Sheogorath frowned to himself as he once more went looking for his wayward son. One thing that somehow irritated him was that - despite how chaotic Discord was - his arrival had given Sheogorath the closest thing to a routine as he'd had in eras. Each day-equivalent, he would awaken and see that Discord wasn't where he was supposed to be. A quick thought message to the Daedra who'd befriended would tell Sheogorath that Discord was either visiting friends or not. If he was, he would trek out to make sure Discord was getting enough energy to grow well and give him a lecture on irresponsibility that either made whatever Prince Discord was visiting laugh if it stuck to the point, or would make Discord laugh if it wandered. If he wasn't visiting friends, Sheogorath would then be left scouring the Isles or the other realms for any sign of him...only to find him nine times out of ten under the Throne of Madness after endless searches, giggling like a loon. The tenth time Discord actually would be where he was supposed to be, but experimenting with the Ring of Khajit after convincing Meridia to not let on about his location to prank Sheogorath. Once all this was done, it was feeding, talking about what he did, doing crazy things together until Discord collapsed in exhaustion, tucking him in, and casting a powerful silence on the whole Isles so nothing would disturb his sleep.
Sheogorath absolutely detested the fact he had a routine now...and yet deep inside, he also found the routine - and his own frustration with it - wonderfully entertaining, making him love his son all the more. Whenever he found that thought in his head, he would send curses Jyggalag's way for 'corrupting him early', before continuing with the routine.
Today, however, he'd felt Discord within the Shivering Isles...specifically because he felt a Prince there that he didn't recall extending an official invitation to visit to but wasn't an invader. He found it entertainingly disturbing that Discord apparently had enough metaphysical authority within the Isles already to extend his own invitations. It made him wonder if perhaps he should have given Discord a different staff artifact for his birthday...
He quickly dashed those thoughts from his mind. He'd made a decision about that. He only hoped he'd have time to find the right one when the time was right, and that the other Princes Discord had befriended could keep him far away. There were only two options, after all. For all his power, neither Jyggalag nor Sheogorath could make a third one, even if they did somehow work together.
Eventually, he found Discord tinkering away with some oddly bright blue flowers alongside a wyrm his size. Sheogorath immediately recognized the Daedra. "Peryite? Didn't expect to see you here. What brings you?"
"Failing to give this guy even as much as a sniffle," Peryite grumbled irritably. "Seriously, he came traipsing into my Pits like he owned the place and brushed every plague I sent his way off like he wasn't even biological!"
"I'm not," Discord pointed out teasingly. "I'm materialized magic."
"Well I know that now," Peryite grumbled ruefully, only for Discord to blow him a boysenberry. Peryite rubbed his head as he tossed the fruit away. "After that, he showed interest in some of my work...and he had an idea that was truly fiendish, and we're trying to get it to work."
"Gotta be very careful with it," Discord observed as he opened the blue flower up and lifted tweezers and a soldering iron up to work with. "Don't want it strong enough that people try to exterminate it, but not so weak that immunity is possible."
"Careful tweaking there," Peryite whispered. "That's the reproductive code. Mess with it too much and it either won't reproduce or will push out all other plant life. Not only would that mean eventual adaption as creatures learn to feed on it, but it won't be nearly as much fun if everything is affected."
"Got it," Discord mumbled in response as he made a few very slight adjustments.
"Well, it's good to see you getting to know the other Princes," Sheogorath offered softly as he knelt to watch. He could feel the potential for humorous chaos within the bloom, and was curious as to what would come of it. He glanced disparagingly towards Peryite. "But...him? Really?"
"Be nice, Daddy," Discord pouted as Peryite sighed. "He's my friend. Besides, the others are all plotheads."
"I feel I should either find that hilarious or chide you for language, for some reason," Sheogorath observed. "And while I can agree with most..."
"Boethiah's not so bad, I guess," Discord grumbled as he worked. "But he's deceit. How can I trust anything he says? I mean, I can lie with the best of them - he doesn't like I can match him there, by the way - but I can't even count on him to be lying!"
