to, you know, have a rather intimate view from the other side?
Congrats on the rapid feature!
7766204
Georg, I never got around to reading this in the write-off, but I wish I had! This was AMAZING. If this is what AugieDog's Cluny the Squirrel Sorceress reads like, then I need to check that out sooner rather than later! Please at least consider writing more! I had a huge smile
That, sir, is an awful tease to end with.
I think it actually translated pretty well down to 750 words. I can spot some of the added breathing room you have in this version, but you managed to preserve the core of the story in the shorter version.
A fun story, bravo.
Sweetie Belle's tail hairs wouldn't blast the rock to dust, but the spell might curve around and hit the Dean in the groin just hard enough for a youtube video.
The shield wards and Dark Woods provided a safety barrier along the sides Ranged Test Range to absorb any wild and errant spells. The end of the range was protected by a simple earthen berm and the massive adamantite target disc. The very same ancient target disc that has been blasted into its constituent leptons, bosons, and thaumaturgical quibbs.
This normally would not pose a problem, except that earlier last semester, the Budgetary Committee concluded that the berm and disc alone were sufficient protection (a reasonable assumption as not even Merlin the Mighty could no more that scorch the target disc), and so repurposed the land beyond the range for the school's Gateway to the Outer Darkness and the Sleeper in the Stars (a well-deserved point of pride for the school; other magical institutions may have had more extensive dragon roosts, larger libraries of Lost and Forbidden Knowledge, and more elaborate orreries, but the Gateway was the envy of institutions with triple their budget.)
In accordance to Finagel's immutable Law, Raindolph's overpowered bolt obliterated the target disc, bore through the backing berm, and detonated against the Gateway's containment runes just as the senior Comparative World Religions class was performing a Blood Summoning (reviewed and approved by the University's Ethics Board; blood was provided by humanely anaesthetised mice and used the gentler tin Binding Circles rather than the usual iron). The sheer, brute power of the blasting spell shattered the containment runes, and the unstable Gateway began to resonate sympathetically with the half-finished summoning, creating a harmonic standing wave that tore a rift through reality.
A smoking void of un-light materialised above the ruins of the Gateway.
Something rugose and scabrous began to emerge...
The agonised screams of mortal terror and despair quickly subsided when all present observed that it was only an Elder Soul Flayer that emerged and not (thank the Maker and his batrachian and tentacular visage!) a member of the Grant Review and Accountability Comittee.
Purple hairs? Not violet? Was it Starlight Glimmer?
Also, what was the problem? Getting a job with his abysmal abilities? Explaining where did the hairs come from? The donor wanted the hairs back?
7766295 I could see Sweetie Belle's hairs working fine for the average spell. The problem would come later:
"Excellent work. I'm surprised you managed it," Dean Plaigiosphere said. "Now, would you kindly fetch me that glass of juice?"
Okay, I would love to see more of this... you've long since proven you can make excellent OCs, so now to conquer the dreaded "HiE", dear Sir Georg!
Yeah, as far as a wand core goes that's about artifact level boomsticking. Nice...
I'm going to track this, just in case!
7768903 7768558 You guys just never know when Georg might slip in a second chapter or two.
7768241 More like:
Raindolph considered the wand, which kept trying to roll toward him on the hospital table. "So I can't destroy it."
"Not without killing yourself," said Dean Mnemosyne.
"And I can't give it away," continued Raindolph, "because it won't work for anybody but me."
"Unless they bathe it in the blood of your defeated corpse," added Dean Mnemosyne in a cheerful tone which he certainly would not have used if it had been his corpse they were talking about.
"So what am I supposed to do with it?" asked Raindolph.
"My boy, that's not my problem at all," said Mnemosyne with a chuckle as he got up to leave. "This is a University. What kind of teachers would we be if we provided answers to all of your questions?"
Ha! Virgin unicorn hairs? Makes a powerful wand.
Virgin ALICORN hairs? Makes the tsar bomb in wand form.
Loved the comedy man. I'm gonna check out your other stuff now, you've definately earned a watch from me. :)
Using hairs from (presumably) Twilight Sparkle as the key ingredient for a wand?
Yeeaaaah, that's gonna make one heckuvva wand right there.
You should continue this book because it is actually pretty good and at the end it leaves a connection to what could be another chapter so I am saying it would be a great start for a second chapter that could even rival the best book on FIMfiction and if you do a little study of other peoples book it be even better and on par to being the best book ever especially to readers so what do you say? You have the qualification to do so that is what I see I don't know about the other people on FIMfiction.
7769365 I've got completely authentic Twilite Sporkle wands for sale! *totally not Chinese knockoffs! Ignore the misspelling!*
My sides, good sir! Have you no mercy? My sides!
Also, let's see. Who's a unicorn, a close personal friend of Squiggletail's, has purple hairs in her tail, and is likely to be, let us say, innocent and unworldly?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/11/29/1305929__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_simple+background_cute_transparent+background_vector_absurd+res_happy_twiabetes.png
It wasn't a long list.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/218/730/mlfw1818-Ahmrw.gif
Absolutely awesome work! Loved it!