"Understandable, I suppose," Sheogorath allowed. "But what about Vaermina? You seemed to wrap the girls around your talon rather easily-"
"She's terrified of me for some reason," Discord growled. "Runs the minute she lays eyes on me. And Namira and Meridia hate each other with a passion, so Namira hates me because Meridia likes me." He chuckled darkly. "I fixed her though. Form-locked her with cursed itchy-panties that only Meridia could take off her...and told her so to her face!"
Sheogorath and Peryite burst into laughter. "Bravo son! Bravo!" Sheogorath proclaimed as he clapped.
"That's one I can get behind!" Peryite agreed, holding out one claw for a low-four.
Discord set his tools floating to meet the gesture, then got back to work. "As for the other three...maybe asking Uncle Saggy to introduce me wasn't the best idea if I wanted to be friends...not that I really wanted to be. They're dumb-dumbs."
"Uncle Saggy-" Sheogorath began, only to facepalm. "By Anu and Padomay, you thought Sanguine was a good idea to have introduce you to Hermaeus Mora and Molag Bal?"
"And Mehrunes Dagon," Discord added. "He didn't like that I could warp Mundus so easily. Claims it should be his realm, not mine. I stuck him in an indestructible tutu. Uncle Saggy pulled us out really fast."
"I can imagine why," Sheogorath mumbled softly. "Dagon has quite the temper."
"Ah, that's nothing compared to Hermaeus Mora's temper tantrum when I randomized his library and stole his card catalogue," Discord pointed out. "The faces he made were priceless!"
"Sucks to be him!" Peryite insisted grumpily. "He keeps treating me like an errand boy or something. I don't care if I'm the weakest Prince, I'm still a Prince..."
"And how did things go with Molag Bal?" Sheogorath asked nervously.
"Said he was uncreative as far as the souls he was tormenting," Discord grumbled irritably. "Made a bet for my soul against all the souls he had in his realm that I could come up with a torment that would make the worst of his worst break faster than he could. He hates me now because I won the bet."
Sheogorath blinked, stunned. "What sort of torment did you come up with?"
"Immortality, Immobility, and Insomnia," Discord offered easily. "The guy was crying and begging to go back to the rack within an hour when he realized that was all he'd have for all eternity."
Sheogorath shuddered. "You cruel, wicked lad!" he praised fearfully. "What did you do with all the souls?"
"I'm thinking I'll make my own chaos creatures," Discord mumbled softly. "I don't really get along with the Golden Saints, and spending time with the Dark Seducers makes me feel funny. I was thinking wolves made of wood that would reassemble themselves. ...timberwolves, I like the sound of that. Figure I'll let them loose somewhere in reality till I need them. Akatosh said he knew a good place-"
"You met Akatosh?" Sheogorath gasped in surprise.
"Last time I was in Mundus," Discord waved it off offhandedly. "He was wondering why a 'Daedra' was wandering around that realm on multiple days. Said I wasn't quite a Daedra, and that I'd be a 'wonderful headache'. I get the feeling he likes me despite himself."
"I'm going to need to think about all this," Sheogorath grumbled as he sat on the ground. "How about this plant you're making? What is it?"
"It's based off Poison Oak," Peryite explained. "But...hey, Discord! Why not demonstrate on your Dad?"
"Wait, what-"
Discord promptly sprayed pollen from the flower into Sheogorath's face...transforming him into a pale-skinned human woman in a green and black body suit with a pale green tint to her skin, green eyes, long black hair, and green-and-black energy surrounding her hands. She also seemed surrounded by an odd red tint.
The Prince stared down at himself. "I feel like there's a joke I'm not getting, but for some reason I'm too angry to care."
Discord promptly pulled out four coconut halves, handing two to Peryite. "We'll need these."
Shego really
7778530
Shego Wrath.
Poison Joke always makes name puns, after all.
Hey, if needed, you can expand this later. For now, just leave it to the audience to think of what happened.
7778534
Nice. But what was up with the coconuts? Seriously, I didn't get that part.
And now with the coconuts, WE RIDE OFF! However I gotta go make dinner, so someone else can bring up the Monty Python clip.
Peryite seems younger.
7778558
It's a Monty Python joke, from Monty Python's Holy Grail.
7778573
Well, in addition to being the weakest Prince, he's also the youngest. Rose to the rank from a later era, if I read the lore right.
... So that's what unrefined Poison Joke can do to Sheogorath... Oh, forgive me, Shego(?)
Also, Discord, that is one of the most inhumane forms of torture ever conceived. I like it.
And probably also indescribable.
Immortality, Immobility and Insomnia? Isn't that a ref to Sandra and Woo?
Also, HAH! I like how Discord's been messing around in the other realms! Wonder if Mehrunes Dagon would end up causing the Oblivion Crisis, while still wearing that Tutu?
7778710
Huh. Someone caught the reference.
7778717 I suspect it's because I was the only one who picked it up via all the good Webcomics I keep stumbling upon. Then again, it's probably because I dig around TvTropes alot and end up tripping over a good web comic every now and again...
The way your making him out to be. I'm hoping that Discord just pretends to be Trapped in stone with the elements. Because i have problems something would be able to defeat something more powerful then Daedric prince.
7778710 I can see the HoK's face now. "Take seriously, or point and laugh? Takes seriously, or point and laugh? Decisions, decisions... Fuck it." *Rolls around laughing hysterically as he points at the grumbling Deadric Prince in a tutu.*
Guess Shegorath is gonna have to ask Doctor D what's the sich even if (s)he isn't causing mayhem.
Guess Discord gave Namira an itch only Meridia could fix.
Discord got a pretty nice rack there and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's soully impressed.
7778726 Actually, I think the elements were the reason he ended up with Sheogorath in the first place. Moony ended up raised by Ralph due to Celestia's poor aim making her hit NMM, but missed the moon entirely, sending Moony across the stars. Pinkie was raised by Kratos after her Element sent her to the Fates to heal her mental wounds.
For all we know, Discord was sent to the Shivering Isles thanks to the Elements being used on him for the first time by Celly and Lulu.
7778729 Not just the Hero, Martin Septum and Akatosh as well... And probably half of Tamriel as well when they witness him.
What eara are they in any how? I can only imagin what he could do to meddle in the time line from turning talos into an elf to perserveing the dwemer in some fashon and INFACT discodad here could be the one who made them go poof in the first place!
Just think of the implications hehehhhaha
I'm glad you put all this into one chapter. You've had a bit of a habit in past stories of putting a lot of chapters in on fairly unimportant (to the overall plot) events.
So, I must respond to a Monty Python bit with another bit:
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7778717 I thought it was a reference to Discord's time in stone.
Excellent chapter, good way to mess with the more evil princes. And Discord's creations are nice, will he also do Manticores since they're also a mix of different animal parts??? I can see him with a pet manticore doing Calvin and Hobbes type stuff.
7778646 No, he hordes knowledge and doesn't let others have it. Twilight likes to share knowledge to help other ponies. I think he'll get the Elements of Harmony.... oh wait... what if Discord used him as a Daedra shield when the Mane 6 are going to blast him for the first time???? I can see him being forced into the form of THE BIG BOOK OF EVERYTHING!!!! and Discord laughing before tossing the book to Twilight to distract her while he goes to share the prank with his uncles, aunts, and dad.
Also i want to see more of the Crab man.
7778890 Well, given the Princes are the embodiment of their domains, I think the Elements would effect them a bit more. Especially Kindness and Generosity for Herma Mora. Plus, wouldn't Discord find it more interesting to lock him in the book form in Equestria so Twilight could go to his realm and grab a copy of every book she can get her magic on????? Just imagine Twilight traveling through the endless library, she'd be doing Pinkie Pie's usual bounce with clouds of books trailing behind her.
7778934 Truelyi indeed searched high and low for answers what pray tell happened too our wayward elven friends?
7778963 its not very likey that would happen to Twi, those who find their way to Apocrtha...well, there r tales told of one particular schollar who made a project of mapping out all of Oblivion. He saw many wonders in his travels, from the shining cities of Moonshadow, to the Coulered Room, to the Ashpits. But when he came upon the realm controled by the Prince of Fate, he became enrapured by the secrects he found there...to the point that he remains there still, seeking ever more forbiden knowledge amoung the endless stacks of books...
Oh man, I love stories where Discord's responsible for most of Equestria's flora and fauna...
7778534 Masterful pun
7778832 The great big book of everything?
7778954
Ah yes, the best glitch in Morrowind: the Mud Crab Merchant. I don't remember anyone commenting on that reference back when it was mentioned, but maybe someone did after I read the chapter.
Ah a Tom Lehrer classic. Allow me to share such a classic song with thee, oh denizens of the Internet.
He's not.
Poison Joke.
Can't even trust a dishonest being to be dishonest. What is the world coming to?
That's evil! BRAVO!
I'd imagine.
... I have nothing to say to that, that's terrifying.
I get it! Shego, wrath! An easy way to misspell/mispronounce Sheo's name.
Still quite hilarious. So we'll slowly come to Discord actually creating Equestria (or at least the world in which it is situated) in some time.
Fun!
Also, there's no better demonstration than a practical application. Sheogorath's angry. Uh-oh.
7778934 Actually that's just one of the dozens of theories. Bethesda is pretty adamant on keeping the full and total truth a mystery.
Should have added itchy nose
7778599 Not many can swallow that reference.
figured that discord and akatosh would get along if discord and dagon don't I mean look at the oblivion crisis, the two are pretty much opposites.
Discord is taking credit for that plant's existence?
More likely he is replicating it based on memory.
7782723 I... was. Things happened. New name, new identity, same ole stories.
7782723 I suggest taking this to PM ok? dont want Tat to get mad.
Discord coming up with this particular torment is the most ironic thing ever.
Wonder if he could sleep when he was trapped in stone, or whether he got the full effect of his own curse?
7779985 Or in a location that they can't reach (slightly different for everyone, someone else scratching it only makes it worse)
7778954 *read your name* Oh crap; the flashbacks!!!
7786784
Where did you think he got the idea in the first place?
7779400 Ahhhh, my childhood is pleased by this song. Had to listen to this at least once every road trip.
i'm light headed for laughing for so hard and long itchy panties part priceless
Had it been me, I'd think have Discord spend a little time with Mora just learning and experiencing the magic of books, and all the potential for juicy gossip and embarrassing secrets. For Molag Bal, give more detail on exactly what happened. Maybe show Discord start to show empathy for others and decide to cause a little harm now to prevent a lot of harm later, but rationalize internally that it was all just so he could get a private army. Afterwards, maybe have him talk to the other Princes about their servants to figure out how he can customize these new souls to his personal tastes. Other than that, just more time with the Princes, maybe even observing the quests they send to mortals who aren't the game heroes.
Amazing the poison joke turned Sheogorath into Shego from Kim Possible!
7786784
Owwww...
Didn't actually catch that, but it makes sense.
7778599
I didn't get the last one, so thanks.
I must say that writer's block seems to make for your best chapters. Wow.
Also interesting to see origin ideas for some of his creations. But really, a soldering iron?! Hahaha...
Some of those pranks are seriously awesome-evil.
7778954
That would be the mudcrab Merchant he showed up in Oblivion as an intelligent mudcrab that would buy anything and had the most gold in the game that establishes this whole story's time period as sometime before the Oblivion crisis also nice reference to milk mod economy
10421999
...I genuinely had no idea that was a thing.